Miscellaneous: Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about... - FML

By BEE - United States

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

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Late term

Doomed

Jonah begs to differ

By ohhelllllno - Canada

Today, the $300 ring my boyfriend gave me for my birthday slipped off my finger... into the toilet. I had to sift through my own poo to get it back. FML

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By Cait - Canada - Olds

Today, my friend figured out that if you poke my neck I scratch like a dog. She has yet to cease doing it. FML

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By thanksnicksparks - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I loved her. I tried to be cute and romantic and responded with a quote from the Notebook, which I watched with her yesterday. After I said, "If you're a bird, I'm a bird," she broke up with me because I was "phony and unoriginal." FML

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By kacie smith - United States - Youngsville

Today, my husband and I bought a new swing for our front porch. We put it together and sat down to enjoy our accomplishment. 5 minutes into our swing I threw up several times. I have really bad motion sickness, and apparently a swing is no exception. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my parents changed the code on our alarm system while they were out of town. The police could not verify I was their son, despite spending hours trying to get hold of them. They thought it was just another telemarketer. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Mitcham

Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML

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By IHateMyJob - United Kingdom

Today, I received an email from my boss telling me how appreciated I was and how valuable I am to the company. I wish I hadn't scrolled down to read the included conversation where he asked his boss whether to lie to me about how good I was or not. FML

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By BarCrush

"friend"

Today, and for the past two months, I've been going to the bar with my friends quite regularly because I have a massive crush on the cute bartender. Being quite shy, I asked my friend if he could be my wingman so I could finally talk to her properly. He took her home. FML

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By :( - United States

Today, at my new job at a funeral home, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't "lighten the hell up" while dealing with our grieving clients. FML

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By northernlass - United States

Today, I boarded a trans-Atlantic flight by myself, and struck up a nice conversation with the passenger across the aisle. Before we even took off, the man in front of me unbuckled, stood to face me, and asked me to please shut the hell up. "It's a 9 hour flight, and you're VERY loud!" FML

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By secretdoll - United States

Today, I was eating at a Mexican restaurant with my sister. I was happily biting into a burrito, when I saw a man in his car in the restaurant parking lot, staring at us and jacking off. FML

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By ilovebigmacs - United States - San Francisco

Today, I spotted an elderly man trying to use the ladder at work. Knowing customers aren't supposed to use these, I went over and helped. Not only did I fall from the ladder, but I landed on the old man's foot, breaking my elbow and fracturing his toe. FML

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By Anonymous - Virgin Islands, U.S. - Kingshill

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, he started sucking on my breast. He ended up popping a pimple on it into his mouth. He threw up and that, as they say, was the end of that. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I opened some small cute birthday gifts at my boyfriend's house. As we left to go out, he slipped me a Tiffany box and said he wanted me to open it in private. Flushed and excited, I open it to find a ziploc filled with hair. It was his mustache I had been begging him to shave for months. FML

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By maharaja

Today, multiple people informed my girlfriend that I’m cheating on her. I’m not. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I was asked to leave a church service for laughing at the kids trying to sing. FML

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By bullllllshittttt - United States

Today, I went to a rave where apparently one of my favorite rappers was supposed to perform. I stood in line for 2 hours in the rain, got pushed and shoved, and had to witness a bunch of drunken idiots puke all over the place. Once I finally got to the front of the line, they closed the doors. FML

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By Zodiacfall

Precision strike

Today, I replaced my bedsheets with new, clean ones. I went to the bathroom to wash up, and when I came back, my cat had peed exactly where my head would be. FML

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By Damnit - United States

Today, I realized that in my relationship with my significant other, the roles are switched. We went out for a nice dinner, I paid, and when we got home he "had a headache" and asked for an aspirin so he could go to sleep. FML

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By blue.

Today, I'm the coach of a football team. To celebrate winning a game, they poured a cooler of blue Gatorade over my head. This would've been great, if not for the fact that I'm highly allergic to blue food dye. FML

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By hakura madada - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I mistook my dog's head for the gear shift while tearing down the highway. FML

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By Iknowitlooksbad

Today, I learned the hard way not to keep my own cash in my pocket while working as a cashier, when I was forced to give $30 to a scamming customer. FML

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By poop - United States

Today, my mother surprised me with a new alarm clock. It's attached to a toy car which races around my room with obnoxious sirens going at full blast until I crawl out of bed and turn it off. She says this will be a regular thing. FML

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By Aleial - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's "therapy" meetings have been with my best friend, in his truck. FML

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By Apissedoffguy - United States - Brockton

Today, in a parking lot, a girl came up to our car and started to knock on the window and scream, "I KNEW IT!" My girlfriend doesn't believe that I don't know her. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Houghton Le Spring

Today, I was at the airport waiting for my flight to leave for Hawaii when I received an urgent call from my neighbour saying that my house had been broken into. After rushing home and missing my flight, I had to explain to the police that my house wasn't burgled, it was just very messy. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - West End

Today, my dog chewed up my $120 dildo. Goodbye, sex life. FML

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By vanessa560 - Canada

Today, my dog started limping as we were walking home. I thought she'd hurt herself, so I picked her up and carried her home. Once we arrived, I put her down, at which point she ran around and played as if nothing had happened. I fell for my lazy dog's plan to get me to carry her home. FML

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By almost governmental - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, I got a call about a job interview, saying I was hired. I was ecstatic, until they called me back and said they'd called the wrong applicant. They called again later, saying there'd been a mistake and I really was hired. When I went in to confirm it, they said they'd never heard of me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Bedford

Today, I entered the bathroom to discover that my brother had left semen and filthy water all over the floor and counter. I confronted him and demanded that he clean it up. My parents heard, sighed, and sent me back into the bathroom to clean it up myself. The towel was soaked too. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent all day at the hospital with my grandma for some tests. When I drove her back home she decided to thank me with $50. Knowing she is unemployed, I told her I couldn't take a whole $50. She replied with "Ungrateful, just like your mother", then took the money and left. FML

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By pointlessperson - Canada

Today, I hung out with a friend who has been too busy to hang out with me in a few months. I decided to make the day super special with fun plans and spent a lot of money doing so. When I got home, her facebook status said "Pointless day, gone to bed". FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. Not for cheating or for flirting, but because I wear tighty whities. FML

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By secret - United States

Today, I found out the electric bill I have been paying was on my old house. I found this out when they shut off the power to my house. FML

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By XxtentaculonxX - United Kingdom - Oban

Dweebs

Today, I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls, and why we're single. We somehow ended up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends, finding out that we both like hentai porn, and trading info on Japanese sex toys. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, my boss told me that if I didn't become his neighbor on Farmville I wouldn't have a job. I laughed. He didn't. FML

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By Adopted

Today, my mom realized that the "door" part in "screen door" doesn't block sound when she began to talk to our neighbours about how much of a failure I am. I heard everything. FML

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By Andrew - United States - Monroe

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

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By whymommywhy - United States

Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML

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By Xerfox - Germany - L?wenstein

Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML

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Top comments

By Master_Beta_XD | 0

#614986 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:13

How did you mistake a newborn child with a coconut? That's what I'd like to know. o_o

By null_fml | 11

#614989 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:14

Was it at least a baby coconut?

COMMENTS

By moonlight_daze | 8

#614973 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:10

YDI for being fucking blind.

Reply

humorizer | 14

#615637 - Sunday 11 October 2009 18:58

YDI for being an obvious liar. Obviously the baby wasn't cute if you couldn't see it.

Furthermore, all maybes look the same, except for minor hair length differences and shades.

Reply

GreenHacker | 0

#616471 - Monday 12 October 2009 3:41

Not true. Some babies are really ugly

Reply

LOLOLOLOLOLOL123 | 2

#616663 - Monday 12 October 2009 6:15

That's What She Said. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO

Reply

Occam | 0

#616707 - Monday 12 October 2009 7:01

#46....maybes lol

Reply

christa953 | 12

#1029988 - Monday 14 June 2010 5:20

agree with 46...op is obviously seeking attention and wanting recognition and thank yous for saying a baby is cute. well too bad for being stupid and blind, op

Reply

528Alice491 | 3

#5039738 - Saturday 13 October 2012 21:32

Yeah, because if she were blind, that would be her fault too. Jackass.

By iamturtle101 | 0

#614976 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:11

dumbass

Reply

callieo12 | 0

#3685165 - Monday 5 December 2011 4:19

wow calm down........

By Master_Beta_XD | 0

#614986 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:13

How did you mistake a newborn child with a coconut? That's what I'd like to know. o_o

Reply

PumpkinTarte | 0

#615013 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:21

Probably the brown hair.

Reply

brinky09 | 0

#615075 - Sunday 11 October 2009 10:13

Maybe she was black.

In any case, YDI for being a retard.

Reply

crackberrie | 0

#615989 - Sunday 11 October 2009 22:37

haha yea i was wondering how this mistake was made...
in any case, this really isn't an FML.. an FML would've been if the lady was holding a baby and you said "aww what a nice coconut"

By null_fml | 11

#614989 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:14

Was it at least a baby coconut?

Reply

Dydy_fml | 0

#615806 - Sunday 11 October 2009 20:45

HAHAHAHAHA

Reply

Dydy_fml | 0

#615816 - Sunday 11 October 2009 20:48

well baby coconut are green dont they ?

By Synnie | 0

#614990 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:14

Don't have a child and a coconut tree, okay? :c
Don't "mistakenly" crack the wrong one open.

If it helps, one's heavier than the other, and has a harder shell.

Reply

OhhxGoshhxAri | 0

#615798 - Sunday 11 October 2009 20:42

Hahahahahah, I just cracked up. Haha, no pun, but that just really made me laugh for some reason.

Reply

MrStongray | 2

#4302565 - Saturday 14 April 2012 5:45

Don't worry I did the same thing haha

By overkill_78 | 4

#614997 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:16

You, ma'am, are a coco-nut!

Hehehehehehe...heh...eh...eh.

I'm going to go cry now.

By shoeaddiikt | 0

#615030 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:36

HAHAHAHA
This gave me a good laugh!!! Classic!

By michellechuuu | 0

#615033 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:37

total fail.

By Chopperman_fml | 0

#615035 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:37

I disagree with the OP. Coconuts are not cute babies.

By alexgisforme3 | 0

#615049 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:49

lol really! hahahaha. nice