Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Today, and every day this week, my youngest daughter has been telling me about all the new friends she's been making and playing with at school. Her kindergarten teacher explained that when she misbehaves too much, they have been sending her to the other kindergarten class. This isn't the first punishment she's interpreted as a reward. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML
Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
Today, I was picking up my girlfriend's little sister at preschool. A student walked up to me, said, "Hello mister!", and lifted her skirt, showing me her undies. Before I could react, she grinned at me saying, "Buy me ice cream, or I'll scream and say you made me do that." Did I just get blackmailed by a 4 year-old? FML
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I learned my son has been picking on a girl he has a crush on. He apparently went too far, because she finally snapped and beat him up at recess. The teacher, who knew about this from the beginning and actively did nothing, is trying to throw me under the bus for being oblivious to my son's behavior. FML
Today, I learned that my 11 year-old daughter wrote a love letter to her teacher. Cute, right? It was an incredibly graphic letter where she asked him to "abduct her and chain her up in his basement." I now must find her a new school and a therapist. FML
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Top comments
The_Thinker 18
Does your daughter happen to overhear you and your partner's late night escapades, by any chance?
supbabes 0
Well at least her impersonation of "grown-ups" is spot on!
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Comments (228)
beclaurela 18
Lovely parenting.
llamaduckllama 1
At least when she's older she won't be that weird kid in high school who's clueless during health class!
jaytee1994 9
Must have learned somewhere..
ThisBeAUsername 6
Time to switch schools!
maclieberman 5
well it looks like ur daughter is gettin an early start lmao she learns fast!
rcgirl2 11
Is this what kids do nowadays? When I was in kindergarten, we played jump rope, tag, and hopscotch.
leilaostara 1
Sounds like Libby.
Derrrrrrp32 6
Must have seen you doing that
dmandan 4
Yea ... I saw it !! Just didn't know
dmandan 4
Thank you...! You are awesome, I've asked before- but all I received was funny dumb ass answers...!