Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about... - FML

By BEE - 10/10/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10212

You deserved it

47344

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

Social distancing gone wrong

They're everywhere

By Ricky - 9/3/2009 00:00 - Canada

Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react, I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled, "you jerk! Why are you mocking her? She has tourettes you know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

52988

You deserved it

40743

Tweet

Share

By novaguy - 24/2/2015 16:15 - United States

Today, I learned that, when choking on a piece of food, you can cough hard enough to partially prolapse a hemorrhoid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28647

You deserved it

2522

Tweet

Share

By Radioo - 18/1/2010 09:00 - United States

Today, my rabbit died. He died a painful death from ingesting too much carpet. I now have no rabbit and a patchy carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30732

You deserved it

6736

Tweet

Share

By Undercover - 12/10/2009 08:38 - United States

Today, while working as a plain clothes police officer, I witnessed a fight in a front yard. My partner and I intervened and clearly identified ourselves as police. Unfortunately, the two guys' mother didn't have her hearing aid in, and hit my arm with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35541

You deserved it

4401

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/9/2010 18:50 - Canada

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend, the love of my life. Actually I ran into a billboard for her college, where apparently she is the new "poster girl" for their advertising campaign. I have now seen her on 2 billboards, a newspaper ad and a bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33722

You deserved it

3423

Tweet

Share

By Babs - 2/1/2014 13:17 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I did a bike ride and run with a gent I'm serious about. On the run, I had a big lead until he passed me up saying, "I'm going to marry you." Puzzled that he would propose and then sprint away leaving me trailing, he clarified at the finish. His words: "I'm going to bury you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42179

You deserved it

5353

Tweet

Share

By iTried - 28/1/2016 12:12 - United States - Houston

Today, I found out my best friend was cheating on her boyfriend. After confronting her boyfriend and showing him proof, he responded with denial and didn't believe me. Now my whole circle of friends not only think I'm trying to start a rumor, but that I'm a home wrecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22451

You deserved it

8736

Tweet

Share

By sirensaresexy - 24/7/2012 13:54 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I got on a two hour train ride to go to a concert. I had been so caught up in handling the train tickets that halfway to the concert, I realized I had left the concert tickets on my dresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25748

You deserved it

9028

Tweet

Share

By notthesame - 18/8/2016 04:45 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my overprotective dad bolted all of my windows shut so that I don't turn out like my sister and sneak out or sneak boys in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14623

You deserved it

1178

Tweet

Share

By Faithy - 3/6/2011 18:32 - United States

Today, I got flustered because my hair straightener wasn't working. It took me fifteen minutes to realize I hadn't turned it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9702

You deserved it

48242

Tweet

Share

By Infadel - 22/7/2014 21:55 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of unemployment. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I reached back and grabbed a towel behind me to wipe my face. Turns out it wasn't a towel, it was my newly dry-cleaned suit jacket that my wife had put there for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37743

You deserved it

10467

Tweet

Share

By Mothertucker - 8/3/2017 00:00

Today, I came across one of the pitfalls of having open discussions with my 15-year-old son when he asked me how to shave his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3596

You deserved it

653

Tweet

Share

By ForeverAlone - 15/10/2014 00:13 - United States - Watertown

Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34334

You deserved it

3735

Tweet

Share

By Poopy - 12/1/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding him. When we were done, he got up and I noticed a long brown line on the edge of the bed. I knelt down to smell it. It was NOT chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57183

You deserved it

8047

Tweet

Share

By damnit - 25/8/2009 06:44 - Australia

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16743

You deserved it

63914

Tweet

Share

By nickern - 8/2/2012 00:13 - Australia

Today, I was willing to sit behind a truck doing 10km/h just to hear an interview with Robbie Williams on the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7479

You deserved it

22900

Tweet

Share

By unitywoods - 27/3/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, our entire crew team was at a yoga studio for an introductory yoga lesson. All my teammates could talk about how hot the yoga instructor was in her tight spandex while doing the sexy yoga poses. Everyone, including the coach, wanted to do her. The yoga instructor is my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

83019

You deserved it

4828

Tweet

Share

By stpddog - 25/7/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, while trying to get my attention, my dog got her nail stuck in a usb port in my laptop. She freaked out and ran off, dragging it off my lap and through the house before if came off. Her nail was only slightly chipped- my laptop now has a cracked screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44462

You deserved it

8935

Tweet

Share

By Greg - 11/2/2013 04:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I got left in the middle of slow dancing with a girl I liked. She came back and said, "Sorry, I had to make sure the guy I really like knows that I don't like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41480

You deserved it

2521

Tweet

Share

By Karl - 21/2/2011 11:43

Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34626

You deserved it

5934

Tweet

Share

By halza - 30/5/2016 11:03 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, after a long 16 hour shift, I was milliseconds from sleep when my girlfriend said she "wants to talk". I'm now writing this from the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14327

You deserved it

957

Tweet

Share

By Lizzy - 11/11/2016 03:01

Today, I tried to make things less awkward by complimenting my Tai Chi partner's ring and he says, "Thanks, it's a purity ring!" I said, "I used to have one of those. Would you believe me if I said I lost it in a river?" Now my entire Tai Chi class thinks I lost my virginity in a river. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11896

You deserved it

2654

Tweet

Share

By robbyrabbit - 11/11/2010 07:41 - United States

Today, I went to the place I signed for yesterday to pay the first month's rent and get my keys. I looked around before I left, and used the toilet. I went back later to show my boyfriend and found the place flooded an inch with water coming from the toilet. It had been flooding for 7 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25909

You deserved it

4690

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/11/2012 18:28 - United States - Ellensburg

Today, I flew back home from out of state. When I got back to my house, my bed, furniture, and TV were gone. My girlfriend changed her number and I have no idea where she lives now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29734

You deserved it

2299

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/5/2020 02:00

Better out than in

Today, I had the most excruciating pain I've ever felt in my lower right abdomen. I was doubled over and vomiting it hurt so bad. After going to the E.R., thinking it was my appendix and getting checked in, I let out the biggest most rancid fart in my life and the pain immediately went away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1713

You deserved it

332

Tweet

Share

By virgin - 25/11/2018 20:00

Early program

Today, I was so excited because tomorrow I'm going to be losing my virginity. I just used the bathroom and I got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks

288

You deserved it

68

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 13/3/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, my friends and I were drinking boba. On the side of the cup it said "Please drink carefully to avoid choking on the Boba". I started to laugh at the ridiculousness of the label, and choked on the boba in a coughing fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15564

You deserved it

68526

Tweet

Share

By ByeByeBlackberry - 7/9/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, I decided I would finally get up and weed our front yard. After a long couple of hours, I was hot and sweaty and decided to jump in the pool, with all my clothes on, just for fun. Right as I was in the air doing a cannon ball, my BlackBerry started to ring from my pocket... FML

I agree, your life sucks

16696

You deserved it

57094

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/1/2014 21:30 - Iceland

Today, my mom made me go shopping with her. It was freezing out, but she didn't wear a coat, boasting that she doesn't feel the chill like I do. By the time we drove home she was whining about freezing to death, and now I'm stuck in a house whose heating is set to "inferno". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43185

You deserved it

4166

Tweet

Share

By Thebestman123 - 5/8/2011 02:45 - United States

Today, my mom was screaming at me and said, "I wish I'd never adopted you." I guess I'm adopted then. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60948

You deserved it

3079

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/5/2009 21:37 - Germany

Today, there was a a huge storm. There were no buses so I walked for an hour to see my boyfriend of two years who (usually rather the unemotionally type) had called me, crying. When I got there soaking wet, he told me that he doesn't love me anymore and this makes him sad. I had to walk back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62146

You deserved it

3867

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/5/2013 20:33 - United States

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

48565

You deserved it

6368

Tweet

Share

By Grounded - 5/9/2011 11:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother offered to pay for my tickets to go see my girlfriend who I haven't seen for 6 months. She was happy to pay for the £130 flight, but then refused half way through the purchase because she wasn't going to "let the buggers charge £13 extra" for using her credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26930

You deserved it

3523

Tweet

Share

By sick - 21/9/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I decided I would call in sick to work after working 60 hours the week before just so I could have a day off... My body responded this morning with vomiting and diarrhea so I had to call in sick and didn't get to have much fun... Karma 1 Me 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35674

You deserved it

11269

Tweet

Share

By deserved - 29/10/2009 14:27 - United States

Today, after feeling fat and ugly and a bit depressed, I logged on to Facebook to see my boyfriend had posted "I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world!" I 'liked' it and commented "Aww thank you baby!" I logged in later to see that he commented back saying "I didn't mean you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44271

You deserved it

5167

Tweet

Share

By jcstpierre - 24/4/2009 10:41 - United States

Today, I received a mass email from my boss saying we had a position open at the daycare I work at. I knew my boyfriend was looking for a job so I insisted he apply. Later at work, my boss takes me into her office and tells me my employment is being "terminated". My boyfriend is replacing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62447

You deserved it

5563

Tweet

Share

By LGFLIPSTER - 31/8/2009 03:32 - Canada

Today, I was strolling past an old women when from behind she called "can you help me get the rest of the groceries out of the car?" I approached the car, and helped her un-load bags. She began hitting me, screaming "SOMEONE IS STEALING MY THINGS". She was actually asking her son in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44608

You deserved it

6530

Tweet

Share

By No thanks - 20/5/2016 00:06 - United States

Today, I was called a bitch and "freaky as hell" because I don't like watermelon. I'm sorry, but just because I'm black doesn't mean I like watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14505

You deserved it

1475

Tweet

Share

By amg85904 - 30/1/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26762

You deserved it

6490

Tweet

Share

By djshahso - 26/2/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7640

You deserved it

46749

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Master_Beta_XD | 0

#614986 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:13

How did you mistake a newborn child with a coconut? That's what I'd like to know. o_o

By null_fml | 11

#614989 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:14

Was it at least a baby coconut?

COMMENTS

By moonlight_daze | 8

#614973 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:10

YDI for being fucking blind.

Reply

humorizer | 14

#615637 - Sunday 11 October 2009 18:58

YDI for being an obvious liar. Obviously the baby wasn't cute if you couldn't see it.

Furthermore, all maybes look the same, except for minor hair length differences and shades.

Reply

GreenHacker | 0

#616471 - Monday 12 October 2009 3:41

Not true. Some babies are really ugly

Reply

LOLOLOLOLOLOL123 | 2

#616663 - Monday 12 October 2009 6:15

That's What She Said. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO

Reply

Occam | 0

#616707 - Monday 12 October 2009 7:01

#46....maybes lol

Reply

christa953 | 12

#1029988 - Monday 14 June 2010 5:20

agree with 46...op is obviously seeking attention and wanting recognition and thank yous for saying a baby is cute. well too bad for being stupid and blind, op

Reply

528Alice491 | 3

#5039738 - Saturday 13 October 2012 21:32

Yeah, because if she were blind, that would be her fault too. Jackass.

By iamturtle101 | 0

#614976 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:11

dumbass

Reply

callieo12 | 0

#3685165 - Monday 5 December 2011 4:19

wow calm down........

By Master_Beta_XD | 0

#614986 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:13

How did you mistake a newborn child with a coconut? That's what I'd like to know. o_o

Reply

PumpkinTarte | 0

#615013 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:21

Probably the brown hair.

Reply

brinky09 | 0

#615075 - Sunday 11 October 2009 10:13

Maybe she was black.

In any case, YDI for being a retard.

Reply

crackberrie | 0

#615989 - Sunday 11 October 2009 22:37

haha yea i was wondering how this mistake was made...
in any case, this really isn't an FML.. an FML would've been if the lady was holding a baby and you said "aww what a nice coconut"

By null_fml | 11

#614989 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:14

Was it at least a baby coconut?

Reply

Dydy_fml | 0

#615806 - Sunday 11 October 2009 20:45

HAHAHAHAHA

Reply

Dydy_fml | 0

#615816 - Sunday 11 October 2009 20:48

well baby coconut are green dont they ?

By Synnie | 0

#614990 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:14

Don't have a child and a coconut tree, okay? :c
Don't "mistakenly" crack the wrong one open.

If it helps, one's heavier than the other, and has a harder shell.

Reply

OhhxGoshhxAri | 0

#615798 - Sunday 11 October 2009 20:42

Hahahahahah, I just cracked up. Haha, no pun, but that just really made me laugh for some reason.

Reply

MrStongray | 2

#4302565 - Saturday 14 April 2012 5:45

Don't worry I did the same thing haha

By overkill_78 | 4

#614997 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:16

You, ma'am, are a coco-nut!

Hehehehehehe...heh...eh...eh.

I'm going to go cry now.

By shoeaddiikt | 0

#615030 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:36

HAHAHAHA
This gave me a good laugh!!! Classic!

By michellechuuu | 0

#615033 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:37

total fail.

By Chopperman_fml | 0

#615035 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:37

I disagree with the OP. Coconuts are not cute babies.

By alexgisforme3 | 0

#615049 - Sunday 11 October 2009 9:49

lol really! hahahaha. nice