Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room....

By bugnose - 16/5/2011 06:26

Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with my shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at my victory when it flew into my nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FML

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Animals

Instadrama

Lockdown is driving us down

Spooky

By wtfmom - 7/10/2014 21:10 - United States - Clanton

Today, I told my mom that I got into National Honor Society and Beta Club. Most parents are proud but not her. She told me to get a job and that she was tired of my school shit. FML

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By elovan - 25/7/2015 08:33 - United States - Des Moines

Today, my laziness hit a new low when I tried closing my bedroom door using my mind. FML

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By idk - 28/5/2014 03:23 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I saw the hottest nurse ever. Too bad he was pulling out a piece of wax the size of a raisin from my blocked ear. FML

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By gemtas5 - 21/9/2013 17:28 - Sweden - Malm?

Today, while sorting through my clothes, I found one of my ex's old sweaters. After a lot of thought and difficulty, I threw it out. I felt empowered, until my father later rifled through my trash and claimed the sweater for himself. FML

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By Evil_Egbert - 12/2/2009 11:54 - Netherlands

Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML

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By traveller - 13/4/2009 10:45 - United States

Today, I drove 9 hours and took Monday off of work to surprise my Mom and Dad for Easter. They weren't home so I called to tell them the surprise, rather than wait. They didn't answer as they were on a flight to Denver to surprise me for Easter since "I couldn't get off work." FML

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By sofuckingembarassing. - 11/2/2013 19:19 - United States

Today, I spoke to my crush for the first time, and after a while he asked for my number. Ecstatic, I took the first piece of paper I saw out of my purse. I wrote it down and gave it to him, but he handed it back and said, "You might need this." It was an appointment card for my therapist. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/9/2019 04:00

Parked, indefinitely

Today, my mom told me I wouldn't be able to take driver's education until at least my sixteenth birthday, because I'm, "Not ready to drive a car." Isn't that the whole point of driver's ed? FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2010 16:13 - United States

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to hack my Facebook and "like" everybody's statuses. This includes my boyfriend's about his grandmother dying. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2017 01:30

Today, my roommate forgot to pay the water bill on time, so they shut it off. Now we're without running water for 3 days and I'm taking my morning dump in Target next to a stranger. FML

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By Cleanfreak? - 25/6/2017 00:00 - Denmark - ?lborg

Funky

Today, I got into an argument, followed by the silent treatment from my boyfriend, because I told him that he should change his underwear daily. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2019 04:00 - Canada

I'm a weirdo, I'm a creep

Today, I was sitting behind some bushes in the dark enjoying the view, when some cops came and confiscated my night-vision goggles, then warned me for acting like a "creepy perv." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2011 05:10 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I reached climax. While I was screaming, my 4 year old son comes in with his water gun because he thought I was in trouble. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2015 18:29 - United States - South Burlington

Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2013 16:40 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, my extremely religious father visited for a family dinner. My daughter had just one job: not to set him off on one of his easily-provoked rants. She nonetheless decided to take a photo in the middle of prayer, because she just HAD to Instagram her food. My father went apeshit. FML

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By Noname - 6/2/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML

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By Imwalkinghere - 4/11/2016 01:26 - United States

Today, while I was walking to class, I was hit by a car. The driver stopped to let me cross in front of her, started moving again, hit me, and then yelled at me, saying it was my fault for walking in front of her. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2010 16:12 - United States

Today, my new $100 electronic cigarette came in the mail. I was so excited to try it out, I used it on the drive to work. The people who sold it to me weren't kidding when they said it looked and felt real. I threw it out the window when I was done. FML

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By compulsiveliarssaytheylikeme - 18/9/2014 01:37 - United States - Sayre

Today, I found out that the only girl who's ever called me cute or handsome is actually a compulsive liar. FML

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By couch_potato - 28/3/2013 07:53

Today, I finished installing remote access CCTV cameras around my house due to the high rate of burglaries around my neighborhood. I turn it on to see my teenage son rubbing one out on the couch. FML

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By carless - 29/10/2014 15:24 - United States

Today, I watched as the teenage neighbor girl tried to parallel-park between me and my wife's cars. She was doing pretty well until she backed into mine, got scared, hit the accelerator and ran into my wife's. FML

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By NotAnInLawFamilyMan - 10/12/2014 14:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother-in-maw informed us that she sold her house and is moving in with us so we'll "take care" of her in old age. She's in perfect health. We've only been married for 4 months. My wife can't stand her for more than 2 weeks at a time, let alone living with us. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2013 15:16 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend called my parents to let them know I broke up with him. He was sobbing. FML

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By grlks - 19/2/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I told a girl I liked her. She replied, "Don't". FML

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By Oops - 3/1/2016 19:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I wanted to tease him, so I got his attention and made my orgasm face when I thought no one was looking. His thirteen year-old cousin saw and now bursts out laughing whenever he sees me. FML

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By toryzhere - 29/3/2012 11:13 - Canada

Today, I had a job interview. I have major OCD, and I had to sit in a room with a man covered in cat hair, struggling to even survive for an hour and a half. FML

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By Henry - 11/11/2011 22:29 - Norway

Today, my girlfriend agreed to doing it doggy style. During it all, I pulled on her hair. I guess I pulled too hard, because when I let go, her face smacked straight into the bedside table. FML

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By DB - 23/2/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, my parents met my boyfriends parents for the first time. Bailing us out of jail. FML

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By notacreeper - 6/4/2011 00:00

Today, I told my mother I have a girlfriend. Her first answer was "Does she know?" FML

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By tkrause - 1/4/2013 17:17 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2020 22:02 - United States - Klawock

Ross?

Today, my wife had a dream that I was in the bath with our newborn baby. In the dream, I threw the baby out like a football. She can't get the image out of her head and won't forgive me. FML

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By 3-wheeler - 9/3/2010 11:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I left my car in a disreputable area. After picking it up later on, I heard a strange "clonking" sound. The clonking suddenly stopped when my wheel fell off; someone had stolen my wheel nuts. FML

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By hopefulanonymous - 20/11/2009 16:01 - United States

Today, I dropped off a box for my sister at her job. In a rush, I unknowingly parked in a reserved spot. When I got back to my car, I saw that my car was being towed. After successfully flirting myself out of an expensive towing bill, I backed into the pole behind me, leaving a noticeable dent. FML

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By Bree - 15/8/2012 15:15 - United States

Today, my father tried to secretly follow me all day, because he doesn't believe that I have any "real" errands to run or friends to meet with. He's actually convinced that I'm living some secret double life with another family. FML

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By sorrygrandma - 1/2/2012 03:34 - United States

Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An elderly lady died during my solo. FML

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By "catty_13" - 26/9/2017 13:00

Today, my boss installed a comment box for anonymous suggestions on how to improve the workplace. So far, I've received 5 notes from my employees requesting that I be fired or replaced by a hotter woman as it's the best way to improve the company. FML

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By crying over wasted milk - 14/8/2019 17:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, in a fit of jealousy, my 10 year-old unplugged my freezer and lifted the lid before bed. It’s over 80°F in my garage. Now, my entire supply of breast milk is destroyed. Not only do I not have enough stored to feed my own baby, I was also donating to local hospitals. FML

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By Kbug - 28/4/2019 00:00

Today, while my man of almost 5 years was playing a video game with his friends, during one of the conversations they were having, one of his childhood friends asked “What do you see in her?” He replied, “I don't know, it’s more of an entrapment type of thing.” FML

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By Somerandomguy64 - 10/12/2013 18:04 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, my wife made a system where I earn gaming time by either giving her money or doing her favors. Now whenever I use my phone, she accuses me of "secretly playing Xbox games" and gets pissed at me. I'm 28 years old. FML

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By life_isnt_fair - 9/3/2011 08:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me and dumped me. Thirty minutes later he called asking for me back. When I asked why, he said "The other girl dumped me." FML

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Top comments

By Jimminee | 3

#2518320 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:07

you must have an extremely large nostril.

By max_wilder | 9

#2518326 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:07

why would you want a closer look?

COMMENTS

By Jimminee | 3

#2518320 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:07

you must have an extremely large nostril.

TookaWooka666 | 0

#2518388 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:22

Should of double tapped it's insect ass.

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#2518410 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:26

this is only the begging, soon the bugs are gonna take over. I warned you all but you didn't listen *maniacal laughter*

Goldenchest | 14

#2518679 - Monday 16 May 2011 13:24

No.

thatbitch99 | 0

#2518688 - Monday 16 May 2011 13:25

The OP (Of the FML) Totally deserved this. Everyone knows not to do those kinds of insane stunts around bugs.

FNFPhilly | 0

#2518742 - Monday 16 May 2011 13:48

I wonder if that BUGged you OP

Tcaret300 | 12

#2518746 - Monday 16 May 2011 13:49

HAHA Not really funny..

zendaddy0 | 0

#2518829 - Monday 16 May 2011 14:30

yah what's all the BUZZ about

rallets | 22

#2519087 - Monday 16 May 2011 16:08

he wanted a closer look because he was nosey :P

mattmadden | 0

#2519872 - Monday 16 May 2011 21:41

No the Chinese are gonna take over.

thatbitch99 | 0

#2520468 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 0:01

Why would anyone do a crazy stunt like that? YDI.

This2Rudy | 7

#2521603 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 3:40

you always double tap, op, have you seen zombieland?

staceysgenesis16 | 0

#2522355 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 6:13

you should have made sure it was dead! smash that bitch twice.

robotiick | 12

#2523004 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 12:39

I triple tap dem bitches

By max_wilder | 9

#2518326 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:07

why would you want a closer look?

jacobepaps12345 | 0

#2518764 - Monday 16 May 2011 13:54

to enjoy the look of the splattered bug and all the guts ... or is it just me who does that ...

PurpleRae420 | 0

#2518787 - Monday 16 May 2011 14:01

To maybe see what kind of bug it was lol I'm guessing it wasn't poisonious otherwise how would you be writing this FML if you were dead!

Hayman68 | 4

#2518924 - Monday 16 May 2011 15:01

because OP was a girl and she thought she finally did something useful besides making a sandwich.

iSitt | 0

#2519152 - Monday 16 May 2011 16:38

it was the dreaded Snot Bugger.
it drills into your brain then makes your crawl into the sewer.

By metfanatic1986 | 0

#2518328 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:08

stomp twice everytime! lol

GrooveSponge | 0

#2518886 - Monday 16 May 2011 14:49

Yeah haha! It's like killing a zombie. Ever heard of "double-tap"?

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#2518946 - Monday 16 May 2011 15:15

BUG: 1

OP: 0

Will there be a grudge match?!
Let's find out...

By Livinia | 11

#2518332 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:08

Haha, smart bug :)

bodmonontheblock | 0

#2519251 - Monday 16 May 2011 17:34

hot lady

By DaiCarmuhh | 6

#2518346 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:10

Sticky situation you there

HubertPL | 0

#2518648 - Monday 16 May 2011 13:12

it must have really been bugging him ;)

By dannyboy66 | 7

#2518352 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:11

all i see is u like fuck yea start eyeing the bug then it flys up and gos into your nostril yelling fucker

tommyboy101 | 0

#2519176 - Monday 16 May 2011 16:56

haha fucking awesome comment man haahahahaha lol

By FunnyGuy5051 | 7

#2518354 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:12

pour water down Ur nose

iLazy | 0

#2518485 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:42

That or sniff some drugs so he either dies or HIIIGH

Pownzeez | 0

#2519370 - Monday 16 May 2011 18:38

arent you the genius.

By kyanisaurus | 0

#2518358 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:13

slimy booger

By Nikkitaria | 9

#2518365 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:15

That's awful. I hate when I'm going to bed and I hear a mosquito buzzing near me. You just know you'll wake up with a swollen face.

By xDeathAbove | 2

#2518368 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:16

now snort some meth to make bug get high, sooner or later it will fly out

metfanatic1986 | 0

#2521690 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 3:56

yeah. that'll help the problem!