Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML
Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML
Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML
Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML
Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML
Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML
Today, as I peeled a now soggy Band-Aid off my finger, I discovered that in the dim light of yesterday evening, I had, with great anxiety, wrapped it around the wrong finger. FML
Today, my brain-dead brother-in-law decided to play five finger fillet while at my place. Predictably, he ended up slicing a finger wide open. My mother-in-law now wants my blood, because she thinks I dared him to do it, and that clearly her perfect little angel couldn't be such a moron. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with Superglue. FML
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Top comments
RahmEsHestos 5
You don't play video games? Other than that, why not take your girlfriend out somewhere?
kimmi41509 10
Damn, how tight did you tie that string to rupture a blood vessel? The pain and loss of circulation wasn't any indication first?
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Comments (56)
Sports_girl03 4
What was your cover story...?
Killerturtle 11
I don't know if you have noticed. But this isn't twitter.
Akharr01 5
She should understand the real reason
holholmikan 11
How do you even have a girlfriend? :P
GoW_Chick 15
Boredom can be a very dangerous thing.
KiddNYC1O 22
Definitely. Ridiculousness has shown us lol.
l0v3p4in 7
Boredom + Stupidity = Medical Job Security Keep up the good work people! Ya'll are keeping me employed. Thank you. :)
HendricksProdigy 0
So is showing ur **** in a profile pic # 63
Awsumuzzie 12
83 can use x ray vision on pictures!? I'm jealous.
nvicious 12
Imagine if he had tried to 'guillotine' it, oh the stupidity. And also the agony, naturally.
bizarre_ftw 22
Who screams from rupturing a bloodvessle? I may just have a higher pain tolerance than most, and please tell me so if that seems the case, but that happened to me once and it barely hurt
l0v3p4in 7
It definitely depends on the blood vessel. It appears OP's was right there in the midst of a bundle of nerve endings. Either that or he was just weak. . .
musicluvr2000 11
For the sake of OP I'm gonna think he's just very weak
musicluvr2000 11
Wrong FML sorry
darthzerg 7
Your an idiot
Linkerdoodles 15
LOL. No, *you're an idiot. :)