Today, I took my clothes off in front of my girlfriend for the...

By Eddie - Israel

Today, I took my clothes off in front of my girlfriend for the first time. She made a weird face for a moment, then burst into laughter. She couldn't stop laughing, no matter how hard she tried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41742

You deserved it

4890

Favorite

Intimacy

Understandable

There's no helping some people

Walk on the wild side

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost my phone. On the bright side, someone found it. On the downside, they won't give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33121

You deserved it

3446

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I found out that when my room-mate agreed to babysit someone's two year old kid for money, what he really planned on doing was dumping it with me. The kid won't stop crying and screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32171

You deserved it

3911

Favorite

By Bree - United States

Today, my father tried to secretly follow me all day, because he doesn't believe that I have any "real" errands to run or friends to meet with. He's actually convinced that I'm living some secret double life with another family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25551

You deserved it

1711

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got a chance to try out my vibrator. I've never orgasmed before with a guy, so I thought there was no hope until my friend gave me the vibrator for my birthday. It was going amazing, better than sex. I was literally 2 seconds away from climaxing when the battery suddenly died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

77980

You deserved it

14901

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23540

You deserved it

46571

Favorite

By ashhatches - United States

Today, while at Costco, I was eating a hotdog when I saw a really hot guy walking over. Trying to be sexy, I bit my hotdog cutely and winked. I ended up choking and dropping the ketchup covered hotdog all over my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13384

You deserved it

62334

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40491

You deserved it

9094

Favorite

By cakekiller - United States

Today, there was a big cake at the office. I thought it was funny to pretend to push the cute girl in the office into it. She laughed, but then lost her balance and fell forward. Everyone saw. Turns out she’s allergic to coconut, even just the shavings on a cake, and had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13712

You deserved it

44498

Favorite

By das_shizzle - 2/5/2020 05:00

Entitled bitch

Today, after telling a student that she had to take the online test on the date that I had assigned, she whined to the vice president of the college, who then told my dean that he needed to do something about it. She made me offer testing days on multiple dates. So much for integrity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1582

You deserved it

205

Favorite

By dudster25 - United States - Hanford

Today, I was both sexting with my girlfriend and texting my professor about an upcoming essay. I accidentally sent a dickpic to my professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13341

You deserved it

39731

Favorite

By Kathleen Michelle Cooper

Today, I found out I'm pregnant with my second child. This wouldn't be so bad if my son wasn't only 10 months old and my partner, the father of my children, hadn't been secretly seeing his ex wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3115

You deserved it

599

Favorite

By copycat - United States - Norco

Today, I turned in my homework. Too bad I accidentally handed in the printed answer sheet I found online to copy from. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14639

You deserved it

50364

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, it's been five days since I started my new job in a new town, just signed a lease on my new apartment too. Now I find out the company's closing down, and since I'm still on probation, I'm told I'm not entitled to any kind of severance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22496

You deserved it

1913

Favorite

By charishard - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was checking out a customer who seemed quite friendly. As I finished, he reached slightly over the counter and I impulsively reached out and shook his hand. He gave me a dumbfounded look and said, "Can I have my change please?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

27284

You deserved it

35012

Favorite

By pumpkinbutt - France

Today, I hurried into the bank to cash in the $5,000 check my grandparents had given me for college money. I found out that instead of my name, they wrote 'our sweet iddle pumpkinbutt'. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone after. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28934

You deserved it

4691

Favorite

By disgruntled

Today, I was passed over for a team lead role at work which went to my older male coworker instead. He repeatedly said that he only wanted the position for the money and didn’t care about leading. When I asked why he was offered the role over me, they said he had more leadership experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1872

You deserved it

232

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, it was a warm day out so I left my car windows slightly open while I was at work. One of the local bums apparently thought this was a perfect opportunity to use my open driver's side window as a barf receptacle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28234

You deserved it

9637

Favorite

By mperh - United States

Today, it's memorial day weekend. The cops are all over the place watching for speeders and drunks. Some complete dickhead decided to spray paint "cop killa" on the side of my car. It won't come off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42781

You deserved it

3225

Favorite

By Illinoisgirl - Hungary

Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40112

You deserved it

3027

Favorite

By Amber - United States - Oroville

Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25611

You deserved it

52271

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was chased on my bike by a couple of guys in a car. I rode into a public park to cut through and try to lose them. I looked by to check if they were following me, but they had to stop. I laughed, looked forward, and rammed into a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31222

You deserved it

9519

Favorite

By a man - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the movies. When the "love scene" came on, she leaned over and made out with the wrong man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68141

You deserved it

5372

Favorite

By dogwheels - United Kingdom

Today, I had to sit and listen to my co-worker moan about how early he has to get up tomorrow to go on his ski holiday in France over Christmas. He also complained about how tiring skiing is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33744

You deserved it

2403

Favorite

By FML - United States

Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30335

You deserved it

3260

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went down to my grandparents' house to spend some time with them. I was in the guest room when I noticed a box in the corner of the closet labelled "Crap". I opened up the box to see my Dad's John Elway Autographed Football in it. I got it for him for Christmas, it cost me $600. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32725

You deserved it

2879

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing ball with my student during recess. My first attempt at throwing the ball hit him in the head. My second attempt hit him in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29102

You deserved it

8009

Favorite

By Anonymous

They Do.

Today, my boyfriend told me he would be really disappointed if we had kids before we got married, because it would ruin our plans to go to Disney World for our honeymoon. Apparently, kids ruin vacations. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1104

You deserved it

989

Favorite

By Crombinator - United States - Estacada

Today, my roommate was making a waterproof iPhone case and decided to use my phone to test it out. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33289

You deserved it

4015

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the mall. A little girl was walking around and telling everyone that they were pretty. When she got to me, she gave me a disgusted look and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49438

You deserved it

4976

Favorite

By ang3l4 - United States - Redding

Today, I discovered that my state is passing a bill regulating cow "emissions". Basically, we need to regulate cow farts. I live in a farming town. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12420

You deserved it

1201

Favorite

By TheLastSerenade - Australia - Sydney

Today, I saw a woman breast feeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39658

You deserved it

3961

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I yet again heard a friend say "YOLO" as if it's a word. It was so annoying that I had to restrain myself from punching him in the face and offering him the chance to suck on one of my turds, since apparently "YOLO." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22844

You deserved it

5756

Favorite

By badsitter

Today, my mother stopped speaking to me because I won’t let her babysit anymore. Her idea of babysitting is to sit my daughter alone with a tablet and a pile of sugary junk food for 7 hours straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4149

You deserved it

289

Favorite

By AgentOrion - United States - Bessemer

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42148

You deserved it

5882

Favorite

By Anonymous - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Today, I set up a spy cam in my room to find out which one of my pervy brothers has been using my computer to watch porn. Turns out it was actually my father. I now have a video of him sitting in my chair masturbating, and I can't get it out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49167

You deserved it

11941

Favorite

By goingtothegym - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I was accused of shoplifting because my jacket looked "too chunky". I wasn't stealing, I'm just fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48618

You deserved it

6531

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Littleton

Today, I found out that the little arrow next to my gas gauge actually points to the side of the car where the tank is. For the past year-and-a-half I've been sticking my head out the window and even calling my parents to ask which side it was on, because I can never remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18237

You deserved it

51132

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my Halloween costume finally showed up in the mail. Their consolation for a late delivery? A 50 cent discount. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30975

You deserved it

2789

Favorite

By homo fuckofftus - United States - San Diego

Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33994

You deserved it

2457

Favorite

By Miss_Whipped - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I just received the king-sized bed I'd ordered. My boyfriend moved out two days ago when we broke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11134

You deserved it

1191

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By WCARlover | 34

#3060309 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:04

What's up with all the FMLs with all these extremely nice girlfriends lately? Like the one that wouldn't kiss her bf cause of a pimple. What a Sweetheart.

By Jdeluxh | 12

#3060252 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:00

Just do the same when she gets undressed.

COMMENTS

By yudothat | 2

#3060180 - Monday 8 August 2011 0:55

Yikes.

annasworld | 3

#3060573 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:39

she's sounds like such a great self esteem booster

DoubleDose | 0

#3060693 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:55

lemme guess, you tried putting your pants on two legs at a time o impress her and fell over

eminemchick | 19

#3060836 - Monday 8 August 2011 2:33

2 ur pic matches ur comment perfectly.

iAddictiion | 0

#3060895 - Monday 8 August 2011 2:59

Y U say that

YourEvilHero | 12

#3060990 - Monday 8 August 2011 3:17

I heard the little blue pill works great with that problem.

Eggers | 2

#3061525 - Monday 8 August 2011 5:34

if you thumbed up 65's comment and not 69's comment, you're a stupid sheep that knows nothing of the Internet.

daysgoby902 | 6

#3061630 - Monday 8 August 2011 6:00

106 is there something I'm missing?

FridayPasta | 0

#3061695 - Monday 8 August 2011 6:19

i like how none of these comments have anything to do with #1's comment, whores

yudothat | 2

#3061896 - Monday 8 August 2011 6:53

yoursucklives | 36

#3062387 - Monday 8 August 2011 8:31

put it in her pooper

eminemchick | 19

#3063940 - Monday 8 August 2011 15:06

wow thanks for degrading me 106 now i feel so worthless ima ball up in this corner and pretend im a carrot. like that nyan cat guy.

HowAreYouToday | 34

#3065319 - Monday 8 August 2011 18:11

STAY AWAY FROM THE RABBIT!

sunlovinmama | 1

#3203603 - Tuesday 30 August 2011 6:38

She was probably just nervous and inexperienced

By icecreammintz | 0

#3060202 - Monday 8 August 2011 0:57

THE PERFECT MOMENT FOR A DICK SLAP, nah jk, unless you wanted to. :D

kameryn25 | 3

#3060690 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:55

By the sound of it OP couldn't dick slap his girlfriend if he wanted. It's ok though it's not about the size it's about how.... ok it really is about the size F your life OP.

ShyAnn29 | 14

#3060710 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:58

It could have nothing to do with the size of his dick

Polo_X | 0

#3060723 - Monday 8 August 2011 2:01

If not the size, then maybe it's the fat rolls covering it...geez I'm a terrible person for thinking this. Sorry man. :( FYL

jesse70781 | 2

#3060860 - Monday 8 August 2011 2:45

Maybe she was laughing because his dick was small as hell. In that case he wouldn't of even ben able to DICK SLAP HER! lol

Jvr91 | 8

#3060915 - Monday 8 August 2011 3:03

Maybe it was L shaped

eminemchick | 19

#3060917 - Monday 8 August 2011 3:03

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#3061267 - Monday 8 August 2011 4:40

or maybe it was A B C or D shaped. Or E or F... you get the point. ;)

tieu2arock | 3

#3061435 - Monday 8 August 2011 5:15

stir it...

thomas357 | 0

#3068780 - Tuesday 9 August 2011 5:57

I would have

grapist | 0

#3083844 - Thursday 11 August 2011 8:34

Then what would the problem be huh?

By RyanMacVey | 17

#3060216 - Monday 8 August 2011 0:58

ok... for a moment there i actually thought that id wrote this :L

By Amrel | 10

#3060218 - Monday 8 August 2011 0:59

Tell her now you know how i feel then dump the bitch

PrickHead | 0

#3060907 - Monday 8 August 2011 3:01

maybe all she could of thought was: "that's a clean circumcision"

ReptarSwag | 4

#3061595 - Monday 8 August 2011 5:51

Haha I remember that FML.

pronounciations | 5

#3062945 - Monday 8 August 2011 9:49

By Jdeluxh | 12

#3060252 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:00

Just do the same when she gets undressed.

reallytho3 | 11

#3061017 - Monday 8 August 2011 3:22

IF she gets undressed u mean...

CookieMonstr19 | 0

#3067914 - Tuesday 9 August 2011 3:26

Good idea!show her how it feels

hotrod14 | 0

#3075837 - Wednesday 10 August 2011 4:03

how hard she tried or how hard you tried.

By Denikk | 0

#3060286 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:03

Haha you gaboyz it's funny because... ah fuck it it's just funny xDD

By WCARlover | 34

#3060309 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:04

What's up with all the FMLs with all these extremely nice girlfriends lately? Like the one that wouldn't kiss her bf cause of a pimple. What a Sweetheart.