By Tib - 18/12/2009 06:42 - United States
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When you take a urine test, you're supposed to pee for a second or two before you actually fill the cup. I don't remember right now what they call it for that first two seconds, but yeh. They even have instructions on most walls.
Why do they need instructions? I think part of the urine test should be acturly managing to pee in a cup, if you fail that then sorry, you are no good to this world, there is nothing I or anyone else can do for you, if you havn't figured this out by now then there is something wrong with you, we are not going to bother with the rest of this test, just come with me sir, I'm afraid we can't allow you to call your family to say goodbye, we can't have people like you talking to others, all we need you to do is follow the yellow line down the hall and into the slaughter house. I said the yellow line sir, no your supposed to follow it, NO!, the other way sir, i'm afraid that's a wall sir, there is no way to open it, the door is right behind you, no your turning the handle the wrong way. and push the door don't pull it, ok now just step through, no don't follow the line back to me sir, you know what fuck it, i'll just take you there myself..........is anyone still reading this, well if you are then please stop, why are you doing this, there is nothing here for you, go back to your families, they miss you.
Blade, I need you to do something for me, firstly exit everything on your computer but this, it's ok I can wait, and yes that means omegle too. I don't care is she wants to cyber with you, just close it, it doesn't matter how hot she said she was........wait really, are you sure she said she is like super hot with a sideways winky face, but think about it, this could be anyone, well what you need to do is get her to send a picture to prove it, oh her cameras broken is it, well she seems legit, better keep that open, but everything else goes. Ok......done, not working is it, why is it fucking up.......you don't know, just ctrl alt delete that shit then.......good. Now for step two, what i want you to do is take a moment and listen, you hear something don't you, sounds like screaming doesn't it, no it isn't porn blade, remember i had you close everything for this very reason, thats your kids blade, thats right, down in the basement right where you left them, now come on it's been three days since you last went down there, children need food blade, for god sakes one of them is 9 years old..........thats prime boning age, i mean you know your a terrible father when you don't even have time to rape your own kids anymore, leting all that go to waste, you should be ashamed. Also if you are not blade and are reading this anyway then stop that right now and go away, this is not for you.
I suppose I could let it slide just this once, after all it was somewhat wrong of me to put the warning at the very end of my comment. I'll make sure to put the warning for this one at the start.............oh fuck I already started it, and would you look at that, forgot the warning. I guess I could just put it there now, but then what I am saying right now would be pointless, although I could delete this........but I know not to use my delete button enless it is 100% necessary, so i wont. But now how do i keep others from reading this.....I know, it was all too obvious. Dear everyone exept JustAReaderOfFml could you please read the following warning before you attempt to read the reast of this comment, as for JustAReaderOfFml feel free to start at the start of this comment like you normly would. Warning: If you are not JustAReaderOfFml then i am afraid you are not autharized to read any part of this comment, that does include both this warning and my mesage regarding who is and who isn't to read this warning about who is and who isn't to read this comment. So could you please keep yourself from reading anything in this comment, including this warning you need to read in order to know not to read it, anything you have already read should be un-read immidiately, Thank you and have an average to mediocre life. You should not be reading this, stop it, now..........thank you.
I read every damn dirty word, I drank the words into my mind like the urine of a godly angel christened to roam the earth because her parents didn't think she wasn't getting out of the house enough.. I am ready for your punishment, I can take it, I survived the korean war dammit. Give me all you got. Hey, if I make it through your torture, maybe we can get a bite to eat sometime, maybe go rollerblading, see a flick, go dancing, maybe even.. Talk about our feelings over a Ben & Jerry's at my house. Anyhow, if your not No_Heart and your reading this, then may god have mercy on your sinful dirty soul. Farewell readers, farewell.
Dude. I do not take that shit lightly. Do you not understand the importance of your request? I plan to use your knowlegedge No_Heart, and perhaps your money to feed the poor and educate children all over the world about your wisdom. Think how easy I am making this for you. I have not asked you for 20-30 items that you and your elves will spend weeks and months hammering together up there at The North Pole.That I am about to say may be a bit unprecedented, but I’ve recently found it necessary to stand up for you.. Yes, you have understood me correctly. Intelligent speaking, kraut-eating people such as yourself. Even you need to be understood! Sometimes people make mistakes.. well guess what? I have flaws.. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car mid flight. So sue me-- no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make. That this what this column is all about, after all: promoting gay awareness.. Now it’s time to empathize with something we never thought we could understand,. Fortunately, I’ve not encountered the explosive poo but I have been a victim of projectile pee,. All that are assosciated with Amy Winehouse have probably experienced this, drunkards and crack addicts who cannot contain themselves. Um. Maybe if Winhouse washes off those caca splatters from her nose and steps away from the brown Sharpie and hazlenut,. Once looking upon the schnoz in all its greatness, there is no going back! I mean,.. the inside of her nose probably looks like the bottom of Lindsay Lohan's purse. There's a meth lab in the left nostril and a cocaine plantation in the right.. her nose is being held up by a couple of toothpicks. But in all seriousness,.what the point was, was to educate and reveal a godly world in which the heart thrives in in his velvet peanut shaped caca encrusted world. For love can only be amounted to gold in reference to his ramblings that provide unbelievable umcomparable amounts of knowledge that upon reading you will combust into flames. By the time you read this, I will be gone..my sincerest apologies,. In my last words I will remind you,. whenever asked what bear is best,. the answer is always 'black bear.' Thankyou for your time.
i thought it would be easier for guys to pee in a cup than women? apparently not! You were in a bathroom right, couldn't you just pee a bit in the cup then the rest in the toilet?