Today, I was having a panic attack so I called my parents. My... - FML

By happyharriet - 16/4/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I was having a panic attack so I called my parents. My brother answered to say my parents couldn't come to the phone because they were watching 24. Its ten o'clock and 24 is not on now. They were watching 24 on TiVo and couldn't pause it to come to the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56611

You deserved it

5345

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

Breaking Badly

A beautiful truck decoration

By not my fault you got knocked up - 9/8/2020 20:02

Sister of the year

Today, my older sister threw an epic tantrum, demanding that my parents not pay for my 21st birthday trip. She insists it’s not fair for them to gift me a trip, since she didn’t get to celebrate her 21st. She didn’t get to celebrate because she was pregnant. Now my mom wants to reconsider. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1990

You deserved it

165

Tweet

Share

By Nofreeride - 28/1/2017 18:00

Today, after arguing with my husband over who needed the car more, I thought he clearly won. As the loser, I spent the day walking everywhere. Later, I learned that he thought I'd won and left the car in our apartment parking garage for me while he took the bus to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6857

You deserved it

2034

Tweet

Share

By mrrichkid - 6/3/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, my wife of four years confessed to me that she only married me for the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35898

You deserved it

3675

Tweet

Share

By cantdolife - 23/9/2018 21:00 - United States - New Boston

Today, as a teacher, I had a conference with the mother of a student who is struggling with behavior. Turns out the mom is the woman who does my Brazilian waxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3231

You deserved it

274

Tweet

Share

By gmian - 6/12/2015 05:06 - United States - Amherst

Today, at work, I used my foot to flush the toilet, lost my balance, and ended up catching myself with my foot in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20330

You deserved it

10922

Tweet

Share

By fuundmental/// - 9/4/2011 05:46 - Australia

Today, I was looking in my grandparents' drawers and cupboards to find a blanket, but instead found a stash of sex toys, and a male G-string with a horse on the front. The best bit? When you press the horse's nose, it neighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43513

You deserved it

9922

Tweet

Share

By Rachal - 30/1/2012 01:27 - United States

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26684

You deserved it

10855

Tweet

Share

By - 14/6/2020 02:02

Risky business

Today, I went to get insurance and I have a non-fault third party claim and yet my insurance has gone up. I wasn't even in the car when someone hit it. Why have I got penalised? They claim I'm now "statistically more likely to get in an accident." My car was parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1541

You deserved it

99

Tweet

Share

By sadcase - 12/4/2011 14:01 - Australia

Today, I used my hair straightener to attempt to straighten my eyelashes and burned my eyelid. I don't know what's sadder, that fact I thought it would be fun, or that I was stupid enough to think I wouldn't hurt myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13227

You deserved it

138487

Tweet

Share

By tapeissticky591 - 14/7/2012 05:49 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I woke up naked, duck taped to the wall with no memory of last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12863

You deserved it

36356

Tweet

Share

By Nic - 22/7/2010 16:46 - United States

Today, I put on some skimpy shorts and bent down to get something on the bottom shelf of the fridge to get my boyfriend's attention. On my way up, I slammed my head on the edge of the fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14733

You deserved it

45572

Tweet

Share

By pootie - 11/12/2013 13:14 - United States - Miami

Today, I farted so loud that I woke myself up. And the stranger sitting next to me on the airplane. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46481

You deserved it

7532

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/12/2012 22:54 - Australia

Today, while trying to take my Christmas tree down, I learned that at some point during the last few weeks, it became home to a colony of green ants. I'm now covered in bites and terrified to go anywhere near it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30056

You deserved it

3127

Tweet

Share

By golfstar11 - 11/12/2012 02:05 - United States - Savannah

Today, I was doing a presentation in front of my boss. On the last slide, someone had put a picture of a man's cock. I later found out it was my boss who did it. It was his "good reason" to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33948

You deserved it

2161

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/2/2015 03:25 - Australia

Today, I threw up on a police officer who was trying to do a random breath test. I wasn't drunk or hungover. I'm pregnant and suffering morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37246

You deserved it

2514

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/2/2012 19:17 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44615

You deserved it

6353

Tweet

Share

By RainbowSuck - 7/2/2017 16:00 - Canada

Today, after passing various interviews and tests, I was given a great job pending a pre-employment medical test. Now I'm jobless and colorblind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7080

You deserved it

679

Tweet

Share

By skatergrrrl - 15/2/2010 18:40 - United States

Today, I had my first ice skating lesson. I had to wait 5 years for a rink to open in my town, 2 weeks for my lessons to begin, but only 10 minutes to fall and hit my tailbone so hard that I can't walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26196

You deserved it

4176

Tweet

Share

By soupcrackers - 7/10/2020 04:57

Persona non grata

Today, I spoke to Friend A and Friend B, with whom I'd had arguments with in the past. Those arguments caused me to leave a group chat. When I want to settle things with Friend B, they told me, "Don't come back to the group chat. It'll make everyone happier if you stay out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

732

You deserved it

358

Tweet

Share

By emkatch - 21/7/2009 19:47 - Canada

Today, I came home about two hours early from a friend's party. After I walked in and upstairs, I quickly and quietly left and went back to the party. I guess my parents decided to have a little party as well. It's called a threesome with my neighbor. They still don't know that I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67596

You deserved it

4339

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/2/2017 10:00 - United States

Today, after closing down the gas station I work at, I went to unlock the door to the building. Turned out the lock broke and I was locked inside until my boss could get there to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6841

You deserved it

476

Tweet

Share

By crazygirl - 29/10/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I realized that the vibrator we bought got sent to his parents house. He picked it up from them, brought it home, and we discovered that they had already opened the package. They even tried to hide the evidence by re-taping it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22331

You deserved it

5127

Tweet

Share

By creedonfied - 6/11/2012 20:27 - United States - Billerica

Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27200

You deserved it

2950

Tweet

Share

By notacashier - 3/7/2014 12:29 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I used the self-checkout for the first time. I didn't see a slot for bills, so I tried to put them in the coin slot for a solid three minutes. There was a huge line behind me, silently judging. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39557

You deserved it

28370

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/3/2014 18:16 - United Kingdom - New Malden

Today, my husband actually tried to pay me to forget about the affair that he's been having. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50698

You deserved it

4422

Tweet

Share

By Amara1717 - 19/8/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, I was driving my little sister to school. She really didn't wanna go and was throwing a tantrum in the car. When we stopped at a red light, my sister notices a police man giving a ticket to another driver. She rolled down her window and screamed "Help me! I'm being kidnapped by a murderer!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

71956

You deserved it

3494

Tweet

Share

By IAMALITAHA - 27/6/2014 06:11 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I had a job interview where I was interrupted for using the word creative because there is "only one creator". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45331

You deserved it

4509

Tweet

Share

By icefly - 29/7/2016 15:39 - United States - Orlando

Today, I've owned my dream car for 11 days. Someone backed into it while it parked at work, and drove away without leaving a note. A man at a nearby business knows who did it but won't tell me because it was one of his customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16305

You deserved it

1061

Tweet

Share

By -- - 15/10/2011 23:40 - Canada

Today, I was kicked out of the mall along with a bunch of my friends, sworn at by the security guards, and personally escorted all the way to the sidewalk, only to find out we'd been mistaken for another group of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32732

You deserved it

2559

Tweet

Share

By Notadrugdealer - 7/12/2017 15:00

So I got that goin' for me, which is nice...

Today, I was just browsing Facebook when my friend sent me a GoFundMe link. Someone wrote a page saying I killed myself and that we need money for funeral services. People are actually donating to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4482

You deserved it

300

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/11/2014 18:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, army recruiters came to my school and set up some punching bags to attract potential recruits. I gave it a shot, managing to set the highest score at my school and fracture my wrist at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35835

You deserved it

6996

Tweet

Share

By UnluckyTeen - 22/10/2009 11:29 - Singapore

Today, I went to retrieve my stolen wallet from the train station. After I collected it, I returned to the place where I parked my bike to find that my bike had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35755

You deserved it

3394

Tweet

Share

By ohokay - 24/1/2013 02:59 - United States - Bronx

Today, I found my boyfriend's Facebook page. I also found his wife's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47624

You deserved it

5253

Tweet

Share

By alynn - 29/5/2009 13:59 - United States

Today, I moved out of my apartment and thought it would be nice to leave the roll of toilet paper in the bathroom for the next tenant. I later got a notice from the management that I was being charged $50 for leaving behind "personal items." FML

I agree, your life sucks

61619

You deserved it

7968

Tweet

Share

By again? - 15/3/2016 10:03 - United States - Olympia

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, I noticed that instead of looking at me, he was admiring himself in the mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21254

You deserved it

2456

Tweet

Share

By Ihatecleaning - 14/1/2017 12:00

Today, I found out from the doctor that I have a concussion. Was it from a wicked sports injury? No, my idiot brother decided to judo kick the door open while I was on the floor vacuuming the front carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7173

You deserved it

525

Tweet

Share

By hellolaina - 27/6/2016 16:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized that without fail, even if I'm not supposed to get it, I get my period just in time for vacations. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12835

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1362

Tweet

Share

By badhair - 13/9/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, I went to a salon. As soon as I walked in, someone ran to me and inspected my hair and said, "We can fix this." I was there to get my daughter's hair done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36001

You deserved it

6201

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/2/2015 01:04 - United States - Oakland

Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16563

You deserved it

38155

Tweet

Share

By jodulieu - 2/9/2010 02:31 - France

Today, I fell off my bike. I grazed my knee, shin, thigh, hip, collar bone, shoulder and face. I also strained my wrist. As I was wheeling my bike away, I stung my other leg on nettles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28524

You deserved it

4427

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By sammyg | 0

#115645 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:48

i think Jack needs their support more then you, he is constantly in danger of death.

By the_boss_fml | 0

#115650 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:50

don't mess with anyone when its bauer hour

COMMENTS

By dspadres | 0

#115613 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:38

that sucks

Reply

IEatBabiess | 0

#976772 - Friday 9 April 2010 7:30

how could you possibly expect anyone to break while watching 24? Jack Bour needs them more than you do

Reply

brainiac94 | 0

#998449 - Thursday 20 May 2010 4:41

bauer. not bour. bauer. a true fan would know that

By tateno | 0

#115621 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:41

haha what a shitty brother and parents hahaha

Reply

HouseElf | 13

#5092937 - Monday 29 October 2012 6:51

At least the brother bothered to answer

By jdb2009 | 0

#115631 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:44

Yeah, that was funny actually. I wonder what your panic attack was about that'd warrant a call back to the homestead.

By BRBICECREAMTRUCK | 0

#115636 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:45

your parents must hate you

By Wonka_fml | 0

#115640 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:47

Wow! A lot of Tivo or favorite tv show fml. I just commented on a fml where a sister rather watch jeopardy than to listen to her sister bitch just this morning.

Try calling 911. Maybe they'll care.

By sammyg | 0

#115645 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:48

i think Jack needs their support more then you, he is constantly in danger of death.

By the_boss_fml | 0

#115650 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:50

don't mess with anyone when its bauer hour

By LilRed | 0

#115661 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:52

HAHA My mom does that when Lost is on. Its okay.

By TeenTiger | 0

#115662 - Thursday 16 April 2009 9:53

#5 doubtful they will probably yell at them for calling with out an emergency

By starbux | 0

#115682 - Thursday 16 April 2009 10:07

...but it was 24!