Today, I spent hours voluntarily decorating my town for Christmas....

By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 06:23 - United States

Today, I spent hours voluntarily decorating my town for Christmas. After a break, I came back to find someone had re-positioned the wooden reindeer to make it look like they were humping. FML

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Intimacy

Family values

Capitalism kills

Fashion Police

By crazybiotch - 28/5/2009 18:09 - Canada

Today, I sent a forward to the ladies at my office. When I scrolled down I noticed my personal emails from my best friend were attached. They go into great detail about the sex I had last night, when I was planning on dumping my boyfriend and that I suspected I had an anal fissure. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2016 06:34

Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML

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By compguy - 25/2/2010 15:39 - United States

Today, I applied and was accepted for a part-time network engineering position. Being contract work they asked me what I charge. I replied, "$12 an hour." After a look of surprise they accepted me for the position and said, "Our last guy charged $200 an hour, you're a bargain." FML

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By Thatgirl - 14/4/2019 20:00

Today, my grandfather told me I could bring a date to my cousin’s wedding. I said I didn't have anyone to bring. He replied, “That's the saddest thing I've heard all day.” He’s 98. FML

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By Brea - 1/2/2011 18:50 - United States

Today, I wanted to annoy my sister by playing the air horn app on my iPhone. I forgot that I had headphones in. Let's just say I quickly had to change my underwear. FML

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By Spec - 18/4/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, my blind friend bragged to a group of people that she knew all of us by smell. We all took turns standing in front of her, and she would tell us who we were. When I got in front of her, she thought I was my dog. FML

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By John doe - 11/4/2010 11:54 - United States

Today, I woke up next to a woman nearly twice my age. I don't know how to tell her it was drunken sex and not the beginning of a relationship. But I have to come up with something soon as I work with her Monday. FML

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By sparkyjaf - 14/5/2015 12:41 - Australia - West Pymble

Today, all of my roommates handed in their vacating notice unexpectedly. They are all moving to a new house together in two weeks, leaving me to be either homeless or forced to pay 4 times what I was paying in rent. FML

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By UnfortunateGirly - 26/2/2010 08:30 - Australia

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to yell out "Pass us the bong, Emma!" while I was on the phone to my mother. FML

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By meh - 4/1/2010 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the dentist to get a baby tooth which had decayed removed. After almost an hour, I came out with a numb mouth and a missing tooth for life. It was not a baby tooth. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2018 20:30

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 20:41 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I had to do a presentation in front of my entire school. I was very nervous, so I used the old trick of picturing everyone naked. Everyone then got a good view of my erection. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2016 23:31

Today, the guy I broke up with for being too possessive and jealous threatened to leak my nudes if he sees or hears that I've gotten with anyone else. FML

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By "smonds13" - 9/8/2017 00:29

Doggone It

Today, my 3-year-old pooped on the floor and blamed it on the dog. How do I know? We don't have a dog. FML

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By amandapurple - 22/2/2009 19:02 - United States

Today, I finally won an ongoing battle with my family to go to a restaurant I like, rather than a restaurant I hate with a passion. Now I'm throwing up, and my back is killing me. I'm the only one who got food poisoning. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2015 15:47 - United States - Cabot

Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML

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By baffleduncle - 27/7/2019 20:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I listened to my niece explain to me, in great detail, that the Titanic never sank, and that the year it supposedly did was a prediction of 9/11. She learned all of this from some whackjob conspiracy theory videos, and acts like she's an expert now as a result. FML

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By Kris - 7/8/2011 20:37 - China

Today, at my workplace, a TV was installed just above my register at work which plays the same mind-numbingly awful 13 second ad on loop for the duration of our latest sale. The sale lasts for what are going to be three very long weeks. FML

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By jsalmons - 2/6/2011 17:39 - Germany

Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2012 16:56 - Canada - Orleans

Today, wanting to be on time for my first job interview, I woke up at the crack of dawn and walked almost an hour through a thunderstorm. When I arrived, I was told that the manager wasn't in today, because of the bad weather. FML

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By joe - 19/11/2012 03:13 - United States - Ellicott City

Today, I bought a new armband to hold my iPhone while working out so I can listen to music and I was excited to start getting in shape. Unfortunately, when I tried it on, my arm was too big and it didn't fit. FML

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By Playaaa - 14/11/2015 22:08 - United States - Hollister

Today, I realized when I'm on my phone, I tend to play with my penis, even in public. FML

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By 20month dry spell - 27/9/2018 03:00

Today, my girlfriend thinks I'm sex-obsessed because of the number of times I've asked for it. I've asked exactly 3 times this year, one of which was on my birthday. She said no all 3 times. I'm usually too scared of her temper to even try. FML

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By googly191 - 19/12/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, it's my birthday, and apparently my family forgot it. But one person didn't forget. My dog gave me a little present in my new shoes I bought for myself. FML

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By sausages - 17/1/2014 20:56 - Macedonia - Skopje

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

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By dev - 28/8/2011 06:18 - United States

Today, I was at my family reunion. I've always hated my family. I walked up behind my husband and said, "I can't wait to go home and make love." My husband turned around. It was my uncle wearing the same hat as my husband. FML

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By screwed - 19/11/2009 03:31 - United States

Today, my dad came home from Vegas. Today, my college savings account is down by $64,000. FML

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By man-period? - 2/3/2016 06:48 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML

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By Ricky - 16/5/2009 21:19 - Canada

Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue mouthwash that turns plaque blue so you know where to brush. I couldn't get all the blue. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2010 09:47 - France

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to pick me up and throw me on the bed. I rolled off and broke my collarbone. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 12:44 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey mask and I call him Jason. He just confessed it isn't really a fetish for him and that was just fucking with me. He's already told all his friends. I'm humiliated. FML

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By allgrowedup - 12/2/2011 03:10 - United States

Today, my mom left me at home with a babysitter. I'm 17. FML

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By elevator-troubles - 18/3/2009 07:59 - Australia

Today, I was in an elevator with my brother and a woman. He signs to me that she has a 'damn fine ass'. I chuckle and then shake my head. He shrugs. A second later the woman signs to us, 'Rick, don't you remember me?' Turns out she helped teach my brother sign language when he was six. FML

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By pizzafaceinc - 2/3/2010 02:24 - United States

Today, I woke up with a headache. My girlfriend said it might be from the night before, explaining she punched me while I was sleeping because I was snoring in her ear, and she dreamed a bee was attacking her. I'm not sure if I'm more concerned that she punched me, or that it didn't wake me. FML

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By Byron fiddles - 24/2/2009 11:57 - Hungary

Today, I was on an Easyjet flight, next to two attractive girls, listening to a track which starts with a woman pleasuring herself. I don't like this track so I go to skip it but accidentally unplug my headphones, activating my phone speakers and revealing the said woman at the peak of her orgasm. FML

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By figures - 16/11/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I got a card from the jewelry store thanking me for purchasing an engagement ring a year ago and wishing me and my fiancée a long and everlasting marriage. Too bad my fiancée took off with the pizza delivery boy 6 months ago. FML

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By mackamuir - 1/4/2016 13:01 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, my roommate played a crazy April Fool's joke on me by not paying his rent this month. Good one. FML

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By ugheffmylife - 9/5/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I was playing with my phone and turned it on lock mode. I changed my lock code a few months ago, so that no one would be able to guess it. Turns out I can't guess it either. FML

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By LadyNexus - 7/1/2015 03:54 - United States - Mohrsville

Today, I asked my boyfriend how he felt about me and he said, "You're the hottest seven I've ever met." FML

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By pist off - 5/3/2018 19:00

Classy.

Today, I felt rain on my face. I looked up and saw a man peeing off a hot air balloon. FML

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Top comments

By krdel | 0

#1807618 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:09

So now a wooden reindeer has his wood in reindeer?

By Fiskars02 | 2

#1807589 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:05

lol pure win. id do the same thing

COMMENTS

By SillyEars | 0

#1807570 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:03

did you join them?

Lolerskatez | 0

#1807584 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:05

Tis the season to be jolly!

jewban | 3

#1807641 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:12

I would do this

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1807818 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:35

you can't stop the woodland critters blood orgy!!!

folfg7 | 0

#1808209 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 14:08

Bahahahahahah I liked my butt off. are you sure your not just blaning someone else? ;)

mamamiaaa_fml | 12

#1808414 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 15:00

I would have at least taken some pictures. with myself and the dear.

mamamiaaa_fml | 12

#1808431 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 15:02

hahhahahahaffddhzhxjkckvoa I meant deer.

ClickMyPicture | 0

#1809028 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:53

Oh boy, can't wait till Santa sees this! Rudolph humping Vixen(;

zkchild | 0

#1809075 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:58

They were just trying to help decorate.

maz255 | 10

#1812175 - Wednesday 8 December 2010 8:41

falala lalala!!!!

nathan5 | 0

#1824991 - Friday 10 December 2010 20:03

hey!

By unlocker | 0

#1807574 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:03

first to comment

SillyEars | 0

#1807595 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:06

*facepalm*

By Fiskars02 | 2

#1807589 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:05

lol pure win. id do the same thing

Healtopia | 0

#1807979 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 13:04

win indeedy

madgolden | 0

#1808594 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 15:37

Me Tooo .

rgermain | 0

#1808620 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 15:42

I love it! It's like when ppl rearrange letters on signs to make awful phrases. Kills me every time.

crimsongetsu | 0

#1809449 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 17:58

WIN!!!!!!

By froggi_fml | 0

#1807607 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:07

aw haha that's cute. XD

Hayman68 | 4

#1808497 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 15:15

so are you lol

hobojo11 | 0

#1808515 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 15:18

you and me baby aint nuthen but mamels so lets do it like they do on discovery channel

coolname2016 | 12

#1826648 - Saturday 11 December 2010 8:03

Dude that is so old

By krdel | 0

#1807618 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:09

So now a wooden reindeer has his wood in reindeer?

Amgnowai | 0

#1807728 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:25

Haha xD

EffinAhole | 0

#1807745 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:26

win

DaveOnDope | 4

#1808353 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 14:46

Win!

Hayman68 | 4

#1808507 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 15:17

C-c-c-combo breaker!

rgermain | 0

#1808612 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 15:40

aaaahahha I see what you did there

juliaaalove | 8

#1808728 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:07

hahaaa, funny guy.

harleyn | 0

#1826106 - Saturday 11 December 2010 3:34

nice mane

By Cass3m0 | 0

#1807624 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:10

Clearly, they have a sense of humour. Laugh, OP. 'Tis the season to be jolly. :D

kenziemakayla | 5

#1903917 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 14:45

what does op mean?

tandem123 | 6

#3076162 - Wednesday 10 August 2011 5:07

Original post or something to that effect.

By Quest_ | 13

#1807626 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:10

Am I the only one with a boner right now?

Doortje | 28

#1807709 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:21

Nope, the reindeer has one too :)

beastette1230 | 0

#1807776 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:30

#15 win ^ haha

RedPillSucks | 31

#1808370 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 14:50

Is that what you call the guy on the right?

beepbeepington | 0

#1808467 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 15:10

hahahahhahahahah !

MizzErikaHart | 8

#1808678 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:01

lmfao at 51!!

Quest_ | 13

#1810321 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 21:24

No need to be hateful assholes.

chewbacca69 | 0

#1810612 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 22:37

I do friend I do

Torialovesya | 0

#3219381 - Friday 2 September 2011 3:23

Yep!!

By nathan5 | 0

#1807630 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:11

In no way an fml. thats brilliant! It would definately change a childs idea of reindeers!

nathan5 | 0

#1807976 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 13:04

am i not allowed to saw that tgis is not an fml? I did say it was very funny though!

nathan5 | 0

#1807991 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 13:06

this*

JonaDona | 2

#1808078 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 13:38

why would you say that? Obviously anyone's life would be pretty F up after someone made a wooden deer hump another (sarcasm)

nathan5 | 0

#1809467 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 18:05

now come on!!

By KGambii | 0

#1807656 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:13

Keep it like that ;)

By Doortje | 28

#1807670 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:14

FYL for not having a sense of humor :(

bioboy725 | 10

#1811200 - Wednesday 8 December 2010 1:32

I agree, I hate people with no sense of humor.