Miscellaneous: Today, I found out my grandmother doesn't wear underwear when... - FML

By Username - 13/09/2010 23:19 - France

Today, I found out my grandmother doesn't wear underwear when she bent over in front of me in her inappropriately short nightgown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 544

You deserved it 2 814

Vulture

Things can only get better

Mystery

Roommates from hell

By WTF - 30/12/2011 07:10 - United States

Today, I have to choose between getting a cellphone contract that I need, or a TV that I don't even want, but which my flatmates insist I contribute towards. The same flatmates who eat all my food. This increased grocery bill has left me unable to afford either the phone or TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 963

You deserved it 6 532

By GingerJ - 02/01/2012 01:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my parents that I wanted to donate blood. My dad helpfully interjected, "Sorry, they don't accept blood from gingers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 956

You deserved it 8 340

By some band player - 10/03/2014 02:09 - United States - Highland Park

Today, I had a music duet in front of a crowd and 3 judges. I play tuba and my partner plays the saxophone. He burst out laughing in the middle of it because one note that I played sounded like a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 219

You deserved it 4 596

By Anonymous - 13/06/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 366

You deserved it 4 914

By not anymore - 30/10/2015 23:29 - United States - Monroe

Spicy

Today, I made a Facebook post about my upcoming driving test. My grandpa said he knew I would succeed, prompting my idiot boyfriend to reply "For sure, she really knows how to suck seed ;)" followed by him liking his own comment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 370

You deserved it 4 825

By Anonymous - 25/08/2019 06:06

Today, my mother sat me down and told me, "I'm not going to lie, I hate living with you. Please get a job and move out." I'm 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 046

You deserved it 218

By Anonymous - 27/12/2012 22:54 - Australia

Today, while trying to take my Christmas tree down, I learned that at some point during the last few weeks, it became home to a colony of green ants. I'm now covered in bites and terrified to go anywhere near it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 088

You deserved it 3 131

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I forgot to take my wallet off the roof of my car and drove away, onto the highway. A man behind me began flashing his lights and waving his arms. I thought he was freaking out because I cut him off. I flipped him off. He was trying to tell me that all my money was flying down the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 677

You deserved it 84 623

By alison - 04/07/2015 05:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 794

You deserved it 4 896

By wedding leper - 23/01/2016 05:25 - United States - Tucson

Today, I woke up after a two-day drive to go to my cousin's wedding. The view is beautiful, there's mountains everywhere, and my new backless dress is gorgeous. Too bad the hotel has bed bugs and my whole body is entirely covered in bright red bumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 451

You deserved it 1 561

By moronforadad - 05/01/2013 02:04 - United Kingdom - Carshalton

Today, during dinner, my mum asked why I've been so upset recently, so I just admitted it was because my girlfriend had cheated on me. At some point during my venting, I asked why this stuff always seems to happen to me. My dad looked up from his plate and said, "Probably karma." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 740

You deserved it 6 428

By anonymous - 10/09/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, at school, everybody wanted to be my partner for a project. This surprised me because nobody ever wants to be with me. Turns out when I was absent, my teacher promised that whoever was my partner would get extra points on the project. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 932

You deserved it 3 346

By embarassedmuch - 30/10/2012 04:05 - United States

Today, I bought a new car, and before I left, the dealer offered to help me set up the sync. I agreed, but I really wish I'd remembered that my Bluetooth name is TitsMcGee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 698

You deserved it 27 626

By TheBeastSwaq - 31/12/2011 17:09 - United States

Today, I met my ex's new boyfriend. I was at work, cashiering at the movie theater that they were apparently having their first date at. We broke up less than 24 hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 744

You deserved it 2 613

By Joplin - 13/09/2010 19:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 917

You deserved it 6 214

By Jen - 09/11/2010 03:36 - Australia

Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 727

You deserved it 2 734

By cherokeems - 20/10/2015 18:28 - United States - Harriman

Today, my 8-month-old dog decided to decorate the living room by tearing apart a rented college textbook, the reference guide that went with it, and part of a color therapy book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 944

You deserved it 3 692

By food critic - 22/12/2016 14:26 - Australia - Ryde

Today, I saw my girlfriend's mother tagged at a restaurant, the same one I had suggested we try earlier in the week. At the time, she quickly shut me down because "that place sounds terrible". I guess she forgot that she finally added me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 684

You deserved it 582

By Lola - 23/07/2012 04:31

Today, my boyfriend bought us three kittens. Today, I also discovered that I am allergic to cats. My boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted the cats more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 727

You deserved it 4 325

By Anonymous - 23/08/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, my son hit my husband's shop-vac while pulling into the garage too fast. He was grounded for 3 days. Later, while trying to demonstrate how to park safely, I hit my husband in his happy sacks with the mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 878

You deserved it 39 515

Turn off

By whatdoesitmatter - 01/10/2013 10:47 - India - Erayu

Spicy

Today, my sex-crazed ex wrote me a letter so bad, it haunts me that I let a guy with such terrible grammar skills touch my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 067

You deserved it 11 946

Speed dating

By Anonymous - 27/11/2021 02:01

Today, I found out that the 28 year-old woman I hooked up with a week ago is a widow and her kids, who I’ve met once, have started calling me Daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 269

By bitchypast - 27/01/2015 23:50 - United States - Rockland

Today, is the blizzard. I have to go into work, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't show up. I sent him a picture of the snow completely covering my car. He said I moved the snow there and could move it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 323

You deserved it 2 245

By Anonymous - 03/05/2016 21:47 - United States - Eugene

Today, I got off work early to go home and surprise my girlfriend with lunch, only to come home to her in the middle of packing up all of her stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 842

You deserved it 1 260

"Shit ticket for one"

By Anonymous - 10/08/2018 15:00

Today, my household ran out of toilet paper so we have to shower after every dump. My mom just confessed that she does in fact have money for shit tickets, but won't buy any because it's the only way she can get my brother to shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 979

You deserved it 249

Going swimmingly

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 18:03 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was excited to go to swim after a long time of not doing so because of Covid restrictions. After changing into my trunks and putting my goggles on, I jumped into the pool straight away, while still wearing my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 589

Man of mystery

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 00:30

Spicy

Today, I found a video of my fiance staring into the camera while deep-throating a dildo, and then putting it other places. I have no idea who/what it was for, or how to talk to him about this, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with his disinterest in me lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 689

You deserved it 129

By Spatch - 24/09/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, my navy boyfriend, who's stationed in Italy, calls me to say he is in San Francisco and is coming to see me. After scrambling to get ready, he calls me back to say he doesn't recognize the train station. After searching on Google Maps, it becomes clear he's drunk at Oktoberfest. In Germany. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 149

You deserved it 3 251

By -insert clever nickname here- - 29/04/2012 23:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 450

You deserved it 14 935

By Anonymous - 29/04/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, as I was picking up my 7 year old daughter at my ex husband's house my daughter started crying saying that she wanted to stay with daddy forever. I asked why. She said her stepmom was a better mommy. Apparently the woman who broke up my marriage is now a better "mommy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 016

You deserved it 9 127

By torchy - 10/05/2009 04:48 - United States

Today, I treated myself to a spa day at home. First, I decided to do a hot oil treatment on my hair. I was leaning over the saucepan of oil on the stove when it flared up in my face. On the bright side, I no longer have to worry about plucking my eyebrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 810

You deserved it 52 641

Toxic masculinity

By BigGinge - 10/07/2021 22:01

Today, I'm depressed. After trying to talk to my boss about it, twice, as it has been affecting my work, I've been told to, "Stop thinking about it" and to, "Man up." He has also told me to come to him with any problems I'm having, and to be honest with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 136

By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 15:12 - United States

Today, I met up with an old high school friend who I used to make fun of because he put so much effort into his studies. Turns out he makes my annual salary in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 094

You deserved it 97 295

By Anonymous - 28/05/2017 19:00 - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was home from college and went to eat at a local mexican place. The manager started yelling at me about an unpaid tab. Apparently, my dad likes to drink there and skipped on his tab. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 624

You deserved it 285

By Anonymous - 23/07/2016 22:02

Today, what was meant to be a fun hour-long paddle with a friend turned into a 5 hour ordeal involving a coast guard helicopter, an ambulance, a hospital visit and a ruined canoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 849

You deserved it 1 364

Dad prank #9866

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Sweden

Today, I had to basically ground my own husband, after he tricked our 6-year-old son into getting his tongue stuck to a frozen pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 026

You deserved it 4 982

By tyler_powellROTC - 15/12/2016 03:43 - United States - Irving

Today, while practicing for a competition, someone decided to spin a rifle with a bayonet. I'm currently sitting in the ER with stitches in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 150

You deserved it 532

By roadkill - 28/02/2011 15:50 - United States

Today, an old lady hit me with her car, after which she said, "Oh! Not again!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 214

You deserved it 2 818

By jigglypluff - 19/11/2014 05:27 - United States - Omaha

Spicy

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 134

You deserved it 4 909

By masterfail - 04/10/2009 05:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 455

You deserved it 19 721

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Top comments

perdix 29

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:28

Was she picking up her Chap-Stick saying, "Oh, these old lips are so dry and chapped! Will you help your dear ol' Granny rub it on and get some relief?"

FreddyMustDie 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:09

you lucky bugger

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FreddyMustDie 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:09

you lucky bugger

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:20

lol 1 ops grandmas a dirty filthy prostitute slut whore! or my mom. Same thing.

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:29

what noooooooooo! my comment was filled with love and good intentions!!!! :( I'm sad now. I need hugs!

fuzzywazzy012 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:39

Ew

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:52

nice and wrinkley

MagneticGuitar 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 10:09

And we need to know this because..?

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 10:20

that's pretty nasty

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 10:26

30 I'm not wrinkly!!!! 34 YOU NEED TO KNOW 37 taco

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 10:33

39 I know I will but that won't be for awhile I'm only 20

omggitshayley 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 12:20

looks like it's time to buy granny a new nightgown...ahah. but that's reaaally gross. fyl.

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 13:27

did you hit that thing from behind? that is what I would of done

heynow00wellthen 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 14:28

Ok, that put the image of my grandma doing this in my head, and.. -shudders- Aren't grandma's supposed to be cheerful and good at baking cookies? Instead of flashing people in too short nightgowns?

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 14:46

did u proceed to hit it doggystyle

PieInTheSky24 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 17:59

I hate it when people do this but... 43 you're pretty :3 hehe x) anyways... mmm mmm mmmmm loose and floppy

piscesMMAguy_92 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 18:40

30 you are gorgeous haha! I love me sum Aussie!

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Wednesday 15 September 2010 1:20

y u checking out your grandma? ydi

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Wednesday 15 September 2010 4:57

GILF

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Wednesday 15 September 2010 6:41

No one deserves that!

rawrgoesthedinos_fml 0

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Wednesday 15 September 2010 13:04

116 - WIN.

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Thursday 16 September 2010 17:54

haha FTW

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:14

Perhaps they were curious about their grandmas panties, of lack of panties. Guess they're not anymore.

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:16

Good question, but some things are hard to avoid if they are completely unexpected.

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:18

Suprise :D

perdix 29

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:23

You mean you'll be staring at your grandmother's crotch, hoping for a free show?

kinkajoujennie 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:23

My grandma does the same thing in her lil' walmart nightgown!!!

singer4life666 0

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 10:40

So does mine! That's all she wears to bed too. I'm never going in her room again..

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:24

OH MY GOSH! THE IMAGE IN MY HEAD! GET IT OUT GET IT OUT!!!!!!!

Justincolon22 15

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 10:53

I have a friend in Singapore

Dragons_corner 6

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 10:59

haha you did the same thing I did. i hate felines and you over wieght just kidding. I got a cat and she will only eat if input it in her bowl and your beautiful, not over weight.

firegirl1993 21

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 14:32

I will never get that image out of my head!!!! XD noooooooooooo!!!!!!¡

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 17:58

75, I don't think anyone could. *sobs unconsolably* 55, Cats can be so picky! Its terribly strange how they can still be so lovable even with their mannerisms.

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:24

haha nothin like sexy granny fanny ;)

Justincolon22 15

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 10:52

that's fucking gross.

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Wednesday 15 September 2010 0:36

thats gross ill never b able to look at grandmas the same again

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:25

Grandmas are funny creatures.

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:45

yeah, I miss mine :-(

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:48

You can rent my grandma! She's British and always has candy on hand, although those two facts are somewhat unrelated.

perdix 29

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:51

Actually, nerdsGMH, those facts could be highly related if she has the stereotypical British teeth.

perdix 29

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:28

Was she picking up her Chap-Stick saying, "Oh, these old lips are so dry and chapped! Will you help your dear ol' Granny rub it on and get some relief?"

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:34

Those crusty-crusts.

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:37

LOL. i think i love you. :D

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 9:41

those sandy things!

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Wednesday 15 September 2010 9:10

Lolololololol. WIN

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Saturday 10 January 2015 15:05

I think I just died a little

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 29

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 22

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 194

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 263