Today, I decided to snack on some MandM's. I saw my dog sniffing... - FML

By Anonymous - 16/4/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I decided to snack on some MandM's. I saw my dog sniffing something and realized one of my MandM's had fallen on the floor. To prevent my dog from eating the chocolate, I hurriedly snatched the MandM off the ground and ate it. When I bit down, I realized it wasn't an MandM. It was a dead beetle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34844

You deserved it

59931

Tweet

Share

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Banished

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

By doh - 10/1/2009 05:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my alarm went off. I snoozed it, and went on to dream that I got out of bed, did my business, brushed my teeth, took my breakfast, changed into my working attire, and was ready for work that morning. My alarm rang a second time, I had to do all that over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27504

You deserved it

4363

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/11/2014 22:52 - United States - Chestnut Hill

Today, I learned that the blisters that popped up this morning on my hands and feet are a result of a virus that takes two weeks to fully heal. After I told my roommates to be careful, one of them decided that NOW was a good time to tell us she had it last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33972

You deserved it

2231

Tweet

Share

By badwolf - 4/9/2012 20:34 - United States

Today, I bought some bitter-apple spray to stop my puppy chewing on everything. Later, I found out how effective it was, when I tried to eat a sandwich, and gagged at the horrifying taste on my hands. My dog seems unaffected, and continues to chew the table legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23608

You deserved it

4114

Tweet

Share

By IGiveUp - 7/10/2018 13:30

Today, at work, I took a call from an angry customer. After listening to his problem and fully explaining how we could fix it, he called me a stupid girl and said I need more training as I obviously know nothing about my job. I'm the company training coordinator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2889

You deserved it

192

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/6/2014 16:18 - United States - Surprise

Today, less than a week after ranting to my husband about how sick some people are to sexualize characters from kids' TV shows, I looked through his browser history and found out he's very much into Powerpuff Girls porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45816

You deserved it

9071

Tweet

Share

By CatofSteel - 5/3/2017 22:00

Today, my cat cracked my phone screen by sneezing on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4796

You deserved it

548

Tweet

Share

By jons - 17/2/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51320

You deserved it

3571

Tweet

Share

By worthless - 10/11/2010 02:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who doesn't wear deodorant and has horrible dandruff, decided to shower for the first time in nearly a week because he got invited out to a bar. He didn't even invite me to go with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14677

You deserved it

39601

Tweet

Share

By Septy - 21/1/2016 18:17 - Spain - M?laga

Today, my sick semi-delusional boyfriend, whom I've been taking care of for days, accused me of trying to poison him so that I could play World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20691

You deserved it

1844

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/5/2012 22:00 - Canada - Aldergrove

Today, after a little detective work, I found out the money that recently went missing from my college fund was transferred by my mother, to her own account. She claims it's to pay a parking ticket. Maybe I'm just stupid, but I didn't know they fined people over $3,500 for a parking violation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29183

You deserved it

2159

Tweet

Share

By Depressedegg - 8/3/2017 18:00

He can run, but he can't hide!

Today, my toddler realised that my pregnancy means I can't move easily anymore. He celebrated his freedom by doing everything he's not allowed to, and staying just outside my reach at all times. He loves his new game, and it looks like he's not going to stop anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5520

You deserved it

759

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/1/2012 16:45 - United States

Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15943

You deserved it

32269

Tweet

Share

By RetroDayDreamer - 10/9/2011 15:46 - United States

Today, my parents overheard me having sex with my girlfriend. They thought it would be funny to barge in with nothing but underwear on. This has happened twice now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38255

You deserved it

28674

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/9/2019 14:00

Alexa, play "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy

Today, I was yelled at and fired by my boss. He claimed that I've been sleeping with his wife. I've never met his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2062

You deserved it

74

Tweet

Share

By m - 5/8/2012 00:44 - United States - South Whitley

Today, my mom's intense fear of tornadoes caused her to break into the bathroom, drag me off the toilet while I was changing my tampon, and drag me to the basement with my pants around my ankles to join my father, brother, and my brother's best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38081

You deserved it

1986

Tweet

Share

By thecasbah - 6/10/2010 13:58 - Norway

Today, I quit my job as a barista for one of our competitors with a couple of bucks more an hour. Two hours after I'd handed in my resignation, my boss approached me just to let me know that if I hadn't resigned, I would've been offered my own café. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18693

You deserved it

33628

Tweet

Share

By embarassed - 20/3/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37918

You deserved it

10451

Tweet

Share

By familyfued - 17/2/2018 01:30

Today, I discovered the terrible things my parents say about my wife while visiting them. They speak in Arabic around us and I've never really been able to understand them. Guess who hasn't only brushed up on his Arabic, but spent the last 6 months teaching his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5659

You deserved it

377

Tweet

Share

By wheresthelove - 30/12/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was supposedly dating "a real catch". Should I be happy that my parents love each other or pissed off that they're both whores? I can't decide. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34758

You deserved it

3037

Tweet

Share

By Diachronic - 12/9/2014 08:05 - United States - Lewiston

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44133

You deserved it

3066

Tweet

Share

By imalosertho - 11/6/2014 01:01 - Canada - Truro

Today, I was really hungry at work, and my stomach growled loudly. One of my co-workers heard it and thought it was a cat. Ashamed, I played dumb and we ended up spending twenty minutes looking for a cat that I knew didn't exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44863

You deserved it

19335

Tweet

Share

By leahkasscar - 6/12/2017 00:00 - United States

Today, I kissed my 3.5 GPA goodbye because my English teacher was too caught up planning her parrot's birthday party to put in the credit I deserve for three different essays I completed for her class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5117

You deserved it

354

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/8/2014 17:36 - Sweden - Kristianstad

Today, while I was waiting for the train, a woman sat next to me. Her dog jumped up between us and I started petting it. She took this to mean we were now close enough for her to tell me in detail about her experience so far going through the menopause. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39936

You deserved it

4402

Tweet

Share

By werewolfoflondon - 3/11/2010 02:16 - Canada

Today, I got fired over MSN. I wasn't even online at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28489

You deserved it

2865

Tweet

Share

By anonymiss - 13/4/2009 16:12 - Canada

Today, half asleep, I dropped my pill before I could take it. I quickly picked it up and washed it down. Five hours later, I just found my pill on the ground. What did I swallow? FML

I agree, your life sucks

108615

You deserved it

25407

Tweet

Share

By justwantedtounpack - 29/12/2015 04:55 - United States

Today, my parents threw a hissy fit calling me ungrateful and disrespectful for wanting to do laundry and clean at home, instead of going out to their friends' house for dinner. They also disconnected the Internet to punish me when they left. I'm 20 and visiting home on a college break. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34251

You deserved it

3197

Tweet

Share

By Jordan - 8/4/2012 10:37 - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, my boyfriend told me that he believes getting kicked in the balls is a scientifically-proven method of birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28217

You deserved it

3545

Tweet

Share

By Tiff676 - 16/8/2009 04:31 - Canada

Today, I was working at the theater as an Usher. A man comes up to me and gives me his ticket. At the same time, he takes a sip of water and suddenly felt the need to sneeze. The water came out from his nose and landed all over my face. I was covered with his mucus and had to wish him a good movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42839

You deserved it

2665

Tweet

Share

By sweetsixteenyay - 25/6/2015 19:16 - United Kingdom - Caerphilly

Today, the new girl told me that a guy at the back of the class was being creepy. I looked over and saw him picking his nose and flinging boogers at the girls sitting in the front. That guy is my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29139

You deserved it

6647

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/11/2019 21:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

I don't know why

Today I went camping in the mountains with my girlfriend and her very outdoor loving mountain. I sprained my ankle falling out of the car and got bug bit on my penis while peeing. Her dad actually asked why she was dating me and she admitted that she had no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1489

You deserved it

394

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 12/8/2009 16:14 - Canada

Today, my 15-year-old daughter asked for a ride to her boyfriend's house. It's the same house I've been driving her to for sleepovers with her friend "Kate" for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39128

You deserved it

53312

Tweet

Share

By deepblue - 24/1/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, we ordered pizza. A long wait and several phone calls later, we found out that someone met the delivery person at the end of our driveway, signed our receipt, and stole our pizza. Way to check the credit card pizza people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30853

You deserved it

3014

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/7/2013 07:33 - United States - Alpine

Today, I learned that my wife used to strip while in college. I found this out when I brought her to a work party and my boss recognized her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55983

You deserved it

4303

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/11/2011 19:08 - United States

Today, the first snow of the season fell. My husband celebrated by pelting me with snowballs, while I was on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35056

You deserved it

6425

Tweet

Share

By EdwinOEF - 31/12/2011 22:36 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I flew to Dubai, en route to my new job in Afghanistan. Both of my bags were lost, my debit card was frozen in London, the next flight was cancelled, and I can't get a hotel room. I'm in the richest city in world with no money and no room. Happy New Year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39542

You deserved it

3009

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/2/2013 23:00 - United States - Marlton

Not now

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47353

You deserved it

3944

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/1/2011 20:15 - Netherlands

Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33693

You deserved it

4117

Tweet

Share

By SummersEve - 12/2/2010 00:47 - United States

Today, I found out the crappy shampoo I've been borrowing from my girlfriend is actually "feminine wash." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7686

You deserved it

33150

Tweet

Share

By Pelota - 1/7/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52340

You deserved it

5128

Tweet

Share

By what - 26/11/2010 19:17 - United States

Today, while shopping, a few giggling girls came up to me and asked why I was wearing a dress in public. Highly confused, I didn't answer. When they walked away laughing, I realized they thought I was a man. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37345

You deserved it

4109

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MKC_fml | 0

#115622 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:41

snatching it off the floor so your dog doesn't eat it....good.
Popping it in your mouth before looking at it....not so good.

By betsymonty | 0

#115679 - Thursday 16 April 2009 10:05

And the worst part? A dog wouldn't get sick from a single M&M.

COMMENTS

By tateno | 0

#115615 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:39

yes! first comment! hahaha thats funny as hell!

Reply

mrjakesuba | 0

#971959 - Wednesday 31 March 2010 15:27

I hope you spat it out.

Reply

isaiaha11 | 2

#1096253 - Friday 16 July 2010 4:06

did u find the one that dropped?

By MKC_fml | 0

#115622 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:41

snatching it off the floor so your dog doesn't eat it....good.
Popping it in your mouth before looking at it....not so good.

Reply

Doogy700 | 5

#4538604 - Friday 8 June 2012 3:51

Agreed.

Reply

OBTrice | 15

#6003603 - Thursday 10 July 2014 5:03

Just one question what the f*** is a MandM

By AnimeJet | 0

#115625 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:42

equally YDI and FYL.

This might be the tightest one in terms of voting yet, haha.

Reply

2queen18 | 2

#2709339 - Saturday 18 June 2011 17:27

whats ydi????

Reply

xxJustTxx | 0

#2902236 - Saturday 16 July 2011 1:17

ydi for taking a dogs tiny treat away it sounds quite greedy

Reply

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#4738541 - Friday 27 July 2012 7:03

165- you do know chocolate's poisounous, right?

Reply

kianaaa32 | 17

#5457587 - Saturday 20 April 2013 22:16

You do know that only dark chocolate is poisonous right? And only if consumed in a great amount, my dogs have gotten into plenty of chocolates in their life time and are still alive, even dark chocolate.

Reply

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5736539 - Thursday 31 October 2013 14:09

176 just because it hasn't killed them yet doesn't meant it won't. you don't give chocolate to a dog.

By jdb2009 | 0

#115626 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:42

Goddamn idiot.

By dang_fml | 0

#115638 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:46

lmao thats so gross! i agree with #2

By AK | 2

#115646 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:49

#2 stole the words out of my mouth. You're a complete idiot.

By jSOPURE | 3

#115647 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:49

Taste any good?

=X

By renthead88 | 0

#115649 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:50

fail.

By Wonka_fml | 0

#115651 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:50

Were you the one that dropped a pill on the floor, picked it up and took the pill. Then found out the next day that the pill you were suppose to take was still on the floor? You took something else?

People don't look at what they eat anymore?

By J_a_s_m_i_n_e | 0

#115652 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:50

Hahaha, tasty.