Today, I was riding to a prom with my friends in the middle of...

By iAMloud - 19/3/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I was riding to a prom with my friends in the middle of a swamp-covered area. I stuck my head out the top and screamed like they do in the movies. My hair, makeup, and mouth were quickly filled with bugs. FML

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Health

Fairytale ending

Rich people problems

Higher standards

By googoogaga - 13/3/2010 15:13 - United States

Today, I went to IHOP for breakfast. As we were leaving, I realized a little girl took my Hello Kitty hairclip. For the next 5 minutes, I fought with an 8 year-old for a hairclip. She won. FML

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By hail - 27/12/2018 20:00

Today, I told my parents I was pregnant but don’t know who the Dad is. My Mom said “that’s alright, I still don’t know who your dad is”. So apparently my father isn’t my real Dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2014 17:56 - United States

Today, I was looking at some cellphones with my dad, when an assistant asked if we needed help. My dad said, "Yeah, does this have parental controls? My son watches some freaky stuff, some damn freaky stuff." I don't watch anything weird, but thanks for humiliating me, dad. FML

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By Pissy - 23/5/2019 06:05

Today, I thought my boyfriend wanted to be romantic by pouring a bath, getting in then calling me in. As I get comfortable, he stands up and gets out. At the same time, I notice yellow water. He'd pissed in the tub for a joke. FML

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By P4ntless - 26/10/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, I'm single. Last night, I decided it would be silly to leave my phone in my car before I went to my roommate's brother's birthday party. Highlights of the evening include: Beer Pong, a keg stand, and breaking up with my girlfriend via text message. I don't remember the last one. She does. FML

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By whykarma - 26/3/2013 21:17 - United States - Waxhaw

Today, my German Shepherd decided to bark at, then attack, a painted rock. At least I know I'm protected from inanimate objects. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2010 22:04 - United States

Today, my car wouldn't start, so I had to wait for AAA. Then, hurrying to pick up my brother, I got a $161 speeding ticket. Twenty minutes later, I got a call from him saying he didn't need a ride anymore. FML

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By fml9124 - 10/7/2020 08:01

Unreasonable

Today, my company published "return to work" procedures for when the pandemic stops. HQ is in Maryland, I live in Arizona. I have worked remotely for the last 8 years. My new boss didn't know this. He wants me to move back to Maryland or find another job. FML

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By nanall - 4/6/2012 07:19 - United States

Today, my 24-year-old brother tried to convince me that Hogwarts is real, because there is no way a person could have written that based on imagination. My parents agreed with him. FML

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By bananaface - 16/11/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I stood in line for one hour to get a new phone. It then took me 2 minutes to drop it and shatter the screen, and 2 seconds for the employee to look at, laugh, and tell me, "That Sucks." FML

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By spiderchick23 - 10/2/2011 00:41 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2010 00:44 - United States

Today, I attempted to be nice and hold a door open for a person in a wheelchair. He hit the button to open another door. While I pointed out that I would hold the door for him, I realized that the door I was holding open for him led down some stairs. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/7/2014 05:00 - Australia - Darlinghurst

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

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By Ishikur - 3/2/2016 13:33 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I tried to explain autism to my classmates. One of them, a professional cunt who's always looking for an excuse to lecture people, accused me of being "ableist" because my explanations weren't accurate, and said I shouldn't explain things I don't understand. I'm actually autistic. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2011 12:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend started to plan our wedding. We've been going out for 3 days. FML

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By TheRoad42 - 20/8/2013 12:54 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, when I got back to my dorm, I found a trail of ants trying to shove a dead roach into a power outlet. The front desk insists that there is no pest problem. FML

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By trgtyo - 18/5/2009 23:20 - United States

Today, I noticed my parents replaced my senior picture that hung on our livingroom wall with a painted one. Of our German Sheperd. FML

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By siighh - 6/7/2011 14:52 - Australia

Today, my dad came home from work complaining about all the people he'd seen. He said he doesn't understand why so many people with problems have to confide in him. He's a psychologist. FML

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By FianceFlaw? - 25/11/2018 14:00

Today, I went to the courthouse to apply for my marriage license and had my mother tag along with me. When I asked one of five security guards where to go, my mom looked at him and said,"You’re suppose to talk her out of it." Thanks, Mom. FML

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By NoPainNoGain - 17/9/2009 14:31 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. Apparently the medicines don't work on me. I woke up in the middle of the surgery and felt EVERYTHING. One of the nurses asked if I was okay, and the doctor just kept saying "Don't worry she's just dreaming", while tears were pouring down my face. FML

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By Jim Smith - 21/2/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I went for a run and took my shirt off part way through. The next person I saw was a nine year old girl playing outside her house. She looked at me and said, "Ewwwwww! Gross!" FML

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By TLJ321 - 18/5/2012 07:41

Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML

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By anonymous - 11/11/2010 14:27 - United States

Today, I found out the real reason why my brother wasn't at his fiancé's Halloween party. He's been in jail for the past 3 months. When was anyone going to tell me? FML

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By rainastartree - 23/12/2013 21:10 - United States - Crum Lynne

Today, my husband and I were fighting over money. As we were arguing, our 13 year old daughter stole $250 dollars from my purse. FML

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By SignificantShrinkage - 8/10/2018 03:00

Today, I found out that when you gain too much weight, your penis can get significantly smaller. After noticing that things had been "off" in the bedroom, my girlfriend and I decided to measure it. There was significant shrinkage. I guess it's time to start working out. FML

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By happytuckerhappy - 30/12/2015 00:41 - United States - Chandler

Today, I set up a profile on a dating app, stating that I'm awkward amongst other things. Within minutes, a guy messaged me. I was thrilled, until he started threatening me because he has Aspergers, and according to him, only they are "allowed" to be awkward. I had to delete my profile. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2016 16:05 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad told me to knock it off with my "stupid gangster walk", saying it made me look like an idiot. I didn't have the balls to admit I'd sharted my pants and was awkwardly waddling to the bathroom to clean myself up. FML

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By spandex - 24/3/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, I had to perform a skit in my class in which I have to wear tight spandex compression shorts. The class laughed pretty hard, and I felt like I had done a good job. Afterward, a girl I have a crush on said, "So the stereotype about Asian guys IS true." Through the fluorescent lights you could see my junk. FML

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By Dino - 12/10/2012 06:36 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2015 16:13 - United States - Inez

Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML

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By nolove4me - 29/6/2011 20:41 - United States

Today, I got asked on a date. I was later told we had to cancel. Why? My ex is parked in front of his house and he is afraid to leave. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2013 00:26 - Iceland

Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML

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By Tired - 25/12/2018 12:00

Today, was my first day off in almost a month. My husband and I spent all morning arguing then he left to his job saying he won't be back tonight. Apparently I'm being neglectful because I don't have the energy for sex after being the only one working FT, cooking, cleaning, and running errands. FML

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By Callum536 - 22/8/2016 09:51 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, it's my birthday and I'd invited quite a lot of my friends to come round and have some fun. When I got home, I saw a few cars outside. It turned out to be for the neighbours. I waited and waited; none of my friends showed up. FML

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By Kyle - 5/1/2012 06:58 - United States

Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2016 20:27 - United States - Covina

Today, my manager challenged me to make two big sales at work. Seeing as customers spend a lot of money in our store, I decided the challenge was fairly easy and accepted. She immediately started stealing all of my sales. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML

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By embarrassed - 21/7/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I was driving and saw two hot girls on the sidewalk so I rolled down the window to whistle at them. However, I failed to notice that the car in front of me had stopped at a red light. I rear ended the car, the girls ran away laughing their asses off, and now I have to pay for the damage. FML

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By thatgirl - 18/6/2016 21:19 - Canada - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend took me to get the abortion that we both agreed on. He was being so supportive through the whole thing. When it was all over I thanked him for coming. He replied, "Well that's what got us here in the first place!" He's still mad he can't tell anyone his joke. FML

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By June - 19/5/2009 21:51 - Canada

Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML

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Top comments

By elainelovesyou | 7

#2203309 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:42

Well.. it was a swamp covered area. What did you expect?

By bugmefmlnotnow | 7

#2203303 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:41

idiot

COMMENTS

By shad93 | 3

#2203297 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:40

It happens!

cockoftherock | 0

#2203342 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:47

no you

rallets | 22

#2203405 - Saturday 19 March 2011 8:03

get a towel.. but check for bugs

MrBoredGuy | 1

#2203426 - Saturday 19 March 2011 8:09

yeah, you look like you get bugs in your makeup

quinnjamin10 | 2

#2203427 - Saturday 19 March 2011 8:09

Yeah, it's just practice for when your face gets cummed all over AFTER prom. Why would you practice with bugs? YDI.

L3Paparazzo | 7

#2203464 - Saturday 19 March 2011 8:18

their prom is ways to early. last year my prom was in late June! The Prom pics must be hilariouss

trick619 | 0

#2203584 - Saturday 19 March 2011 8:54

doesn't sound like there are too many people to yell and scream out the window to in a swamp area. probably didn't win kingqueen either. unless it was a redneck prom

sammy92 | 0

#2203655 - Saturday 19 March 2011 9:27

very true 32

ImaMonsterRawr | 0

#2203832 - Saturday 19 March 2011 11:02

I wanna know why she was going through a swamp to get to prom?!

rudegirlmania | 10

#2204241 - Saturday 19 March 2011 13:28

people do live in places like that, you know >_< but it sounded like she was just driving THROUGH the swamp, not IN the swamp...much safer to drive through it on a road than in it xDD

tulsafml | 0

#2205137 - Saturday 19 March 2011 16:30

1/4

SLKBlack96 | 5

#2207944 - Saturday 19 March 2011 23:15

62 is hot

wiggs5 | 0

#2208407 - Sunday 20 March 2011 0:48

haha 62 would say that.. :)

sammy92 | 0

#2214459 - Monday 21 March 2011 4:49

and y would I say that?

YacL | 15

#2613208 - Friday 3 June 2011 17:57

151- If you don't know, don't ask.

sammy92 | 0

#2778937 - Tuesday 28 June 2011 11:58

buahaha Ik. just wanted to c if he would man up and awnser lol

By bugmefmlnotnow | 7

#2203303 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:41

idiot

marmlr339 | 14

#2203366 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:54

exactly... only in America!

borkchop1992 | 15

#2203429 - Saturday 19 March 2011 8:10

you mean dumb cunt

ranger186 | 1

#2206858 - Saturday 19 March 2011 19:51

fuck you 20

franniedottp | 8

#2207450 - Saturday 19 March 2011 21:11

20, you're a dumbshit. only in Australia!

nerdface89 | 2

#2208645 - Sunday 20 March 2011 1:52

Except it says America.. too bad for you

By elainelovesyou | 7

#2203309 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:42

Well.. it was a swamp covered area. What did you expect?

HayItsJobin | 0

#2203516 - Saturday 19 March 2011 8:32

exactly.

j300zx | 0

#2203899 - Saturday 19 March 2011 11:42

The Swamp Thing

tmmundy | 17

#2204040 - Saturday 19 March 2011 12:35

lmao......too funny.

By FYLorYDIohno | 12

#2203310 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:42

Smart move.

TehGirreth | 0

#2216089 - Monday 21 March 2011 13:21

I hit YDI as soon as I read "just like they do in the movies".

By alicianoar | 7

#2203312 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:42

Vomiiiiiiit!!

jeffav51 | 0

#2209097 - Sunday 20 March 2011 3:19

thats why you question movies, tard

By BestestBuddy0 | 0

#2203321 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:44

I hope you didnt go to prom looking like a swamp lady

122409 | 0

#2203779 - Saturday 19 March 2011 10:20

that confused me a bit, too

DarkJoy_fml | 5

#2203893 - Saturday 19 March 2011 11:34

Perhaps not filled was the correct description, but if she caked on enough makeup she could get bugs stuck to her face.....yuck.

By Acousticpixie14 | 6

#2203323 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:44

Um...I can understand how your hair and mouth can be filled with bugs. I do not, however, understand how your makeup can be filled with bugs. Please, do explain....