Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because somebody likes to stuff whole toilet paper rolls in the toilet to clog it. Only six more months in Iraq. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML
Today, while all the other marines got to fly around the island on a helicopter, I got stuck on gear guard. What was I guarding? The staff sergeant's parking spot. FML
Today, I went to change the toilet paper roll. I failed. It was the last roll of the "right kind," and my wife is "fine" and "not mad." Let the confinement continue. FML
Today, after 4 months of no family contact while deployed in the military, I receive an email from my mother. Attached was a picture of a toilet full of green shit, with a message from my mom saying, "Seen neon poo before? Thought I would share!" FML
Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML
Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML
Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML
Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML
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Top comments
Sadielovesyou 0
who is stupid enough to clog the toilet! what an idiot!
mamamiaaa_fml 12
I think the military is doing what they are ordered to do. It's important that people are able to understand this. I don't agree with the war over there especially the justification used, but I have a lot of respect for someone (whatever the reason: to serve country, tuition money, just a job, etc) who has enough courage to go out there leaving friends, family, and all the comforts of home to go and fight, or perform whatever service in harms way. It takes a lot and it's not the soldiers' fault we are there it's the politicians so blame them JS.
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Comments (212)
iheartglasses 0
Oh geez people! All military personnel aren't brainwashed zombies taught to shot a gun and some survival tactics. Clearly the paper stuffer is trying to lighten the mood and play pranks keeping everyones head on earth. If I had to sleep with my gun and worry about bombs every minute of the day, I would lose my mind. My brother is in the Army and has been to Iraq on several occasions. He takes his work seriously but when hes home he is your average nerd who will stay up late playing his several game consoles and most likely downloading **** on his computer lol Sorry you have to guard toilets OP lol
rusrsbrah 0
stuffing shit in the toilet is not a way to lighten the mood. unless you're ******* six.
DocBastard 40
Who is Six, and who is ******* her?
marid_fml 2
Six is a cylon. Look her up. If I was a guy I'd **** her too.
llppjhddt 0
hell, if i was a woman id still **** her
DVecc 0
most soldiers are not educated at a college level because once you serve the United States army they will pay for your college tuition in full. a lot of the soldiers don't want to serve the army but have to because it's their only option of paying for a college degree
iheartglasses 0
Just trying to say the people fighting out there are regular people with regular families. The only thing different is they are trained to fight when they need to. God bless the soldiers :)
slickrasta 1
Good luck guarding a toilet/killing innocent people. A war involves 2 countries fighting, Iraq is just a genocide.
soiheardyoufaile 4
that's bullshit and you know it, go do your research and stop listening to hate preachers.
mythoughts 0
agreed. 10% of what you hear on the news is made up bull crap. I know from experience
mythoughts 0
agree to #52 that is about needing more research.
mythoughts 0
Geez I am tired. what I ment to say was all but 10% is made up. The media gets small facts of the 5 W's(who,what,etc) and fills in the gaps for rating. Adding in stuff to make it seem bigger or smaller then what it really was. I can verify several stories that the media posted a week after it happened and it was way different then what I saw with my own eyes.
rldostie 19
You don't know what you're talking about. Stop sitting behind your computer and believing everything you hear. Take it from those of us who have been there--what they report and what is actually happening are radically different. You don't know shit.
brettski55 0
lmao it's a lie, when your in Iraq or Afghanistan your not allowed using websites like this, I would know, ive been to Afghanistan, this guy is just trying to seem funny, but it's not.
kyleengels 0
you can access this site from Iraq.
chapdawg1971 0
dude, thank your buddy for that one!
fester420 2
******* deal with it. you're not the only one in the military who has to do stupid shit.
W4X 0
Call of Duty in real life isn't so fun, is it?
KiddNYC1O 22
What!? Respawning is fun in real life!
W4X 0
I know THAT is, but instead of doing 360 No Scopes with the L96 they have to guard a bathroom. It sucks. He could be Dolphin Diving Sandpeople!
KiddNYC1O 22
LOL. I'm guilty of dolphin diving.
CitrusGirl 0
360s are for try hards
rusrsbrah 0
I bet it was one of those ****** chocolate chips. motherfuckers didn't even know what shampoo was when my sisters boyfriend went over there.
mythoughts 0
all you need to join is a GED or Highschool degree... sad but true.