Animals: Today, I found out my mom recently stopped taking her medication.... - FML

By Anonymous - 15/07/2015 15:40 - Canada - Port-menier

Today, I found out my mom recently stopped taking her medication. I came home to find she'd shot my dog because she thought he was possessed by the devil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 578

You deserved it 2 173

The smell detective is on the case

You tried

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

By Mightaswelltutordogs - 21/12/2014 01:16 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I had to find simple words to explain to the idiot I was tutoring that "1/4" is not of a greater value than "1/3" just because the denominator is bigger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 479

You deserved it 5 542

By julesmommy - 08/09/2011 05:36 - United States

Today, my husband used our last $2000 to buy himself a motorcycle. It's supposed to "save us a lot on gas money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 890

You deserved it 3 227

By lp525252 - 20/03/2013 10:59 - Australia - Miranda

Today, a guy left flowers on my doorstep. I got home to find my dad claiming he bought them for my mum. I told my parents they were mine, they laughed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 785

You deserved it 3 132

By Atropos - 01/06/2019 00:00

Today, I went to the campus health office because I had some VERY strong pains in my side. I thought my appendix was about to burst. I asked the receptionist for a doctor, but she said they were all out of the office until later, and kindly offered to make me an appointment for mid June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 112

By PerfectTiming - 08/07/2013 11:19 - Netherlands - Eindhoven

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 818

You deserved it 4 668

By ugh - 15/01/2016 16:08 - United States

Today, I told one of my teachers I have to attend a family member's funeral on a day she's passing a test. She straight up asked if I could reschedule it, and if not if I could just give it a miss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 259

You deserved it 1 432

By RoommateWanted - 10/09/2013 21:02 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, my roommate unexpectedly came home with a new puppy. I'm severely allergic to dogs. When I reminded her of this, she explained that the puppy was her family now and if I didn't like it I should move out because blood is thicker than water. My roommate is my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 843

You deserved it 3 350

By elliekilroy - 11/12/2010 00:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I picked up my friend's new kitten so enthusiastically I scared it and it shat all over me. I literally scared the shit out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 144

You deserved it 29 053

By LilShawty2000 - 24/02/2009 05:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to chill with my best guy friend and his girlfriend, whom I recently met after I moved to the area. After a few beers, my buddy leaned over and tried to make out with me. I quickly backed up and shockingly looked over at his girlfriend to expect the same reaction. She winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 649

You deserved it 7 863

By AbsolutelyEffed - 19/02/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, I woke up at 5 and studied for my 9:30am exam for 4 hours. When I left my dorm at 9, it was dark outside. Turns out I slept through the entire day and woke up at 5pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 041

You deserved it 30 460

By Anonymous - 10/02/2012 21:07 - Belgium

Today, my mother used global warming as an excuse for not remembering my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 082

You deserved it 2 732

By broken - 28/07/2009 17:12 - Saudi Arabia

Today, my family and I were just about to leave the house for the vacation that I had been saving up for 3 years. I was coming down the stairs with a heavy suitcase and I tripped and fell breaking my leg, now my family's gone without me while I'm in hospital. I paid for the vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 530

You deserved it 3 815

By verrine - 19/06/2009 08:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I was mugged on my way to the bus stop. With no money or mobile I started to panic about the exam I had and ran the 3.5 miles to get to there. When I staggered up to the building only 20mins after the exam started, the university staff wouldn't let me sit it as I couldn't prove my identity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 854

You deserved it 2 986

The long goodbye

By fml9124 - 14/11/2020 11:02

Spicy

Today, my 79-year-old mom who has Alzheimer's fondly remembered all the wild sex she had with me back in the 1960s. I wasn't born then. She thinks I'm my dad, who died 15 years ago. In all of our conversations now, she talks to me as if she is talking to her husband and some of the talks turn racy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 374

You deserved it 73

Classy

By Anonymous - 22/10/2019 22:00 - France

Today, I've got two family members over to stay. So far, I have found a dirty Q-Tip, a nasty toe nail and had to clean up period blood from toilets, bin, and the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 662

You deserved it 131

By homeless4Christmas - 24/12/2009 05:54 - New Zealand

Today, I flew my wife, myself and three kids to pay a surprise visit to my parents who were going to be alone for Christmas. When we arrived, we found out they decided to go on vacation. We have nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 342

You deserved it 27 953

By justanothergamergirl - 17/04/2019 20:00

Today, and for the past 2 weeks, I decided to try online gaming, as it's something I've never done before. I already have a creep stalking me because I mentioned I was single and he is a horny virgin. Remind me never to talk about my lack of love life online again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 1 129

By ldn - 21/03/2013 17:54 - Slovenia - Domzale

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure. After I was tied to the bed, she tickled me until I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 528

You deserved it 12 930

Fire hazard

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 17:11

Today, my boyfriend thought it was OK for both of us to leave the house with the oven on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 221

By DemonicDummy - 05/01/2017 05:06

Today, after smoking, I sat down to watch Supernatural with my young cousin. I accidentally let out a burp during a demonic possession scene and, to our surprise, smoke came out of my mouth. Now there's a crying 11-year-old hiding somewhere in the house with salt. Mom will be home in 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 600

You deserved it 2 658

By hoody - 22/01/2010 22:27 - United States

Today, I got to sleep in the same bed as the love of my life...and her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 410

You deserved it 5 888

By Anonymous - 19/05/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I was driving in my very own car that I bought and paid for myself, when I stopped at a stop light. Then I noticed the truck in front of me turn on his reverse lights. I honked desperately. He hits me, looks out the window and says "I see no damage" and drives away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 142

You deserved it 3 701

By Anonymous - 24/05/2019 06:14

Today, I worked a long shift at my job while feeling like crap, anticipating getting a promotion. As my boss was leaving work, he informed me that because I also go to college, the promotion was being given to another employee that I trained a month ago. This is the second time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 002

You deserved it 171

By smileytheface - 06/12/2011 03:54 - United States

Today, my car got stolen. While I was standing ten feet away from it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 685

You deserved it 7 160

By lizard - 09/01/2011 00:22 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandparents for the first time. When my boyfriend introduced us, his grandfather smiled at me, took my hand, and said in the most polite voice, "Wow, you're not nearly as pretty as he described you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 587

You deserved it 2 905

By Anonymous - 19/01/2013 23:35 - United Kingdom - Somerton

Today, I woke up following one of the worst nightmares of my life. I was sweating, clutching the sheets, and feeling sick to the stomach. I'd been dreaming of my wedding that's taking place next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 752

You deserved it 7 142

By Anonymous - 01/05/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I had to pee really bad so I tried to unlock my door as fast as I could. I put my key in and turned it too hard, the key snapped inside. I ended up peeing on myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 826

You deserved it 13 642

Chill out, Cathy

By creepystalkerguy - 14/10/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the store. We were in IKEA. The only way to get through the store is to follow the arrows through a one-way path. Apparently, no one informed her of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 712

You deserved it 2 432

By LostFocus - 11/12/2009 11:11 - United States

Today, after five months of working overtime and doing my own repairs around the house, such as patching my own roof to save money, I walk into my home office. I find my $2500, week old, top of the line laptop won't turn on because it's drenched in water. Apparently there's a leak in the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 992

You deserved it 25 462

Size Queen

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, I was hooking up with a girl, but when she got my pants down, she got mad and left, saying she was gonna kill her sister who lied to her about me having a large penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 125

By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 08:13 - United States

Today, I was walking dogs for the animal hospital I work for. I accidentally dropped the leash, and in my haste to retrieve it, I frantically grabbed the ground. I got the leash, and a handful of fresh dog poo emitted from the dog I was walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 593

You deserved it 5 449

By Ages ago - 08/05/2019 10:00 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, two guys robbed me. As I wrestled them on the ground, my best friend just stood next to all this, telling me to give them the money already, or we'd be late for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 888

You deserved it 216

By Anonymous - 31/07/2009 15:10 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 566

You deserved it 7 141

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 19:39 - Germany - Munich

Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 153

You deserved it 1 133

Hey, where's my bonus?!

By moderndante - 11/09/2019 16:00 - United States - Portland

Today, my co-worker received a $1,000 bonus for a project that I do all the work on. My direct supervisor thought that I was an assistant. I send him an e-mail copy of the project every week, and have done so for the past six months. I was later reprimanded for not congratulating my co-worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 948

You deserved it 95

By fuckit - 23/07/2016 06:52 - United States - American Fork

Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went over and helped her up. Instead of thanking me, she called me a pervert and slapped me around with her cane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 082

You deserved it 1 182

By Magicali - 22/04/2013 02:56 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 251

You deserved it 15 274

By snazz23 - 02/05/2016 21:12 - United States - Bastrop

Today, I got engaged to the most wonderful man in the world. I excitedly called my mom to tell her the great news, thinking she'd be excited too. Her only response? "Oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 003

You deserved it 1 106

Smoking hot dude

By Anonymous - 05/07/2018 19:00

Today, I told my parents that I'm a smoker. My mother started crying, and said she worried I was gay, but this is almost as bad. That lead on to part two of my confession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 192

You deserved it 692

By "axon Impulse" - 15/05/2017 12:00

Today, a reliable source informed me that my suspicions that I would soon be fired were wrong! Instead, my boss plans to make my life miserable until I quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 459

You deserved it 223

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Top comments

juststephhere 23

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Wednesday 15 July 2015 23:59

Your mom needs some serious help, like I can't even believe that happened. That poor dog... Maybe get her to a doctor before something like this happens again...

urbantrashcan 18

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:02

This is one of my most horrifying things I've ever read. I'm so sorry.

Comments

juststephhere 23

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Wednesday 15 July 2015 23:59

Your mom needs some serious help, like I can't even believe that happened. That poor dog... Maybe get her to a doctor before something like this happens again...

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:11

Get her a doctor? More like get her committed. Holy fuck.

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:11

before she shoots OP for conspiring against her

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:32

Yeah, she should get help immediately. Next time it could be Op or a neighbor, or just anybody op's mom thinks is possessed. And maybe not leave weapons at the mom's disposal.

LeashaJoy5595 28

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Thursday 16 July 2015 5:16

I agree with 15. She needs to be committed. I mean honestly, if she's to the point that she's delusional enough to shoot a dog, who's to say she wouldn't do it to a person. For her own safety, it would be best to put her in a place where there could be 24/7 supervision.

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Thursday 16 July 2015 15:01

Especially if she has access to firearms in Canada.

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Wednesday 15 July 2015 23:59

Call a doctor. Immediately.

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Thursday 16 July 2015 5:18

Firstly, you should lock up your weapons including knives. Then get her immediate medical attention. Hire a cleaning company as well so you won't have to go through the anguish of cleaning it up... Sorry OP.

TheMathMajor 26

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Thursday 16 July 2015 12:48

Definitely, she does not need to have access to a gun.

urbantrashcan 18

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:02

This is one of my most horrifying things I've ever read. I'm so sorry.

BlockOfRedStone 25

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Thursday 16 July 2015 11:28

I broke into tears from reading this... I just can't imagine that horrible image of one of my dogs, or any dog for that matter, being fucking SHOT to death... I can only hope that the poor dog didn't die slowly in pain...

emilytheperson 17

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:04

What illness does she have?

thefmlman2011 35

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:05

a severe one.

XBurytheCastleX 25

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:44

I would assume schizophrenia

domolovesyoshi 33

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Thursday 16 July 2015 4:22

I would probably go for paranoid or demonic schizophrenia

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Thursday 16 July 2015 7:23

OP's mother is most likely has paranoia schizophrenia :/

Zwerik 31

Thursday 16 July 2015 0:05

Scooby Dooby Doo, I shot you...

Smooth_Criminal 24

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:35

Lmfao! I laughed just a little too hard at this.

igive 29

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:50

You all are going to hell.

Nonexistentguy 7

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Thursday 16 July 2015 1:10

If hell existed

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Thursday 16 July 2015 2:38

I laughed even though I shouldn't have

Smooth_Criminal 24

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Thursday 16 July 2015 5:52

I'm already in hell. But thank you.

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Thursday 16 July 2015 9:31

38, please don't be that guy/girl.

Zwerik 31

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Thursday 16 July 2015 13:53

I already felt guilty writing it, but I couldn't delete it any more afterwards. :x

aria78 19

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Friday 17 July 2015 7:14

he's not that guy, he's nonexistent.

SlipSpaceGixxer 13

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Sunday 19 July 2015 10:14

negetive votes? come on people, it's a joke not a dick, so don't take it so hard.

stativaqueen840 8

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Friday 31 July 2015 0:04

xD I just died

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:05

Are you alright?

thefmlman2011 35

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:06

Before you follow this up, get her help. like now!

bhopejohnston 16

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:07

This should be reported to the police not fmylife.com.

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Thursday 16 July 2015 2:09

Yeah this is contacting the police/mental hospital time. it's only a matter of time before she kills someone.

Fmlsea 28

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Thursday 16 July 2015 10:46

perhaps op already has but still felt they needed to vent and get this off their system.

TheMathMajor 26

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Thursday 16 July 2015 18:23

I think her doctor would be most appropriate. Police don't exactly have the best record when it comes to dealing with people with mental disabilities.

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:08

I'm going to guess your dog didn't make it, my sincerest condolences.

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:09

This isnt even funny you need to call the police your mom needs help. I'm so sorry about the dog and I hope she gets help before she shoots a person.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 71

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 283