Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my... - FML

By Anonymous - 29/3/2011 23:58 - Canada

Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML

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Relationships sink

DINOSAURS!!

Goodbye Bill

By diddlebuag - 27/5/2011 22:09 - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

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By eww657 - 16/12/2009 15:43 - United Kingdom

Today, it's the first evening that my husband and I will have without the kids in 8 months. We had been looking forward to it for ages, and my husband had even bought me some lovely new lingerie for the occasion. Guess what? I just got diarrhea. FML

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By anonymous - 24/10/2010 16:14 - United States

Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML

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By Penkkis - 13/9/2011 06:11 - Finland

Today, I was so lonely, I tried to hold hands with plastic "horror hand" I bought for Halloween. FML

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By fatman - 14/12/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, I was on a plane. The person sitting next to me was using the plane's wifi, and was on Facebook. They joined the group 'I hate sitting next to fat people on airplanes'. FML

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By zed - 9/9/2012 17:21 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I took a girl out to dinner. Halfway through, she sighed and asked if it was all an episode of Disaster Date. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2011 20:42 - United States

Today, I had to walk home in nothing but my snuggie and sneakers. FML

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By heartbroke - 3/11/2012 10:02 - United States - Erie

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

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By JWhite - 24/11/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and thought it would be a great idea to clean up the yard by dumping gasoline all over the leaves and lighting our entire front yard on fire. FML

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By TheWriter - 1/9/2017 04:30

Book club gone wild!

Today, during a family gathering, my mom, grandmother, and aunts started talking about an erotic novel they're all reading on Amazon. My cousin asked for the writer's name and I heard my pseudonym in response. My entire family is reading my horribly-written porn. FML

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By WalkingTalkingCarrot - 27/6/2011 02:15 - United Kingdom

Today, my 15 year old brother, visiting me for the weekend, thought it would be a great idea to switch my expensive moisturiser for fake tan cream. I'm going to work in 12 hours. I'm fluorescent orange. FML

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By he wasn't even playing - 7/12/2014 04:52 - Australia - Corrimal

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't be able to cover his share of the rent because he didn't work during the week, saying business has been slow. I checked and found out he called in sick four times. He wanted to stay home and watch online gaming matches. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2013 20:21 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML

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By daddy'sgirl - 21/6/2012 04:11 - United States - Memphis

Today, I was lecturing my high school students on the importance of a good education. I pointed out the janitor in the hall and told them if they didn't stay in school, they'd end up like him. Then one of my students raised her hand and reminded me that the janitor I pointed to was her dad. FML

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By forever alone - 9/5/2015 23:03 - Germany - Apolda

Today, my boyfriend told me that we wouldn't move in together as we had planned to do for a long time. His mother forbade it. He is 27. FML

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By StinkyandStupid - 15/3/2012 17:49 - United States

Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2013 13:57 - China - Shanghai

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

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By festival virgin - 29/5/2013 19:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I gave my boyfriend our festival tickets to keep hold of while I excitedly went home to get ready. He took someone else. FML

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By college0001 - 20/1/2016 06:06 - United States - Burlington

Today, my college roommate tried to kick me out, because what I say makes her uncomfortable. We haven't talked for 3 months. FML

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By Jake - 16/9/2013 19:08 - United States - Albany

Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML

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By mycedes - 26/10/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, was the last day of the prank war between me and my husband. I told him the last prank needed to be the best one. I took a shower and tried to think up my last prank. When I got out of the shower, my hair was green. FML

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By ohhhjaymo13 - 5/2/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn't anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2015 04:09 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my girlfriend of five years broke up with me, saying I've changed and she can't be with someone who's so emotional all the time. Well I'm so sorry that after two weeks, I'm not quite over my brother's death yet. FML

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By Chelsea - 27/2/2013 22:39 - United States - Aurora

Today, I walked outside to this guy attempting to steal my bike. When I asked him what he was doing he calmly replied, "I'm a bike inspector. You hooked your chain all wrong! This time is a warning; next time it'll be a ticket!" He then threw his full, opened Pepsi can at me. FML

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By wellokaythen - 14/5/2013 19:52 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML

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By Radgirl - 28/4/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried to impress a couple of hot fraternity guys playing football outside of their house. I broke out into a full sprint. I then got tangled in my dog's leash and fell straight in to a parked jeep knocking myself unconscious. FML

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By hollysofly - 15/1/2011 07:38 - United States

Today, I went on the first date of my life. I also burped during my first kiss. FML

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By sad trick Or treat - 1/11/2016 21:25 - Denmark

Today, I went to the ER to get my eye checked. Turns out I had a scratch in it. So, after sedation, I now need to wear an eyepatch. Too bad Halloween was yesterday. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 07:27 - United States

Today, I pulled over to help an attractive girl on the highway in the middle of nowhere. When I asked if she needed help she told me she was going to try starting her car one more time. She then started to make fake engine noises and told me that she was good to go and that I should be on my way. FML

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By whattabrat - 26/2/2012 05:16 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML

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By pizzagurl - 9/5/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2009 09:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2009 21:22 - Canada

Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. I began to eat when I noticed a blond hair in my food. When that happened, I went up to the counter and began complaining about their hygiene. When the manager insisted no one that works there had long blond hair, I realized that it was my hair. FML

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By Shameful - 18/1/2012 19:57 - United States

Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML

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By "Keira McArthur" - 25/12/2018 20:00

Today, my car fob died on me when I was going to get donations because my house burnt down two days ago, FML

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By RogerReady - 31/1/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, I was offered a job. It only took me a year and 17 interviews to get an offer, and I have a PhD. FML

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By Stuck - 8/9/2011 10:00 - United States

Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML

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By abby181 - 3/9/2011 14:36 - United States

Today, my six year old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside." FML

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By - 15/1/2017 08:00

Today, after getting home from shopping, I noticed a security tag was still on one of the shirts I bought. I decided to take it back and ask them to remove the tag. They then accused me of trying to steal (even after I showed them the receipt) and kicked me out of the store. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/3/2013 01:19 - France - Thionville

Today, my grandson visited me, and asked if I had any pictures of myself from when I was a little girl. I happily looked for a few photos to give him, asking what had piqued his curiosity. He replied that he wanted some for a presentation he's doing on the Middle Ages. FML

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Top comments

By shibainu519 | 0

#2265843 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:07

you should put fake gore on his d*** and see how much he likes it!

By notsoluckypup | 12

#2265845 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:08

hope he pays for the hospital bill...

Comments

By Lifeisntfair13 | 0

#2265837 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:07

ouch

Reply

Lifeisntfair13 | 0

#2265852 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:08

yay first !!!! sorry op your boyfriend is a asshole

Reply

bioboy725 | 10

#2265962 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:31

then your your head was covered in real gore from the huge-ass gash you got.

Reply

mamamiaaa_fml | 12

#2265979 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:36

29-thanks. I would have never understood had you not stated what the OP clearly implied.

Reply

C6Racer | 0

#2266248 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 7:42

She strikes again!

Reply

firecapez1 | 0

#2266478 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 8:40

This used to happen to me when i lost my teeth. I would go in the bathroom to wash out the blood, and then the next thing i knew i was laying on the floor with a hurt head from falling back and hitting the door.

Reply

JojoChuo | 8

#2266608 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 9:22

Ouch... so we've all learnt a lesson. don't play pranks! But gosh don't it feel gurrd ;p

Reply

Ahhmanwtf | 0

#2266770 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 10:48

man you're boyfriend should know you well enough to know it's really a phobia sorry OP!

Reply

craaazymonkey | 0

#2266803 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 11:24

drop-kick him

Reply

funnyFMLSplz | 0

#2270283 - Thursday 31 March 2011 5:05

The op's girlfriend just got 2 wins. nice. nice.

By shibainu519 | 0

#2265843 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:07

you should put fake gore on his d*** and see how much he likes it!

Reply

DrDiamond | 0

#2265878 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:12

^WIN

Reply

insanesna1l | 0

#2265899 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:17

just smash his head against the mirror and then bury him alive in a coffin. Before he suffocates I am sure he will see the lighter side

Reply

ydi_4_suking | 20

#2265913 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:20

he'll probably just think he had sex with a girl while she was on her period

Reply

rallets | 22

#2266007 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:43

grass on the field, play ball
when the river runs red, take the dirt path

Reply

musicbunny | 1

#2266082 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 7:13

:^D WIN!

Reply

Tuesdays76 | 0

#2266129 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 7:21

he will probably think it's a hand job with Ted lotion

Reply

Jamzmeish | 0

#2266209 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 7:36

Hand job from Chuck Norris xD!

Reply

i_love_grrr | 0

#2266244 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 7:41

^HIlarious!!

Reply

Airborn0280 | 18

#2266434 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 8:28

Lol, Awesome!

Reply

chickunkey | 0

#2266635 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 9:36

I wouldn't care if I woke up with fake gore on my face, as long as it comes off.

Reply

Tenaed | 7

#2266656 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 9:46

Win. ^

Reply

bobos_fml | 0

#2266759 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 10:40

you shuld really try. put some on his d***!!

Reply

penguinonastairc | 0

#2267067 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 13:05

79, OP thought it was real, dumbass.

By notsoluckypup | 12

#2265845 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:08

hope he pays for the hospital bill...

Reply

Grimmerie | 31

#2266534 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 8:55

that's right, bitcheses. we can go to the hospital for shits and giggles if we want. god, i love canada!

Reply

Randuhh_17 | 4

#2266805 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 11:25

^^^^
your comment amuses me. xp.
You win.

Reply

mattmadden | 0

#2268515 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 22:09

eey?

Reply

vettle | 6

#2270889 - Thursday 31 March 2011 7:00

yes but... you have to wait 9 hours to be seen by a doctor.

Reply

Grimmerie | 31

#2271905 - Thursday 31 March 2011 10:52

what stupid hospital are you going to? i went in a couple months ago with a migraine and was treated in 40 minutes.

By naughtia | 14

#2265862 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:09

haw haw

Reply

MC18 | 0

#2265977 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:35

haw hawww. your pic is so funnayy.

Reply

LoneStarTexan | 6

#2266087 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 7:14

yours is too :P

Reply

sammieInsanityy | 0

#2266236 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 7:40

haha^^

Reply

netherflame | 0

#2266483 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 8:41

Tonight, we die.

By KJLD5 | 0

#2265872 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:11

dayum. thats a keeper. oh hey. where did he buy the fake guts and stuff. i need some ;D ""evil laugh"

Reply

hellosir23 | 0

#2270086 - Thursday 31 March 2011 4:22

I like your pic :D

By Death_From_Above | 0

#2265888 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:15

Shi**y day!

Reply

ChantelRenaeee | 0

#2267130 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 13:22

your boyfriend is a douche!

By SaraaGurll | 0

#2265892 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:15

dumbasss!!!! XD

Reply

boredSOLDIER | 33

#2265908 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:18

no way that's you in that picture!!

By xoxoMEGANxoxo | 13

#2265907 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:18

wow...that sux, wat a dick.

By slinginmac14 | 0

#2265910 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:19

Eagle! hahahaha....

By lordcaliburx | 0

#2265914 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 6:21

did you develop an item that let's a car time travel shortly there after ?

Reply

Nychthemeron | 2

#2266063 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 7:04

I don't know whether to vote your BttF reference a win, or a fail because of how poorly you used the English language to do so.

Reply

lordcaliburx | 0

#2266226 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 7:39

well that all depends on who low your self-esteem is and how much you need to raise it to feel better about your self.