Health: Today, I was riding to a prom with my friends in the middle of...

By iAMloud - United States

Today, I was riding to a prom with my friends in the middle of a swamp-covered area. I stuck my head out the top and screamed like they do in the movies. My hair, makeup, and mouth were quickly filled with bugs. FML

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Health

Mother of the year

Vulture

It is what it is

By estranger - United States

Today, while visiting my grandparents, my grandpa decided to explain to me the real reason that the old sofa I was sitting on had always been so discolored. He says they were bleach stains left while cleaning up the mess made during my father's conception. FML

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By fionnathehuman - United States

Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML

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By sober - United States

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

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By veggiegal - United States

Today, I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I pretended to have a heart attack so my baby sister would know when to call 911. When I fell down and started to pretend, she drank my soda instead of helping me. FML

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By more than I wanted to know - Italy - San Giustino

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

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By jessye1182 - United States - Yaphank

Today, I was babysitting, playing hide and go seek. I tried to jump behind the armchair, but it tipped, and I hit my head into the wind chimes, ripped the curtain rod from the wall, and smashed my knee into the wall. I lay on the ground in agonizing pain as the little girl shouted, "I know where you are!" FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, to give the illusion that I have friends, I wrote an outrageous status on Facebook, and then pretended it was the result of a friend hacking my page, all in the hope that it would get comments, likes or at least some attention. Nothing happened. FML

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By nomegusta - United States

Today, I unknowingly used my shampoo thinking it was leave-in-conditioner. While walking to work, it started to rain. I started to produce suds. FML

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By noespresso - United States

Today, after already having a terrible day, I went to Starbucks for an espresso. Being nice, I put the last dollar I had in my wallet in their tip jar. While paying for my drink, my card was denied for insufficient funds. The world hates me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was having motorbike lessons. We were parked by the side of the circuit when one side of my gloves dropped on the ground. I tried to pick it up without getting off the bike. I lost balance, fell off the bike and the bike landed on my leg, trapping me. FML

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By Lovesucks - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Is she better than me?

Today, I found out my boyfriend, who is buying me a ring for my birthday is buying my best friend a ring that cost 10 times more than mine. FML

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By Emily - Australia

Today, I got home to three boys riding bikes out in front of my house, smiling at me. I instantly thought they were checking me out, so I smiled sweetly at them. Turns out they were flaunting the fact that they just stole all 3 of our bikes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, despite having a stomach bug, I went into work, as my boss is overseas and had warned me not to take any sick leave until she returned. After 4 hours and vomiting twice, I left. She found out and sent me an email bitching me out for coming in sick. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hobbs

We got a reader!

Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML

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By mammasboy - United States - Springfield

Today, my mom scolded me and threatened to ground me for coming home past midnight. Normally, it wouldn't be unreasonable, except for the fact that I'm 24 years old, and that my parents live with me, in my own house. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dearborn

Today, I learned that if you go through your best friend's phone, you can find sexy texts and nude pictures between him and your girlfriend. FML

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By yum yogurt - United States

Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to eat a GoGurt. FML

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By Noname - United Kingdom

Not now, Kevin

Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Odenton

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

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By Anonymous

Freak out!

Today, I woke up with a high fever. My two year-old decided today was the day she would have one of the largest tantrums she’s ever had and threw yogurt all over the newly-refinished floor, my fiancé, myself and our cat Sebastian. Sebastian was not impressed. FML

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By Nate - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I have never read any of the Harry Potter books. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's for the third time in a week for a huge growth under my jaw. I have seen an urgent care doctor, an emergency room doctor and an ear, nose and throat specialist who all gave me different diagnoses. I've so far spent $300. FML

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By Moanie - United States

Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML

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By Sleep Walking - United States

Today, I found out that after drunkenly falling asleep at a guy's house, I not only slept-walked in his house, but I went upstairs into his parents room. And used their bathroom. I don't remember any of this, but his mom does. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Rooty Hill

Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML

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By jerdub93 - United States

Today, I was eating cereal while absentmindedly reading the box. I was amused when I found it expires on my birthday. Then I realized it expired on my birthday two years ago. FML

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By xoothc08 - United States

Today, I came back from college and visited my parents house. There was a new family portrait hung over the mantel of my parents and 2 sisters. My mom had always wanted one but always postponed it. It was dated the day after I left for college. FML

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By Unluckiest Guy of the group - United States

Today, my friends and I were having a conversation about which mythical creature would be the most unlikely to exist in the real world. They all collectively agreed that it would be a girl who is attracted to me. FML

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By homerr123 - India - Mumbai

Today, my manager rejected my leave application for Christmas. Later I found out that I'm going to be the only employee working at the office during Christmas. FML

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By cannotexplain - Australia

Today my boyfriend and I broke up. It was a mutual decision but I was curious as to what he thought went wrong. "I was just never sure if you brushed your teeth regularly." He cheated on me twice. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I discovered that Paolo has a big penis, that he's good in bed and that the hotel sheets still remember it all. Mum, the walls won't get any thicker just 'cause you're on the telephone. FML

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By muffin - Austria

Today, I baked strawberry muffins for my family, putting half a strawberry on each of them. Only when it was too late did I realize that they looked like extremely creepy breasts. FML

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By Caz

Today, I got on the Megabus for a 6-hour journey from London to Plymouth. I then realised I'd forgotten to fill up my water bottle and charge my iPod. It's a fully packed, sweaty hot loud coach. FML

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By faza4327 - Australia

Today, I was on my way home on my bike when a lady in a 4WD cut me off while beeping her horn and calling me a "stupid f**ker who should get a proper education." In her car, she was smoking, and her three children weren't wearing seat belts. FML

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By both are dimwitted - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Albany

Today, I was running late for school and accidentally ran a red light and got pulled over. I couldn't find the registration and was freaking out, when the cop told me that he wouldn't give me a ticket if he could give me some advice. His advice? Don't wear your shirt inside-out. FML

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By loner - United States

Today, in an effort to make new friends in my history class, I sat in the empty seat next to a friendly-looking guy. He got up, walked away, and sat down in a different seat. FML

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By Abr829 - United States

Today, I had just finished writing an essay for English. I was proud of it and thought it was one of my best works. I decided to show it to my mom, who is an English major. She read it, turned to me and said, "You know, if you actually want to go to UCLA, you're going to need to actually try." FML

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Top comments

By elainelovesyou | 7

#2203309 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:42

Well.. it was a swamp covered area. What did you expect?

By bugmefmlnotnow | 7

#2203303 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:41

idiot

COMMENTS

By shad93 | 3

#2203297 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:40

It happens!

cockoftherock | 0

#2203342 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:47

no you

rallets | 22

#2203405 - Saturday 19 March 2011 8:03

get a towel.. but check for bugs

MrBoredGuy | 1

#2203426 - Saturday 19 March 2011 8:09

yeah, you look like you get bugs in your makeup

quinnjamin10 | 2

#2203427 - Saturday 19 March 2011 8:09

Yeah, it's just practice for when your face gets cummed all over AFTER prom. Why would you practice with bugs? YDI.

L3Paparazzo | 7

#2203464 - Saturday 19 March 2011 8:18

their prom is ways to early. last year my prom was in late June! The Prom pics must be hilariouss

trick619 | 0

#2203584 - Saturday 19 March 2011 8:54

doesn't sound like there are too many people to yell and scream out the window to in a swamp area. probably didn't win kingqueen either. unless it was a redneck prom

sammy92 | 0

#2203655 - Saturday 19 March 2011 9:27

very true 32

ImaMonsterRawr | 0

#2203832 - Saturday 19 March 2011 11:02

I wanna know why she was going through a swamp to get to prom?!

rudegirlmania | 10

#2204241 - Saturday 19 March 2011 13:28

people do live in places like that, you know >_< but it sounded like she was just driving THROUGH the swamp, not IN the swamp...much safer to drive through it on a road than in it xDD

tulsafml | 0

#2205137 - Saturday 19 March 2011 16:30

1/4

SLKBlack96 | 5

#2207944 - Saturday 19 March 2011 23:15

62 is hot

wiggs5 | 0

#2208407 - Sunday 20 March 2011 0:48

haha 62 would say that.. :)

sammy92 | 0

#2214459 - Monday 21 March 2011 4:49

and y would I say that?

YacL | 15

#2613208 - Friday 3 June 2011 17:57

151- If you don't know, don't ask.

sammy92 | 0

#2778937 - Tuesday 28 June 2011 11:58

buahaha Ik. just wanted to c if he would man up and awnser lol

By bugmefmlnotnow | 7

#2203303 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:41

idiot

marmlr339 | 14

#2203366 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:54

exactly... only in America!

borkchop1992 | 15

#2203429 - Saturday 19 March 2011 8:10

you mean dumb cunt

ranger186 | 1

#2206858 - Saturday 19 March 2011 19:51

fuck you 20

franniedottp | 8

#2207450 - Saturday 19 March 2011 21:11

20, you're a dumbshit. only in Australia!

nerdface89 | 2

#2208645 - Sunday 20 March 2011 1:52

Except it says America.. too bad for you

By elainelovesyou | 7

#2203309 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:42

Well.. it was a swamp covered area. What did you expect?

HayItsJobin | 0

#2203516 - Saturday 19 March 2011 8:32

exactly.

j300zx | 0

#2203899 - Saturday 19 March 2011 11:42

The Swamp Thing

tmmundy | 17

#2204040 - Saturday 19 March 2011 12:35

lmao......too funny.

By FYLorYDIohno | 12

#2203310 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:42

Smart move.

TehGirreth | 0

#2216089 - Monday 21 March 2011 13:21

I hit YDI as soon as I read "just like they do in the movies".

By alicianoar | 7

#2203312 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:42

Vomiiiiiiit!!

jeffav51 | 0

#2209097 - Sunday 20 March 2011 3:19

thats why you question movies, tard

By BestestBuddy0 | 0

#2203321 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:44

I hope you didnt go to prom looking like a swamp lady

122409 | 0

#2203779 - Saturday 19 March 2011 10:20

that confused me a bit, too

DarkJoy_fml | 5

#2203893 - Saturday 19 March 2011 11:34

Perhaps not filled was the correct description, but if she caked on enough makeup she could get bugs stuck to her face.....yuck.

By Acousticpixie14 | 6

#2203323 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:44

Um...I can understand how your hair and mouth can be filled with bugs. I do not, however, understand how your makeup can be filled with bugs. Please, do explain....