Love: Today, I gave my ex-girlfriend two concert tickets to show her... - FML

16/12/2010 05:51 - United States

Today, I gave my ex-girlfriend two concert tickets to show her I still care about her and want to win her back. She sold them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 563

You deserved it 44 469

Mother of the year

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Batman

15/05/2013 20:12 - United States

Today, I called my mother to tell her that I got engaged. In the 15 minute conversation that followed, 13 were spent listening to how this is going to affect her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 403

You deserved it 3 325

Go away, creep

By Anonymous - 22/12/2020 05:02 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I learned that my stalker is still trying to weasel their way into my life even after they doxxed me, cyberstalked me, harassed me, threatened me, and attempted blackmail on me. All this just because I told them that their boyfriend groomed me when I was a minor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 68

Baby New Year?

By Fiona the Deceived - 30/05/2018 19:00

Today, I found out that my birth date was entered incorrectly, and I’ve been believing that I am a year older than I really am. I’m actually 14, not 15. How did this happen? Both my parents and the doctor got the year of my birth wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 260

You deserved it 239

24/10/2011 01:37 - United States

Today, I went to the hospital with severe chest pain, thinking it was a heart attack. Turns out now I just can't have booze, pop, chocolate, fruit with skins, seeds, tomatoes, or mint. I'd rather have the heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 918

You deserved it 4 052

28/01/2017 12:00

Today, I was feeling depressed, so I decided to go snowboarding with friends to cheer myself up. I fell on the first trail and broke my dominant wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 767

You deserved it 560

26/04/2014 12:28 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, I realised that when I asked my girlfriend 4 months ago if was she on the pill, she thought I meant hay fever tablets. I'm going to be a father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 385

You deserved it 30 279

28/11/2013 00:25 - United States - Gallatin

Today, I found out the position I thought I had earned by working hard was only to separate me from my coworkers because I "talked too much". Instead of addressing the issue like adults, I've essentially been put in time-out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 911

You deserved it 8 001

15/12/2016 01:59 - United States - Granite Bay

Today, I stooped to pick up an earring back off the ground. It was actually a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 902

You deserved it 1 115

24/07/2010 10:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 073

You deserved it 74 621

23/01/2016 05:25 - United States - Tucson

Today, I woke up after a two-day drive to go to my cousin's wedding. The view is beautiful, there's mountains everywhere, and my new backless dress is gorgeous. Too bad the hotel has bed bugs and my whole body is entirely covered in bright red bumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 444

You deserved it 1 561

30/08/2009 05:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 783

You deserved it 9 354

14/02/2010 18:05 - United States

Today, I opened the freezer for some Poptarts and a giant block of meat fell and broke my toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 919

You deserved it 6 831

I'm not drunk, you're drunk!

By katieemw95 - 23/09/2019 04:00

Today, I came home from partying all night, having stayed completely sober. My Dad, blind drunk, told me he was proud of me for staying sober. He claims to have been sober longer than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 317

You deserved it 106

29/05/2012 17:10 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, I was driving home, when some kid on a motorbike shot in front of me from the pavement, almost running me off the road. When I confronted him, he screamed, "Watch where you're going next time!" If I could flush every last one of these human turds from the toilet of life, I would. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 463

You deserved it 3 456

18/02/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, my grandmother called. She greeted me by my mother's name. When I told her it was not my mother, she apologized and corrected herself, but this time she addressed me as my sister. When I told her it was not my sister either, she said "Sorry, wrong number" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 427

You deserved it 3 320

03/05/2017 16:00

Today, I decided to clean the whole house as a surprise for my mother. When she came home, she screamed at me and called me a bitch because she had wanted to clean it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 957

You deserved it 358

15/06/2015 02:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 611

You deserved it 2 395

Nice husband you've got there…

By dididikaisik - 01/08/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, I received a call from my husband of 10 years from prison. He sobbed on the phone as he explained to me that his anger got the best of him, and couldn’t control himself. He beat the pulp out of a classmate of his for declining a date with him, and sent her to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 89

07/07/2009 18:33 - United States

Today, I saw a spot on my computer screen. I tried to use my finger to rub it off. Then, I tried using my nail. Then I tried to windex it off. I continued scratching at it with my nail. A half hour and one scratched screen later, I realized the spot was part of the webpage I was looking at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 739

You deserved it 68 444

* backs away slowly *

By tima - 27/06/2018 01:30

Today, I went to visit my long-distance boyfriend for the first time. His room is decorated top to bottom with swastikas and confederate flags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 845

You deserved it 850

16/11/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my mother. She asked me if I was going to make it to Christmas at home. I told her that I would try and make it home since it would be my grandma's last Christmas alive. To my luck, grandma was sitting in the car with my mother, and speaker phone was in use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 568

You deserved it 37 812

10/02/2016 16:57 - United States - Avon

Today, there was an issue with the sewage system at work. It smelled like somebody took a turd, left it in the sun to marinate, threw up on it, then put in the air conditioning to fill the store with nauseating stink. I nearly threw up multiple times because we weren't allowed to leave early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 228

You deserved it 1 364

13/09/2012 06:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 709

You deserved it 4 626

At will

By Anonymous - 29/08/2020 17:02 - Poland - Polska

Today, I was fired for asking HR to move me to another department, due to my manager's unethical behaviour against me. The alternative was shut up and look for another job. Which I have to do now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 578

You deserved it 119

11/10/2012 05:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a haunted house opened up next to my restaurant and they've gotten into the habit of scaring me as I'm cleaning up at night. They stay open for another month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 789

You deserved it 2 206

Do as I say…

By Anonymous - 25/08/2020 02:08 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my mother woke up again in a bad mood due to the quarantine and went off on how us siblings complain about each other all the time. Truth is, she's the one complaining non stop about whichever sibling is not in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 308

You deserved it 106

12/08/2009 06:01 - United States

Today, I came home on leave from a 7 month deployment to Iraq. I wanted to see my girlfriend today, but she needed to spend time with her sick grandmother. As it turns out, her sick grandmother and my cousin are the same person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 544

You deserved it 3 532

09/07/2012 21:06 - United States

Today, I'm accused of vandalizing a cop car during a night of partying, and in so doing, violating my parole. While talking with my lawyer, who I spent all my savings on, I said he could hire better than his hideous secretary. Turns out she's his wife. I think I'm now more screwed than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 084

You deserved it 61 029

05/03/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, an elderly gentleman walked into the UPS Store where I work asking to use the laminating machine. I explained to him that we keep it behind the counter and I would do it for him, when he produced several graphic photos of him having it off with nasty looking women to be laminated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 004

You deserved it 4 369

03/02/2013 16:27 - Serbia

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 639

You deserved it 5 423

21/02/2016 21:48 - United States - Merrimack

Today, I found out that my friends only hang out with me so they can play with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 698

You deserved it 2 400

09/08/2018 03:50

Today, my girlfriend and I were laying in bed. She rolled over and began rubbing my chest. She then said, "Wow babe those are a solid B-cup." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 590

You deserved it 855

12/01/2014 11:04 - United States - Dickson

Today, trying to get some much needed rest, I heard my neighbors fighting loudly. When they finally quit, they left a DVD on, directly behind my wall: Spongebob, with the menu tune on loop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 133

You deserved it 3 853

29/06/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, the cable repairman came to fix my cable which has never worked well. The entire time he was talking about how much extra money he got the "fat bitch who moved here 6 months ago" to pay for her cable. I moved in 6 months ago. I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 091

You deserved it 3 435

12/01/2012 00:31 - United States

Today, I decided to get my ass in shape and went to the gym. I got motion-sickness on the elliptical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 043

You deserved it 5 785

18/04/2015 03:12 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, my fiancé freaked when he noticed the tattoo on my wrist, and demanded to know when I got it. It was two years before we even started dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 861

You deserved it 2 656

03/08/2014 18:49 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 517

You deserved it 49 854

10/01/2010 05:35 - United States

Today, I finished up a week of this new "Liquid Foods" diet I learned about from a friend. After a week of denying myself of my favorite foods and eating only non-fat yoghurt and smoothies, I have not only gained 2 pounds, but have diarrhea. Just in time for my anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 391

You deserved it 31 657

Gordon Ramsey is furious

By sunitgir - 21/10/2019 06:00

Today, my mother decided to cook dinner for us and used rice that she had in her cupboard. While helping out, I stirred the dish and noticed black flecks. Turns out they were rice weevils. She tried to convince me it was "burnt garlic" and served it to the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 582

You deserved it 127

Go forth and NOT multiply

By MirandaKristine - 06/03/2020 12:31 - United States - Miami

Today, my dad handed me my refilled birth control prescription. I thanked him, and he replied, "Well, God forbid you run out and reproduce." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 301

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Thursday 16 December 2010 12:59

If you still care for her then ask her to the concert instead of buying her to tickets, she might not have the same feelings as you do. So YDI

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Thursday 16 December 2010 13:03

you deserve it for not getting over her. get a life and move on bro. she obviously doesn't want anything to do with you...

Comments

greengirllove 4

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Thursday 16 December 2010 12:22

wow

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Thursday 16 December 2010 13:00

what did you expect? "Awww you are so cute do you want to go together!" she's your ex for a reason dude get over your self

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Thursday 16 December 2010 13:13

you got it easy. i gave my ex herpes and a deep hatred of of men

letsgododgers213 0

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Thursday 16 December 2010 15:48

16= win!!!!

Superflyshyguy 0

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Thursday 16 December 2010 16:14

Triple post :D

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Thursday 16 December 2010 17:18

Next time don't give her tickets to Justin Bieb---Never mind too easy.

KaleidoscopePope 0

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Thursday 16 December 2010 17:43

I don't see why people keep trying to go back to each other once they break up. When its over its over.

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Thursday 16 December 2010 12:40

suck a <3

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Thursday 16 December 2010 13:26

<3 means heart 'tard..

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Thursday 16 December 2010 14:23

#20 wins!

iSpasticFantasti 14

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Thursday 16 December 2010 14:57

#4 I 8=D your use of text smilies, you stupid <3. Yes, I can clearly see how the above sentence made sense. PS: Sarcasm button has been pressed.

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Thursday 16 December 2010 15:30

I honestly thought that <3 was a dick and balls hence saying suck a <3

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Thursday 16 December 2010 19:40

#20 I like your profile pic lol

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Thursday 16 December 2010 12:41

you should talk before you spend.

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Thursday 16 December 2010 12:44

ydi for buying her lady gaga tickets.

stephanie911_fml 0

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Thursday 16 December 2010 15:28

iLoveGaGa( : but I love Drake&Waka even more< 3

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Thursday 16 December 2010 16:52

gaga is what's wrong with music now a days. I can't believe a cross dresser like him has so many fans.

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Thursday 16 December 2010 17:02

your just jealous

KaleidoscopePope 0

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Thursday 16 December 2010 17:44

I don't see how waka has fans...and I'm not jealous.

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Thursday 16 December 2010 20:51

62 speaks the truth

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Friday 17 December 2010 15:49

Lady GaGa is the shit...ur just jealous that u can't and never will be like her!!!

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Monday 20 June 2011 6:25

All you have to do to be like her is dress like its Halloween everyday

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Thursday 16 December 2010 12:48

your a retared man. what do you expect?

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Thursday 16 December 2010 15:58

I always enjoy these. YOU'RE RETARDED. YOU'RE!

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Thursday 16 December 2010 22:51

9 win.

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Friday 17 December 2010 3:06

Retared? Did you mean retard?

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Friday 17 December 2010 8:12

99, given that the word "tared" means "Weighed; determined; reduced to equal or standard weight", 7 must have meant to imply that OP had been stripped of his luggage to return him once more to his unencumbered weight, so he could be weighed again. Pretty obvious to me.

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Thursday 16 December 2010 12:51

You should never show them that you still care, that's exactly what they want. They love to see you hurt.

MoroseMoose 47

Thursday 6 October 2016 21:09

YES. The best way to get someone back is to act like you don't care about them, and that you're fine with the breakup. Or, you know, accept that it's over and move on. You should probably do that one, OP.

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Thursday 16 December 2010 12:59

If you still care for her then ask her to the concert instead of buying her to tickets, she might not have the same feelings as you do. So YDI

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Thursday 16 December 2010 13:01

Aww :( oh well, she clearly wasn't worth it then.

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Thursday 16 December 2010 15:12

no...

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Sunday 19 December 2010 11:24

pretty pic :)

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Thursday 16 December 2010 13:03

you deserve it for not getting over her. get a life and move on bro. she obviously doesn't want anything to do with you...

iheartglasses 0

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Thursday 16 December 2010 13:06

Either she broke up with you and you should have known better than to cry over it, or you shouldn't have been such a complete dick when you broke up with her. Thats the only two reasons I can think of for her not at least giving a chance to go as friends or something. Ill have to say you deserve this...

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 380

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 69