Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Today, and every day this week, my youngest daughter has been telling me about all the new friends she's been making and playing with at school. Her kindergarten teacher explained that when she misbehaves too much, they have been sending her to the other kindergarten class. This isn't the first punishment she's interpreted as a reward. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML
Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
Today, I was picking up my girlfriend's little sister at preschool. A student walked up to me, said, "Hello mister!", and lifted her skirt, showing me her undies. Before I could react, she grinned at me saying, "Buy me ice cream, or I'll scream and say you made me do that." Did I just get blackmailed by a 4 year-old? FML
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I learned my son has been picking on a girl he has a crush on. He apparently went too far, because she finally snapped and beat him up at recess. The teacher, who knew about this from the beginning and actively did nothing, is trying to throw me under the bus for being oblivious to my son's behavior. FML
Today, I learned that my 11 year-old daughter wrote a love letter to her teacher. Cute, right? It was an incredibly graphic letter where she asked him to "abduct her and chain her up in his basement." I now must find her a new school and a therapist. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
The_Thinker 18
Does your daughter happen to overhear you and your partner's late night escapades, by any chance?
supbabes 0
Well at least her impersonation of "grown-ups" is spot on!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (228)
sinner92 4
Wow talk about fail. But you don't really know if it's cause of the mom. Kids these days are getting more sexually advances then before. I started hearing about sex when I was in third grade with other classmates. My understanding of it was get naked and wiggle. You could also look at the steroids and harmons they are putting into food. In my opinion it's speeding up the development process.
zombieinahearse 3
Keep an eye on her for her benefit. I was doing the same thing in kindergarten and lost my virginity a year later. Her dad wanted to kill me. Haha
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
I didn't even know first graders knew what sex was. I thought that would still be the innocent age. Honestly, I didn't know what sex actually was until 6th grade. And I didn't know what a penis looked like until 7th or 8th.
uglycrow 5
Oh my god
Dracoboxer357 36
130- Really. I'm to believe that you made a new account with your one single comment being to inform all us FML readers that you lost your virginity at 6 years of age (of your own free will) and that's the gospel truth? Forgive me if I'm wrong, and for being cynical, but I call bullshit. :p
Silverangel007 3
I've never laughed so hard reading comments. You guys are epic! On a serious note: OP, get that kid checked out pronto
Trtny25 7
I would suggest talking to your daughter. Kids don't just invent this game out of no where, she either witnessed this behavior and is copying it or somebody has been playing grown ups with her.
lexi365 20
I'm not saying this is true or not but I believed in school we learned that is one of the signs of sexual abuse. I would ask your daughter that and get help if it's true.
csi_fml 19
Nice parenting YDI.
KiddNYC1O 22
Can't be sure.
1vballstar 2
Whoops
ImSoEffedUp 10
Wow... Wonder where she picked that up at... Kids aren't as dumbs as u think.....and they're not always sleep either....
aleeshttylXD 9
Obvious Poopstain
aleeshttylXD 9
Obvious Poopstain