Today, I found my concert tickets that I've been trying to find...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found my concert tickets that I've been trying to find for the last 2 weeks in my mom's closet. When I asked why she had them, she said she felt the concert was inappropriate for me so she hid them. I'm 20. FML

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Money

Messed up

Walk on the wild side

Reverse psychology

By sliceddice - Denmark

Today, I was crying because my cat died. My boyfriend cupped my face in his hands, looked me straight into the eyes and said, "I love seeing you cry." FML

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By Knaxer - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when a guy cut me off at a light. I honked and swore at him when a bug flew into my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband told me the reason he'd been meeting his high school sweetheart behind my back and lying about where he was was out of respect for me. He thinks I'm ungrateful for not appreciating the lengths he's gone to to hide this. FML

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By dating a pussy - United States - Maryville

Scream

Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Walnut

Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my driving test. Completing the test, we returned and parked at the testing facility. As my tester was complimenting me, I leaned down to wind my window up, catching my long hair in the window. Frantically thrashing, I put the car in drive and floored it into a concrete wall. FML

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By Sarah - United States

Today, my manager bailed on me during the afternoon rush; swamped and distracted, I cut off the pad of my thumb in a cheese slicer. Some clinic hours later I returned, hungry and sick with blood loss, to sign WC papers. Manager's only words: "You're staying late to cover your long break, right?" FML

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By Venus

Today, despite the fact that I live with my parents and pay rent, my mom decided the best spot for my brother, his wife and one-year-old son was my bedroom. So I'm sleeping on the couch, because it would, "take too long to clean her room." FML

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By hopeless romantic - United States - Dayton

Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Windsor

Today, the guy I like shoved me out of the way so he could talk to another girl. FML

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By perverted teenage girl

Today, my crush was giving a presentation in class. I zoned out and began staring off into space - which happened to be in the exact direction of his crotch. When I realized what I was doing, I quickly looked up at his face. He was already looking at me, with an expression of severe discomfort. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Darlinghurst

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while serving a rather large party at the restaurant where I work, I mentioned that the soup of the day was "to die for". After the hosts gave me weird looks, it dawned on me that the reason they were wearing all black is because they've just come back from a funeral. FML

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By shook - United States - Clermont

Today, I crashed into a pole on purpose as a cop pulled me over for speeding. I figured the officer would feel bad for me and that the cost of fixing my car would be less than a ticket. He gave me one anyway. FML

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By Rachal - United States

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

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26690

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By Coryj1220 - United States - Louisville

Today, while working at Dairy Queen, a customer asked me what was so special about our ice cream cakes, and how they're different from regular cakes. I chuckled, and told her it's because they're made from ice cream. She threw a fit, which resulted in me being written up and sent home early. FML

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42960

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By Congrats? - United States - Charleston

Today, I discovered that my father is getting married. Overjoyed and confused because I didn't know he was dating, I called him up to congratulate him, and ask who she was. Apparently, his soon to be fiancée is my mother-in-law. My wife is not happy. FML

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By Domo731 - United States - Johnson City

Kinky.

Today, I drank from a soda can that was on my floor. Unfortunately, it was my boyfriend’s pee. He was too lazy to go to the bathroom. FML

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By balkangirl94 - United States

Today, a guy tried to seduce me by talking about incest. FML

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By Anonymous - Guatemala - Guatemala City

Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML

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By fuck off, for real - United States - Ft Mitchell

Today, my girlfriend dumped me by text for another man while I was at work. While I worked the drive-thru, a customer noticed me choking back my tears and said "I'd be cryin' too if I worked your dead-end job." FML

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By needs_another_loan - United States

Today, while I was at work, my wife discovered you cannot put out a grease fire with water. I came home to a frantic spouse, a fire department bill, and a newly destroyed kitchen. FML

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By juliet - Canada

Today, my theatre teacher made me go on stage even though I had a violent stomach flu. My understudies were unreachable, and she threatened to fail me if I did not perform. Halfway through the first act, I vomited on the first row. She failed me for letting the cast down. FML

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By terpity12 - United States

Today, I rescheduled my doctor's appointment for a tetanus shot to go camping with my friends. While running on a path at the camp site, I stepped on a rusty nail that went right through my shoe and into my foot. Maybe I should have kept my appointment. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I let a friend cut my hair. I soon went from having a 'fro to looking like I lost a fight with a lawn mower. FML

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By stupid - Ireland

Today, I walked to school in -5 degree weather, snow up to ankles, for an exam. The school had closed and warned all the parents, but mine didn't tell me, because it was "funnier". FML

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By drama king? - United States - Bolivar

Today, I had a friend "dump" me over Facebook. She apparently thought we were dating. I'm a gay man who's lived with his partner for 5 years. She says I have commitment issues. FML

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53438

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By Fluory - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I chose to date him. After going on for five minutes about how unique and funny he is, I ask him the same question. His reply? "You were the first person to ask me out." He then rolled over and fell asleep. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hayward

Today, due to plumbing issues, I had to choose between a goosebump-inducing cold or skin-blistering hot shower. This is the 7th day in a row. My husband says it shouldn't be more than another week before he "gets it figured out". FML

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By Gary - Canada

Today, I was walking next to this building that was getting renovated, and read a sign that said "Watch out for falling debris at all times." While I was watching out for debris, I fell down a staircase. FML

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By Anon - United States - Denton

Today, after nearly a year of being stalked, harassed and even terrorized, the police finally found out who my stalker was. It was my 19-year-old son, who thought it would be a fun prank to pull. FML

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By yepintheladiesroom - United Kingdom - London

Today, I used a public toilet. After I did my business in the stall and walked out, I was confronted by the sight of a man standing on tip-toes, holding his penis up to the automatic hand-dryer. Doubt I'll get that image out of my head any time soon. FML

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By sickpuppy

Geometry

Today, I learned the hard way that when sick, throw up, then have diarrhea. Not the other way round. FML

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By Dakota

Bad Day for a Good Boy

Today, on my way home from work, I went to the car wash. When the spray jets hit the car, my dog jumped out of his crate, into the front seat, and onto a button lowering both back windows. I got both an exterior and interior wash. FML

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By Anonymous - Israel

Today, I went on a date with a woman. She brought along her stuffed rabbit, and introduced us. FML

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42836

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By no more tp

Today, I ran out of toilet paper in the bathroom. I was forced to use tissues to do the job. As if that wasn't bad enough, the sanitizer in the tissues gave me a rash that made me have to stand up frequently in the lecture hall. Several people asked if I had Tourette's. FML

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By FuckMyEyes - Australia - Sydney

Today, I walked in on my sister plucking her nipples. A shame I didn't get a big fuck-off bottle of brain bleach for Christmas. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML

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By Chan - United States

Today, I spilled hot coffee all over this man at work. I tried apologizing and saying it was an accident, but he then complained, which resulted in me being unemployed. The man I spilled coffee on was my uncle. FML

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By RotoRooter - United States

Today, I was about to get it on with a girl in the bathroom of my friend's house at a party. Just when things started getting heated, a pipe burst. Literally. There was water everywhere and everyone had to evacuate the building. I was cockblocked by poor plumbing. FML

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Top comments

By evanwilliams | 4

#65939 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:13

Stop living with your mom if you're so grown up you big ass.

By neonoodle | 0

#65940 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:13

looks like it's time to move out.

COMMENTS

By evanwilliams | 4

#65939 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:13

Stop living with your mom if you're so grown up you big ass.

By neonoodle | 0

#65940 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:13

looks like it's time to move out.

By acid_burn_fml | 0

#65943 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:14

Hahaha, move out buddy. And this is by all means a FAIL.

By jSOPURE | 3

#65953 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:15

Mama's boy!

:)

romskiies | 0

#1048986 - Tuesday 29 June 2010 21:50

op is a girl lol

fail

Justine94_x | 31

#3537572 - Thursday 3 November 2011 20:31

Except OP is a girl...

By TheEmoPrepGirl | 0

#65954 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:16

Wow, that sounds like something my parents would do to my brother. He's 20 too. I hope they don't do that to me!

By blargity | 0

#65956 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:16

maybe s/he was only visiting their mom?

aalijahraj | 10

#1725705 - Saturday 20 November 2010 7:35

wish so

By fuckXemoXkids | 0

#65958 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:16

#1 2 and 3 are right jesus christ move the fuck out

By ciao_bella12 | 0

#65968 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:18

i agree, it's about time you move out and get a life.

By whizmountain | 0

#65971 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:19

too bad you live with your parents.

By Joo_bean16 | 0

#65986 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:23

They left out the fact that the tickets were 300 dollars. That is crucial information.

Anyway, that sucks so much. It like actually makes me angry for you.