Miscellaneous: Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 138

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 1 752

25/07/2014 18:16

Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 041

You deserved it 4 001

Dementia or hate? You decide

Empathy lives

Hey stinky!

23/05/2017 19:00

Today, I had what I thought would be an important (and formal) interview. Not only did I turn up completely overdressed, the man who was interviewing me arrived 30 minutes late. To top it all off, I was so distracted by his mysterious total lack of eyebrows that I forgot everything I had to say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 102

You deserved it 484

19/02/2009 07:09

Today, in school my shoulder was killing me from a softball injury. I went to the nurse's office and asked "Can I have some ice?" They responded with "Why, what happened to your face?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 255

You deserved it 2 978

13/08/2012 08:06

Today, the air bag system in my car somehow malfunctioned, and the air bag inflated while I was driving, causing me to lose control and crash into a street light. I ended up with a badly bruised face because the air bag had already deflated by then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 844

You deserved it 1 750

01/12/2015 19:02

Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 492

You deserved it 3 685

23/07/2019 02:00

Today, I told my dad that failing to kill yourself must be really awful, because you think you’ve failed your life and then you even fail your death. My dad who, as I recalled when he shot me a sour look, tried to commit suicide during his youth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 2 368

22/06/2018 19:00

Today, I came out to my parents as gay and they reacted better than I expected. Then I found my car destroyed with a note that said "fag" on what used to be my hood. I never thought I'd have to sue my own family, but I'm lucky I have security footage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 597

You deserved it 420

29/08/2019 04:00

Today, my mother-in-law "borrowed" my dog without asking, to show him off to her friends. My dog is my service animal, and I'm not comfortable leaving the house without him. I have to be at work in an hour, and she's not picking up her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 167

You deserved it 407

03/11/2016 19:31

Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 454

You deserved it 857

Mr. Robot

By Anonymous - 03/08/2020 14:02

Today, our computer system has irretrievably broken down due to viruses. My boss is the one who refused to get new antivirus software, but he’s still blaming me because I’m the computer guy and should be able to protect us from stupidly complicated viruses, "like the hackers in the movies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 569

You deserved it 215

08/04/2009 05:38

Today, I bought a new purple shirt and decided to wear it to this charity function I was going to. I thought I looked pretty good in it. Then I got home and realized I left the sticker on. I had an "XL" sticker on my boob all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 948

You deserved it 47 252

30/07/2015 22:04

Today, I had to sit through an entire conversation where my sister and her boyfriend sent voice messages to one another, of their farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 631

You deserved it 2 196

14/02/2015 12:14

Today, I found out someone, most likely my psycho ex, has been posing as me on local interest websites, trolling a load of people, and giving them my address so they can come fight me. I found this out when a gentleman showed up at my house wanting to beat me shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 340

You deserved it 2 313

02/02/2009 15:57

Spicy

Today, I realized that the dog humping my leg was the most action I've gotten in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 978

You deserved it 8 187

13/05/2011 07:20

Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 257

You deserved it 15 872

24/04/2011 05:56

Today, while shopping at American Eagle, I found the same "$1,500" wedding ring my fiancé proposed to me with, marked on sale for $10.95. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 998

You deserved it 9 575

13/12/2014 05:05

Today, I came home to find out my roommate sold my PS4, because, "You don't use it anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 106

You deserved it 2 836

20/01/2015 04:42

Spicy

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 016

You deserved it 4 519

04/06/2011 18:09

Today, my family went and visited my nan. She ushered me in close and asked, "When are you going to knock it off with all this emo cockshite?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 022

You deserved it 46 458

31/10/2015 05:10

Today, I finally got a promotion at work. Today I also found out that no matter how long I work, no matter how much effort and unpaid overtime I put in for 6 years, my coworkers will be convinced I only got promoted because I'm the CFO's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 116

You deserved it 2 612

09/03/2009 10:09

Spicy

Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 002

You deserved it 5 190

08/01/2010 16:32

Today, my husband is completely convinced that his taking a massive dump after being constipated is exactly like the time I gave birth to our twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 182

You deserved it 4 470

Lava

By not_fakingit - 22/09/2013 04:26

Today, I joked with my boss about calling in sick to work tomorrow with food poisoning to avoid taking the Sunday shift. Tonight, I'm sitting on the toilet bowl in agonizing pain with combination diarrhea and vomiting. My shift starts in 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 474

You deserved it 11 205

05/05/2012 06:24

Today, my little sister came to me crying about how everyone calls her a bad driver. I gave her a pep talk, an encouraging hug, and told her not to listen to negativity. Five minutes later she wrecked my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 404

You deserved it 8 195

What are you doing here?

By sadmom - 18/03/2020 05:05

Today, I found out the man I have been dating is my son’s principal. I found out by having to pick my suspended son up from school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 583

You deserved it 378

22/08/2013 02:45

Today, I got rejected for a job because they claimed I faked my entire resume. Their excuse? I'm too pretty to be smart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 907

You deserved it 4 700

15/11/2011 04:51

Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 840

You deserved it 11 095

Explain yourself

By Embarassed - 13/08/2021 18:01

Today, I received pictures on my phone of my husband leaving a hotel with a young lady. Upon confronting him about it, he told me it was his “twin brother.” When I brought up that he was an only child, he said, "Stop believing shit people tell you unless it’s coming from me" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 86

25/07/2011 00:21

Today, my mom tried to get me to shoplift. From the dollar store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 726

You deserved it 2 721

14/01/2009 13:09

Today, the ugliest girl in school walked by me and said "ewwww". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 378

You deserved it 9 154

01/04/2016 01:42

Today, I found out that my CEO knows my name, when she followed me into the bathroom and called it out in a disgusted tone when I farted so loudly, she could hear it from four stalls over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 287

You deserved it 2 663

15/02/2017 21:00

Today, whilst working my waitressing job, I had a patron lose his rag at me because there was too much "green stuff" in his salad. What did he expect? Chicken? FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 192

You deserved it 419

25/08/2016 03:50

Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and see if I was OK was my World of Warcraft guild leader after I didn't show up to raid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 435

You deserved it 1 417

31/12/2008 01:36

Today, I am spending new year absolutely alone. My girlfriend canceled our plans the day before so she could spend it with alcohol and strangers. Somehow, I still love her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 021

You deserved it 11 246

Nooooooo… !

By Nicole Jones - 01/10/2020 22:02

Today, after having a hard week, I decided to order a pizza with an expensive milkshake. It slipped out of my hand in front of the lift. It went everywhere. I had nothing on me to clean it up with. Now I’m milkshakeless, down £5, and accidentally responsible for littering my accommodation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 136

31/12/2015 22:33

Spicy

Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 681

You deserved it 7 350

19/11/2016 18:34

Today, my mother made me a delicious meal of gravy, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, and cranberries. Overjoyed, I tried to give her a hug. Instead, I accidentally punched her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 197

You deserved it 1 318

10/08/2016 14:10

Today, I was told I'll need a hysterectomy. I'm barely 22. My doctor said "You probably wanted kids, huh? That's gonna be rough!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 808

You deserved it 1 376

Covidiots

By Anonymous - 05/12/2020 19:08

Today, I had to abandon my shopping after a Covidiot directly sneezed all over it. He took his mask off because he was about to sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 177

29/09/2018 15:30

Today, I found out about my parent's divorce over Facebook from my sister who lives 8 hours away in another province. They made the decision 3 weeks ago. I live with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 480

You deserved it 243

27/09/2009 15:59

Today, I was walking whilst texting. I thought I was going in a straight line but I ended up walking right into an open phone booth. A woman was inside making a phone call. I lost my balance, pinning her up against the wall. She thought I was attacking her and clobbered me with the receiver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 520

You deserved it 51 373

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Saturday 26 July 2014 0:35

She deserved it for being that kind of person.

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Saturday 26 July 2014 0:37

And women wonder why chivalry is damn near dead smh

Comments

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Saturday 26 July 2014 0:35

Well I hope it wasn't too bad OP! She sounds mean, at least she had to leave at some point!

mz135 12

Saturday 26 July 2014 1:04

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

OysterPearls 33

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Saturday 26 July 2014 1:16

Being stressed doesn't give you the excuse to be an asshole.

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Saturday 26 July 2014 1:24

Ha wow b*tch!

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Saturday 26 July 2014 2:18

@23, so why would she lean into the door? She thought it might knock her out and it would get her away from her kids? OP was being nice and she turned it into a civil rights crusade. Just say "thank you" regardless of who's holding it. How hard is that?

incoherentrmblr 21

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Saturday 26 July 2014 4:24

This is one reason why chivalry is almost dead. I'm surprised she hasn't tried to sue you with her fraudulent injury. Definitely needs a follow up...

CinnamonBunny 16

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Saturday 26 July 2014 7:48

Chivalry is bullshit. Holding the door open for someone is just the decent thing to do, regardless of gender, especially if they're towing round a couple of kids. Sorry this fucking bell end didn't appreciate your kindness, OP.

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Saturday 26 July 2014 8:24

#65 a follow up for what? "she hasn't tried to sue me yet. I'll follow up again tomorrow". not much to follow up on.

dabears1011234 27

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Saturday 26 July 2014 9:45

Its her fault that she is stressed

Blaphlafagus 19

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Saturday 26 July 2014 21:15

Feminazis

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Saturday 26 July 2014 0:35

She deserved it for being that kind of person.

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Saturday 26 July 2014 0:58

If that was my mother I would be so embarrassed. This lady should be ashamed and teach her kids better.

pizzarollsyum 13

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Saturday 26 July 2014 2:54

Imagine what her poor kids must go through.

CaptainSmith28 19

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Saturday 26 July 2014 5:03

Feminists. Smh

Godsofdracos 15

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Saturday 26 July 2014 5:42

One of the kids should step up and tell the mom to stop acting like child.

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Saturday 26 July 2014 8:45

Imagine what the kids will end up like with a mum that'll go that far to get any attention.

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Monday 11 April 2016 9:42

That's insulting to children, even they don't act like that.

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Saturday 26 July 2014 0:37

And women wonder why chivalry is damn near dead smh

GirlWhoLovesVB 9

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Saturday 26 July 2014 0:38

Sometimes I am ashamed of the human race.

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Saturday 26 July 2014 0:56

That includes you, buddy,

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Saturday 26 July 2014 1:31

No, I am ape. Caesar says humans good. I no like human.

TheGreatPotato 19

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Saturday 26 July 2014 3:14

Thank goodness I happen to be a potato.

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Saturday 26 July 2014 3:27

and a great one at that

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Monday 28 July 2014 18:50

Not just 'a', but *THE* great one :D

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Saturday 26 July 2014 0:38

Some people are just ass holes

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Saturday 26 July 2014 0:38

I hope you hit her with the door again in the back on the way out.

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Saturday 26 July 2014 8:46

That would be well deserved but a bad example for her kids

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Saturday 26 July 2014 13:39

103 - With her for a mother, those kids are going to be shitstains regardless of what OP does.

JJ_86 22

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Saturday 26 July 2014 0:40

She got some insecurity issues. At least you had the mind to help. Don't let some thickheads make you stop doing that.

VonBlitzkrieg 27

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Monday 28 July 2014 16:06

Or maybe she's just a feminist.

abdiG 27

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Saturday 26 July 2014 0:42

Dont you just hate people like her.

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Saturday 26 July 2014 0:44

I would have just slammed it on her face and walked away

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Saturday 26 July 2014 0:49

I always hold the door open for people, even if they're far away because it's funny watching them run. This woman is just a whiny bitch.