Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML
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Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend would rather jerk off to porn than to ever touch me, even if I wear a naughty outfit. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said, "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML
Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML
Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML
Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend has a fetish for cats. I think I'm going to have to meow before we do anything together. FML
Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was finally time for both of us to have sex with each other. He kept his shoes on the whole time because he thought he had smelly feet. FML
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Top comments
Elovena 9
At least he cares enough to try.
lissalove17 8
He sucks on your toes?! Absolutely disgusting.
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Comments (90)
ohitsdaniella 7
Sucking toes...is that really what people fantasize about nowadays?
revieced 13
yes. toesssssss! yumm!
pillowsarecomfy 2
I'm curious as to how the hell she never got a UTI...
pizzaboterham 10
Doesn't anyone know that that book is based on twilight fan-fiction? The caracters wwere first named edward and bella but the wroter changed it to christian and anastesia. Now everytime you have sex you will think about twilight. You're welcome!
diva239 8
That's all he got from the book! Wow what a keeper
meghanrose07 2
My ex boyfriend is foot fetish and he'd always suck on my toes? I have no pleasure in it but he does!
derfMcCallen 5
I'm sorry but the book is completely unrealistic anyways. How many girls ****** every time and in 2 mins too?? Us men could only wish.
lemonademixer 7
nobodys perfect
WeWereWealth7 7
Fifty Shades of Gray is the worst book ever written. Tell your boyfriend he needs to consult your "inner goddess" before you can ****** at the drop of a hat.
Dreamer_uk 1
Maybe he should read the Kama Sutra. Or watch sex programmes. He's trrying at least
Alastrina_fml 20
I can't bring myself to do toe sucking and the last time a boyfriend tried it with me, I nearly kicked him in the face. '50 Shades of Gray' is a lousy source for instruction material on how to please your partner in bed. The better bet is either A. start looking online for ways of spicing up the sex life, or B. pick up more reputable books that contain much better material instead of some Twilight inspired, sociopathic nonsense that say it's ok to treat women like crap....