By Anonymous - 23/07/2012 19:12 - United Kingdom

Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML
I agree, your life sucks 38 295
You deserved it 5 366

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Elovena 9

At least he cares enough to try.

He sucks on your toes?! Absolutely disgusting.


Elovena 9

At least he cares enough to try.

1: Alas, he has strange tastes when it comes instructional material. Tee hee..."it comes."

Hiimhaileypotter 52

I guess....but if my boyfriend read that book I would be a bit frightened, honestly.

42- I'm reading it right now, at my wife's suggestion. *Shrugs* Not too bad....not amazing, but whatever. Just trying to keep an open mind.

unknown_user5566 26

42- I think some people take it too literally. I read it to see what the buzz was about, and afterwards I didn't feel like turning into a "dom" or anything, but it definitely made me want to spice up my sex life. I think if you go into with an open mind you can finish reading it with a few suggestions to add to your own sex life, with an overall feeling that sex can always be a bit more feisty.

Maybe I'm weird, but all 50 Shades of Grey inspired me to do is be thankful that I DON'T have a man like Christian Grey. I'll take my trustworthy, loving sometimes-spontaneous-in-bed husband over the creepy, controlling, manipulative rapist that is Christian Grey. It kinda grosses me out that women are fantasizing about him, tbh. Sociopaths aren't people you can "fix" with sex. Sociopaths aren't going to fall madly in love with you and give up their sociopathic ways after having sex with you. creepy.

He sucks on your toes?! Absolutely disgusting.

The idea of having someone's mouth anywhere NEAR my feet makes me shudder. The thought that I'd probably kiss that same person in the foreseeable future makes me puke a little in my mouth. I have the complete opposite of a foot fetish. Stay the hell away from my feet and keep yours away from mine.

Twonty2 6

You gotta try it. I mean, I suck my toes on a daily basis. That was a joke, laugh.

I have a friend who hates all feet and his own feet so he always where's socks, but some people find it to feel very good because nerve endings are at your toes.

Tell him to lick your ass instead. Scat is where it's at. Scoo bop a lee bop!

Like a previous FML, I'm gonna advice op's boyfriend to go up a few feet higher, and then suck all he wants, then watch her get satisfied. Here's going from gross to achieving her o's! Cheers

I don't know what all of you are talking about, feet aren't gross and it feels good. Think about all the other things that go in your and his mouth, especially during sex, I think feet are one of the less offensive things to suck on. You should be more concerned about his mouth germs getting on your feet.

unknown_user5566 26

50- Agreed! My husband and I haven't done any foot-play, but from what I understand, the instep is a very sensitive spot for women when it's used correctly. I see it as one of those "don't knock it til' you try it" ideas.

30: Downvotes be damned, I appreciated your clever musical pun! 66: Kissing a woman's instep is hot, but I find toes to be super gross. In related news, I once saw a porno where this dude was kissing and sucking a chick's feet, and then he shoved her little toes up his nose and snorted on them! Fucking. Gross. Even remembering it still turns me off.

toenibbler 14

Toe nibbling is not disgusting!

when you can make her moan by giving her a foot massage.... then come and talk to me.

Some people are into different stuff than others. No need to bash a fetish just because you think it's gross.

shift_love 13

You naysayers have obviously never had your toes sucked before.

RedPillSucks 31

To all toe haters, I'm sure you've probably kissed someone who's given a ********, so.... Just stay away from the toe jam. :-/

#158, My ex used to suck on my toes a lot, idk maybe he thought it was hot, maybe he saw it in a porno, but either way it turned me right off every singe time. Feet are gross. Not dirty, but just... bizaree-looking. Like mis-shapen hands. Eugh.

baddawg365 0

158- If olllleee Greggg says it then it must be true. Because he has a mangina... Ok so I have always wanted to be able to make a comment about a mangina... Nothing wrong with that.

stuner56 22

Just hope he doesn't tell you to watch broke back mountain

More cowboy/boy, if he's going by brokeback mountain.

DarthCory 7

No, I assume he'd be more anal.

I think you missed the point in his comment.

hewro_failure 11

So Is this so he doesn't want to have sex with a guy or because he doesn't want to try anal? Because if it's about being gay then that is quite stupid if it's because of trying anal well that's another story she may actually like it who knows but ifhe wants to pick up tips on how to try new things he should just watch **** with you and you can point out what you like

baddawg365 0

The OP is a girl.... She's talking about her boyfriend.... He's not gay, and just because a guy reads chick lit doesn't mean he's gay.

tayrex77 3

I'm reading that book right now thinking, "I wish I came this easily", lol. Unrealistic. Not a bad book though. Not a deeply profound, well written book, but it's alright.

tinkx22 6

I thought that! He only has to look at her and she explodes haha

Omg me too! How can she come with her nipples. I've never heard of that :(

totallydonteven 5

Speaking as a professional editor, that book is actually quite poorly written. It lucked out in the market because it caused some controversy/scandal, which boosted its sales, but overall? Very poorly written.

Actually some women can ****** with stimulation of their nipples. Not the majority, but some.

55/100- very much possible to ****** from having your nipples sucked/played with. You just have to have extremely sensitive nipples.

mariet_fml 23

@55: I'm one of those lucky women, and it is amazing. It takes longer than vaginal stimulation, but it's very nice.

I am also one of those lucky women @55

The bigger problem with the book is how abusive the relationship is. And not because of the BDSM. Yet still men and women don't see anything wrong with it. It's twilight for moms.

180-- I've heard it started as a Twilight fan fiction, and did so well online that the author decided to publish it.

182 - It IS Twilight fan fiction. It's just that the names are changed. Most readers don't even realize that they are really reading fan-made Twilight ****.

It's a ******* awful book and should be burned.

every1luvsboners 11

I guess he missed the chapter about using his toes as a butt-plug for you. The real question is: One foot or two?

Merylwen 24

I really don't get why that book is so successful. Everytime I hear something about it it just seems more and more disturbing... Whoever wrote it has serious psychological issues in my opinion, so I don't know what to think about the millions of people who bought it... Isn't it mostly about a virgin with some weird rape fantasy that becomes a rich man's sex slave? (a rich man with a foot fetish that's obsessed with anal sex) Just seeing adverts for it makes me sick now. Anyway, that's a real FML.

If that's disturbing to you, don't go on 4chan...

raraisbang 12

26, actually that's not at all what it's about. Personally, I hated the book but it wasnt about a virgin with a rape fetish, or any kind of fetish. She was just a normal virgin. And he didn't have a foot/anal fetish, he had a bdsm fetish - bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism. Still a terrible book though, and FYI I've never me anyone that could come that easily. Haha.

26- It was actually written as a Twilight fan fiction and then the author change the names of the characters and got a book deal

@76 We're told that she's a normal virgin and he's into BDSM, but going on what we're shown: - She's thicker than two short planks, has less spine than a jellyfish, and knows NOTHING about sex - He's a creepy, controlling stalker who likes to beat women and intimidate them into doing things - The author has some pretty strange ideas on what BDSM is, very little of it accurate Tips for aspiring writers: if you're gonna write about something, DO YOUR RESEARCH. Another tip: TWILIGHT IS AN AWFUL, AWFUL BOOK WITH AWFUL, AWFUL MESSAGES.

@ #26: Honestly, the book is pretty standard fanfiction fare. It's poorly written, the characters are 2-dimensional mary sues, the BDSM is more rape-ish than actual BDSM, and audiences flock to it and praise it just because it has sex in it. Stuff like this is all over the internet. 50 Shades of Grey was just lucky enough to get a publisher to back it. Not that there isn't some amazing fanfiction out there. Some fanfics are even (dare I say it) better and more engaging than the books they're based off. But 50 Shades of Grey falls into the "generic, badly-written, let's-base-an-entire-story-around-two-characters-******* fanfic" category, which is generally written by people with a tenuous grasp on the English language who think they are masterful authors just because a couple of people wrote "WOW!!! This waz sooo hawttt

121... says the person with pinkie pie as their picture.

Actually, as strange as it sounds, the virgin thing sounds all too common. Not to mention, the guy had visionary skills. I just feel they were misplaced. At least it was better than Twilight.

Now that I think about it, I think I've read it before. The events sound eerily familiar...

cantthinkofshit 5

Never met someone who could cum that easily? How do you know? You've timed everyone you've met cumming? Lol sorry felt like being a jerk

raraisbang 12

I never said quickly, I said easily. I don't generally hear about loads of people coming from having their nipples pinched or from like 30 seconds of fingering lol.

I give him points for "trying" to please you. There are a lot of guys that are turned on by feet but not many suck them.:P Saying that, he loses those same points for reading trash!

every1luvsboners 11

Looking at your toes get me all hot and bothered. 5 dollar foot-jobs.

Nope! As you can see, my attach cat is there as my protector! >_

Enslaved- I always imagine that you took that picture while on the toilette. I know it's gross! But the angle and all... And cats don't care how your lap is made, as long as its available.

Haha, Jaxx no, I'm in my kitchen. My cat is looking up at me wondering why I just had his balls cut off. I turned him into my protective eunuch. ;) ***I guess I should let Boob know I'm still thinking about balls.:P

Aren't Russian blues the most amazing cats? I have one as well :)