Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Today, and every day this week, my youngest daughter has been telling me about all the new friends she's been making and playing with at school. Her kindergarten teacher explained that when she misbehaves too much, they have been sending her to the other kindergarten class. This isn't the first punishment she's interpreted as a reward. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML
Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
Today, I was picking up my girlfriend's little sister at preschool. A student walked up to me, said, "Hello mister!", and lifted her skirt, showing me her undies. Before I could react, she grinned at me saying, "Buy me ice cream, or I'll scream and say you made me do that." Did I just get blackmailed by a 4 year-old? FML
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I learned my son has been picking on a girl he has a crush on. He apparently went too far, because she finally snapped and beat him up at recess. The teacher, who knew about this from the beginning and actively did nothing, is trying to throw me under the bus for being oblivious to my son's behavior. FML
Today, I learned that my 11 year-old daughter wrote a love letter to her teacher. Cute, right? It was an incredibly graphic letter where she asked him to "abduct her and chain her up in his basement." I now must find her a new school and a therapist. FML
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Top comments
The_Thinker 18
Does your daughter happen to overhear you and your partner's late night escapades, by any chance?
supbabes 0
Well at least her impersonation of "grown-ups" is spot on!
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Comments (228)
om102907 4
Really. Really. really, really, really. What fund do I need to give to so we can help your child?
tippy_pink89 2
It may not be abuse. Tons of kids have sex-play at a young age. They just know it feels good, and they know that "mommy and daddy" or "grownups" do it. They really have no idea what they are doing. OP, you just need to sit down and have a talk with her.
doodlecloud 27
And how do they know that what feels good to them is 'sex play' that 'mummy and daddy do'? Abuse isn't just being raped by a paedophile you know.
zaac15 2
She must have a bright future ahead of her
ma1_eatley 2
I wonder where she's getting that from mom...
ktizzley2k 8
You're daughter may become a *****. Stop it while you still can.
AzzieC 12
Yeah ur raising ur daughter "really well"
Sairagna 2
Only in California
ebfbruh 0
Can't blame her... That was my favorite game too in kindergarten.
SoultheWolf 19
You, or someone in your family, is oviously not being "private" about their sessions. If it's you then you completely deserve this! Learn to be a god damn parent! If it isn't you, and you have an older son (but I hightly doubt if if she's in kindergarnten) then find out who and get them to stop. Have a talk with your daughter and let her know that only "mommies and daddies" do those kind of things, and she isn't allowed to until she is much, much older.
StephLovesYouuxo 1
If she's doing that this young, then be prepared for like a 13-year old pregnant daughter
Dracoboxer357 36
163- I just wanted to say, you have the most uplifting profile I've ever read here on FML. You must have one amazing view on life, and for that, I think I envy you a bit. :) Cheers.