By fuck my eyeballs - 01/12/2013 23:07 - United States - Rancho Palos Verdes

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML
I agree, your life sucks 49 093
You deserved it 22 265

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Did she still get out of the ticket? I think we are all wondering that.

Be careful what you wish for OP. You just might get it…


Did she still get out of the ticket? I think we are all wondering that.

I would have gave her a ticket for bribery with deflating ****

The urban legend of a woman flashing/showing cleavage to a cop never said anything of an age limit. Albeit this is a harsh return to reality, it's still funny as hell.

Yes, that's what happens when we get old... Same will happen to your penis :P

Zimmington 21

36, Not mine, I rub enough spermcells on him every night to keep him young & functional well into old age!

Phillies9513 4

#12...wait...the way you said that...I hope there are no pedophile cops

@ #78 limit would mean a cut off point at the top of the spectrum, while minimum would mean the bottom. if he had said something more along the lines of 'no age restrictions' maybe I could see where youre coming from, but I think #12 was quite clear...

It's ok OP. Go have a couple of donuts and some coffee. It'll cheer you up. And make sure not to get anything that looks like flabby old ****.

RedPillSucks 31

@78 You have to be legal to drive, so there's no danger of a cop getting a 12year old to flash her raisins.

Llama_Face89 33

135- Stranger things have happened.

davidisbeast 12

135- Actually that is not necessarily true. I am 16 and I have my license.

Notice the word "legal" and as an example he gave 12 which definitely isn't 16.

Be careful what you wish for OP. You just might get it…

deepunder 17

Time to go grab that bleach. Im starting to run low after so many... Strange fmls

Made me think of Christian bale in the mechanic, always washing his hands with that powdered bleach or detergent. Of course he does seem like one of the people who would just sit at the diner all night perusing Fml and eating pie.

#59 regular or color bleach? I've got both. I'll even throw in some softener just for hell of it.

Isn't it the Machinist, not the Mechanic.

OP's name made me laugh 2x harder than the actual post

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

I bet you never looked at a lady objectively, too, eh? I think in this case maybe OP was hoping for it so he could have the satisfaction of giving the ticket anyway. Nothing like power! Bahahahaha!

ThatFancyPenn 18

OP isn't trying to get women to show off their breasts, they were just hoping that a woman would show off their breasts.

perdix 29

#4, considering their job expects them to face life-and-death situations, I don't think it's unreasonable for cops to expect to see some free boobs as a fringe benefit.

What a politically correct sack o' shit you are. What do you think God put breasts on women for in the first place? They're there for our enjoyment and pleasure ********.

I gotta agree with the guys, #4. Besides, it's not like he pulled her over in hopes of getting a glimpse of her expired fun-lumps. Don't be such a kiss-ass.

#41... dumbest comment I have ever heard...

#41 That's what the government wants you to think.

41, that's just the kind of comment I would expect from someone with the username "Vagitarian". Idiot.

OP is a perv for wanting to see ****? What's wrong with looking at boobs? They're wonderful. Like others have said, it wasn't like he was pulling her over just for that reason, #4.

MidnightMusic53 37

He's a GUY. Most guys like to look at boobs. As others have mentioned, he was merely hoping that it would happen, he doesn't use his job to get women to reveal their boobs. Maybe he wanted to see if women really did that, and was hoping it'd happen so he could find out. Or as #19 said, maybe he was simply looking forward to giving the ticket to the woman anyway, unfortunately for him, he now needs to bleach his eyes.

It's not like OP pulls people over just to see boobage. Cops have to deal with a lot of shit. I see no problem with the hope that a girl might lower her shirt some to try and get out of a ticket.

Perks of the job. Personally, I go to work purely for the entertainment value.

#4 ahem, sorry I must have missed it - please point out to me where in the FML did OP say he was trying to get women to show him their breasts? Can't see it anywhere...

@116: The part where he was disappointed that he got old lady **** instead of plump bubbles of tissue implies that he was expecting the latter.

1) hoping =/= expecting. 2) expecting an outcome =/= actively trying to get the outcome. Next.

Well, you know what they say, "you can't teach an old dog new tricks".

karma happens in the after life genius; in buddist and hindu beliefs, one must work their karma off upon death. In other words you are an idiot, and your general grasp on the term karma is miniscule. please look the damn definition up on a spiritual term when trying to utilize it properly.

Perhaps you've never heard karma used in "slang", 84. No one likes a know-it-all. Especially when they don't know it all.

That's in THEIR belief. Not in her's. So she isn't an idiot. Some people actually believe you pay Karma off whilst still living.

BradTheBrony 19

#84: Language changes. A hood was at one point almost exclusively an item of clothing, but now it also refers to a part of a car. Deal with it.

th3mai1man 6

you're really ugly. inside and out. so gtfo FML

Hey that was the moment you were hoping for right???

based on the fact that he submitted this to I'm assuming it wasnt.

DragonText 4

Beggars can't be choosers right?

I'm guessing the most action that OP has ever gotten in his life was probably looking into a lingerie store. I wonder if most cops have this pervy mentality.

oh please he's a man quit acting like because he's an "enforcer of justice" he can't have horny fantasies every now and then.

horny fantasies and your professional job shouldn't coincide.

Zimmington 21

Seriously #77? In what way would someone having FANTASIES in their mind hinder their ability to complete tasks on the job?

ever heard the saying thoughts become actions? if a cop is sexually fantasizing about his perpetrator, something's wrong.

Gee #89, I have to say it must suck to be you. I can't imagine how horrifying it must be to feel so compelled to act out every single fantasy, urge or thought that crosses your mind - even when you're at work, too! I can't say I've ever met anyone with that little self control. You might wanna seek some help for that. I have to say, I'm mighty glad that the rest of the human race has a bit of a stronger grip on reality and can stop themselves from allowing 'thoughts to become actions', as you called it, because if not we would have crazy-high rates of suicide, homicide, rape, and just about any crime you can think of. It's in (male - or at least mostly male) human nature to find boobs attractive. Sexually attractive even. Showing appreciation for attractive members of the opposite sex is hardwired into our brains and you have a serious case of tunnel vision if you think that it's necessary to transform into an asexual being during work hours just to do a job properly, Christ.

115 do you live under rock? there are already crazy-high rates of suicide, homicide and rape. all around the world. I'm going to tell you this as nicely as possible, but please go educate yourself before commenting nonsense.

I think what 89 is saying, is that police should be helping people and preventing crime, not leering over someone's breasts like a sad pervert. I agree. OP deserved it.

#127 1) I've never heard anybody consider 1 homicide per 100,000 people to be 'crazy high' (that's the rate in Australia anyway). Interesting. 2) Aside from all that, for the love of cheesecake please tell me you managed to grasp my meaning. As in, one would expect that lack of inhibition would cause crime rates to skyrocket *even higher than it is now*, if you are so keen on believing it is already utterly uncontrollable. Please tell me you at least understood that much....

I think any amount of murders / rapes is "crazy high". There should be none.

#130, one can be a great cop (prevent crime) and also a natural human being (appreciate boobs) at the same time. The two are not mutually exclusive nor do they have to be.

#133 you're completely missing the point of my comment, but while I agree that as much as I'd love to see a day where crime has been completely eradicated, I really don't think it'll ever be the case. There will always be some who kill and rape and steal. And there'll be many more who have urges or thoughts of the like but will never act on it, and it is this self-control that most people possess which I am very grateful for. Savvy?

So is it unnatural to not appreciate breasts? For instance, homosexual males.

Please tell me that you grasped the fact that I was talking about crime rates all around the world and not just lonesome Australia. I think you're the one here with serious tunnel vision.....sneezyBear.

#138 I believe I addressed that issue earlier when I said 'mostly male', to account for lesbians and homosexual guys. Having fun nitpicking my argument and skipping around the point like Rumpelstiltskin dancing around a campfire? :P

#139 ok, I give in. Crime rates are crazy high all over the world. Doesn't change my argument in the slightest; my point being that rates would skyrocket higher if humans lacked inhibition and carried out all thoughts that popped into their heads. Better?

We get your point, you've explained it several times. But it changes nothing. OP still seems like a sexist pig to me. Human nature doesn't tell us to leer over women, regardless of how attractive we find them.

#145 Who says OP would be the type to 'leer over women'? Purposely staring at boobs hoping to get a sweet view is different to entertaining a fantasy that someday he might come across a woman who would flash her boobs right in his face to avoid a ticket. I'm not even a guy and I can understand the normalcy of that.

146, OP was clearly staring at the old lady's boobs if he could make out that they looked like two semi-deflated balloons. his username is "**** my eyeballs" so he was obviously hoping to get a sweet view. your argument is invalid.

#147 why on EARTH would he be purposely staring at an OLD WOMAN'S chest hoping for a sweet view? are you kidding me? Is that seriously how you thought he saw her boobs? 'Oh look here comes an old lady mmm **** let's see let's see OH GODDDD THEY'RE SAGGY WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED THEY'D BE SAGGY AHHHH' Good gravy....

Read the comment properly. 147 said that OP must have been staring at them to make out what they looked like, which was when he described them as looking like semi deflated balloons. If he wasn't hoping for a nice view, why else would he stare at them?

To give you an example of how you don't need to stare at something mildly traumatic for very long at all to have it etched into your mind, I walked in on my dad peeing when I was a little kid. I still can remember ... the essentials. And I promise you as soon as my brain registered what I was seeing I scurried out of there as fast as I could. On that note, people stare for a million reasons, perverted reasons are only ONE of them. If we apply logic to this situation, we can rule out him staring for perverted reasons because from his username he is clearly NOT attracted to old woman boobs. So he wouldn't be staring because he liked the look of them. Which means he either wasn't staring at them - but still got enough of a horrifying glimpse to remember what they looked like (e.g. my example) - or if he was staring at them then it was out of shock/horror. This explanation makes much more sense than staring at an old woman's breasts after she whipped them out because he thought they were hot, and then posting it as an FML (because he, what, changed his mind?), don't you think?

Sigh. He had a look at a woman's breasts, hoping for a good view. He realised it wasn't a nice view, after he looked at them. Which is why his charming little anecdote was posted on this site. Never once did I say he was attracted to old women. He deserved it for being a pervert. Do you need me to draw a diagram? Cave drawings, perhaps?

#155 I cannot actually believe you thought that's how the situation happened. I made a JOKE about it before trying to come up with the insane thought process that could possibly lead up to him staring at an old woman's breasts hoping for a nice view, and yet you think that's exactly what he was thinking. First of all, it's generally common knowledge old woman's breasts aren't pretty, so even if he really WAS a pervert he wouldn't have been staring at HER breasts hoping for anything close to a nice view. You'd have to be blind or incredibly stupid to think that you'd get that from a senior citizen. I'm going to give OP the benefit of the doubt and assume he is not blind and is of reasonable intelligence. Secondly, I just gave you an example of how images can become ingrained into your memory even if you are a) not staring at them or b) staring at them for non-perverted reasons such as horror. I'll do a little gender reversal and change the situation around a bit. Say some guy walked up to a girl and exposed himself to her, and she later testifies in court identifying him by (among other things) the tattoo or piercing she remembers seeing him have down there. You're on dangerous ground, my friend, if you're going to use the same logic you applied just now to say that the girl must have been a perverted **** and she obviously only remembered what the guy's dick looked like because she was staring at his junk out of lust. Seriously, what the hell.

lmao wallandpiece. don't even bother replying this time.

The difference there is that the OP actually says in the FML that he was hoping to have a woman flash her breasts at him. If the girl in your scenario took it to court, it means she didn't want the man to flash at her. You missed the point of my comment again, and to be honest this argument is getting silly. Don't expect to hear from me any time soon.

#161 so if the girl had a fantasy of being flashed by a cute guy one day that turns her 'victim status' into an instant YDI if a 70 year old guy flashed her? Nothing she may say in court matters because she was OBVIOUSLY staring at the 70 year old's junk hoping to see something hot? Wow.

Okay #162, what if it was you in the car, and he was bluntly staring at your boobs ( I'm assuming you do have them ) and this man wasn't exactly attractive? Say...hmm...a creeper? You don't even know this man, just because he posts a simple, harmless FML, doesn't mean he is as harmless as his status portrays. I sure wouldn't like it, regardless if he was hoping for a little flash or not. Aside from the obvious, he could have a girlfriend or wife, which doesn't make it right. And you can point out all the things that imply he doesn't have one, but you cannot prove it unless OP replies.

fluffywaspluka 7

#138 No it's not, some people don't think of breasts as a sexual thing. However, homosexuality is unnatural as the whole point of sexual activity is to reproduce and keep a species alive, which can only be done hetrosexualy. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the homosexual populous, it happens in many different species, it's not uncommon, yet it is still unnatural.

#166 OP said nothing about staring at women's breasts. He has a fantasy of a woman voluntarily thrusting a nice pair in his face while he's at work. That's not the same as him 'leering at breasts' to try and make that fantasy come true. That's an ASSUMPTION, and I'm not going to make that assumption because of something called 'benefit of the doubt'.

This is the worst thread I've ever read. If someone says something that's completely retarded, just thumb it down and the move the **** on with your life. I know it's tempting to waste the day arguing with someone you don't know, and never will, but please, this shit hurts my eyes, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way.

#175 I know, I apologise. I'm a very debative person :)

#175 One; that barely had anything to do with my message up there, Two; I never said "leering at a womans' breasts." Don't mistake me for your past acquaintances you've debated with. It may have been similar, but my message varied in many other aspects that you did not, in any case, answer. It was the same repeated statement I'm positive you've told others before, with only a few simple switch-ups. However, I'm not here to debate relentlessly, and I am very good at debating, so stick with your opinion as much as you please. I honestly messaged out of curiosity, for answers.

...says the guy with "shaft" in his username...

Zimmington 21

Hey, Shaft was the man! I complicated man... And no one understood him but his woman.

You get what you get and you don't get upset just power ur expectations a. Little bit