Money: Today, I found my concert tickets that I've been trying to find...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found my concert tickets that I've been trying to find for the last 2 weeks in my mom's closet. When I asked why she had them, she said she felt the concert was inappropriate for me so she hid them. I'm 20. FML

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Money

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Who's a good boy?

Family extension

By Ham - United States

Today, I received a letter from my college telling me that my instant tuition was revoked and I’ll have to pay almost twice as much next semester. Yesterday, I received the same letter. I guess they needed to tell me twice. It hurt just as much the 2nd time. FML

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By RyanM - France

Today, I found out what people really think about the beard I've been proudly growing for over a month. It appears that my face now looks like an unshaven ballsack. FML

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By Rabzouz - France

Today, I opened a packet of cereal and it exploded on my keyboard; now, my keyboard crackles. FML

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By hrtbrkn - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me because "god told him to." What god didn't tell him was that I would check his e-mail and find all the e-mails to and from his new girlfriend. FML

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By yvon la moto - Spain - Madrid

Today, I set my car's speed to 125km/h to pass the speed camera announced by a road sign. Sure of myself, for a laugh I flipped the bird as I went by. When the flash went off, I realised that the speed limit was 110 km/h, not the usual 130 km/h. FML

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By Crappyfayman - United States

Today, someone gave me a note to pass along to a girl in class. The note had the girl's name surrounded by hearts. When I gave it to her, she assumed it was a love note from me, and said "Not in a million years, fat ass" before I could say it was from someone else. FML

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By halfie - United States - Pigeon Forge

Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML

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By Andrew Williams - 11/12/2020 14:01

When nature calls

Today, as I was walking to go look at Christmas lights in my neighborhood, I really had to go number two. I called my dad to come and pick me up. I couldn’t hold it in much longer, so I took a crap in the sewer in the street. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Ridgeland

Today, a woman left our first date just because I didn't like the same character as her on a TV show. FML

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By loganHchrist - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. They thought it would be funny to pretend that they're nudists. FML

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By Anonymous

Missing the point 101

Today, I told my mom I lost 30 pounds because of an eating disorder. She told me to keep up the good work. FML

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By WIno - United States

Today, I have discovered things not to do while drunk. Like shaving my legs. FML

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By hadtocleanthemess - Canada

Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML

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By amy

Today, I had a dream about sleeping, which is a dream I have frequently. I’m exhausted even when I sleep. FML

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By counterproductive - 21/9/2020 11:01 - United States

Intense

Today, after I'd finally decided to see a doctor about my anxiety and insomnia, I was so nervous about what the doctor would think of me that I had anxiety attacks that kept me from sleeping a wink all night. I ended up oversleeping and missing the appointment I was so nervous about. FML

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By BlueBallMcGee - United States

Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my driver's test. I was so nervous that I peed my pants halfway through the exam. FML

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By imaqtb - Canada

Today, I was working at a restaurant. This guy comes up to the counter and asks if he could have some toothpicks. I told him they were right in front of him. He said "Sorry, I'm blind." Thinking it was a joke, I laughed until he said "No, seriously." FML

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By JennieA

Today, I woke up to all 4 of my wheels stolen from my car. The thieves were kind enough to leave the car resting on wooden blocks and bricks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend decided it was funny to burp in my face. The burp was actually vomit. We were in the food court at the mall. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Pinner

Today, as always, I'm so flat-chested and childlike in appearance that my boyfriend successfully passed me off as his little sister to save money at a restaurant. FML

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By Fred - Japan

Today, I went into a crowded store and tried out a blazer. I was thinking to myself how hot I looked in it when the manager tapped me on the shoulder and politely said, "Excuse me sir, that's a ladies' blazer." FML

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By Shannon - United States - Dearborn

Today, a customer called the restaurant I work at to ask if our coupons were always valid, or if they expired on the expiration date printed on them. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2020 04:01 - Canada - Brampton

Cum hoc ergo propter hoc

Today, I fell down my stairs twice after helping a senior get in her car. FML

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By struckbystarzz - United States - Taunton

Today, my stomach started to hurt. When I got home, my parents had company over, which I had to rush past to use the bathroom. After being in the bathroom for about 3 minutes, my mother yells to me from the other room, in front of the guests, "Are you OK in there?" I'm 27. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in a meeting at work. In the middle of our CEO's speech, I farted. Everyone heard including my boss, who looked over and said, "Do you have anything else you wanted to add?" FML

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By 751920 - Canada

Today, I found out my girlfriend's password for okcupid is "i_love_mike". My name is not Mike. FML

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By Jenna - United States

Today, I was making pudding and accidentally spilt some on the floor. I had no idea until I slipped in it, throwing the bowl of pudding on my head. My mom promised to take me to the hospital as soon as she got a picture. FML

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By scaredy cat - 9/8/2020 14:02

Wuss

Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML

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By "Noelle Diane Irwin"

Today, I just found out that my sister slept with the guy that I have had a crush on for years and that she may or may not be pregnant with his child. FML

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By Taylor Easley - United States

Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML

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By HkxAliso0302 - China - Beijing

News from China

Today, I've been trapped at home for almost two months because of the epidemic. Now I'm thrilled just to get to go outside to throw garbage away, as if I'm going on a trip. FML

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By Aaron - United States - Matthews

Today, I decided to talk to a girl at the gym I had seen there a lot. I walked up to her at the station she was at and asked her out to dinner sometime. I didn't realize she had been wearing headphones. She took them off and asked if I was waiting on the station. My courage left. I said yes. FML

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By imamonster1992 - United States

Cheers!

Today, my boyfriend got rejected by his dream college. In an effort to comfort him, I told him that he is incredibly smart and that it's their loss. He replied, "Of course you think so, you're an idiot!" FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I had to explain to my 22-year-old boyfriend that mice do not grow up to be rats. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom bought me pepper spray in case anyone tried to "mess" with me. I put it in my purse. Later, a guy snatched my purse before I even had the chance to take out the pepper spray. FML

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By mammasboy - United States - Springfield

Today, my mom scolded me and threatened to ground me for coming home past midnight. Normally, it wouldn't be unreasonable, except for the fact that I'm 24 years old, and that my parents live with me, in my own house. FML

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By yikes78 - United States

Today, I went to Macy's to buy some bras. After I paid, the old lady cashier noticed there was pen on one of the bras. By accident I blurted out "It's alright. No one's seeing them." The old lady nodded back in agreement. FML

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By Braced - United States

Today, my dad and I were shovelling snow off the roof. I told him I was going to jump off the roof. He told me to go ahead, so I did. He failed to tell me that the snow was packed and wouldn't break my fall. I now have an injured back. He didn't tell me because he didn't think I would actually do it. FML

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By Thanksiguess

Today, I told my dad that I'm pregnant. He shook his head and said, sadly, "What a waste. You're way too young to throw your life away like this." Silly me; I was worried that at 46 I might be too old for this. FML

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Top comments

By evanwilliams | 4

#65939 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:13

Stop living with your mom if you're so grown up you big ass.

By neonoodle | 0

#65940 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:13

looks like it's time to move out.

COMMENTS

By evanwilliams | 4

#65939 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:13

Stop living with your mom if you're so grown up you big ass.

By neonoodle | 0

#65940 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:13

looks like it's time to move out.

By acid_burn_fml | 0

#65943 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:14

Hahaha, move out buddy. And this is by all means a FAIL.

By jSOPURE | 3

#65953 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:15

Mama's boy!

:)

romskiies | 0

#1048986 - Tuesday 29 June 2010 21:50

op is a girl lol

fail

Justine94_x | 31

#3537572 - Thursday 3 November 2011 20:31

Except OP is a girl...

By TheEmoPrepGirl | 0

#65954 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:16

Wow, that sounds like something my parents would do to my brother. He's 20 too. I hope they don't do that to me!

By blargity | 0

#65956 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:16

maybe s/he was only visiting their mom?

aalijahraj | 10

#1725705 - Saturday 20 November 2010 7:35

wish so

By fuckXemoXkids | 0

#65958 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:16

#1 2 and 3 are right jesus christ move the fuck out

By ciao_bella12 | 0

#65968 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:18

i agree, it's about time you move out and get a life.

By whizmountain | 0

#65971 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:19

too bad you live with your parents.

By Joo_bean16 | 0

#65986 - Sunday 29 March 2009 1:23

They left out the fact that the tickets were 300 dollars. That is crucial information.

Anyway, that sucks so much. It like actually makes me angry for you.