By mfischer - 16/11/2012 09:40 - United States

Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend came and sat on my lap. She landed directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. FML
I agree, your life sucks 35 793
You deserved it 5 486

mfischer tells us more.

I was wearing regular jeans. I do occasionally wear skinny jeans, but nothing like this ever happened.

Top comments

perdix 29

Three strikes, no balls . . . you're out!



Nightwing98 22

I don't know why you're getting thumbed down, I couldn't agree with you more!

Because complaining about a bad comment is just as bad as posting said comment.

Safe to say something, somewhere doesn't want you to have children, but seriously FYL man has to hurt like a bitch.

...and that's where the people on idiocracy got the idea for the show "ow my balls"

Sorry guys, I'm just sick of seeing stupid puns everywhere:')

n_epic_fail 14

Sounds like you need a but cup for day to day life.

Man you got some balls to call puns stupid! Are you nuts? Don't be hanging on the puns man. OP hope you get better. Don't get blue. Hang tight, you'll get better quickie.

Do your balls hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot?. ...

No, I cannot. That sounds even more painful than what already happened.

OP must have some low hanging balls. Maybe he should invest in briefs or a jock. Something more supportive. Or better yet, a jock with cup. Prevents sitting on them AND nailing them on something.

I myself love a good pun. Keep 'em coming =)

not much of a ball handler eh, me neither.

btstig 11

You can practice on the weekends or whenever you have free time.

winnerme123 8

And this is exactly why someone should invent a bra for testicles.

Evolution needs to hurry up and give us some kind of bone structure protecting our balls.

Go home, go to bed, start again tomorrow....that sucks.

honeybadgerr 9

Or he could just change out of his skinny jeans... I'd bet major $$ that's what he had on

honeybadgerr 9

Huh really?? My guy friends always complain how their junk gets stuck in awkward/uncomfortable places when they have tight skinny jeans on

winnerme123 8

This was a bad day, but if he does it tomorrow then he has a bad life.

Well, I'm wearing skinny jeans, and being a male, I can tell you that there are some pros and cons. Yes, it does get a tad uncomfortable, but girls, think of skinny jeans as like a sports bra for guys junk. They hold it in place and protect or reduce the damage dealt.

MiGman 5

108 that is very true I wear them all the time too but I find the ones made for guys are perfect for keeping the boys in place while still having enough room for it to be comfortable

honeybadgerr 9

I was wearing regular jeans. I do occasionally wear skinny jeans, but nothing like this ever happened.

yousuck44 11

You guys do know that skinny jeans where made by a gay guy for gay dudes and women. That's another fun fact.

170: What does that fact have to do with anything? Are you implying OP is gay?


1, that's the best thing I've heard in my life. OP, I would invest in a cup. That nut not have went over well. You could say it's a pain in the SACK.

he doesnt need a cup, some sliders would probably be just fine

X_Codes 11

Is this the shitty pun comment? In that case, OP needs to keep his eye on the balls.


There aren't many puns to be made from this FML, sadly. I did my best, but my puns were decidedly un-witty. I failed to live up to my name.

Well 1 was amusing, but if that's the best thing you've heard in your life, you should get out more.

Why would I wear a cup to go eat? I was drinking from a coffee cup, does that count?


OP! What a pleasant surprise! I meant an athletic cup, but that matters not. It was a sign directly from god to shave that HORRENDOUS beard. I'm kidding, he was telling you not to reproduce.

God needs to stop sending me signs I don't need then. I had, and still have no plan to reproduce in the immediate or even semi-distant future. The beard stays though.

You kind of look like you'd be caught on to catch a predator OP

At least now you're ready to be in Jackass. You should at least sign up for a roll in the Nutcracker, after that performance.

Woops, sorry. Wish I could say typo but no, awful spelling on my part, thanks for the correction.

I thought "roll" was a subtle pun involving balls....

perdix 29

Three strikes, no balls . . . you're out!

Why is everyone on this site so rude? Seriously it drives me crazy sometimes

The Internet is home to the troll. Those kids or people who lack the confidence or ability to say what's on their mind in person. So they try to start something with someone they don't know then blaming the victim for taking them seriously or just tear them a new virtual ass hole. It's a vicious circle

And then self-righteous people pretend they wouldn't do the exact same thing by attempting to frame Internet user's insecurity.

Sounds like you're the type who should wear an athletic cup to protect the mcnuggets from your constant clumsiness...

His nuts must be weirdly flopping and positioned because first they hang too low where they get sat on. Then too high up where they are crushed on his lap. And randomly exposed to corners

sliders would work just fine (I dont even wear a cup in rugby js)

Is this the first day with your new equipment or what

I suggest you take a week off. It seems a fertility goddess has assumed a personal vendetta against you.

I was never into the idea of karma, but this series of events has me reconsidering. This can't just coincidence; OP must've done some screwed up stuff to earn this.

Love how Welshite and Doc said basically the same thing, he gets -1, Doc gets +9. FML commenter logic.

48- I say it's because Doc mentioned bubble wrap. Who doesn't love that stuff?

Hmmm, I DO love my bubble wrap.... Okay, you win. I'll get you next time...

That was the universe telling you to wrap yourself in bubble wrap and go back to bed. You're clearly not meant to be out today.

idk the universe might just be **** blocking him

3rd times the charm so he should be ok now.

That's pretty much exactly what I did.

OMG, OP actually commented.. Lol first time I've seen that :P