Animals: Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room....

By bugnose

Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with my shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at my victory when it flew into my nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FML

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35849

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Animals

Understandable

BO Central

I'll get right on it, chief

By Anonymous - 3/3/2021 05:01

Lookin' good

Today, I was sitting in the bus station when an old woman looked over at me, then said to her friend, "Young women are so pretty these days." Her friend looked up at me and said, "That's because makeup is so cheap these days." FML

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719

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

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44517

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By smiler - United Kingdom

Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I could open my mouth a bit wider for him now. FML

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28473

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5641

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By Dumbass - United States

Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML

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63570

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By yegworstdrivers - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I fell violently ill half an hour into a flight. I got sick so suddenly that I projectile vomited all over my clothes and the seat in front of me, and to top it all off, I also got diarrhea. Eight more hours to go. FML

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2607

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out why my wife insisted on naming our first child "George" if it was a boy. It was her first love's name. FML

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29749

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By madamefuxalittle - United States - Stratford

Today, an elderly lady sat next to me on a bench, and started telling me out of the blue about how bad it is to have saggy boobs. I was uncomfortable enough at the unwanted info, without her then looking at my chest and adding, "But I expect you already know that, dear." FML

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46714

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By Turnipseed3 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML

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47356

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mother has been seeing my maths teacher. I'm still failing his class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31137

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By DrewK - United States - Great Falls

Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46745

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By Argh - United States - Longview

Today, my boss reached a new low when, after three software upgrades, she refused to let me update the user manual that I wrote a year ago. She has also cancelled the training sessions I set up to help people learn the new software. People are asking me why I'm not doing my job anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3234

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48808

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Bulgaria - Sofia

Today, my son finally got a job for the first time in his life. He only did it so he can upgrade his PC and buy Overwatch. He's 24. FML

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12283

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By -insert clever nickname here- - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

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23426

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By lurna301 - United States - Glendale

Today, my boyfriend's mother introduced me as his "friend". We've been together for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31633

You deserved it

3248

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By Zzz - United States - Brighton

Today, I took a team meeting from home. More specifically, my bed. Because I make great decisions, I ended up falling asleep. At some point during my nap, my cat walked over my keyboard, turning on my webcam. I woke up to my video on and no one left in the meeting. Everyone saw. FML

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4297

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, to give the illusion that I have friends, I wrote an outrageous status on Facebook, and then pretended it was the result of a friend hacking my page, all in the hope that it would get comments, likes or at least some attention. Nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13463

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By blindsparrow - United States - Dublin

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36271

You deserved it

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By TheJazzKid - United States

Today, I played a Jazz gig. It rained, making the tent the band performed under heavy with water. When I stepped forward to play my solo, the front end of the tent collapsed under the weight of the rain, drenching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27156

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By Boyufd - 28/6/2020 02:02

Getting wet, but not in the good way

Today, it's been the fourth day in the row my pregnant girlfriend peed the bed. It's also the fourth day I have to clean it since she's too embarrassed to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1377

You deserved it

363

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By dogshavenipples - United Kingdom

Today, I got a huge bill through the post. It turns out that my elderly mother made the vet come out to my house to see the dog while I was out, because she was scared of the little growths she had found on his body. They were nipples. FML

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35502

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By Fml - United States - Lynn

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML

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51076

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the only person to wish me a happy birthday was a survey website. I took their stupid survey out of appreciation. FML

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24308

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2308

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By Anonymous - United States - Irving

Today, I was at Petsmart with my puppy. Someone tried to pet him. I tried to warn the guy that he is a rescue and doesn't trust easily. He didn't listen and now wants to sue me for a dog bite that didn't even break the skin. FML

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47079

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By sadcinderella - United States

Today, I spent my day alone while my parents and siblings were at school and work. Trying to be helpful, I cleaned out the fridge, did 5 loads of laundry, worked outside, fed the pets and made dinner for the entire family. The evening was spent hearing complaints of how wrong I did everything. FML

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41335

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By Armando de Carvalho - 10/10/2020 07:57

Toxic people

Today, I moved back with my mom, sister and niece after 10 years on my own. My niece is 11, we talked about life and she agrees my mom and my sister are toxic and that I should move out. She'll do it as soon as she's 18. I'm 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks

975

You deserved it

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By A.K. - United States

Today, I was driving on the highway and a cop had his radar gun out. The woman in front of me panics and slams her brakes on, causing me to rear end her. The cop cited me for "tailgating" and I have to pay for the damages on both of our cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54063

You deserved it

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By Xpresss - United States

Today, I came into work with a new hair cut and so far everyone has asked me If I lost a bet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30738

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2020 17:00

Spooky

Today, I work as a RGN in an old victorian-style nursing home. Due to Covid-19, we've lost many residents, one passing just the night prior while I was with him. This morning, the TV turned on its own at nearly 4 a.m. in the lounge, and one of the HCAs reported stuff falling off in the corridor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1527

You deserved it

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By crinitis - Canada - Ancaster

Today, I found out my parents only had me in an attempt to fix their relationship. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22973

You deserved it

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By black_pheonix77 - 3/7/2020 02:02

Hi, how are you?

Today, even though I’m not allowed to be on my phone while on the line at work, I texted an unknown number. My manager looked at her Apple Watch. I'd texted my manager while on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

386

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

I agree, your life sucks

18299

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I saw some friends' cars at a friend's house, but thought nothing about it. Then I found pictures on Facebook of the pool party they had as a going away party for my friend who is leaving the country for three months. I had no idea my friend was leaving and I was the only one not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46424

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By Illinoisgirl - Hungary

Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40121

You deserved it

3028

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By not anymore - United States - Monroe

Today, I made a Facebook post about my upcoming driving test. My grandpa said he knew I would succeed, prompting my idiot boyfriend to reply "For sure, she really knows how to suck seed ;)" followed by him liking his own comment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27330

You deserved it

4815

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By stuck - United States - Bridgeview

Today, my boyfriend wrecked our car. Now I can't get to work in order to make the money we need to buy a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32500

You deserved it

4648

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By nosebleeder - Sweden

Today, I was terribly late for class, so I rushed to the classroom door, thinking it was unlocked. I smacked face-first into the glass, and awkwardly fell to the floor. Once I got back up, I peeked through the glass, only to realise it wasn't even my class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31569

You deserved it

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By Lockie - Australia

Today, while at work in a subscription TV call center, a 71 year old male customer went into explicit detail about the Adult's Only programming that he enjoys, including all the kinky things he learns from said programming and tries out on his 70 year old wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Smittynumerouno - United States - Amarillo

Today, I had an old man yell in my face because the boxes in our store only had Spanish words on them. I spent 15 minutes apologizing and trying to explain that the English was on the back side. He stormed out before I could even show him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10675

You deserved it

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By author - United States - Sicklerville

Today, I was at the fish store asking if they were hiring. My stepdad decided to humiliate me by screaming at them repeatedly that I'm a good person and that I deserve the job. FML

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40884

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Top comments

By Jimminee | 3

#2518320 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:07

you must have an extremely large nostril.

By max_wilder | 9

#2518326 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:07

why would you want a closer look?

COMMENTS

By Jimminee | 3

#2518320 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:07

you must have an extremely large nostril.

TookaWooka666 | 0

#2518388 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:22

Should of double tapped it's insect ass.

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#2518410 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:26

this is only the begging, soon the bugs are gonna take over. I warned you all but you didn't listen *maniacal laughter*

Goldenchest | 14

#2518679 - Monday 16 May 2011 13:24

No.

thatbitch99 | 0

#2518688 - Monday 16 May 2011 13:25

The OP (Of the FML) Totally deserved this. Everyone knows not to do those kinds of insane stunts around bugs.

FNFPhilly | 0

#2518742 - Monday 16 May 2011 13:48

I wonder if that BUGged you OP

Tcaret300 | 12

#2518746 - Monday 16 May 2011 13:49

HAHA Not really funny..

zendaddy0 | 0

#2518829 - Monday 16 May 2011 14:30

yah what's all the BUZZ about

rallets | 22

#2519087 - Monday 16 May 2011 16:08

he wanted a closer look because he was nosey :P

mattmadden | 0

#2519872 - Monday 16 May 2011 21:41

No the Chinese are gonna take over.

thatbitch99 | 0

#2520468 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 0:01

Why would anyone do a crazy stunt like that? YDI.

This2Rudy | 7

#2521603 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 3:40

you always double tap, op, have you seen zombieland?

staceysgenesis16 | 0

#2522355 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 6:13

you should have made sure it was dead! smash that bitch twice.

robotiick | 12

#2523004 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 12:39

I triple tap dem bitches

By max_wilder | 9

#2518326 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:07

why would you want a closer look?

jacobepaps12345 | 0

#2518764 - Monday 16 May 2011 13:54

to enjoy the look of the splattered bug and all the guts ... or is it just me who does that ...

PurpleRae420 | 0

#2518787 - Monday 16 May 2011 14:01

To maybe see what kind of bug it was lol I'm guessing it wasn't poisonious otherwise how would you be writing this FML if you were dead!

Hayman68 | 4

#2518924 - Monday 16 May 2011 15:01

because OP was a girl and she thought she finally did something useful besides making a sandwich.

iSitt | 0

#2519152 - Monday 16 May 2011 16:38

it was the dreaded Snot Bugger.
it drills into your brain then makes your crawl into the sewer.

By metfanatic1986 | 0

#2518328 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:08

stomp twice everytime! lol

GrooveSponge | 0

#2518886 - Monday 16 May 2011 14:49

Yeah haha! It's like killing a zombie. Ever heard of "double-tap"?

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#2518946 - Monday 16 May 2011 15:15

BUG: 1

OP: 0

Will there be a grudge match?!
Let's find out...

By Livinia | 11

#2518332 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:08

Haha, smart bug :)

bodmonontheblock | 0

#2519251 - Monday 16 May 2011 17:34

hot lady

By DaiCarmuhh | 6

#2518346 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:10

Sticky situation you there

HubertPL | 0

#2518648 - Monday 16 May 2011 13:12

it must have really been bugging him ;)

By dannyboy66 | 7

#2518352 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:11

all i see is u like fuck yea start eyeing the bug then it flys up and gos into your nostril yelling fucker

tommyboy101 | 0

#2519176 - Monday 16 May 2011 16:56

haha fucking awesome comment man haahahahaha lol

By FunnyGuy5051 | 7

#2518354 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:12

pour water down Ur nose

iLazy | 0

#2518485 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:42

That or sniff some drugs so he either dies or HIIIGH

Pownzeez | 0

#2519370 - Monday 16 May 2011 18:38

arent you the genius.

By kyanisaurus | 0

#2518358 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:13

slimy booger

By Nikkitaria | 9

#2518365 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:15

That's awful. I hate when I'm going to bed and I hear a mosquito buzzing near me. You just know you'll wake up with a swollen face.

By xDeathAbove | 2

#2518368 - Monday 16 May 2011 12:16

now snort some meth to make bug get high, sooner or later it will fly out

metfanatic1986 | 0

#2521690 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 3:56

yeah. that'll help the problem!