Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Today, and every day this week, my youngest daughter has been telling me about all the new friends she's been making and playing with at school. Her kindergarten teacher explained that when she misbehaves too much, they have been sending her to the other kindergarten class. This isn't the first punishment she's interpreted as a reward. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML
Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
Today, I was picking up my girlfriend's little sister at preschool. A student walked up to me, said, "Hello mister!", and lifted her skirt, showing me her undies. Before I could react, she grinned at me saying, "Buy me ice cream, or I'll scream and say you made me do that." Did I just get blackmailed by a 4 year-old? FML
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I learned my son has been picking on a girl he has a crush on. He apparently went too far, because she finally snapped and beat him up at recess. The teacher, who knew about this from the beginning and actively did nothing, is trying to throw me under the bus for being oblivious to my son's behavior. FML
Today, I learned that my 11 year-old daughter wrote a love letter to her teacher. Cute, right? It was an incredibly graphic letter where she asked him to "abduct her and chain her up in his basement." I now must find her a new school and a therapist. FML
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Top comments
The_Thinker 18
Does your daughter happen to overhear you and your partner's late night escapades, by any chance?
supbabes 0
Well at least her impersonation of "grown-ups" is spot on!
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Comments (228)
The_Thinker 18
Google is your friend. But not being an ass and all, it stands for Original Poster - the author of the FML.
UnluckyIrishKid 9
Original Poster
jessicawuvsya 0
Kids copy stuff at a young age I say get a room !!
NIRVANA1990s 1
don't let her go to college when she is of age :p
GVirdi 11
Or OP could set better examples and let her go to college to get an education
siberianhamster 17
Nearly 30 comments on FML and you've never seen the abbreviation OP before?
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I hope you don't yell dirty things when your doing a love session. She might catch on to that as well.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
You're*
Myo_fml 20
You should warn her that that's an excellent way to get cooties. Kids are still scared of cooties, right?
Ninjasaurus18 9
Idk, the other day I saw a seven year old making out with her boyfriend and then took a picture of them kissing on her iPhone for Facebook.
Myo_fml 20
Time to find a way to mutate the big then.
Myo_fml 20
Oops, bug*** Difficult typing on an iPod. Blasted touch screens.
MissAmz 7
I would be a very concerned parent if my child was displaying adult behavior like that. : /
zandalee 20
Why? It's normal.
doodlecloud 27
Just because it's normal for a child to imitate adults doesn't make it right for her to imitate such things. What if her parents were drug users and she wanted to play 'ciggies and syringes' at school?
simmer333 0
Well I assume things, so I knew (or assumed) it meant that but never the right term. Till now
SunshineDude 3
Gee I wonder where/who she learned/heard that from haha