Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while in line at the supermarket, I told the lady behind me that she had a cute baby. She shot me a disgusted look and straight up accused me of being a pedophile. FML
Today, I waved at a baby while standing in line in a store. It started screaming. Its mom looked over in mild concern and gave me a disturbed glare before moving to the next checkout counter over. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, feeling good about myself, until when I was waiting in line at the checkout, a small kid in his mother's arms in front turned to look straight at me and said, "Ewwwww." FML
Today, at the grocery store, I saw a woman rubbing her belly lovingly and said, “Aw, congratulations!” She replied, “On what?” There was no baby. Just bread. FML
Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML
Today, while shopping, a lady came up to me and asked if she could borrow my baby because, "Y'know, I'm in a hurry and they'll let me checkout first." FML
Today, while waiting in the queue at a supermarket checkout, my three-year-old daughter yells out, "Mom! Mom! Is that a man or a lady in front?" Embarrassed, I reply, "Honey, can't you see that it's a... it's a... a..." FML
Today, I was taking my 3 month-old nephew for a walk in his stroller, when a lady stopped me to coo over him. Then she patted my stomach and said, "Don't worry, you'll lose the baby weight soon." I've never had a baby. FML
Today, the lady in front of me in the checkout line had a pacifier hanging around her neck, but I didn't think much of it until it was time for her to pay. She reacted to the $250 total by crying like a baby and very loudly asking me to put the pacifier in her mouth to calm her down. FML
Today, I saw a shady looking customer carrying a very suspicious looking baby stroller with a blanket on top of it. Thinking they were shoplifting, I stopped them before they walked out of the store and snatched it. The attachable car seat came off and there really was a baby in there. A real live crying baby. FML
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Top comments
Master_Beta_XD 0
How did you mistake a newborn child with a coconut? That's what I'd like to know. o_o
null_fml 11
Was it at least a baby coconut?
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Comments (112)
tttron 0
LMAO
gameoverman_fml 0
Someone has been watching a little too much Mighty Boosh. Milky Joe appears to have fled his native desserted island, infiltrated the supermarket, and began his quest for world domination by mass procreation. Coconut babies - the way of the future. Next think you know they'll be taking our jobs, stealing our women. It has begun.
plexico 4
There are so many fat, round, hairy, ugly people around these days, are you sure you were wrong? Once you realized the baby's hideous head had no body, you could console the mother saying, "At least it's not anencephalic!" I'll bet you couldn't apologize profusely enough -- I hope she milked it for all it's worth.
hotissue 0
don't babies have soft hair? i mean, a coconut has coarse and rough hair
Redrosesandrain 0
how far did you have to walk? did you lose your place in line? details matter!
Ohnothingreally 0
Too many people YDIing. Not enough people LOLing.
Ross_H 0
Should have gone to SpecSavers.
thefrenchcow 0
YDI only because you said the baby was cute BEFORE actually seeing it. What if there was a baby, but with a malformation of something like that? 'oops'... o_0
n0lovesongs 0
Lame fml.
InsanePPG 25
THE OP IS MY MOM!!!!!!!!!
olivejuice001 0
So, you can tell us, does the stupid run in the family?
Lia_Mackenzie 4
ROFL
whataloadofbull 0
obviously hes a retard too
InsanePPG 25
#39, bits of stupid do run in the family. But I believe it skipped a generation. #40, I'm glad I made you laugh. #41, I'm a she. And don't say retard. They prefer to be called little people.
528Alice491 3
Really?? Or just sounds like something she would do? Lol This has been one of my all time favorites. I could not stop laughing, I could just imagine the looks around these two women and their own reactions :')
InsanePPG 25
Really really. She called me after it happened, and I walked her through the steps of submitting it to this site. I'm still really glad it got published.