Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Today, and every day this week, my youngest daughter has been telling me about all the new friends she's been making and playing with at school. Her kindergarten teacher explained that when she misbehaves too much, they have been sending her to the other kindergarten class. This isn't the first punishment she's interpreted as a reward. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML
Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
Today, I was picking up my girlfriend's little sister at preschool. A student walked up to me, said, "Hello mister!", and lifted her skirt, showing me her undies. Before I could react, she grinned at me saying, "Buy me ice cream, or I'll scream and say you made me do that." Did I just get blackmailed by a 4 year-old? FML
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I learned my son has been picking on a girl he has a crush on. He apparently went too far, because she finally snapped and beat him up at recess. The teacher, who knew about this from the beginning and actively did nothing, is trying to throw me under the bus for being oblivious to my son's behavior. FML
Today, I learned that my 11 year-old daughter wrote a love letter to her teacher. Cute, right? It was an incredibly graphic letter where she asked him to "abduct her and chain her up in his basement." I now must find her a new school and a therapist. FML
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Top comments
The_Thinker 18
Does your daughter happen to overhear you and your partner's late night escapades, by any chance?
supbabes 0
Well at least her impersonation of "grown-ups" is spot on!
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Comments (228)
skyeyez9 25
You need to have a talk with her to see if she accidentally saw you and your hubby having sex, or God forbid, she is being molested and acting out the behavior.
Dracoboxer357 36
77- I truly hope she just saw mommy's shenanigans, as the possible alternative is leaving a sick feeling of disgust in the pit of my stomach. :(
kaikai234 4
My parents had to explain to me that I couldn't kiss my bf in Class 24/7 in kindergarten and I turned out fine (uni graduate and work full time) your kid will be okay op!
twinkiefeets 17
Ok you should NOT have a bf or be kissing in kindergarten! Unacceptable!
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
I had a boy I called my boyfriend in pre-school. Yeah, I didn't make out with him or anything. He kissed me on the cheek at pre-school graduation. And he played with me at recess. It's innocent.
mrsstaken 12
She must get it from her mama?
nichelback3505 0
Lol i did the same thing when i was young!
lilmslady 11
Wow I know what she going to be doing when she's older
zach8771 3
Look out when she's older
lowie89 7
YDI, why would you expose your 5 year old like that? Whether she learned it from you or the tv you should pay better attention!!! Now she is exposing other kids. Great job! Parent of the year!!
eccentrix 12
Why are you blaming the girl's mom and not the boys'? How do you know one of them wasn't the one exposing, so to speak?
lowie89 7
Reread it! The OP clearly says that the teacher said HER daughter was getting the boys to play grown ups...so why would it be the boys fault?! And by exposing I meant showing the boys to hump etc.. Not exposing herself.
ArbiterOfFML 24
Because, the boys could of shown her at an earlier point in time and this time the girl was caught. Unless you were there watching, god forbid if you did, my guess is as good as yours.
DrownedMyFish 18
Lol I did the same thing when I was younger. I'm embarrassed to admit it but it's true.
gracehi 33
Two words: Chastity belt
headeeeer 3
At least you know she likes men