Today, I bought Plan B for the first time. Not because I had unprotected sex, but to make the cashier think someone would actually sleep with me. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I once again bought condoms at the gas station to make the people who work there think that I have a sex life. FML
Today, I nervously went to the store to buy condoms for the first time. I felt like everything was going well, and checked out happily. As I was walking out, the cashier lady said to the woman next in line, "He thinks he's going to need condoms." They both looked at me and started laughing. FML
Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy the Plan B pill. The pharmacist recognized me and said, "Really? Again?" FML
Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML
Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML
Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML
Today, I bought a Plan B at CVS. I always use my parents' phone number for reward points. Turns out my mom is enrolled in digital receipts. FML
Today, I wore a fake wedding ring on my left hand when buying a pregnancy test so the cashier at Walmart wouldn't think I'm a slut. FML
Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML
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Top comments
idkweird 0
Why the hell would the person at the pharmacy counter care whether or not you're having sex? Pathetic.
succubusprime 0
YDI for wasting $50 on someone who will forget about you seconds after leaving the store.
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Comments (146)
moni_09 0
you should really work on your self esteem
Hemi_Driven 3
Now all you need is a time machine so you can go back and give it to your mom on that fateful day you were concieved and save us all the frustration. What's really irritating is the fact that the girls who do have to use Plan B most likely don't see it as a pleasant social experience, or look forward to the purchase or use of the product in any way. That's like going out and buying nicorette or methadone just to look cool. You may look like queen of the trailer park now, but a normal guy is not going to be impressed.
anonmc 0
that is sheer stupidity and poor logic. please DON'T reproduce.
ksmiley 0
Condoms would have been cheaper, and why do you care what the cashier thinks anyway?
g3rusz 6
So... exactly why would you want the cashier to believe that you have a sex life? I fail to see the logic here.
oOohxlala_ 0
why would the cashier even care about your sex life??
indianabummer 0
Tell me you at least made yourself look like you needed...some sex hair and messed up make-up. If you are going to be a pathetic loser that fakes a sex life, at least make it believable
perdix 31
What a waste of money! You blew all that cash to make one loser drugstore cashier think you are worth a roll in the hey, when you can come to FML for FREE and make thousands of people think you're Norway's hottest piece of ass! (Hint: Find a picture of Norway's hottest piece of ass and post it as your profile pic. The vast majority of us who are not Norwegian won't detect the fraud.) You should have seen me in the threesome with those two college girls last weekend. They were so amazed that an old dude like me could satisfy both their needs ;). The show they put on for mr between orgasms was spectacular!
Person1233 13
O_O Perdix, please stop doing drugs. It's ruining your comments.
WhtRabbid 2
You have a point (no pun intended). I was going to suggest online communities. You can be as hot as you want =)
I_am_stupid_also 6
cherry09: "i think you are the biggest douche on the face of the planet. what the **** is wrong with the world." You are saying that the world is inadequate because it cannot come up with a bigger douche than perdix? It would be a challenge, but I think if you tried a wee bit harder you could find a bigger douche. Don't go blaming the world for your own lack of effort.
perdix 31
Thank you, WhtRabbid, for "getting" my satire. I'm glad there are some people out there who are smart enough to see it without me prefacing the second paragraph with "Here is an example of such a trick." We'll say it was only a trick, right, ladies? ;) ;) BTW, when a girl calls a guy a "douche," is that an insult or an invitation?
BMaC101 0
I'm pretty sure that's an invitation! ;)
perdix 31
Hmmm, I'm thinking that's not such a great invite. If that area is in need of a douching, do I even want to be there? The thought made me want to throw up the tuna & oyster taco and pie I had for lunch!
kyonichii 4
Tuna and oyster tacos?
CallMeHush 1
@115 and all the rest that just don't seem to "get it" 1. Not everything is here for your sole entertainment, sometimes some of us work at a higher level. 2. If you don't get it despite having a Masters it's OK, just keep reading until you find one that works for you. There is a huge and diverse selection of opinions and eventually someone will write something you can understand and appreciate. 3. Not even the steriod kings of baseball hit a homerun everytime. 4. If you read but don't understand things that are written by some of the more seasoned and prolific writers here go ask mom and dad if they were related before they got married. 5. Yes, you just got the needle. I know that one of the funniest SOBs I've read anywhere doesn't need anyone one to stick his nose in on his behalf, his work speaks for itself. I've been seeing so much venom directed at anyone that writes above a third grade level that I figured this was a good place to set down my load. This has been a public service announcement of the Yes It Is Possible That You Are Just That Stupid Group, we now return you to your regularly scheduled gruel.
alex_vik 1
Wow, I wish I had money to blow on things that I have no use for,
hollybot 0
loser