Intimacy: Today, I took my clothes off in front of my girlfriend for the...

By Eddie - Israel

Today, I took my clothes off in front of my girlfriend for the first time. She made a weird face for a moment, then burst into laughter. She couldn't stop laughing, no matter how hard she tried. FML

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Intimacy

Season finale

Drained

Deadly cocktail

By Loose Ends - United States - Waltham

Today, I found out that apparently the pipes for my toilet were never connected, so anything you flush just falls out onto the basement floor downstairs. I've lived here 4 years. FML

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14104

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By Pups4Cups

Today, I finally realized why my 9-week-old puppy was going to the bathroom so much. I went to pick up the food bag and realized she had chewed a hole in the bottom, and eaten half of the bag in the last 4 days. Goodbye 30 pounds of dog food, and 100$ for a vet visit. FML

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10316

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By Anonymouse

Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML

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25797

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By 8to10days - United Kingdom

Today, I received a new debit card, so I cut the old one into pieces. I then picked up my remaining card, and realized I'd cut up the wrong one. FML

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11850

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By - France

Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML

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47510

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4345

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By - France

Today, I'm still in love with my ex boyfriend who is going out with someone else. But at least I now know that he's gay. FML

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38560

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4339

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By Instacreep

Today, I found out that when someone posts a "story" on Instagram, they can see who has viewed it and how many times. I have been viewing an ex's story every day for the past week. We do not follow each other. FML

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2107

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By forever dog-less

Today, my mom told me to go meet a rescue dog. After doing all my research and emailing shelters left and right, I finally got a call. It went well! Then, my mom told me it would never happen. I'm still expecting several emails from the shelters I contacted, so I get to relive this pain. FML

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2183

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By abbacjt - United States

Today, I sent my sister a text about how fat I was becoming and looking as disgusting as my ex husband. When I checked to see if she had received it I saw that I had accidentally sent it to my ex father in law. FML

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7741

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By wtf - United States - Delmar

Today, my grandpa took my face in both hands, kissed me on the lips, said "Now you can tell all your friends you've had your first kiss," and walked out of the room. FML

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52905

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By meh beard - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML

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21439

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1582

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By kylinsmama - United States

Mixed signals

Today, I got in trouble with my doctor for eating too soon after surgery. Why was I eating? Because the nurses brought me food, which apparently I should've known not to eat. FML

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By green2black - United States

Today, I finally found the girl of my dreams, she's smart, loyal, energetic and adorable. There's one problem. She's a Golden Retreiver. FML

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26890

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By dumbass - United States

Today, I sprained my ankle trying to prove that I can walk in high heels. FML

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8671

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By padthaimeanoose - Canada - Surrey

Today, I went on my first date in 6 months, to a Thai restaurant. We both got food poisoning and spent the entire evening alternately running to the bathroom while pretending that we were fine. FML

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30780

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I informed my parents that my husband and I are separating after much deliberation. We came to this conclusion relatively peacefully. According to my parents, I'm now Satan, and will end up on the streets as a crack whore if we don't change our minds and stay together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32318

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4105

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By Alittlebitiffy - Australia

Today, I spent an hour pulling poop-covered prickles out of my husky's butt. A duck had startled him while he was doing his business and his first thought was to run, mid-poop, into a prickle bush. FML

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10136

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701

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By thanks sis - 3/7/2020 05:02

Role model

Today, I went over to visit my sister. She had a bunch of pictures of me on her wall. I thought it was sweet, but a bit odd. Turns out she looks at pictures of me to motivate herself whenever she doesn’t feel like working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1418

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331

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By ShouldHaveDoneItMyself - Sudan

Today, I didn't have the courage to tell the guy who likes me that I only thought of him as a friend, so I asked my best friend to do it for me. It turns out that her way of doing this is telling him to "fuck off" and then punching him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9081

You deserved it

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By Anthony - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend due to the fact that she's been cheating on me with my best friend for the past year. She said I was overreacting, and to grow a pair. FML

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43850

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By FLkiki - 24/7/2020 20:00

All or nothing

Today, I found out I didn’t get a job because I'd flashed the owner whilst drunk. Guess my tits weren’t better than my resume. FML

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529

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By Anonymous - Canada - Milton

Today, I woke up at 4am needing a piss, only to walk in on my fuckstick brother combing his pubes with our mom's toothbrush. FML

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35076

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By deerslayer559

Today, while playing golf, I hit my ball near some tall grass along the edge of the water. Unbeknownst to me, there was an alligator hiding in the grass. He growled at me during my shot, causing me to put the ball directly into the pond. Alligator: 1 Me: 0. FML

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2639

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By R - United Kingdom

Today, at work we were gathered to be told some bad news. One of our colleagues would be taking indefinite leave because his wife had dropped their newborn baby. I accidentally laughed at the image. FML

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15601

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By shit - United States

Today, I accidentally rear-ended an undercover police car. FML

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32906

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By not a brain cell in sight - United States - Muskegon

Today, my best friend called me a moron for disputing her belief that Canada is in South America. FML

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49185

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By ummPORQUE - United States

Today, I found out that the guy i've been having sex with for over a month didn't know my name until today. No wonder he always ever called me 'baby.' FML

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34926

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By shouldabeenapornstar - United States

Today, I decided to fake it when my husband and I were making love. Afterwards, he told me that he could tell my head was "really in the game" and felt a stronger connection with me now and was glad I opened up and "let go" with him. FML

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11184

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By sorrynotsorry - United States - Vancouver

Today, a customer told my boss I was too pushy because I asked her what bra size she wears. I work at a lingerie store. I got a stern lecture from my boss. FML

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43768

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By cat_lady

Follow the yellow brown road

Today, I watched as my poor old cat dragged his ass across our living room carpet, leaving an equally long shit stain on our pristine carpet. My pleas for him to stop only made his diarrhea worse as he ran off. FML

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1408

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282

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By secretsant4

Today, at an 8 a.m. spin class, I knelt on the floor to set up my bike. The bike next to me was too close, and while the girl on it was pedaling to warm up, she pedaled down hard onto my heel, breaking my ankle. FML

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3793

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By do you want a bag - Canada - Surrey

Today, after 3 weeks of my new job, I'm already having work-related dreams. I'm having troubles differentiating between the 8 hour shifts in real life and the 8 hour shifts in my dream. I'm doubly exhausted. FML

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11064

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike. Instead of coming to my aid, the driver just laid on his horn and screamed out the window for me to move my ass, because he had places to be. FML

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53269

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By pukeytimes - Australia - Leichhardt

Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML

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28765

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML

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40823

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had the Monday meeting that I have had every week for 8 months. We had new people joining today. One of my bosses went around the room introducing people, and he forgot my name. I've been sitting across from him with a nametag for 8 months. FML

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46043

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By Anonymous - United States - Niles

Today, somebody kicked the crap out of my car and spray painted "CHEATER" on the sides. I've never even had a girlfriend. FML

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26398

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By Queasy - Canada

Today, I found out that sitting in the third row at a 3D movie makes me vomit. Today I also found out that the big burly dude in front of me does not appreciate being vomited on. Now I feel nauseous and have a black eye. Not to mention I missed the last part of the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28154

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By ruhrohraggy

Today, I got a haircut. I wanted three inches cut off. When the lady finished, she had cut off everything but three inches of my hair. FML

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1832

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By Tiak - United States

Today, my mom has been calling me every ten minutes, asking me questions about her new computer. She called me at work, and I rudely answered her question. She called back, talked to my boss, saying she was a customer that called in, and I was rude to her. FML

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Top comments

By WCARlover | 34

#3060309 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:04

What's up with all the FMLs with all these extremely nice girlfriends lately? Like the one that wouldn't kiss her bf cause of a pimple. What a Sweetheart.

By Jdeluxh | 12

#3060252 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:00

Just do the same when she gets undressed.

COMMENTS

By yudothat | 2

#3060180 - Monday 8 August 2011 0:55

Yikes.

annasworld | 3

#3060573 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:39

she's sounds like such a great self esteem booster

DoubleDose | 0

#3060693 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:55

lemme guess, you tried putting your pants on two legs at a time o impress her and fell over

eminemchick | 19

#3060836 - Monday 8 August 2011 2:33

2 ur pic matches ur comment perfectly.

iAddictiion | 0

#3060895 - Monday 8 August 2011 2:59

Y U say that

YourEvilHero | 12

#3060990 - Monday 8 August 2011 3:17

I heard the little blue pill works great with that problem.

Eggers | 2

#3061525 - Monday 8 August 2011 5:34

if you thumbed up 65's comment and not 69's comment, you're a stupid sheep that knows nothing of the Internet.

daysgoby902 | 6

#3061630 - Monday 8 August 2011 6:00

106 is there something I'm missing?

FridayPasta | 0

#3061695 - Monday 8 August 2011 6:19

i like how none of these comments have anything to do with #1's comment, whores

yudothat | 2

#3061896 - Monday 8 August 2011 6:53

yoursucklives | 36

#3062387 - Monday 8 August 2011 8:31

put it in her pooper

eminemchick | 19

#3063940 - Monday 8 August 2011 15:06

wow thanks for degrading me 106 now i feel so worthless ima ball up in this corner and pretend im a carrot. like that nyan cat guy.

HowAreYouToday | 34

#3065319 - Monday 8 August 2011 18:11

STAY AWAY FROM THE RABBIT!

sunlovinmama | 1

#3203603 - Tuesday 30 August 2011 6:38

She was probably just nervous and inexperienced

By icecreammintz | 0

#3060202 - Monday 8 August 2011 0:57

THE PERFECT MOMENT FOR A DICK SLAP, nah jk, unless you wanted to. :D

kameryn25 | 3

#3060690 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:55

By the sound of it OP couldn't dick slap his girlfriend if he wanted. It's ok though it's not about the size it's about how.... ok it really is about the size F your life OP.

ShyAnn29 | 14

#3060710 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:58

It could have nothing to do with the size of his dick

Polo_X | 0

#3060723 - Monday 8 August 2011 2:01

If not the size, then maybe it's the fat rolls covering it...geez I'm a terrible person for thinking this. Sorry man. :( FYL

jesse70781 | 2

#3060860 - Monday 8 August 2011 2:45

Maybe she was laughing because his dick was small as hell. In that case he wouldn't of even ben able to DICK SLAP HER! lol

Jvr91 | 8

#3060915 - Monday 8 August 2011 3:03

Maybe it was L shaped

eminemchick | 19

#3060917 - Monday 8 August 2011 3:03

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#3061267 - Monday 8 August 2011 4:40

or maybe it was A B C or D shaped. Or E or F... you get the point. ;)

tieu2arock | 3

#3061435 - Monday 8 August 2011 5:15

stir it...

thomas357 | 0

#3068780 - Tuesday 9 August 2011 5:57

I would have

grapist | 0

#3083844 - Thursday 11 August 2011 8:34

Then what would the problem be huh?

By RyanMacVey | 17

#3060216 - Monday 8 August 2011 0:58

ok... for a moment there i actually thought that id wrote this :L

By Amrel | 10

#3060218 - Monday 8 August 2011 0:59

Tell her now you know how i feel then dump the bitch

PrickHead | 0

#3060907 - Monday 8 August 2011 3:01

maybe all she could of thought was: "that's a clean circumcision"

ReptarSwag | 4

#3061595 - Monday 8 August 2011 5:51

Haha I remember that FML.

pronounciations | 5

#3062945 - Monday 8 August 2011 9:49

By Jdeluxh | 12

#3060252 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:00

Just do the same when she gets undressed.

reallytho3 | 11

#3061017 - Monday 8 August 2011 3:22

IF she gets undressed u mean...

CookieMonstr19 | 0

#3067914 - Tuesday 9 August 2011 3:26

Good idea!show her how it feels

hotrod14 | 0

#3075837 - Wednesday 10 August 2011 4:03

how hard she tried or how hard you tried.

By Denikk | 0

#3060286 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:03

Haha you gaboyz it's funny because... ah fuck it it's just funny xDD

By WCARlover | 34

#3060309 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:04

What's up with all the FMLs with all these extremely nice girlfriends lately? Like the one that wouldn't kiss her bf cause of a pimple. What a Sweetheart.