Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I started fixing my hair... - FML

By Anonymous - 25/4/2009 13:51 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I started fixing my hair and unbuttoning a couple of buttons on my shirt, hoping the policeman would let me off with a warning. When he got to the car, he rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. I saw him walk back to the cop car gagging. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13387

You deserved it

85034

Tweet

Share

Dangling modifier

Inspirational tale

Oh, he's a "Nice Guy"

By Anonymous - 10/5/2019 16:00

Today, the guy I've been talking to for two months told me he hooked up with a girl last night, before blocking me on everything. I also was with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1772

You deserved it

169

Tweet

Share

By Phil - 21/12/2008 12:14 - France

Today, I'm 65 years old, and I've been given a bottle of wine produced in the year I was born. The wine tastes foul; not a good omen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25300

You deserved it

2924

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/11/2009 01:08 - United States

Today, I was waiting at an intersection. Across from me, a car was approaching and a bunny ran out. Trying to save it, I flashed my lights and beeped at the car crazily, when the bunny turned around. The lights turned, and as I drove forward the bunny came back out and I hit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25585

You deserved it

7542

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 04:17 - United States

Today, I talked to my mom about hanging out with her. She got out her phone to schedule an appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26434

You deserved it

2945

Tweet

Share

By AloneForChristmas - 25/12/2018 16:00

Today... I live in dorms and found out everyone is leaving for Christmas break. I also found out my student loan didn't go through so now I cant afford to go visit my family that lives over 7hrs away. I guess I'll be spending Christmas alone in a dorm room... FML

I agree, your life sucks

2635

You deserved it

208

Tweet

Share

By rachel - 19/2/2011 01:06 - United States

Today, my house got broken into for the third time. The nice police officer said that if I didn't want my house to keep being robbed I should, "Fix the place up so it doesn't look like a crummy vacant building." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27617

You deserved it

8543

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/7/2011 04:30 - United States

Today, my neighbor and I learned why fireworks are illegal in city limits. This lesson was learned shortly after a roman candle came crashing through my second story window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28157

You deserved it

8022

Tweet

Share

By Familyreject - 2/2/2019 19:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I found out that my family has paid for and booked a trip to Dubai without me. They weren't going to tell me until they were about to board but since I was crying that my friend ditched me for my holiday, they thought they would let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2269

You deserved it

234

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/12/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, at a concert, my friend grew tired of holding her bag. She asked a man to hold it, saying that he wouldn't steal it "since it was hers". I quietly told her she was too naïve and irresponsible. After the concert, I got home and noticed my wallet was stolen instead, right out of my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28035

You deserved it

5315

Tweet

Share

By bananapie69 - 10/4/2020 20:00

Social distancing gone wrong

Today, waiting in the deli line at the store, a woman stood directly next to me. I panicked and tried to move back to get a 6-foot distance, but in my panic I didn’t realize there was a stand behind me. I almost fell over, so I gasped super loud. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1303

You deserved it

615

Tweet

Share

By KeptMyHandsUp - 17/8/2017 17:15 - United States

Today, I was meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time. She warned me they were a little weird. Right when we walked in the door, her parents were there to greet us...in the nude. Apparently this constitutes as a LITTLE weird. They both hugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4027

You deserved it

301

Tweet

Share

By stepdaddydoesitbetteranyway - 13/10/2020 20:05

Deadbeat

Today, I found out that my ex is expecting another kid. Not only is this a man who tried to hook up with me last month, he's also the one who, when I asked him to pay child support for our 2, told me that he could just "make some more". Guess he was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

933

You deserved it

107

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/1/2018 06:00

Today, after faking my orgasms for several years, I found out that my boyfriend has been telling his friends that I'm super loose because he doesn't feel anything when I'm cumming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3611

You deserved it

12644

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/5/2012 17:02 - United States - Houston

Today, I finally got the chance to meet this wonderful guy I met on a dating site. She was very excited to see me, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28826

You deserved it

5576

Tweet

Share

By MommyProblems - 19/1/2014 05:17 - United States

Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47900

You deserved it

6836

Tweet

Share

By need an appendickectomy - 17/3/2013 20:12 - Finland

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for months. It all started while I was in the hospital, he says, because we were supposed to go out that day, but then I "had to go and get sick". He blames my emergency surgery for his infidelity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42703

You deserved it

3153

Tweet

Share

By STOPattheSIGNbitch - 5/4/2020 08:00

Tonight, on Idiots in Cars…

Today, a woman in an SUV rolled a stop sign and hit me, resulting in simultaneously twisting my foot in my bike and being knocked into oncoming traffic. Her excuse before I went to the ER? The sun was in her eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1580

You deserved it

119

Tweet

Share

By liveviathetredmill - 1/10/2012 20:04 - United States - New York

Today, I realized that every targeted advertisement on my Facebook involves gym memberships and diet pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19911

You deserved it

5009

Tweet

Share

By meowcat101 - 21/8/2010 04:05 - Canada

Today, my dad decided to take me to play golf to relieve the stress of recovering from a bad concussion. While teaching me to swing, he hit me in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33181

You deserved it

3222

Tweet

Share

By Dandruff - 24/5/2010 16:14 - France

Today, I found out I have dandruff when a chick passed by and said out loud to her friends: "That dude's hair is having an early Xmas!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28131

You deserved it

6650

Tweet

Share

By KayEffEh - 17/9/2014 21:22 - Canada - Georgetown

Today, my girlfriend admitted that she "probably wasn't even sober" when I asked her out and she said yes. Our almost 2-year relationship is the longest drunken mistake ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38132

You deserved it

3429

Tweet

Share

By Me - 31/5/2011 06:49 - United States

Today, while at work, a rather large woman came in and ordered a cheeseburger. When asking if she would like to supersize it, she took her purse, smacked me, and told me she wasn't fat, and how rude I was for calling her supersized. I was just doing my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45161

You deserved it

4699

Tweet

Share

By F U mil - 12/8/2020 23:05

I'll get right on it, chief

Today, my mother-in-law called me selfish, lazy and a bad mother for giving my kids chores, like picking up toys and shoes. When we got married, my husband didn’t even know how to load a dishwasher or run a load of laundry. According to her, a "real mother" waits on her family hand and foot. Yeah, OK. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1796

You deserved it

116

Tweet

Share

By hairdresser - 9/3/2013 09:05 - Australia

Today, my boss told me that, while he respects the fact that I have my own style, I have to stop wearing "that hideous wig" because apparently, it "makes the clientele uncomfortable". I don't have a wig. It's my natural hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33469

You deserved it

4018

Tweet

Share

By Murphy's law - 13/10/2018 13:30

Today, I was working on my laptop when the screen suddenly turned red. I was shocked since it's not that old, but my insurance just expired. On my way to the service I was thinking, "At least my car works!" Well... A few hours later, my car broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2254

You deserved it

159

Tweet

Share

By ... - 20/1/2019 02:00

Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2106

You deserved it

709

Tweet

Share

By 12incher - 15/3/2009 04:45 - United States

Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there. I could see her thong so I instantly got a boner. About a minute later my teacher calls me up to the board to do a problem. I wore basketball shorts that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

83401

You deserved it

42579

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/10/2012 01:57 - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, a customer handed me a 100 dollar bill. He then told me that it was my tip for doing a good job. He snatched it away just as I touched it, laughed, and said, "Just kidding." He then took his money and left the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27045

You deserved it

2396

Tweet

Share

By my first job - 6/4/2016 20:02 - Canada - Westerose

Today, after working for 12 hours in the cold rain on muddy terrain, my coordinator drove down a hill and didn't come back. I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, forced to walk two hours uphill back to HQ to find him there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18065

You deserved it

1152

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/8/2014 06:13 - Singapore

Today, my boss pretty much told me that I'm too ugly to meet clients, and should stay in the office doing the paperwork. So basically, I'm a modern day Hunchback of Notre Dame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41649

You deserved it

3809

Tweet

Share

By yulis - 30/11/2013 19:21 - United States - Hagerstown

Today, I got pulled over on the highway for going over the speed limit. The cop seemed nice, and I was sure he'd let me off with a warning, until my husband piped up with, "Didn't think you folks came out this far. What, the donut store got shut down or some shit?" I got the ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51330

You deserved it

7252

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 6/2/2015 05:16 - Australia - Mitcham

Today, my boss brought his cat to the office. Despite our no pet policy, I still managed to get the blame when the crazy animal scratched 3 colleagues and peed on the floor after my boss left for bathroom. Apparently I was supposed to be "looking after it". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31578

You deserved it

2320

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/8/2013 20:20 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, my girlfriend was suspended from work after she was caught fucking one of her co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67813

You deserved it

5019

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/2/2013 17:36 - United States

Today, I went sledding with my friends. I said I was tired and didn't want to go, but they press-ganged me into it. I ended up sledding right into a tree, fracturing my leg, and scraping up my entire face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29835

You deserved it

5415

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/4/2020 14:00

The Taste of Love

Today, I was watching a romantic comedy at my boyfriend's house. During the make out scene, I decided to go in for a kiss. He apparently decided to belch at the same time. I could taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1368

You deserved it

277

Tweet

Share

By Scarlett - 26/4/2011 17:28 - United States

Today, my husband got out of the shower, came downstairs naked screaming ''EMBRACE THE HARDNESS!!'' Little did he know, my step mother was sitting right there at the kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50434

You deserved it

6118

Tweet

Share

By Harry - 10/6/2014 01:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52342

You deserved it

3850

Tweet

Share

By MegGRRRz - 28/11/2009 15:33 - United States

Today, I woke up and took my mom to work. It wasn't until after I got home, logged on Facebook and looked at the upcoming birthdays to see that it was her birthday today. No wonder she was silent the entire car ride and slammed the door on the way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7786

You deserved it

56818

Tweet

Share

By best_mom_ever - 19/10/2012 07:59 - United States - Mount Juliet

Today, my husband and I decided to tell our sixteen-year-old daughter that she's adopted. Her response was, "Thank God!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30580

You deserved it

6681

Tweet

Share

By Shut up loser! - 2/12/2019 03:00

Not her fault neither mine

Today, my 4 year old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4359

You deserved it

435

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By mewzik | 0

#142754 - Saturday 25 April 2009 23:23

YDI
did he give you a ticket or was he too busy gagging?

By ramdoodle45 | 0

#142786 - Saturday 25 April 2009 23:28

well if he was gagging, i bet you're one of those girls who's really ugly but acts bitchy like she's hot. but on the bright side, this isn't really FML because your ugliness gave him nausea so you didn't get a ticket so congrats, YDI.

COMMENTS

By mewzik | 0

#142754 - Saturday 25 April 2009 23:23

YDI
did he give you a ticket or was he too busy gagging?

Reply

hundredsofhawks | 0

#525835 - Sunday 30 August 2009 6:20

YDI for being ugly.

Reply

redsox4021 | 0

#976745 - Friday 9 April 2010 6:53

you deserve it 4 being ugly, fat, and not staying in the kitchen

Reply

InstantRanbowMix | 0

#4216506 - Monday 26 March 2012 5:37

Maybe the cop was gay

Reply

MissSatan | 16

#6023048 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 5:10

Well I guess OP distracting him with her ugly works just as well

By Dashiell | 0

#142762 - Saturday 25 April 2009 23:25

>_<

Seriously

Reply

Thabb | 0

#1015863 - Tuesday 1 June 2010 22:31

I absolutely hate women who think cops will let them off if they're good looking.

Reply

Thabb | 0

#1015864 - Tuesday 1 June 2010 22:33

And to my own comment, that's the reason why everyone thinks women are bad drivers. They sieve bad and don't care because they think the cops will let them off for their looks. So in some senses, that is a true stereotype.

By Endymion_fml | 0

#142765 - Saturday 25 April 2009 23:25

Serves you right.

By log1k | 3

#142769 - Saturday 25 April 2009 23:26

ur not hot enough to pull it off obviously.. or the cop is gay.

By Daysgoby | 0

#142780 - Saturday 25 April 2009 23:28

you dirty girl ;) Maybe he'll die from vomiting too much AND THAT'S WHEN YOU RUN

By ejvlols | 0

#142782 - Saturday 25 April 2009 23:28

ugly ho.
lol YDI 4 being an ugly slut

By ramdoodle45 | 0

#142786 - Saturday 25 April 2009 23:28

well if he was gagging, i bet you're one of those girls who's really ugly but acts bitchy like she's hot. but on the bright side, this isn't really FML because your ugliness gave him nausea so you didn't get a ticket so congrats, YDI.

Reply

sammichbitch | 0

#821043 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 7:15

I hate those bitches

By AnnaSeptic | 0

#142787 - Saturday 25 April 2009 23:28

Hahaha. Nice. You fail.

By Frlf | 0

#142796 - Saturday 25 April 2009 23:29

Well, wao.
...

By 24788 | 6

#142798 - Saturday 25 April 2009 23:30

I need to start pulling over women. I hear they'll do anything to get out of a ticket, but I don't want to be a cop. :(

Hopefully you don't get attempted murder for making the cop gag and choke to death.