Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because somebody likes to stuff whole toilet paper rolls in the toilet to clog it. Only six more months in Iraq. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML
Today, while all the other marines got to fly around the island on a helicopter, I got stuck on gear guard. What was I guarding? The staff sergeant's parking spot. FML
Today, I went to change the toilet paper roll. I failed. It was the last roll of the "right kind," and my wife is "fine" and "not mad." Let the confinement continue. FML
Today, after 4 months of no family contact while deployed in the military, I receive an email from my mother. Attached was a picture of a toilet full of green shit, with a message from my mom saying, "Seen neon poo before? Thought I would share!" FML
Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML
Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML
Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML
Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML
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Top comments
Sadielovesyou 0
who is stupid enough to clog the toilet! what an idiot!
mamamiaaa_fml 12
I think the military is doing what they are ordered to do. It's important that people are able to understand this. I don't agree with the war over there especially the justification used, but I have a lot of respect for someone (whatever the reason: to serve country, tuition money, just a job, etc) who has enough courage to go out there leaving friends, family, and all the comforts of home to go and fight, or perform whatever service in harms way. It takes a lot and it's not the soldiers' fault we are there it's the politicians so blame them JS.
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Comments (212)
seantron1 0
first
ImaginaryFoe 0
I would imagine there are so many worse duties you could have in Iraq. Be glad you're guarding the latrine and not cleaning it.
KiddNYC1O 20
Besides, Op has bigger things he should worry about. Shit, I'd watch out for IEDs and SBs.
iTaylor 0
you win this time, Bin Laden ...
kofinater 3
Guarding the latrine is the number one reason I'm not joiningg the army next year when I'm 18
Sadielovesyou 0
who is stupid enough to clog the toilet! what an idiot!
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
you guys have grenades, c4 and countless other explosives yet you choose to clog a toilet with toilet paper? the least you could do is use a recovered ied or something
CitrusGirl 0
Every heart beats true for the red white and blue! :P
stfuscrub420 0
16 your retrded
KiddNYC1O 20
#16- You're/You are retarded.* LOL
labratory5 0
hey 64 In soviet Russia .... nvm dick head
I_iz_B_a_troll 23
Op, I'm sure it sucks, but at least you'll probably come out of the bathroom with your life!
mamamiaaa_fml 12
Those terrorists. Getting more creative I see. Well I think the next step for us is to stop taking dumps. Just hold it in or throw it up or else we let them win. On a slightly serious note, although I don't agree with war, I would like to thank you (OP) for your service and hope you have a safe return!
MizzErikaHart 8
no more ********, or the terrorists win
labiscuit 15
Wow.
labiscuit 15
Wow @ scrub I meant. Is he serious...?
rickilynn 0
162 .. what was 64s comment?
x_Cupcakes 0
That's funny! Lol. (:
CitizenSnipz 0
No, it's not. TEH TERRORISTS ARE GETTING TACTICAL! They're striking with our pants down.
Siji 0
Lol XD
Alexweber929 14
Thanks for serving
AgeOfAquariusss 7
Uh, keep holding strong? :D
DaveEPIC 0
Oh shit...
Bear_Flu 0
I see what you did there...
boyguydudemalema 0
freaking taco
weasel690 0
Taco I had that tonight
stealthkitten 3
lol. That's sad, so this is what you get for joining the military. FYL indeed.
abc1231 2
well atleast somebody has the balls enough to save the united states right.. you shouldn't say that..
cooldukenukem 2
save the united states? he said he was in Iraq. and preventing clogged toilets. how's that going to save the U.S.?
anorexicbarbie 8
6 Eat shit, you don't know what you're talking about. Idiot.
crowbar87 0
96 the military isn't there to save the us. they are there to save the oil
mamamiaaa_fml 12
I think the military is doing what they are ordered to do. It's important that people are able to understand this. I don't agree with the war over there especially the justification used, but I have a lot of respect for someone (whatever the reason: to serve country, tuition money, just a job, etc) who has enough courage to go out there leaving friends, family, and all the comforts of home to go and fight, or perform whatever service in harms way. It takes a lot and it's not the soldiers' fault we are there it's the politicians so blame them JS.
CitrusGirl 0
Although I respect the military, we never had a legitamite reason to be in Iraq. We should leave that entire region and kick ass in North Korea.
JacksonCampbell 9
If I was God, I'd throw poo at you right now.
NJXD 0
which is going to become a necessity for you thick yanks once you rape the world of it's resources
foREVerA7X 0
Have you not learned from the Korean and Vietnam Conflicts nor the Iraq war? Fighting N.Korea(by avoiding massive innocent Korean casualties) will result In a loss towards the US. Not to mention the US would harm it's relations with China and Russia. The US cannot just keep shoving democracy on others. Its time the US sat back and stood out of it and let S.Korea, China, Japan and Russia handle the problem.
CitrusGirl 0
141- China has said that it does not support N. Korea. They know if they do that it will cause them huge economic losses because most of western civilization will stop trading with them. Yeah, we do have to do something about Korea. They signed a treaty saying they wouldn't make nukes, but they still did. The UN has done nothing to punish them for it. Also, I don't know if you watch the news but the conflict between the Koreas could be starting again soon. This isn't about democracy and shoving it down peoples throats. This is about world saftey.
MLuckyCapoeirist 6
Actually some wikileaks report stated that China is okay with the unification of S.Korea and N.Korea. Also Russia is not supporting N.Korea right now (at least that's what they said on the news)
fearfulsymmetry 1
I agree with #105 and #141. Kudos to you both. And 127, it stopped being patriotism a long time ago. Look up jingoism. That describes the United States perfectly.
Rehn 0
all civilians think they know what's going on. truth is u don't. the media tells u and u believe. the military is just a job that ppl signed up for bc someones got to do it. the only difference is that being in the military gives u benefits and also takes alot away.
llppjhddt 0
we tried kicking ass in nk, thousands of americans died. and if n.k got atracked the first thing they would do is throw a bomb at south korea
InfiltratedMind 0
my dad just got back from his second tour in Iraq. he says the people there during his first tour were very grateful to the soldiers for what they did(especially during the elections) so unless your a vet Idc about your opinion on the war.
MauriceWinifred 0
yay for 109'
Sexywifey91 0
Majority of the people stating their opinion on the north Korea situation don't even know what's going on! really stop believing the news you are idiots if you do... nothing is even going on in Korea all they are doing is sending American families home and just marking it as a red zone like it was before but again the news would say and over dramatize on what is going on. op thanks for your service my husband and I are in japan right now on deployment as well.
dodo116 16
Neither do you
paintballwarrior 20
I want to join the military to serve my country
illerThanTheirs 8
damn terrorist.
bh0p 0
Damn Insurgeons
BDTM 0
#7 lmao nice
ZleveL 0
99 I believe it's "insurgents"
Miss_Represented 0
The terrorists strike back by clogging toilets... It's either
Miss_Represented 0
... totally genius, or the worst set of battle plans ever
btnhdude 0
maybe the they're hinting at something, like, they don't give a shit? :O
firemanrob 0
haha atleast someone has a sense of humor
Antoine_Dodson 0
Japan already has toilet problems too, with there giant yodeling faces and whatnot.
smokeymcpottt 3
And their hatred for those dolphins!
kriptonite_fml 0
hahHa ray William Johnson reference
poolofblood 0
hahahaha ray Is the MAN
mamamiaaa_fml 12
Well. I think that Japan needs to be told to hide ya kids hide ya wife and hide ya husband cuz they cloggin errrybodys toilet out here. Go N tell THAT. Homeboy. Was that annoying? Good.
lalagirl912 0
17 made me think of a southpark episode... >.>
darkerkiller89 0
ray william johnson FTW
pdp_fml 21
That's terrible! I hope that someone catches that person.