Intimacy: Today, I took my clothes off in front of my girlfriend for the...

By Eddie - 07/08/2011 19:43 - Israel

Today, I took my clothes off in front of my girlfriend for the first time. She made a weird face for a moment, then burst into laughter. She couldn't stop laughing, no matter how hard she tried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 800

You deserved it 4 895

Intimacy

Walk the line

Our house, in the middle of our street

Scarcity

By Madzison - 06/02/2012 10:08 - Australia

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my boyfriend about his Miley Cyrus obsession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 946

You deserved it 4 675

By Anonymous - 20/12/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, I was playing hide and seek with a few friends. I hid in the bathroom, under the sink in a cabinet. I ended up having to sit there quiet as a mouse while my grandfather took an incredibly long and vile dump. I was too afraid to move. Let's just say he didn't rush it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 190

You deserved it 9 805

By LP - 16/02/2015 03:25 - United States - Madison

Today, I was at work copying some papers. The copier is below a shelf with lots of paper and signage, which suddenly flew off the hinge and hit me in the head as well as the copier. My boss ran in, asking, "Is the copier okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 546

You deserved it 2 357

Lujack

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 09:46 - United States - Oakland

Today, I found out the real reason my dad bought a new car and generously gave me his old one. He knew the engine was about to fail and didn't want it to be his problem when it finally did. It blew out while I was driving at high speed on the motorway. Just my luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 668

You deserved it 1 743

By sunburychick - 13/09/2009 09:27 - Australia

Today, I realised that the man who I wanted to be with, the man who wanted to be with me, and my husband were three different people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 782

You deserved it 26 073

By mlove - 06/09/2010 08:35 - United States

Today, my future mother-in-law finally admitted that I'm "not the girl for her son" and that she will do anything to break us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 341

You deserved it 2 889

Dating is hell

By ZombiKilla - 16/08/2016 02:46 - United States - Delta

Today, I went on a date. Met the guy at the restaurant, everything seemed to be going OK, but then he spent the entire dinner talking about Pokemon GO, and wouldn't let me say a word. He suddenly stops talking, gets up, says he, "doesn't feel a connection" and leaves. I had to pay the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 474

You deserved it 1 538

By Anonymous - 27/06/2015 19:58

Today, I wore flip-flops to work. Just as I walked onto the elevator, they made a sound very close to that of a fart. About 10 seconds later, some asshole let out a silent but deadly fart, earning me a bunch of disgusted looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 404

You deserved it 4 830

By EaglEye - 02/11/2016 08:29

Today, I found out that even though I suffer from insomnia most days, I can sleep within 5 minutes of studying Solid Mechanics, especially when I have an end term the next day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 316

You deserved it 816

By Completely Fed Up - 20/04/2016 18:55 - United States - Spokane

Today, after 2 weeks of hard work in the heat planting a garden, just as I thought the most stressful part was over, my wife's mother comes over and brings a huge dog. She then threw a tennis ball for the dog into my freshly seeded garden multiple times, completely destroying most of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 337

You deserved it 1 503

By Mojo0608 - 02/11/2014 21:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my 16-year-old brother once again scored well at a local archery competition. He got home and, once again, unleashed his "spectacular aim" at the toilet - or rather the toilet seat and surrounding floor. He refuses to clean the bathroom we share every single time he does this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 178

You deserved it 2 520

By ultraattitude - 22/04/2012 07:01 - United States - Union City

Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 930

You deserved it 12 571

Milky Milky

By Shock91 - 11/09/2019 02:02 - China - Beijing

Today, the host family that I'm staying with in China gave me a small milk box to drink. It tasted a bit tangy and sour, but I thought that was probably just the taste of milk in China. Trying to be polite, I practically chugged the whole box. Later, I found out that it had expired 20 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 449

You deserved it 324

By So so close to clean - 08/02/2017 10:00 - United States - Warren

Today, with words of encouragement from my mom, I vacuumed my room. After finishing and admiring my job well done, I went to put the vacuum away. It caught on the plug for my electric razor which was dangling below the dresser and yanked that and everything else that was on top of it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 318

You deserved it 1 234

By Anonymous - 15/06/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, my dad decided to clean out my car and "accidentally" threw away my $520 tax refund check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 080

You deserved it 6 798

By Anonymous - 25/06/2011 20:39 - Switzerland

Today, my family went out to dinner at a seafood restaurant. While we were eating our food, my grandma demanded to see the manager, and loudly complained that her fish was "too fishy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 991

You deserved it 4 207

Boozehound

By not an alchy - 09/05/2021 19:59

Today, my boyfriend tried to confront me about my “drinking problem”. He claims that the last time he was at my place, I had a full bottle of rum and now it’s gone. He hasn’t spent the night at my house in over two months and it was a half bottle of Malibu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 85

By bees - 09/10/2014 06:51 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was mowing my grandma's lawn when I was suddenly swarmed by bees. When my grandma saw me covered in stings later on, she said, "Oh yeah, there are tons of bees in the grass! Be careful!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 988

You deserved it 2 703

By grounded4life - 22/07/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, I tried to make my mom feel better about me leaving for camp for 2 weeks by saying I wish she would come too. She took me seriously and called the camp and is now a camp counselor there. The only problem is I lied about going to the camp, and I'm really going to my boyfriend's lake house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 336

You deserved it 83 278

By FD4 - 15/09/2018 14:30

Today, my girlfriend's parents asked if I could move their car. I started the engine and began to accelerate, not noticing that the automatic transmission was on R. I drove right into a wall behind me, shattering the rear lights. Now I owe them $150 for repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 282

You deserved it 3 113

By sheridan.ashley - 15/05/2010 06:27 - Australia

Today, my sister decided to wake me up by pumping handwash into my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 973

You deserved it 3 499

By PUA - 15/03/2012 01:06 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 111

You deserved it 6 541

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 561

You deserved it 27 111

By FinanciallyF*ked - 21/11/2018 15:30

Today, after my husband applied for a VA loan so we could move out of our ridiculously overpriced apartment and into our first home as a mortgage would be significantly cheaper, we were denied. If we can afford $1400/month in rent, we surely can’t be trusted with $1000/month for a mortgage, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 126

You deserved it 183

By Anonymous - 19/09/2017 13:00

Today, my seemingly innocent younger brother showed our family a video of what he was doing last night when he skipped New Student Orientation. He's been in college all of 48 hours and he's already joined a fight club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 183

You deserved it 284

By Carpet cleaner - 21/02/2012 02:15 - Canada

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 980

You deserved it 2 655

By not chicken spaghetti - 18/12/2016 23:58 - United States - Clarksville

Today, while cooking supper with my boyfriend, we both smelled something funny. He tasted the sauce I was making, then asked me to taste it because something was off. I guess the burned teflon of our cheap pot mixed with Rotel just doesn't work that well. Now we're having dry chicken and plain noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 753

You deserved it 660

By Savy - 13/02/2017 12:00 - United States - Mesa

Today, I was tailgated by a car with his high beams on for an hour. Any time I changed my speed or lane, he would do the same. I finally managed to get away from him because a cop pulled me over and gave me a speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 064

You deserved it 898

By AnnieTheKitteh - 01/03/2018 19:00

Today, I came up with a new system: If I want to buy something, I must do a chore first. I thought my laziness would keep me from impulsive shopping. Instead, my entire apartment is sparkling clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 797

You deserved it 1 031

By itsjustnotfair - 05/09/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, my dentist asked me about my fillings, so I told him that when I was younger, I had 2 cavities. He replied, "No you didn't. I just looked at your x-rays." Turns out my old dentist ripped me off. I never needed fillings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 326

You deserved it 2 537

Charming

By iwillcutyou - 06/12/2018 07:30 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, as I was working in retail, this guy shoved me into the shelves for asking if he needed help with anything, screaming at me that I need to leave him alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 618

You deserved it 143

By GeoKid - 18/03/2013 03:09 - Canada

Today, after six months of writing a 40 page paper criticizing a famous method, I found out the professor who conceived it has transferred to my favorite college to head the department I'm applying to study in. They require I submit the paper with my application. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 059

You deserved it 4 924

It's the Final Countdown

By Mightytall - 11/09/2019 00:01

Today, I had a very long wait at the doctor's. The three plastic plants in the waiting area have 163 leaves each, the patient information poster on the wall has 127 words, the longest word has 19 letters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 562

You deserved it 142

By Littlebigben - 19/07/2017 05:00

Today, I found a cellphone. I went through the contacts and called the one listed as 'dad' to inform them I could leave it at a cash register of the store I found it in or take it to the police station so they could pick it up. They then called the police, insisting I stole it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 599

You deserved it 318

By BaconLover - 28/10/2013 04:58 - Japan

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I could love anything more than her, and if so, what. I guess "bacon" was the wrong answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 566

You deserved it 45 420

Fight the power!

By Balphleair - 19/10/2019 13:00 - Lebanon - Saida

Today, my country went on strike and is overthrowing the government, and I'm stuck on a night shift at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 384

You deserved it 115

Eau de toilette

By anon - 05/03/2011 10:15 - United States

Today, as I was about to go in the bathroom, a girl walked out, shaking water off her hands. Some of it landed on my face, and I just wiped it off. Then she said to her friend who was waiting for her, "The sink's broken. Can I use your hand sanitizer?" So what landed on my face? FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 400

You deserved it 3 097

By CanWeAllGetOne - 13/11/2013 06:40 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 777

You deserved it 13 981

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 01:03 - France

Today, I teach English in Taiwan. I got two new students, brothers named Harry and Potter. People, they're children, not pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 625

You deserved it 5 031

By Anonymous - 28/08/2011 06:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 931

You deserved it 6 352

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Top comments

WCARlover 34

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Monday 8 August 2011 1:04

What's up with all the FMLs with all these extremely nice girlfriends lately? Like the one that wouldn't kiss her bf cause of a pimple. What a Sweetheart.

Jdeluxh 12

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Monday 8 August 2011 1:00

Just do the same when she gets undressed.

yudothat 2

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Monday 8 August 2011 0:55

Yikes.

annasworld 3

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Monday 8 August 2011 1:39

she's sounds like such a great self esteem booster

DoubleDose 0

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Monday 8 August 2011 1:55

lemme guess, you tried putting your pants on two legs at a time o impress her and fell over

eminemchick 19

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Monday 8 August 2011 2:33

2 ur pic matches ur comment perfectly.

iAddictiion 0

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Monday 8 August 2011 2:59

Y U say that

YourEvilHero 12

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Monday 8 August 2011 3:17

I heard the little blue pill works great with that problem.

Eggers 2

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Monday 8 August 2011 5:34

if you thumbed up 65's comment and not 69's comment, you're a stupid sheep that knows nothing of the Internet.

daysgoby902 6

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Monday 8 August 2011 6:00

106 is there something I'm missing?

FridayPasta 0

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Monday 8 August 2011 6:19

i like how none of these comments have anything to do with #1's comment, whores

yudothat 2

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Monday 8 August 2011 6:53

yoursucklives 36

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Monday 8 August 2011 8:31

put it in her pooper

eminemchick 19

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Monday 8 August 2011 15:06

wow thanks for degrading me 106 now i feel so worthless ima ball up in this corner and pretend im a carrot. like that nyan cat guy.

HowAreYouToday 34

Monday 8 August 2011 18:11

STAY AWAY FROM THE RABBIT!

sunlovinmama 1

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 6:38

She was probably just nervous and inexperienced

icecreammintz 0

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Monday 8 August 2011 0:57

THE PERFECT MOMENT FOR A DICK SLAP, nah jk, unless you wanted to. :D

kameryn25 3

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Monday 8 August 2011 1:55

By the sound of it OP couldn't dick slap his girlfriend if he wanted. It's ok though it's not about the size it's about how.... ok it really is about the size F your life OP.

ShyAnn29 14

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Monday 8 August 2011 1:58

It could have nothing to do with the size of his dick

T1A2Z3 34

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Saturday 26 May 2018 15:09

Maybe he has a cyanide and happiness comic tattooed across his chest?

Polo_X 0

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Monday 8 August 2011 2:01

If not the size, then maybe it's the fat rolls covering it...geez I'm a terrible person for thinking this. Sorry man. :( FYL

jesse70781 2

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Monday 8 August 2011 2:45

Maybe she was laughing because his dick was small as hell. In that case he wouldn't of even ben able to DICK SLAP HER! lol

Jvr91 8

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Monday 8 August 2011 3:03

Maybe it was L shaped

eminemchick 19

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Monday 8 August 2011 3:03

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

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Monday 8 August 2011 4:40

or maybe it was A B C or D shaped. Or E or F... you get the point. ;)

tieu2arock 3

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Monday 8 August 2011 5:15

stir it...

thomas357 0

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Tuesday 9 August 2011 5:57

I would have

grapist 0

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Thursday 11 August 2011 8:34

Then what would the problem be huh?

RyanMacVey 17

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Monday 8 August 2011 0:58

ok... for a moment there i actually thought that id wrote this :L

Amrel 10

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Monday 8 August 2011 0:59

Tell her now you know how i feel then dump the bitch

PrickHead 0

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Monday 8 August 2011 3:01

maybe all she could of thought was: "that's a clean circumcision"

ReptarSwag 4

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Monday 8 August 2011 5:51

Haha I remember that FML.

pronounciations 5

Monday 8 August 2011 9:49

Jdeluxh 12

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Monday 8 August 2011 1:00

Just do the same when she gets undressed.

reallytho3 11

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Monday 8 August 2011 3:22

IF she gets undressed u mean...

CookieMonstr19 0

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Tuesday 9 August 2011 3:26

Good idea!show her how it feels

hotrod14 0

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 4:03

how hard she tried or how hard you tried.

Denikk 0

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Monday 8 August 2011 1:03

Haha you gaboyz it's funny because... ah fuck it it's just funny xDD

WCARlover 34

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Monday 8 August 2011 1:04

What's up with all the FMLs with all these extremely nice girlfriends lately? Like the one that wouldn't kiss her bf cause of a pimple. What a Sweetheart.