Love: Today, a girl I've been crushing on for over a year finally gave...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a girl I've been crushing on for over a year finally gave me her number. I lost the note at home, but found it a few hours later. I excitedly called, only to find she'd written down the number for the local Pizza Hut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38847

You deserved it

4552

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Love

Sorry…

Pull your shit together, Bezos

Ideal first date

By 123_omg

Today, I got a surround sound system from my best friend. I didn't even have it hooked up when the sub woofer fell to the floor and smashed. I don't know if it can be fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1851

You deserved it

357

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had to be go to the ER after I fell on a rake. After having stiches put in, my Mom wanted me to go to the store with her. My friend saw me at the store and thought it would be funny to rip off the band aid because she thought I was hiding a zit. She ripped out my stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67496

You deserved it

3018

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By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30513

You deserved it

2109

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after going to the beach with my guyfriend, I thought I looked pretty good infront of him in a bikini. Later he whispered in my ear, "You have a lot of hairs sticking out of your bottom". FML

I agree, your life sucks

22860

You deserved it

45762

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By idiot says pussy - United States

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49256

You deserved it

7912

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By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, I had a few friends over. Wanting to seem cool, I yelled at my girlfriend to get me a beer. She chucked four bottles at my head. All my friends cheered her on. FML

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7833

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By Broke as a joke

Today, I received the bill for my trip to the ER months ago. Almost $1000 for a quick 2.5 hour stay, only to find out that I had bad gas from drinking far too much of the seltzer I had bought on sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1483

You deserved it

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By normal - France - Ambres

Today, it's been two days since my upstairs neighbour's toilet started flooding both our apartments. I have to go to the bathroom with an umbrella. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33672

You deserved it

2690

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By noyodel - Italy

Today, I had been planning a family trip for months. My father had all his bags packed, ready to go in the car. He had my grandmother's ashes in his suitcase, and planned to spread them on a mountain. This morning our car was broken into and everything was stolen. The thief stole my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63339

You deserved it

3374

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By Anonymous

Today, I came home from a month long vacation to find my house absolutely trashed with a lot of valuable items missing. Burglary? Nope. My dad, who was meant to be house-sitting for me, let the neighbour's teenage son have several parties there in exchange for weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5320

You deserved it

450

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By MakeMyDay_27 - United States

Today, my daughter told me that my head is shaped like a kidney bean and that I'm lucky she even talks to me in public. She's 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43866

You deserved it

5606

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By Brokenheartz - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Happy Valentine's Day anyway

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months told me he was not going to celebrate Valentine's Day because it was a "capitalistic consumerism holiday." He works in a bank and helps "capitalistic consumerism" 364 days a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26914

You deserved it

5369

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a ticket for being drunk in public. I was walking a couple blocks from the bar to my house, because I didn't want to drive drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25402

You deserved it

2659

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By ditsy - United States

Today, I was on webcam for the first time with a guy I've been texting for a while. Trying to show off my guitar skills, I lean down to pick it up and fell on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14726

You deserved it

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By Nicole - United States

Gift of the gab

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that he's not very good at dirty talk. He does it every time we have sex and it always turns me off. He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40166

You deserved it

7228

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By Donezoo - United States

Today, my car was broken into. They broke the passenger side window and took my radio system. But they didn't take the remote for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20584

You deserved it

2317

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By Anonymous - United States - Mio

Today, I woke up in the hospital after my sister saved me from "hanging" myself. In reality, my sister choked me because I ate her last chicken nugget. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15515

You deserved it

1409

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By took it - United States - Syracuse

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43679

You deserved it

8308

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By snowbell18 - United States

Today, I had to pay my manager $10 just to take my stalker's order so I didn't have to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23863

You deserved it

2381

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw myself in a 'girls gone wild' ad with another girl. So did my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28117

You deserved it

119077

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years confessed that at first, she'd only dated me to get her friend jealous, and that even now, she "only kind of liked" me. I bought a ring only a few days ago, and was planning on proposing to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51813

You deserved it

4116

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By parent

Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5125

You deserved it

2760

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By chiktikka - United Kingdom

Today, my dad asked me to lend him some money to buy his medication, since he's all but broke right now. He returned with nothing but a bottle of tequila. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49006

You deserved it

8386

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By Anonymous - United States - Rock Springs

Today, I checked the app I had used during the night. It's supposed to record you while you sleep if you make any noise, and I had downloaded because my friends say I snore. The only noise it picked up was my parents having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38184

You deserved it

3765

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By BFFN - United Kingdom - Glasgow

BFF

Today, my best friend told me she no longer wants an "active friendship" with me. She says she doesn't have time to see me, since she has a boyfriend and a bunch of friends she's spent years bitching to me about. We've gone from a 14-year friendship to awkwardly nodding at each other in the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22547

You deserved it

1324

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By fucktheearth - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was sitting at my desk when out of nowhere I had a "silent sneeze attack". Someone in the office called the paramedics because they thought I was having a seizure. This is the third time this has happened this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21384

You deserved it

2025

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By OverIt - United States - Winchester

Today, I talked to my husband about his lack of interest in sex. Apparently his definition is polar to mine; his is along the lines of cuddling. Not only did I wait until marriage to have sex with this man, apparently he prefers a permanent roommate without benefits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55561

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got an interview at a restaurant after looking for a job for three months. I dressed nice, and the interview was going well until this blonde girl in booty shorts and fishnets walked in. The manager hired her on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29910

You deserved it

2407

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By Anonymous

Today, I caught my 29-year-old brother-in-law scratching his poison ivy with a handful of forks before putting them back in the drawer. I called him on it and he huffed, "You've never said anything before." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3779

You deserved it

314

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By presente13 - United States

Today, my family and friends decided to throw a surprise party for my 16th birthday. I was so surprised that the shortness of breath triggered a serious asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45782

You deserved it

3824

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By paranoid - United States

Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14650

You deserved it

54943

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By bigdaddy - United States

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant with my extended family. It was expensive, and when the bill came, I whispered to my brother, "We may need to make this one a Chew and Screw". When the waitress came back to the table, my five year old son decided to ask aloud "What's Chew and Screw?". FML

I agree, your life sucks

9201

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Today, after spending 12 hours desperately searching everywhere I could think of, I'm forced to admit I left my wedding ring in the bathroom of the hotel suite we just spent our honeymoon in, on the literal other side of the planet. I am a dead man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4175

You deserved it

1345

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2021 00:30

Primitive art

Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

808

You deserved it

247

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By Downanout

Today, I found out I did so horrible during my interview that I didn’t even get a rejection email. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1586

You deserved it

235

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By Kylene - United States

Today, I had an interview for a job in a professor's lab. He seemed like a really nice, grandfatherly old guy. We got up to go take a look around the lab, and he held out his arms really wide to me... so I went in for a hug. Turns out he was just gesturing for me to go through the door first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19702

You deserved it

52641

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By anonymous - United States - Noblesville

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43927

You deserved it

3325

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in the midst of sleep, my boyfriend hurled my cellphone across the room and into the wall because he couldn't be bothered to pick up or hang up an incoming call. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22354

You deserved it

3317

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By crushed - United States

Today, I was hanging with my boyfriend and when his mom came to pick him up, he introduced me. She talked to me politely and i thought we hit it off very well. As I was walking away I hear her say "That's your new girlfriend? Honey, you could do so much better". FML

I agree, your life sucks

81027

You deserved it

4454

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By theatreismylife - United States

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework. Then, he looks up, his eyes meeting mine. His smooth voice mutters my name as his face inches closer to mine. I can feel his minty breath against my face. My pulse is racing. Then, he says "What's a pronoun?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

61435

You deserved it

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Top comments

By jbird1193 | 3

#2577314 - Saturday 28 May 2011 5:54

at least they will be at your house in 30 minutes or less..

By mmsdrummer51 | 3

#2577487 - Saturday 28 May 2011 6:05

so order 500 pizzas and send them to her house

COMMENTS

By jbird1193 | 3

#2577314 - Saturday 28 May 2011 5:54

at least they will be at your house in 30 minutes or less..

alex1432 | 9

#2577352 - Saturday 28 May 2011 5:56

my pizza hut doesn't deliver... : (

lolmaster7654321 | 4

#2577517 - Saturday 28 May 2011 6:07

did you not notice that most pizza huts have numbers like 310-1010?

lolmaster7654321 | 4

#2577535 - Saturday 28 May 2011 6:08

ummmm most pizza hut numbers are like 310-1010... how could u not notice it was a stupid number like that...

SCREAM4meeee | 0

#2577593 - Saturday 28 May 2011 6:18

16- isn't that pizza pizza? :S

i_love_grrr | 0

#2577805 - Saturday 28 May 2011 6:47

my pizza hut is 2222 in the last four lol

iLikeWaffles155 | 5

#2577920 - Saturday 28 May 2011 7:08

mine's 444-4444

bbucaro98 | 0

#2577994 - Saturday 28 May 2011 7:27

mines 6969

Frelling | 0

#2578561 - Saturday 28 May 2011 11:37

131166, thumbs up if you're Aussie.

plataapusss | 0

#2579781 - Saturday 28 May 2011 18:27

she must be fat if she remembers pizza huts number instead of her own

imthatguythatdid | 0

#2582486 - Sunday 29 May 2011 6:01

5959 for me

That0therguy | 4

#2582725 - Sunday 29 May 2011 8:50

Go for Dominos, their better.

FarSide | 22

#2585427 - Monday 30 May 2011 4:58

New Jersey? Don't be discouraged OP. The fat ass probably lives there.

jsaxon1996 | 0

#2708673 - Saturday 18 June 2011 15:12

Marcos!!!

By lemonaids | 1

#2577347 - Saturday 28 May 2011 5:56

Hmmm, maybe she works there?

tabarnak_fml | 7

#2577568 - Saturday 28 May 2011 6:14

exactly what i was thinking :P

boredSOLDIER | 33

#2577656 - Saturday 28 May 2011 6:27

happened to me but was the number to dairy queen and she had worked there before, but in my case we still hooked up after having "punk'd" me

xxlauruh | 0

#2577790 - Saturday 28 May 2011 6:44

I don't know why 32. you look sexy.

AlwaySunny | 0

#2578369 - Saturday 28 May 2011 9:38

hahha if she memorized pizza hut's number I'm pretty sure you may have dived a bullet with that one..

AlwaySunny | 0

#2578375 - Saturday 28 May 2011 9:42

*doged

GeezWhatAnIdiot | 0

#2578945 - Saturday 28 May 2011 14:50

*dodged... derr

By X0lilmommax0 | 0

#2577358 - Saturday 28 May 2011 5:57

Lol better than the rejection hotline,..... Ive gave a guy a hooker number

maattyy | 1

#2578325 - Saturday 28 May 2011 9:21

How did you get a hooker's number? I didn't even know hookers HAD numbers

DoubleEdgedBlade | 4

#2578505 - Saturday 28 May 2011 11:03

Oh they have numbers...that'll cost you $10.

FarSide | 22

#2585436 - Monday 30 May 2011 5:00

@4: Who else but a New Jersey lesbian would have her hooker's phone number memorized? Geez...

By lilbeast0327 | 3

#2577365 - Saturday 28 May 2011 5:57

pussy

By 11up | 14

#2577367 - Saturday 28 May 2011 5:57

sometimes pizza>girl

california283 | 6

#2577519 - Saturday 28 May 2011 6:07

yeah idk about that. pizzas can't give bjs.

Commander223 | 9

#2577763 - Saturday 28 May 2011 6:40

^^^^^ disagree

Commander223 | 9

#2577764 - Saturday 28 May 2011 6:40

^^^^^ disagree

adrianblackett | 0

#2578621 - Saturday 28 May 2011 12:06

^^^^^disagree

kingtz | 6

#2579152 - Saturday 28 May 2011 16:02

17, watch American Pie, and then improvise.

sxe_beast | 11

#2581526 - Saturday 28 May 2011 23:47

To me pizza>females, but guys>pizza>females ^_^

FarSide | 22

#2585442 - Monday 30 May 2011 5:03

One year, at band camp, I used a sausage pizza to give myself a...

FrostHeart | 36

#3515880 - Sunday 30 October 2011 23:42

97 since guys beat pizza and pizza beats girls, you'd rather be with guys than with girls?

By lilbeast0327 | 3

#2577390 - Saturday 28 May 2011 5:59

#6 ur obviously either gay, a fatass, never been laid, or all 3

That0therguy | 4

#2582727 - Sunday 29 May 2011 8:52

Ha, Your comment was modified... so... yeah...?

By pitchblease | 2

#2577401 - Saturday 28 May 2011 5:59

why cant some women just reject the guy straight to his face. it's absolutely terrible to. give the false sense of accomplishment.

DoomedGemini | 37

#6289455 - Wednesday 13 May 2015 3:07

Because some guys are dicks who will throw a tantrum, not leave you alone, or could potentially get dangerous.

By ShelbyyCakess | 0

#2577412 - Saturday 28 May 2011 6:00

is she chubby? maybe she's giving you a hint..

By Jjustin | 0

#2577472 - Saturday 28 May 2011 6:04

how about an original fml???

By jasminea | 0

#2577478 - Saturday 28 May 2011 6:04

wow, she must be ... wide! only true fatties know the # memorized. smh /: