Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend would rather jerk off to porn than to ever touch me, even if I wear a naughty outfit. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said, "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML
Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML
Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML
Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend has a fetish for cats. I think I'm going to have to meow before we do anything together. FML
Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was finally time for both of us to have sex with each other. He kept his shoes on the whole time because he thought he had smelly feet. FML
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Top comments
Elovena 9
At least he cares enough to try.
lissalove17 8
He sucks on your toes?! Absolutely disgusting.
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Comments (90)
LifelessStars 22
I love it how everyone has a problem with sucking on toes but most people won't hesitate to suck a d**k
gracehi 31
Or lick a pussy, for that matter.
Merylwen 24
That's a very good point!
aperfectxdeath 3
They also aren't used to walk with.
dead_insects 18
its because they're beautiful!
j_cat187 19
#68 Your comment made me take a double take at your profile pic.
Dracoboxer357 35
62- Uhm, I'd personally rather lick a pussy, over a toe, over a penis, in that order, thanks. But does that make me a hypocrite that I'd rather have my penis sucked over my toe? ;p (This fml's getting a little TMI here, sorry....)
armywife76543 0
BBC! grbtynrhgbbebrehdjio
laden_swallow09 34
… The hell?
raraisbang 12
89, but pee touches vaginas and penises so basically you're licking pee - and before anyone argues that it is "sterile," no, pee is no longer sterile after passing through the urethra. So really, as long as the foot is clean, who cares if someone sucks on toes? Don't judge and call it nasty if you're willing to put your mouth on a penis/******.
blehkj42 0
Suckin foot doesnt turn me on really /:
pocketspock 3
Perhaps the OP could save herself future troubles with her boyfriend by doing something totally bizarre like telling him what she likes.
xmaximusx 12
Amen to that one hahaha too much to ask these days tho communication has taken back seat to financial well being these days
iwadasn 32
She said "against my advice," so it sounds like she's told him what she does and doesn't like and he's just ignoring her.
pocketspock 3
She said, 'Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed.' The above means that he decided to read a book against her advice. There is nothing that says that she told him what she likes. If she had told him what she liked why would he bother reading the book to try to figure that out?
perdix 29
Just hope he doesn't pick up the sequel, "Fifty Shades of Brown," unless you're into Boston Pancakes, Dirty Sanchezes and blumpkins.
outoftown 26
Perdix, meant to give you a thumb up (on this post, silly!). Don't know why a zero came up instead of a one.
perdix 29
Thanks, you probably thumbed me up just as someone else thumbed me down. I appreciate your support :D
dead_insects 18
there's kinky and fun, and then there's terrifying!
RedPillSucks 31
Perdix has a thumb fetish ;-/ Who's going to suck his thumb which looks strangely like a penis.
outoftown 26
Maybe OP's boyfriend is hinting that he would like her to suck his toes. As another poster said: communication would help here.
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
Sounds like a good book. o.0 I should read it some time.
DominiRican 4
Gross!
s0ulslack 20
YDI
challan 19
I love having my toes sucked on, but it doesn't cause orgasms, it just sends shocks straight to your girlie parts. He wants to please you, that's a keeper right there.