Kids: Today, while waiting in the queue at a supermarket checkout,... - FML

By [...] - France - Vaulx-en-velin

Today, while waiting in the queue at a supermarket checkout, my three-year-old daughter yells out, "Mom! Mom! Is that a man or a lady in front?" Embarrassed, I reply, "Honey, can't you see that it's a... it's a... a..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57934

You deserved it

8225

Tweet

Share

Triage

Another great day to be alive

There's no helping some people

By whatthehell - United States

Today, my mom had big news. I've been trying to get her to quit smoking because of second hand smoke for 20 years. She learned today that second hand smoke severely affects animals as well. Her big news? She's quitting. She doesn't want to hurt the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67199

You deserved it

3739

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, I realized that not everyone in the office needs to hear my explosive diarrhea through the a/c vents that interconnect through the entire building. I think an email was sent around, describing people's reactions in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30028

You deserved it

3033

Tweet

Share

By kam3221 - United States

Today, I got in the shower, washed my hair and shaved because I wanted to look great for a big date. I got out, brushed and dried my hair and spent an hour putting it up in the perfect hairstyle. Running late, I quickly put on my new dress, looked down and realized i had only shaved one leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23839

You deserved it

54174

Tweet

Share

By thinkimquitting - Australia - Yarraville

Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31932

You deserved it

2558

Tweet

Share

By blegh - United Kingdom

Today, my 18-year-old son asked me if I was a virgin. I still don't know what to say to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47982

You deserved it

8837

Tweet

Share

By das_shizzle - 30/9/2020 23:02 - United States - Montesano

Oh shit

Today, as I was getting ready to go to class, I accidentally stepped in dog poop. I was in a hurry, so I scraped it off as best as I could. When I go to class, I noticed it smelled. The girl behind me noticed and said, "Mmmmm, smells like food in here." FML

I agree, your life sucks

923

You deserved it

92

Tweet

Share

By yeah - United States

Today, I entered my first professional fight as a mixed martial artist. It's been my dream to become a UFC champion one day. All I do is train and watch UFC fights all day. I was out cold in a matter of seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14707

You deserved it

27654

Tweet

Share

By magicmaster19

Today, my mom complained that I never do anything nice for her, so while out shopping I bought her favorite chocolate bar. When I got home, she screamed at me because she’s on a diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1675

You deserved it

221

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

What is it?

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67869

You deserved it

8180

Tweet

Share

By happy birthday to me - United States

Today, I had to explain to half of my class that yes, my birthday is on the same day as Hitler's, but no, it does not make me a Nazi. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45654

You deserved it

3108

Tweet

Share

By Jasmine - United States - Sacramento

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I noticed he looked uncomfortable. When I asked what was wrong, he asked when the last time I shaved was. I answered, "I shaved my legs this morning." He shook his head and said, "No, I meant your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38819

You deserved it

6092

Tweet

Share

By Charlotte - United States

Today, I arrived at work at 8, and business was abnormally slow, but we assumed it would pick up. Few hours later, we had not had a single customer. As I walk out of the restaurant, I realize the open sign has been off all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11091

You deserved it

38936

Tweet

Share

By badluck - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I was out with my boyfriend, when he started browsing wedding rings. He found a ring, proposed to me right there in front of a crowd, and then was promptly denied a payment plan. We left without a ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59277

You deserved it

5733

Tweet

Share

By crash - United States

Today, I went dirtbiking. While I was going down a hill, I spun out of control and flipped over my handle bars. I now have a sprained arm, multiple bruises and a crescent-shaped gash on my neck that looks like I was bitten. People are asking if my boyfriend and I were being frisky last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43137

You deserved it

8883

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me 80 times in 5 minutes. I had previously told him I was with my friends. He left me a voicemail proposing saying he loved me to death and he was crying. We've been dating for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45110

You deserved it

5025

Tweet

Share

By browngirl - Canada - Vernon

Today, at work, a lady came in to have her glasses fixed. When she opened her case, an earwig crawled out. Instead of trying to kill it, she just left it and watched as it crawled over my desk and behind my computer. I later found the earwig in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45785

You deserved it

4939

Tweet

Share

By queenofthegypsys

Why Change a Perfectly Good System?

Today, while creeping on my boyfriend's ex-wife’s Facebook, I found out that he used to call her the same nicknames he now calls me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1002

You deserved it

860

Tweet

Share

By bcca - United States

Today, my grandma sent me a Valentine's Day card. For years she's been hinting at me to lose weight. The card: a picture of cookies on the front and a gym membership inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24103

You deserved it

6309

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my first concert and was really anxious about screwing up my performance. Good news: I played fine. Bad news: as I walked off the stage, I tripped over my own feet, face-planted the floor, and busted my nose open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34662

You deserved it

3033

Tweet

Share

By Party Pooper - United States

Today, my housemates are throwing a huge house party to celebrate finishing their finals. It's 4:30am and people are still arriving. I have my last final in 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31588

You deserved it

2346

Tweet

Share

By sullry

Great solution

Today, I had a talk with my roommate that last semester my grades took a bit because he stays up late every night playing video games. And then asked him about playing less, so I can get more sleep. Today also, he gave me a pair of ear plugs and asked if they would solve the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1550

You deserved it

845

Tweet

Share

By Sticky - 8/11/2020 17:02 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Craft beer bores

Today, just before bed, I decided to put away the dry washing. I ended up knocking over my boyfriend's precious brewing ginger beer. It took me an hour to clean it off the floor, cupboards, door, outside and inside of the fridge. Everything is still sticky and smells of yeast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

769

You deserved it

343

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Wow thanks, I'm cured

Today, I learned from my father that all I had to do was eat right and exercise and I would be bipolar free. Gee, why hadn't I thought of that yet? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1611

You deserved it

146

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8676

You deserved it

2234

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on. My boyfriend noticed that every time I'm about to climax, I hit my head on something. Whether it's a wall or his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28356

You deserved it

6097

Tweet

Share

By thicklysettled - United States

Today, I was talking to the girl I've liked for 2 years. We were assigned partners for a History project so we were going to work on it at my house. When she asked me for directions, I told her I lived on Woodcock Road. She yelled slapped me and stormed off. I was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57440

You deserved it

3365

Tweet

Share

By unloved cat owner - United States - Carmichael

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43589

You deserved it

9439

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I went to Sunday school for the first time. The priest assured us we could ask him anything, so I did. When class ended the priest pulled me and my mom aside and asked her to stop bringing me to Sunday school until "she learns not to question the bible and accept what she is told". FML

I agree, your life sucks

5886

You deserved it

715

Tweet

Share

By tm - United States - Madisonville

Today, I went to the emergency room with chest pain. I didn't have a heart attack, but I now have a broken nose after passing out and face-planting in the waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22775

You deserved it

2082

Tweet

Share

By madbirthdaymomma - United States - Roswell

Today, I was hosting my daughter's thirteenth birthday party. One parent decided to stay at my house, the only parent to do so. The entire night she critiqued every decision I made, from the films to the cake. When it was time to open presents, her kid was the only one without one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52715

You deserved it

4326

Tweet

Share

By Fiona the Deceived

Baby New Year?

Today, I found out that my birth date was entered incorrectly, and I’ve been believing that I am a year older than I really am. I’m actually 14, not 15. How did this happen? Both my parents and the doctor got the year of my birth wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4251

You deserved it

238

Tweet

Share

By notworthy - New Zealand

Today, I found the Christmas 'newsletter' my mom sends out every year to our extended family and friends that details our activities and achievements of the past year. I wasn't mentioned once. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26149

You deserved it

3559

Tweet

Share

By Joey Soprano - 18/8/2020 02:06

Bad boys, bad boys…

Today, I went to the DMV today and sat in line for over 6 hours to renew my driver's license. Even though with the pandemic, it's been extended to New Year's Eve but I decided to get it done and over with. I get called up to finish everything, only to find out my license is suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1189

You deserved it

500

Tweet

Share

By Jean - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend told me love is like a drug. I started tearing up because this is the most romantic he has been in a while. He then went on to break up with me, telling me that my "prescription is up". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36176

You deserved it

3646

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Auburn

Today, my neighbor finally password-protected his wifi. Right in the middle of my timed, online exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29994

You deserved it

95495

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Belle River

Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43839

You deserved it

9826

Tweet

Share

By Noname - France

Today, I've just lost over £12,000 and it's not even halfway through the trading day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36985

You deserved it

8704

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my mum came over and helped me sort out my spare room. It was great, we found so many things I'd forgotten I had! Including anal beads. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1536

You deserved it

926

Tweet

Share

By minnie - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and I farted so loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53661

You deserved it

6880

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Cats > Babies

Today, my husband loves his cat more than our new baby daughter. This morning, he spent 2 hours playing with the cat, yet when I handed him his flesh and blood daughter, he found an excuse to hand her back after 5 minutes, then 5 minutes after that he was playing with the cat again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1871

You deserved it

383

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Mal2003 | 17

#7584770 - Thursday 11 January 2018 2:59

I'm sorry, I misunderstood the post

By ThatEmoBoy | 26

#7596028 - Wednesday 7 February 2018 18:52

I laughed so hard at this

COMMENTS

By Mal2003 | 17

#7584769 - Thursday 11 January 2018 2:58

So? Which one are you?

By Mal2003 | 17

#7584770 - Thursday 11 January 2018 2:59

I'm sorry, I misunderstood the post

By ThatEmoBoy | 26

#7596028 - Wednesday 7 February 2018 18:52

I laughed so hard at this

By sarsuela | 26

#8003829 - Friday 25 June 2021 21:29

Does it matter?