Today, at dinner, my downstairs neighbors described how they can hear most of my movements, including the buzz of my phone when I text late at night. I think all of us knew that it's not my phone that's vibrating at that time. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, the only thing my downstairs neighbor wanted to talk about with me is how she can hear us go to the bathroom. She also claims that she can tell which one of us is going, based on the noise level. FML
Today, I learned that my apartment's walls are thin enough for my neighbors to hear my vibrator. I've lived in this apartment for three years. I've been single and horny for all of them. FML
Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML
Today, I found out my upstairs neighbors filed a noise complaint against me for banging on the ceiling every night. They conveniently left out the part where they constantly stomp, shout, and do stuff that sounds like they're dropping bricks to the floor every night. FML
Today, my downstairs neighbours screamed at me for making so much noise that I woke their children up and made them cry. The noise was the sound of a loose floorboard shifting as I crept to my bathroom, and again on my way back to bed. They've sworn to get me evicted. FML
Today, I was informed by my next door neighbor that they heard me singing in the shower last night. I laughed and she told me that the family gathers in their upstairs room closest to my bathroom window to guess which song I'm singing. Every night. FML
Today, after a recent move into my new apartment, I woke up early to study for an upcoming exam. I hadn't left my bed yet or made a sound, when my neighbor texted me and asked why I was awake. No one in the building has my phone number. FML
Today, my landlord sent me a text asking me to please keep it down because our loud Wednesday night sex sessions are disturbing other tenants in the building. Wednesday is my night shift every week so my wife is home alone, or at least I thought she was. FML
Today, I acted like I always do when I'm alone in my seemingly sound-proof apartment. I sang loudly, talked back to the TV, used my vibrator. Later, in the silence of the night, I heard my neighbor next door YAWNING. FML
Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
MRP360 14
Nothing wrong in using a nosehair trimmer.
DocBastard 40
I have two suggestions for you. Feel free to use either one: 1) Buy a very thick rug 2) Use a ***** instead of a vibrator. You're welcome.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (93)
mzcupcakez 20
Oh my
rdenkewicz 11
Yeah nocturnal bee keeping can be pretty loud.
blazingshot147 19
Maybe you could do the girl next door thing and ask "wanna join in next time?".
junkusernamexyz 17
Don't you mean "can BEE pretty loud"?! *grins* *grins* *grins* I'll leave now.
Boomer_2399 6
Hahaha
WoldowJR 25
Maybe get a quieter one? Or maybe turn on a sink to cover up the noise?
mfmylifesrsly 30
This reminds me of the time when I first began to **********. I would do it in the shower, and thought I was being quiet. Apparently not though, my mom banged on the door and told me to "stop singing so loud! "
pedinhuh 23
Bring your phone to the bathroom and play any loud music on the speaker, it should do ;)
doctorhook86 25
#3: Next convo will be about why she runs the sink for an hour at a time.
chlorinegreen 27
I hope it doesn't take a hour.
rldostie 19
Nothing wrong with taking your time and enjoying the hour.
doctorhook86 25
#45: Why the rush? Gotta romance your lover, even if it's you.
sturschaedel 27
Instead of covering noise with more noise, think: they hear it because the bed posts carry the vibrations to the floor, the neighbors' ceiling. You need to severe this connection. So what you do is go to the home improvement store, buy one of those mats that is designed to go under the washing machine (usually a good three feet square, half an inch thick, black rubbery texture, rather cheap). Cut it up in four squares and put it under your bed posts. Problem solved.
xxjohndoexx9 10
Too much work for a woman. At that point, she should just find a man to do it for her. Either fix the bed or stop her excessive masturbation
lazrguideddonut 3
#79 i really hope this is a bad joke and not your opinion.
froggyjade 16
Maybe play some music when it's 'private time' :-)
15Erik 21
Well that's a buzzkill.
ComoEsJuan 24
Only if it runs out of batteries, then it's just a *****...
lovely_mess3 15
And no body has time for that nonsense.
DocBastard 40
I have two suggestions for you. Feel free to use either one: 1) Buy a very thick rug 2) Use a ***** instead of a vibrator. You're welcome.
mfmylifesrsly 30
What if it's a ***** that's a vibrator?
KittyLahv 27
A ***** doesn't always do the trick like a vibrator can do for some ladies.
Astrum14 24
3) Let everyone continue to pretend it's her phone and do nothing different.
igive 29
I honestly thought they were the same thing. I feel stupid.
rldostie 19
****** only come in one kind--*****. Vibrators are used in several ways and just are better all around. Most women will say.
sturschaedel 27
Instead of a rug get one of those washing machine rubber mats (see my reply to three for more details).
kaykayduhon 7
More women don't get off with penetration alone, which would render the ***** useless. Clitoral stimulation is generally the only way most women can reach ******.
Mr_Guy_Dude 17
Doc, I looked at ur profile pic and thought it was squidwards house...
nmw404 6
hope no family was around to hear your deepest secrets described.
MRP360 14
Nothing wrong in using a nosehair trimmer.
llamarrama01 21
Yeah. Those electric toothbrushes can be pretty loud at times.
HJKM_fml 19
You're better off having them think you're an avid texter. If they mention it again, just tell them that you're trying real hard to break that texting addiction of yours and maybe suggest they buy ear plugs. Still, I have to wonder how loud your 'phone' is in order for it to go through your floor and be heard all the way downstairs.
doctorhook86 25
#11: My guess is the OP rents the upper half of a house. I lived in a basement suite at one time, and I could hear every single sound the upstairs people made, just because of how the floor/ceiling was(n't) insulated.
elcee1987 18
I don't think OP wants them to think there's an addiction problem. That's just awkward.
Goblin182 27
you didn't really understand the FML did you? Op is not texting and the neighbors know she is not texting. She is using a personal pleasure device.
doctorhook86 25
#37: I don't think you read #11 correctly.