By TheDumper - 21/06/2012 10:02 - United States - Chandler

Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML
I agree, your life sucks 14 188
You deserved it 30 013

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And you plan on doing this for how long...?

if ur taking that big of a dump maybe its time to change your diet

Comments

And you plan on doing this for how long...?

abouttosleep 5

Until he is suspicious at how many times she goes to corner stores

Until he realizes that he has to go to another place to pee because he over fills the toilet.

Trisha_aus 15

Oh please most blokes I know clog the toilet, op can't keep living like this. Your bf should know that girls poop..and fart and..list goes on..

LO388 7

It's all about the safety flush OP.

Does OP plan on clogging the toilets in the corner store as well?

trolololololol92 0

14- wait! GIRLS POOP???? OOOHHH MYY GOD!

She mostly poops at night.... Mostly....

bigmackin35 0

15-girls don't poop it's a government conspiracy

My question is, where would she go in the middle of the night when she have to go for number 2?

Ozone1232 5

Who flushes?

Hey, when I'm at school I usually crap in the nurse's office. If I drop a stinker in the normal bathroom, I don't want neighboring classes to smell it then see me come out of the bathroom. :C plus the nurse's bathroom is a single bathroom. And it's also cleaner and has better toilet paper.

Lil_Red777 21

#153 that's just way too much into.

Lil_Red777 21

info** sorry hit the wrong word

I don't think clogging the toilet is that normal hey. If this happens to your regularly you should probably think of changing your diet a bit, or taking some supplements to help regulate bowel movements.

TheVelocirabbit 10

You're right. All of us girls don't actually "dump the truck". It has been hidden by the FBI for 50+ years that they can rewire the human body so they can't crap. They secretly gave pills to women so that would happen. It is ineffective for men, and they are currently working on that... Don't be surprised if you wake up with an extra arm.

153- first of all, how would anyone in other classes see you unless they're constantly looking out the door, second I doubt the stench would reach that far- you'd probably just stink up the whole bathroom, and third you must take gigantic shits for it to smell that bad

Well, I was exaggerating a little. I just like the nurse's better because there isn't a line. And you don't know how the school is set up. There are two classrooms on each side where the students face somewhat toward the door. And one classroom across where students do the same. And teachers usually have doors propped open. And I found that when students hear footsteps outside the door, they'll glance up to see if it's someone they know. So chill your balls, 208.

14- OMG, girls POOP!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been licking that hole for months thinking it's so clean and nothing comes out of it!!! Ouch I feel disgusted now after I've licked a lot :(

You phat phuck... What the hell do you eat? And think you're special cause you use the nurse's bathroom. I bet they suffocate in there with your stink bomb, then they have to clean your shit up...

1, Until she realizes to flush once or twice, during her business, so the toilet doesn't clog. She shouldn't be embarrassed. Everybody poops :-o!

OP, I'm going to assume you and your boyfriend are pretty serious if you're now living together. I don't think that's something you should have to hide. Couples are supposed to work together to find solutions you wouldn't otherwise come up with on your own. Even said problem is your irregular bowel movements.

Lmao get over it!

Flush while you're shitting!

It might not be the amount, so much as the width.... Ow.

Thursday737 7

104's comment made me lol so hard.

And the stores aren't?

I bet you get out of bed at the crack of dawn to put on a full face of makeup too... There comes a time in every relationship where you just have to show yourself warts and all. If your bf can't handle that... Move on.

Will get off my soap box now... Was getting dizzy up there.

IQWasJustLowered 0

200 that moment occurs after marriage.

#233, that's the dumbest time to start showing your true self.

What happens when he wants to try anal?

This is a legitimate question.

Pushinnnn it in lol

noisebox 1

And you know he will ......

Goes in white. Comes out brown...

aleeshttylXD 9

Eewwww lol XD #112, I'm eating vanilla fudge icecream :P

nancyschmancy 9

She can tell him no. Anal sex is not a requirement for a healthy relationship. My question is? Why not get a plunger and unclog the damn toilet herself before coming out? He wouldn't know, or care.

Anal sex isn't dirty unless you're being too rough anyway, especially if you've, um, cleared out the passage way before you go at it.

erockinthesuburb 17

Everybody poops, sometimes...

5, I thumbed you up I hope you were ripping off that everybody hurts song, that's how I read it in my head...

But she is like "full of shit" man!!!

54, I did the same thing. and now it's stuck inside my head and it won't go away!!

That's how I read it too. Gaaaahhh!!!

54, 161: there's actually a children's book called everybody poops. Read it sometime.

251, My sister is a teacher and has it in her classroom. Each year, her third graders are required to read it on the first day of school haha.

curlyfry33 8

I don't know about pooping, but Yoshi I know farts

if ur taking that big of a dump maybe its time to change your diet

drewnewton 0

or try taking more dumps throughout the day but for sure a diet change

They say that your diet makes who you are. Right now, OP is just a bunch of burritos and hot sauce.

Flush more often, problem solved.

Inheritance 10

50- how does taking more dumps change the fact that she produces large amount of crap?

then theyre seperated. and since when theyre seperated theyre smaler "portions" , the toilet wont clog up

Temi25 6

Try to get a bigger toilet

Psychology_13 8

Or chop up your poop in a blender before flushing! Just don't use the blender for food no more! c):{

That's got to be an extremely shitty situ- *gets stoned to death*

reallytho3 11

*plays taps*

flashback.miss 28

RIP, The_Thinker and OP, I can understand getting used to a new place to call home, going out of your way for the toilet is very extreme. If you're that worried simply take extra care to clean out the toilet.

ObsessedWithGays 7

Aw, when I saw your name I was hoping that you were actually going to reply in lyrics. :c

flashback.miss 28

read my profile... *sympathy pat*

Does he not wonder where you are scurrying off to all the time?

EnzaiFreak 1

He may think she's cheating in him.

Cheating in him? Damn those tiny fairies always stealing our women from inside us!

what if she has to poop twice in one day? how will she explain that?

a7xinsane 5

I appreciate your use of the word scurrying.

I assume someone who needs to poop and has to hold on until they get to the corner store would most definitely be scurrying.

day624 14

Get a plunger, some air freshener and Lysol. Turn on the vent fan for some noise while your going and voila your problems are solved! Also dont you think the corner store owners will start to notice how often THEIR toilets get clogged and pay more attention to whose using there bathrooms?

Muffle the sounds by putting a piece of toilet paper on the water in the bowl too! Helps a lot.

Arieah 17

Yeah but in turn that would clog the toilet more...

Just a piece wouldn't hurt.

sporty1200xlr 6

craphappened, your name is perfect for this FML.

missyj0 12

Lysol and the smell of poop is not a good mix.

GENIUS!! I was thinking the same thing, so great minds think alike!!

zappo1214 2

Srsly. It's not that hard you guys.

CaramelMacchiato 13

I know some people who do that. I tried that once, and it feels really weird. To me it feels like your "waste" is sprinkling onto your buttocks :P

You have a weird toilet then

It's not that hard to spell out seriously..

KiddNYC1O 20

15 is right. Don't let that sucker curl up.

1crabbygirl 10

Yes, the courtesy flush. Named so because of its uncanny ability to also keep odor down.

KiddNYC1O 20

Ah, yes, true. ^

flush in between - that's exactly what I was going to say, lol.