Today, I took my clothes off in front of my girlfriend for the...

By Eddie - 7/8/2011 19:43 - Israel

Today, I took my clothes off in front of my girlfriend for the first time. She made a weird face for a moment, then burst into laughter. She couldn't stop laughing, no matter how hard she tried. FML

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Intimacy

Great boyfriend

Hello everyone!

Peaky Bladders

By published_anthropologist - 23/7/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of eight years explained to me that the Egyptian pyramids were built by aliens from Mars. I have a B.S. in Biology and an M.S. in Anthropology, and I am working on my Ph.D. She thinks I'm an irrational idiot for telling her she is wrong. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2011 15:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend still couldn't work out where my clitoris is. It's RIGHT THERE, you idiot. I've pointed it out, but each time it's like he needs a compass and a map or something. FML

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By STOPTAKINGPICTURES - 8/7/2013 23:45 - United States - New York

Today, it's been the tenth restaurant meal in a row that my husband has to ruin with Instagram, in the belief that anyone cares. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/2/2016 09:12 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I'm neck-deep in debt paying for med school. What's worse, the professors here are so terrible that even the morons on Yahoo Answers are 100 times better at explaining my coursework to me. FML

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By ConfusedFiancé - 29/10/2017 22:00

Today, I stumbled across my boyfriend's tumblr page. I've known him for years and never knew he had one. Being curious, I decided to give it a look, only to be ambushed by a wall of furry porn. FML

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By RainbowSuck - 7/2/2017 16:00 - Canada

Today, after passing various interviews and tests, I was given a great job pending a pre-employment medical test. Now I'm jobless and colorblind. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2020 20:02

My ex the dumbass

Today, my long distance boyfriend sent me a Snap of him fucking another girl. When he realized he'd sent it to me, he called me, trying to explain, "it's not what it looks like. It was meant for the boys." Two days ago, I made plans to visit him. Guess who's out money and single. FML

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By Jinthebar - 6/5/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML

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By Hareega - 19/12/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, I took my first day off in 3 weeks just so I can sleep in. The office secretary woke me up at 7.12 am with a page wishing me a nice day off. FML

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By YYY - 29/5/2019 18:00

Today, I put all my clothes into two piles. One pile had clothes I usually wear, the other clothes I wanted to donate. When I was done, I put the piles into two jumbo trash bags. I came back a bit later and they both were gone. My mom donated both bags. I have no clothes. FML

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By iams - 30/8/2018 06:00

Today, I found out my mom is banging my ex-boyfriend's best friend. He’s 22 and my mom is 50. Oh, and not only does my ex know, but so does the whole town. FML

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By erinbarto - 17/10/2019 20:00

Soon.

Today, I listened to my mom having a conversation with my dog, asking him if he ate my hamster. My hamster isn't even dead. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2013 06:13 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I waited over an hour for my bus. As I finally saw it approaching, I reached into my purse to grab my ticket. The lady next to me then gave the driver a hand signal to keep driving. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2011 02:52 - United States

Today, I came home and was greeted by my dad telling me that he pawned my guitar for gas money. FML

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By lextoast - 26/7/2015 18:15 - Rwanda

Today, I went on a fabulous date with a really cute, smart, funny guy. He only mentioned his dad, so when I asked about his mom, I asked if they were divorced. She'd died of breast cancer so I felt awful. Then I asked if his dad had ever remarried. His stepmom had died of cancer too. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, my husband was leaving on a long business trip to Germany. As he's leaving, my daughter starts crying. 'Dont leave me with her !' she says. 'Take me with you !' FML

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By mike4444 - 12/2/2010 18:11 - France

Today, I bought myself a flower for Valentine's Day to be delivered to myself from "Anonymous". FML

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By whatismydadthinking - 6/8/2009 08:45 - Australia

Today, I was introduced to my future stepmother, but it turns out that I already know her. Not only are we the same age and went to the same high school, when we were in the same math class together the teacher would often confuse our names because "we could pass as twins". FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2015 01:27 - United States

Today, my grandma rushed into my work and told my manager I had to leave due to a family emergency. Panicked, I ran to get my stuff and ran to the car. When I asked what had happened, she replied, "I needed someone to go see 50 Shades of Grey with me." FML

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By educatedreptile - 9/12/2016 16:21 - Canada - Yorkton

Today, I found out that I owe the government money and that the amount will increase if I miss the deadline 2 months ago. FML

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By jnr1234 - 20/6/2012 02:15 - United States - Princeton

Today, I was sent a letter by the vet, saying my cat was late for her yearly checkup. My cat died last week and I'd had her cremated by the same people who had sent the letter. FML

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By Chelsea - 2/4/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

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By Jim - 26/11/2019 16:00 - Canada - Winfield

Bigger than...

Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML

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By drano - 2/8/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, I was working as a cashier at my job. A guy came up with a cart full of stuff and it took me 10 minutes to ring it all up. When I told him his total, he felt his pockets, said "Oh shit I forgot my wallet!" and walked away. He left about 15 bags worth of things for me to put back. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2012 05:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got into an argument with my girlfriend over how many sides a triangle has. I actually ended up drawing her a diagram. FML

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By Soundofaboner - 23/4/2013 16:08 - United States

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

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By Mikabe - 14/2/2011 18:51 - Sweden

Today, I was working as an intern at a day care. One of the kids touched my chest a couple of times, and I jokingly told him that he shouldn't touch old and ugly women like me. So he started groping the little girls instead. When the other teachers asked him why, he said I had told him to. FML

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By oops - 27/9/2015 02:24 - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, I got confused and said grace before brushing my teeth. FML

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By itsellie27 - 30/8/2013 14:44 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend told me that he would leave me if I didn't seek help for my eating disorder. The eating disorder in question? Vegetarianism. FML

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By PapaW - 1/11/2013 07:01 - United States - Lehi

Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy are you alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She responded with, "Hey, yeah he is at work - did you get a new number?" FML

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By yay! - 8/11/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, I found my son's iPod touch and was looking at a light-saber app. He walked into the living room to see me fighting the cat and making sound effects to myself. FML

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By zain - 4/6/2011 06:15 - United States

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

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By thank god you'll only live once - 8/11/2013 20:12 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, in the lunch line at school, a kid literally ordered a "hamburger with extra swag." FML

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By Toast514 - 29/7/2009 23:49 - Canada

Today, I was short shifted at work because one of my employee's decided not to show up. Furious, I wrote her up and made predetermined judgments about her. When she came in, I went off on her for being absent and leaving me stuck. She then informed me her mom tried to commit suicide. FML

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By Notcheating - 3/12/2019 18:00

Not a cheating!

Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo.

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2013 21:20 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML

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By holla1787 - 4/12/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her birthday is tomorrow so she sent her new boyfriend to pick up her birthday present. FML

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By dang. - 20/8/2019 06:03

Today, I figured out the bank account my mom set up for me is actually a joint account, and she gets half the money I deposit. I have been putting money in there for 10 years. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2016 16:37 - Australia - Brisbane

Today my daughter asked me to do her a huge favor : undergo a liposuction transplantation where my fat would be sucked out then put into her butt and thighs. Apparently, I am the fattest DNA match to her, lessening the risk of her rejecting the transplant. FML

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By Hahaha - 29/1/2009 15:19 - United States

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy the Plan B pill. The pharmacist recognized me and said, "Really? Again?" FML

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Top comments

By WCARlover | 34

#3060309 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:04

What's up with all the FMLs with all these extremely nice girlfriends lately? Like the one that wouldn't kiss her bf cause of a pimple. What a Sweetheart.

By Jdeluxh | 12

#3060252 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:00

Just do the same when she gets undressed.

COMMENTS

By yudothat | 2

#3060180 - Monday 8 August 2011 0:55

Yikes.

annasworld | 3

#3060573 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:39

she's sounds like such a great self esteem booster

DoubleDose | 0

#3060693 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:55

lemme guess, you tried putting your pants on two legs at a time o impress her and fell over

eminemchick | 19

#3060836 - Monday 8 August 2011 2:33

2 ur pic matches ur comment perfectly.

iAddictiion | 0

#3060895 - Monday 8 August 2011 2:59

Y U say that

YourEvilHero | 12

#3060990 - Monday 8 August 2011 3:17

I heard the little blue pill works great with that problem.

Eggers | 2

#3061525 - Monday 8 August 2011 5:34

if you thumbed up 65's comment and not 69's comment, you're a stupid sheep that knows nothing of the Internet.

daysgoby902 | 6

#3061630 - Monday 8 August 2011 6:00

106 is there something I'm missing?

FridayPasta | 0

#3061695 - Monday 8 August 2011 6:19

i like how none of these comments have anything to do with #1's comment, whores

yudothat | 2

#3061896 - Monday 8 August 2011 6:53

yoursucklives | 36

#3062387 - Monday 8 August 2011 8:31

put it in her pooper

eminemchick | 19

#3063940 - Monday 8 August 2011 15:06

wow thanks for degrading me 106 now i feel so worthless ima ball up in this corner and pretend im a carrot. like that nyan cat guy.

HowAreYouToday | 34

#3065319 - Monday 8 August 2011 18:11

STAY AWAY FROM THE RABBIT!

sunlovinmama | 1

#3203603 - Tuesday 30 August 2011 6:38

She was probably just nervous and inexperienced

By icecreammintz | 0

#3060202 - Monday 8 August 2011 0:57

THE PERFECT MOMENT FOR A DICK SLAP, nah jk, unless you wanted to. :D

kameryn25 | 3

#3060690 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:55

By the sound of it OP couldn't dick slap his girlfriend if he wanted. It's ok though it's not about the size it's about how.... ok it really is about the size F your life OP.

ShyAnn29 | 14

#3060710 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:58

It could have nothing to do with the size of his dick

Polo_X | 0

#3060723 - Monday 8 August 2011 2:01

If not the size, then maybe it's the fat rolls covering it...geez I'm a terrible person for thinking this. Sorry man. :( FYL

jesse70781 | 2

#3060860 - Monday 8 August 2011 2:45

Maybe she was laughing because his dick was small as hell. In that case he wouldn't of even ben able to DICK SLAP HER! lol

Jvr91 | 8

#3060915 - Monday 8 August 2011 3:03

Maybe it was L shaped

eminemchick | 19

#3060917 - Monday 8 August 2011 3:03

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#3061267 - Monday 8 August 2011 4:40

or maybe it was A B C or D shaped. Or E or F... you get the point. ;)

tieu2arock | 3

#3061435 - Monday 8 August 2011 5:15

stir it...

thomas357 | 0

#3068780 - Tuesday 9 August 2011 5:57

I would have

grapist | 0

#3083844 - Thursday 11 August 2011 8:34

Then what would the problem be huh?

By RyanMacVey | 17

#3060216 - Monday 8 August 2011 0:58

ok... for a moment there i actually thought that id wrote this :L

By Amrel | 10

#3060218 - Monday 8 August 2011 0:59

Tell her now you know how i feel then dump the bitch

PrickHead | 0

#3060907 - Monday 8 August 2011 3:01

maybe all she could of thought was: "that's a clean circumcision"

ReptarSwag | 4

#3061595 - Monday 8 August 2011 5:51

Haha I remember that FML.

pronounciations | 5

#3062945 - Monday 8 August 2011 9:49

By Jdeluxh | 12

#3060252 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:00

Just do the same when she gets undressed.

reallytho3 | 11

#3061017 - Monday 8 August 2011 3:22

IF she gets undressed u mean...

CookieMonstr19 | 0

#3067914 - Tuesday 9 August 2011 3:26

Good idea!show her how it feels

hotrod14 | 0

#3075837 - Wednesday 10 August 2011 4:03

how hard she tried or how hard you tried.

By Denikk | 0

#3060286 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:03

Haha you gaboyz it's funny because... ah fuck it it's just funny xDD

By WCARlover | 34

#3060309 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:04

What's up with all the FMLs with all these extremely nice girlfriends lately? Like the one that wouldn't kiss her bf cause of a pimple. What a Sweetheart.