Animals: Today, I was helping my Dad pick up the pieces of bark that came...

By themanzz - Canada

Today, I was helping my Dad pick up the pieces of bark that came off the tree that we'd just cut down. I bent over to grab a dark looking piece of bark. Turn out it was my dogs crap. Fresh, warm, moist piece of crap to be exact. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27501

You deserved it

8611

Favorite

Animals

Dementia or hate? You decide

Out of it

Falling Down

By blonde moment

Today, while talking to a friend, I momentarily forgot the word for archery and instead called it, “Bow-and-Arrow Jutsu.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1139

You deserved it

507

Favorite

By mrtut - United Kingdom

Today, as a physics teacher, I was testing a class to see how high a sound frequency they could hear. One girl claimed she could hear the sound even though it was physically impossible. Without thinking, I replied "Only dogs can hear this frequency." Needless to say, she was picked on all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32613

You deserved it

13078

Favorite

By insurance lies - United States

Today, I had to get an MRI. I double and triple checked to make sure there was no out-of-pocket cost. When I arrived at the testing center, I was expected to pay full price for the test. It costs $2,360. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49438

You deserved it

3914

Favorite

By DogDoingScience - Czech Republic

Today, I ran into my father. He was drunk and singing in the street. At 1:25pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30168

You deserved it

2685

Favorite

By NoBasement4U - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, my dad went to a hardware store to replace the broken shower head in my bathroom. He got the cheapest shower head he could find, and so when I took a shower, the shower head burst out and hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26336

You deserved it

2117

Favorite

By a non e mouse - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I tried to unlock my house's front door by hitting the unlock button on my car keys. It took me some time to realize my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19880

You deserved it

8124

Favorite

By Allycat - United States - Ronkonkoma

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47045

You deserved it

5087

Favorite

By bubbles - United Kingdom

Today, I worked my first day at a nursery. At nap time I spent about an hour trying to get all the kids to calm down and go to sleep. I'd finally got the last one to drop off, when my phone rang. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13648

You deserved it

40958

Favorite

By help - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was reading a newspaper at a bus stop when a creepy guy rested his chin on my shoulder and said, "I miss the good old days, when people would read newspapers together and it wasn't classed as weird." Then he walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43518

You deserved it

3774

Favorite

By damniphone - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to change the language setting on my phone to Mandarin. Unfortunately, neither of us knows Mandarin, and we can't change it back to English. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45008

You deserved it

8687

Favorite

By womboman - United States

Today, it started pouring while I was in the middle of a pizza delivery. I had to stand out in the rain for ten minutes while an old redneck dude wearing nothing but camo boxers fumbled around for the exact change to pay the bill. I think seeing his junk was supposed to count as my tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36637

You deserved it

3202

Favorite

By ringmaster101 - United States

Today, I went to the jewelry store to sell my wedding ring after a long and painful divorce. The shop owner took one look at it and called the cops because I tried to sell him a diamond ring that had been stolen from him 3 years ago. My ex-husband left the country a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76856

You deserved it

3370

Favorite

By TuT - France

Today, I found my husband in the bathtub, which was filled with blood-red water, motionless and staring blankly at the ceiling. I started screaming and crying, and he burst into laughter at his "hilarious" prank. He only seemed regretful that his video camera hadn't been recording properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41884

You deserved it

4155

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was waiting in line while a lady paid for her shopping, when her credit card got declined. She started ranting and insulting everyone and kept insisting: "I'm not poor!" By the time the lady had finally stormed off, I had spittle on my face, and the cashier was almost in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34063

You deserved it

2625

Favorite

By FMLTIMESTWO - United States

Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13526

You deserved it

61796

Favorite

By sleepy momma - United States - Altoona

Today, after buying 3 new alarm clocks, I finally decided to video tape myself all night to figure out if my alarm clock was broken or if I was oversleeping. Turns out I wake up around 4am each day and turn them off without remembering. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55731

You deserved it

6493

Favorite

By Anonymous

Rude awakening

Today, I was woken up at 4 in the morning by my boyfriend farting on my leg and giggling in his sleep. For the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1462

You deserved it

216

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Adelaide

Today, it was the only time in my life that I have ever received an A+ for something. Thank you, eBay buyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14710

You deserved it

19838

Favorite

By Kilika - United States

Today, I came home and found my desk devoid of all paper. Turned out my mom dropped by and wanted to surprise me by cleaning up my work area. She threw away over 7 months worth of irreplaceable original sketches, notes and storylines, thinking they were worthless. My job is a full-time artist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70377

You deserved it

3804

Favorite

By bbb - United States - Hillsborough

Close but no cigar

Today, after having tried for months to get a promotion at work, I finally had an interview for a higher position. Everything went great, and I was told I would get a call next week for my second interview. I went back to my desk, only to get an email stating they're canceling the position. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22759

You deserved it

1590

Favorite

By notgivingup - United States

Today, I had to serve my boyfriend's father with a restraining order. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25693

You deserved it

1983

Favorite

By drunkdial - France

Today, I realized that the only time my girlfriend ever calls me is when she's drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30265

You deserved it

4583

Favorite

By Estee1024 - United States - San Luis Obispo

Today, my sister found out that Justin Bieber got arrested and now she won't stop crying. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks

47901

You deserved it

5613

Favorite

By roostergirl - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. As I was leaving his house I hear him shout "Hey! Wait! Sweetie, come back here!". He was talking to his cat who ran out the door behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38714

You deserved it

3412

Favorite

By Anonymous - Denmark - Randers

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks

37592

You deserved it

5973

Favorite

By lydiacoolness - New Zealand

Today, I got my annual blood test. The nurse was inexperienced and it took her several tries to insert the needle properly. When I get back home, my fiancé starts yelling at me and storms out. The reason? I am a recovering drug addict and my arm appeared as if I had been shooting up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53439

You deserved it

6465

Favorite

By fatcat - United States - Tulsa

Today, I was told to stop processing certain transactions at work because I'd tried to make rich people follow the same tax rules that we force poor people to follow to the letter. I'm guessing it won't be too long till I'm fired and blacklisted from this career I've had ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3021

You deserved it

218

Favorite

By fuck family - Poland - Walbrzych

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50767

You deserved it

5537

Favorite

By TomPom - France

Today, in one of the corridors at university, I was pretending to have passionate sex with one of my lecturers to make my mates laugh. She happened to walk by just at that moment. She reminded me when my next exam is; she will be marking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9273

You deserved it

37306

Favorite

By akvan - 30/10/2020 06:01 - Canada - Toronto

Sounds lovely

Today, my coworker, who keeps calling me Mexican even though she knows I'm not, is telling everyone that I act like a bitch to our boss, even though she's the one who is always contradicting and fighting with her, and I always try to keep everything professional. No other jobs are calling me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

963

You deserved it

Favorite

By ohnolunch - United States

Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, and made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informs me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46635

You deserved it

15914

Favorite

By RIPLife - Switzerland - Carouge

Today, I managed to have 17 different nosebleeds throughout the most important job interview of my life. I managed to bleed all over my own suit, my résumé, the carpet, and the corridor leading to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23587

You deserved it

1529

Favorite

By Realworldred - United States - Scranton

Today, my sister started a full-time job with a good pay despite having no prior work experience and being a college freshman. Meanwhile, I've graduated with two degrees, have been working two jobs for the last five years, and still can't get a full-time position anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30767

You deserved it

3178

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/3/2021 00:30

Awkward

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to cuddle as we usually do. To prepare for this, the first thing I always do is dive into bed. This time, I felt something squishy under the covers, and screamed when I saw it was a Fleshlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

476

You deserved it

710

Favorite

By Rolax - France

Today, my boyfriend came up with this thrillingly romantic proposal: “I’m paying way too much income tax. How about we get married?” FML

I agree, your life sucks

60307

You deserved it

6019

Favorite

By crotchshothottie - United States

Today, I saw my picture in an architecture magazine. I'm not an architect. I was walking up a flight of "magnificently built" stairs as my skirt lifted to show an absence of underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21450

You deserved it

38723

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, a guy I like asked me to a dance. Trying to act modest and at the same time compliment him, I told him, "You could do so much better, though." After thinking for a moment, he replied, "You're right, I could. Never mind," and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31379

You deserved it

60823

Favorite

By notnerb - New Zealand

Today, I met up with a guy from a local dating site for coffee. He walked up, looked me over and said "Ummm, no", then walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68743

You deserved it

8550

Favorite

By ugh - Canada

Today, my dad found and read my diary. Most of the entries were about how my father didn't respect my privacy. Then he phoned my aunt and read her passages from it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41724

You deserved it

3890

Favorite

By natrat222 - United States - Mesa

Break up

Today, I decided to eat a whole tub of blueberries before seeing a guy I've been hooked up with for a year and a half. While giving a blow job, I ended throwing up the blueberries right before he came. He left immediately, deleted me on Snapchat and told me I need to get checked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2551

You deserved it

1043

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By perdix | 29

#1518133 - Friday 8 October 2010 19:20

A dog's bark comes out of its mouth, not its ass. Learn that.

By Occums_Razor | 0

#1518088 - Friday 8 October 2010 19:14

Yum.

COMMENTS

By Occums_Razor | 0

#1518088 - Friday 8 October 2010 19:14

Yum.

biass | 0

#1518196 - Friday 8 October 2010 19:38

get glasses, idiot.

chuy92 | 0

#1518213 - Friday 8 October 2010 19:43

it's not bad unless you squish it :p

MAGNAVOX | 0

#1518236 - Friday 8 October 2010 19:52

Did your hand smell like shit afterwards? XD

Smeagol648 | 0

#1518250 - Friday 8 October 2010 19:59

So what OP? He has a good sense of humour. And plus he gives a good fcuk. This isn't an FML.

KingDingALing | 9

#1518439 - Friday 8 October 2010 21:24

24- Hahahahaha! I love your pic!

zerobahamut03 | 2

#1518557 - Friday 8 October 2010 22:06

Hahahahahahaha sucks for you op.

ygdrassil | 17

#1518645 - Friday 8 October 2010 22:43

You wrote "Dad," it should be "dad."

TheIrishJaneDoe | 8

#1518769 - Friday 8 October 2010 23:29

Lol @ 24. In that case, I don't EVER want a dog with a sense of humor.

madarchod | 0

#1521111 - Saturday 9 October 2010 9:32

how does it smell?

PieInTheSky24 | 0

#1521677 - Saturday 9 October 2010 12:17

#1 exactly what I was going to say :D

Smeagol648 | 0

#1523655 - Saturday 9 October 2010 21:17

32- Why, thank you :D
43- Sorry, that comment was actually for the other FML post. I have no idea how it ended up here :S
P/S: 43 your reply made me laugh! xD