Today, at dinner, my downstairs neighbors described how they can hear most of my movements, including the buzz of my phone when I text late at night. I think all of us knew that it's not my phone that's vibrating at that time. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, the only thing my downstairs neighbor wanted to talk about with me is how she can hear us go to the bathroom. She also claims that she can tell which one of us is going, based on the noise level. FML
Today, I learned that my apartment's walls are thin enough for my neighbors to hear my vibrator. I've lived in this apartment for three years. I've been single and horny for all of them. FML
Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML
Today, I found out my upstairs neighbors filed a noise complaint against me for banging on the ceiling every night. They conveniently left out the part where they constantly stomp, shout, and do stuff that sounds like they're dropping bricks to the floor every night. FML
Today, my downstairs neighbours screamed at me for making so much noise that I woke their children up and made them cry. The noise was the sound of a loose floorboard shifting as I crept to my bathroom, and again on my way back to bed. They've sworn to get me evicted. FML
Today, I was informed by my next door neighbor that they heard me singing in the shower last night. I laughed and she told me that the family gathers in their upstairs room closest to my bathroom window to guess which song I'm singing. Every night. FML
Today, after a recent move into my new apartment, I woke up early to study for an upcoming exam. I hadn't left my bed yet or made a sound, when my neighbor texted me and asked why I was awake. No one in the building has my phone number. FML
Today, my landlord sent me a text asking me to please keep it down because our loud Wednesday night sex sessions are disturbing other tenants in the building. Wednesday is my night shift every week so my wife is home alone, or at least I thought she was. FML
Today, I acted like I always do when I'm alone in my seemingly sound-proof apartment. I sang loudly, talked back to the TV, used my vibrator. Later, in the silence of the night, I heard my neighbor next door YAWNING. FML
Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML
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Top comments
MRP360 14
Nothing wrong in using a nosehair trimmer.
DocBastard 40
I have two suggestions for you. Feel free to use either one: 1) Buy a very thick rug 2) Use a ***** instead of a vibrator. You're welcome.
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Comments (93)
Jasim 17
Someone definitely is cheating.
doctorhook86 25
#12: Yeah, her non-vibrating toys are jealous they've been replaced.
Theglc20 27
I bet that left you buzzing with embarrassment
amileah13 26
Awkward!
PenguinBitch 44
It's the vibration from the game controller right?.....right?!
doctorhook86 25
#18: OP is old-school; she can't get enough of her N64 with Rumble Pack.
fmleli 11
lol I love this
kred 21
Girls don't jerk it
doctorhook86 25
#21: Son, you're in for a surprise.
ChristinePi 36
And guys are emotionless sex machines.
Gabilliam 19
Ohh lemme tell you a thing...
lovely_mess3 15
Oh sweetness you're so wrong. I ********** more than most men I know. Hell, I should get stock in batteries.
riffehunter 16
@46, actually we have two emotions: hungry and horny.
lovely_mess3 15
So if he doesn't have a boner make the poor guy a sandwich.
ChristinePi 36
#61 I was being sarcastic. I was stereotyping/generalizing like they did.
sturschaedel 27
56, do your wallet and the environment a favor and invest in rechargable batteries.
rainbowdonnareed 18
That was there polite way of saying um please be quieter! Get a shower head it gets ya clean and dirty....now ya need a shower radio! Question roommates or family?
hume 18
Use a ***** instead. You're welcome.
DocBastard 40
Your comment looks somehow familiar.
ilovesoccer1610 31
Great advice, except Doc already commented basically the same exact thing
UhHuhHoney 20
This reminds me of the time when I had an upstairs neighbor. I slept on an air mattress during that time and that shit would always deflate during the night & I would constantly inflate it with the loud ass machine it came with. I hope my neighbor didn't think I had a loud ass vibrator lololol
pjsr 33
What great neighbors - that was a very diplomatic way of letting you know to keep your private time more private.