Miscellaneous: Today, I was so bored, I sewed my name into my underwear. FML - FML

By Anonymous - France

Today, I was so bored, I sewed my name into my underwear. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

Taking stock

RIP in peace

By Broon - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, on the brink of a stiflingly hot summer, I've come to a terrible realisation. It seems the apartment I've just moved into has been specially insulated to trap enough heat inside for the occupants to survive the planet's next Ice Age. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a social event with a very attractive male co-worker. Things were going awesome, we were flirting and really hitting it off. Then his 'wife' called. FML

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By cutup - United States - Gainesville

Today, I tried to trim my dog's nails. After about a half hour of barking, biting, and general freaking out, I gave up and decided to pay someone else to do it. I'm a vet, and do this for a living. FML

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By anonymous - France

Today, I was in bed, thinking about my crush and playing with myself, when I remembered the complicated spreadsheet my boss asked me to make tomorrow. That got me more excited than the thought of my crush. FML

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By RootalyTootToot

Today, after slipping on my stairs and spraining my ankle, I got a brace and crutches at urgent care. When I went to get into my car, my crutch slipped on some paper and I fell. I crawled back into urgent care, only to learn that my sprained ankle is now broken in 2 places. FML

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By cazorp - United States

Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML

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By Foxy Lady

Today, I had to help train a new employee at the register. It got busy so I had to take my eyes off her for a few minutes. At that time she managed to let someone walk out with $150 worth of fabric. I couldn't catch the customer. FML

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By Forever sad - United States

Today, I learned that my mother might not live much longer. My boyfriend, instead of showing compassion asked me, "We're still having video chat sex, right?" FML

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By awkword - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

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By ositsranielle - United States

Today, while I was painting, my little nephew came in and started watching me. I left to clean my brushes. When I came back into the room, my nephew had spilled paint all over the carpet making a rainbow. It took me 5 hours to clean it up. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a moth was flying around my house. Annoyed, I picked up a shoe to crush it with. The moth landed on a light fixture on the ceiling, so I made my move. Dead, the moth slipped gracefully through air and onto my head. So did the light fixture. FML

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By Burnt - United States

Today, while changing a light bulb, I was electrocuted. I screamed before I blacked out. My entire family was home and heard me scream, but didn't come and check because they were too busy watching Glee. FML

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By need an appendickectomy - Finland

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for months. It all started while I was in the hospital, he says, because we were supposed to go out that day, but then I "had to go and get sick". He blames my emergency surgery for his infidelity. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was taking the final exam for one of my classes. The teacher came over to my desk, grabbed my test and ripped it in half. Then he grabbed my hand and read the note I had written on it to remind myself to pay rent. FML

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By Geezum Crow

Today, I found out my school's financial aid had a "misunderstanding" of my finances, I can no longer afford to pay half of my bills or pay for Christmas. FML

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By Wisconsin love - United States

Let me Slytherin

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

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By Jordan - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, my boyfriend told me that he believes getting kicked in the balls is a scientifically-proven method of birth control. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bakersfield

Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML

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By

Today, in an effort to spice up our love life, I greeted my husband at the front door in lingerie and stilettos. He took one look at me and asked if I wanted him to shovel the driveway before it snowed again. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - La Marque

Today, my boyfriend called me anti-social. To prove him wrong I texted one of my friends. She texted back, "Who's this??" FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

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By May - 10/1/2021 20:01

Cart Narcs will get ya!

Today, my dad forced me to leave my empty shopping cart in the middle of a store, rather than return it to the corral. My dad’s word is law, and all I can think about is how much of an asshole I am. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my hateful mother-in-law showed up unexpectedly. I faked taking a phone call so the bitter old hag would leave me alone. She then pulled out her phone, called my number, and glared at me as my phone rang against my ear. FML

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By purrykitty - United States

Today, I tried to spice things up in the bedroom by making love to my husband in a tight leather corset. I ended up passing out. FML

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By rikitsumiatsu

This is the rhythm of the night

Today, my wife showed me a video she took of me last night. I was shit-faced, dancing half naked to '90s club music in the middle of the street at midnight. She won't stop laughing at me and replaying the video. FML

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By das_shizzle

Wake up call

Today, I woke up to my husband trying to bite my forehead in his sleep. My response? I slapped him hard in the face. What a way to wake up. FML

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By peepants

Today, I was in a public restroom with my one-year old. I had no idea he could reach the lock until he opened the door and ran out. In my haste to catch him, I not only peed all over my pants that were still around my ankles, I faceplanted on the nasty, moist bathroom floor. FML

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By Ben - United States

Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while I was in the shower, my boyfriend decided to join me. We were really getting into it and he attempted to lift me up. Not only did I let out a massive fart, he slipped and fell on top of me. He won't stop laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Austin

Today, my 12-year-old son was shot in the foot. After hours of not talking, including to the police, he finally told us that his friend accidentally shot him with his dad's gun, and that he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to "lose any street cred by snitching." FML

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By anti88 - United States

Today, I reached the point in my life where Target is the "expensive" store. FML

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By almostkilledmyself - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I realized something: when other people are drunk, they dance around and make out with people. When I'm drunk, I apparently think it's a great idea to chew on electrical cords. FML

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By unlucky - United States - Alpena

Today, I'm going to be helping the love of my life pick out an engagement ring for my cousin. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2020 17:58 - Singapore - Singapore

Technologically challenged

Today, during my Zoom PTM my teacher screen-shared his Chrome tab, in which he had opened porn instead of the presentation he had to open, and now mom wants to change my school, where I've been studying in for past 10 years. FML

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By dedeanne08 - United States - Newark

Today, I received some new snow boots I had ordered online. When I opened the package there was only one boot in the box. FML

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By jan420 - Norway - Moss

Today, I paid a surprise visit to my parents, after having moved out for university last year. My room had been stripped bare and all the family photos featuring me were missing from the wall. When I asked why, my mom asked me in return why I was asking stupid questions. FML

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By babbling idiot - Canada

Today, I approached a hot female security guard and attempted to compliment her new tattoos. Instead of saying, "Nice tats", I ended up saying, "Nice tits". My HR meeting is tomorrow morning. FML

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By ritualdevice - France

Today, I have to train people overseas to do my job. If I succeed in teaching them what they need to know, then they get my job and I get fired. If they don't perform well, then as the trainer I get blamed, and get fired. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2021 11:01

Yellow

Today, a friend of mine has stopped brushing his teeth, because, "animals don’t brush their teeth either." You know what else animals don’t do? Smoke a pack of Marlboros a day. FML

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By slypher25aussie - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a furniture store. We split up for a bit, and after a while I went to find him. A salesman noticed I seemed to be looking around for him and said, "Oh, your son is upstairs." We're the same age. FML

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Top comments

By 1Tsk | 0

#620359 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 10:19

You sir, are pathetic

By fleshandfantasy | 0

#620367 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 10:23

at least you'll always know they're yours?

COMMENTS

By 1Tsk | 0

#620359 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 10:19

You sir, are pathetic

Reply

neonokku | 0

#620488 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 12:41

that's really stupid. you can work on your studies, work out, fix your hair, take a walk

or even eat

get off your high horse and get a job

Reply

White667 | 0

#620531 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 15:20

Well next time you're bored do a little research on how to correctly use a comma.

Reply

bugmenotmofo | 34

#621375 - Thursday 15 October 2009 1:49

This should be on MLIA (mylifeisaverage.com) not Fmylife

Reply

winterharte | 0

#821303 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 10:12

I wouldn't call him/her pathetic... ok yes I would but that's just because I'm an asshole. Anyways, I would just call him/her pretty stupid xD Just read a book or take a walk or some shit, sewing is lame. :D

Reply

2gether4ever | 0

#984981 - Monday 26 April 2010 4:41

how the hell is the FML??????
;)

By k2cool_87 | 0

#620362 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 10:22

pathetic just doesnt cut it.....

Reply

tulsafml | 0

#2096127 - Friday 18 February 2011 14:47

he's french

By wtfismyfml | 0

#620363 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 10:22

boredom makes us do crazy things

Reply

isantorin | 0

#620366 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 10:23

this. :D

Reply

x0stormbringer | 0

#620430 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 11:26

anddd
THIS xD

Reply

millyXD | 0

#620437 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 11:36

and this.

Reply

nabzilla | 0

#620551 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 15:43

i agree. this as well.

Reply

iSpaceShuttle | 0

#675313 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 4:56

And This! Is Ariel XD

wait; what are we saying This For = ?

Reply

KatieKhaos | 0

#1898772 - Tuesday 28 December 2010 1:25

Because this is awesome

By fleshandfantasy | 0

#620367 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 10:23

at least you'll always know they're yours?

By liveBabylon | 0

#620377 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 10:29

AWWWW That's adorable :)

By _Noon_ | 0

#620378 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 10:29

Awesome haha. This reveals a new level of boredomness.

By LemonadePink | 0

#620382 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 10:32

Why didn't you just make paper snowflakes? or take a walk? or fucking something man haha.

Reply

redbluegreen | 40

#620404 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 10:45

Fucking something? Good suggestion.

By mehXP | 0

#620390 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 10:36

this belongs on mlia, not fml :P

By Luckster | 0

#620391 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 10:36

Eh...at least you did something with your time. I just take a nap when I'm bored.

By WonderBlunder | 0

#620396 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 10:42

Props to OP for knowing how to sew.