Miscellaneous: Today, I found out my upstairs neighbors filed a noise complaint... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - West Babylon

Today, I found out my upstairs neighbors filed a noise complaint against me for banging on the ceiling every night. They conveniently left out the part where they constantly stomp, shout, and do stuff that sounds like they're dropping bricks to the floor every night. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Dangling modifier

Commando

By p - Canada - Markham

Today, I had a piano exam. My friend noticed how nervous I was, and recommended that I compliment the examiner for higher marks. When it was time for the exam, without thinking, I told him I liked his hair. Turns out bald people don't like that. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found the special needle I needed yesterday for a school biology project. I found it by walking around barefoot at 5 am. FML

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By Ryanissaur - Australia

Today, being a music student, a professional orchestra performed a symphony that I wrote and dedicated to my girlfriend. It took months to compose and it the first and only time it was ever going to be played. My girlfriend forgot to come. FML

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By This girl - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. It wasn't all that embarrassing, until I walked two more feet and slipped again. The second time, a man pulled over and loudly asked if I was drunk. FML

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By YAABOIII - United States

Today, the 7 year old boy I was babysitting studied my upper lip and said "It's okay, my daddy won't let me shave yet either." I'm a girl. FML

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By biblewanker - Australia

Today, while in a public restroom I could hear a guy having his way with his hand. He was quoting verses from the bible. I was in a cubicle and he was at the urinal. I was too frightened to leave. This went on for a very long time. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Hampton Hill

Today, I got turned down by my dream job because their rival company happens to be called my exact name. I'm now known as "The Spy". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sparks

Today, I got a picture message from my aunt that said, "9 out of 10 kids get their awesomeness from their aunt." Normally, I would have agreed, except she forgot my birthday yesterday. FML

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By fired - United States

Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me over for dinner. When I walked in the door, he asked why I was here; apparently he dialed the wrong girlfriend. FML

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By pootie - United States - Miami

Today, I farted so loud that I woke myself up. And the stranger sitting next to me on the airplane. FML

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By Lindsay - United States

Today, I flirted with a guy for ten minutes before realizing I was sitting between him and his girlfriend. FML

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By Exil - United States

Today, I had to call patients that we hadn't seen in a long time. Most of them were dead. FML

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By larsn - United States - San Antonio

Today, I regret calling my hardass boss a cocksucking bastard when I quit a few months back. My new job just laid me off, and I could desperately use a good reference from the aforementioned cocksucking bastard. FML

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By Broken - 7/1/2021 11:01 - United States - Toledo

Healthcare for all

Today, thanks to America's opiate epidemic, I can no receive the pain management I require for broken ribs. FML

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By too eager - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I had a date with an amazing girl so in the shower I wanted to make sure I was extra clean. With the soaped up shower puff in hand I tried to get as much of my back as I could which led to me pushing too far and dislocating my shoulder. FML

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By JustRidingMyBike

Today, I started my new job as a supervisor. I began by cleaning out my new office, including recycling large sheets of cardboard left over from the new calendars. When the 2nd shift came in, however, they got very upset and yelled at me. Apparently, I had thrown away my Muslim workers' prayer mats. FML

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By Amy - United States

Not now, Kelsey

Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 19:02 - United States - Saint Paul

Stress level: 2020

Today, after pushing myself really hard all week to find a new job, I was looking forward to having a nice relaxing weekend with my family. Nope, I got a migraine and can barely function, but also can't sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

ACAB

Today, I got pulled over by a cop and got slammed with a ticket for expired tabs on my motorcycle. The DMV was literally across the street. I was heading there to get new tabs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called my mother to tell her that I got engaged. In the 15 minute conversation that followed, 13 were spent listening to how this is going to affect her. FML

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By Icci - United States

Today, at work I was playing football with one of my camp kids in the indoor-pool. I saw a co-worker walking by and I decided to hit him with the football. The football slipped out of my hand and I hit a lady in the face, breaking her nose, and causing her to fall and get a concussion. FML

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By iloveZELOS - United States

Today, my boss told me he is a superhero. He has written countless comics about his crusades and adventures. I make fifty dollars an hour less than him. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

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By El Sayer - United States - Saint Paul

Hey, Big Spender!

Today, I put a lock on my account because of several unknown purchases for large amounts. Turns out it was my girlfriend, without asking. Who is now mad at me for blocking her parcels. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was texting with my childhood crush late at night and we were exchanging secrets. I figured this was as good a time as any to tell her about my long-standing crush on her. Turns out she's a lesbian. FML

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By hifhfan - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I entered my late twenties. My hair's falling out and I'm putting on weight at light speed. At least I can keep my youthful appearance with the acne I still suffer from. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Blair

Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Tauranga

Today, I lost my virginity. He then told me, in tears, how bad he felt about leaving his dog alone for the night. FML

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By Anonymous

Food porn

Today, I made my boyfriend a vanilla cake for our anniversary. We sat down to eat it and one bite in, my boyfriend gets a weird look on his face. I take a bite and notice that it tastes like corn. I found out later my dad had replaced all the flour with cornmeal without telling anyone. FML

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By whitefox123 - United States

Today, I was riding in the backseat while my mom was driving. Noticing she was driving way over the speed limit, I opened a police siren app on my iPod to make her slow down. When she realized, she pulled over, kicked me out of the car and made me walk home. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2021 05:00 - United States - Elyria

Crank time

Today, four months into a deep depression, I now have a new involuntary reaction to being sad and angry. I constantly have an erection when I'm feeling really down or pissed off, even when I cry. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter. FML

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By Crazy In-Laws - United States - Danvers

Today, my wife and I both got released from the hospital. She was admitted for the birth of our daughter. I was admitted with a broken arm from when my mother-in-law shoved me out of the way because she wanted to be the first one to hold the baby after my wife. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed a spot of water on the floor. I thought my cats had spilled a cup of water and didn't worry about it. I went to a meeting and when I came back, my entire apartment was flooded with 3 inches of water. FML

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By singleagain - United States

Today, I almost got married. After the elaborate and very expensive wedding, my "husband" decided he did not want to sign the marriage license because he wasn't sure if he really wanted to settle down after all. FML

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By SnowyConcussion - United States

Today, after spending the past 4 days asking both my husband and my father-in-law to salt our sidewalk, I slipped on the ice. I hit my head on our concrete stairs. While holding ice on my head, my father-in-law pats my head and says "I'll go get some salt." FML

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By locker - United States

Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it stuck. After a few frustrating attempts, I finally managed to get it open. In anger, I threw the door open, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. My natural reflex was to jerk forward, giving myself a black eye from the hook inside. I got in a fight with my locker and lost. FML

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Top comments

By netflixislove | 32

#6237521 - Friday 20 March 2015 0:14

Ahh classic hypocrites... Maybe you should move

By jerome72 | 14

#6237532 - Friday 20 March 2015 0:18

File a complaint yourself OP or record them making a lot of noise. If you have evidence like that theres no way you wont be taken seriously.

COMMENTS

By netflixislove | 32

#6237521 - Friday 20 March 2015 0:14

Ahh classic hypocrites... Maybe you should move

Reply

Retaheki | 27

#6237651 - Friday 20 March 2015 2:25

It's why I live on the 2nd floor. People above me thankfully don't stomp, and nobody lives below so I can be stonefooted.

By Mitchellbassists | 29

#6237522 - Friday 20 March 2015 0:14

Ugh, neighbors stink. I hope you, OP don't get in trouble.

Reply

slingerslasher | 24

#6237697 - Friday 20 March 2015 3:13

Neighbors are the worst. Luckily I live in a cryogenic chamber in the middle of Utah and only come out once every four days to check FML.

Wifi sucks tho

By jasonswife423 | 18

#6237523 - Friday 20 March 2015 0:15

Sink to their level, file complaints against them...

Reply

slingerslasher | 24

#6237701 - Friday 20 March 2015 3:16

OP can't sink to their level if he/she already lives below them. :P

But actually, nothing wrong with complaining if complaints are warranted!

By jerome72 | 14

#6237532 - Friday 20 March 2015 0:18

File a complaint yourself OP or record them making a lot of noise. If you have evidence like that theres no way you wont be taken seriously.

By ComoEsJuan | 24

#6237534 - Friday 20 March 2015 0:19

Dude, when you move out of that apartment, you will be so happy. I just got out of mine. Neighbors fucking blow.

By eyebrowzzz | 21

#6237543 - Friday 20 March 2015 0:22

Complain to them everytime they make noise

Reply

photographer49 | 22

#6237637 - Friday 20 March 2015 2:11

#7 if OP complains to them I don't think they are going to care. Might just give them excuse to complain about "harrassment." Since they enjoy complaining about bullshit

By _kyleG_ | 34

#6237547 - Friday 20 March 2015 0:23

Counter their claim with a claim of your own, but wait a night and record their noisiness for evidence.

By HellaFucked | 8

#6237554 - Friday 20 March 2015 0:27

FYL, op, I feel you.
Ah, the apartment life.

By abNormal62 | 23

#6237556 - Friday 20 March 2015 0:28

If it's a regular occurrence that you can set your watch by, invite the building superintendent superintendent up for a coffee or a beer let them experience it firsthand

By Cassandra2015 | 21

#6237559 - Friday 20 March 2015 0:29

with banging on the ceiling, you gave them a reason to file a complaint . what you should have done was went up to their apartment and voiced your concern with them. the situation might have been rectified that way, and without anyone getting complaints

Reply

Jinxsie | 27

#6237614 - Friday 20 March 2015 1:35

That or OP could've filed a complaint from the start.