Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML
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Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend would rather jerk off to porn than to ever touch me, even if I wear a naughty outfit. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said, "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML
Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML
Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML
Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend has a fetish for cats. I think I'm going to have to meow before we do anything together. FML
Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was finally time for both of us to have sex with each other. He kept his shoes on the whole time because he thought he had smelly feet. FML
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Top comments
Elovena 9
At least he cares enough to try.
lissalove17 8
He sucks on your toes?! Absolutely disgusting.
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Comments (90)
worldclassrager 39
just don't begin faking...it will please him but in the long run when it actually gets good he'll know...
tinkrocks98 6
So you let him suck your toes ? Gross .
Hiimhaileypotter 52
It's not gross to everyone. To each their own.
xalba 9
I personally love the book, but she doesn't have an ****** while he sucks her toes lol
emoshadow47 9
Wow... I cant really think of a witty respose. But sucking on someones toes is just weird and ill never will understand why someone does that for an ******.
Jirekianu2 19
I'm sure there's something weird you like in bed that other people could say the same about.
Bjuddstr 4
Toe to toe... you guys are a cute couple.
mrkck 0
I've tried sucking my own toes and it did nothing for me either. Don't feel too bad OP. at least he tried.
rainbowkissies 14
dafuq did i just read
hateevryone 14
That's what he gets.
heavenleigh85 5
Lol this book is not a book about a virgin being raped people are rediculous.. Don't see what it has to do with twilight other than the fact it's a love story. lol it is pretty funny how she orgasms at the mere sight of mr Grey it's not realistic but its a book it's supposed to be fantasy lighten up
totallydonteven 5
The author originally wrote the story as a Twilight fan fiction, that's what it has to do with it. If you pay attention and/or read the original piece of work, you'll find the author changed very little and that even the descriptions of the characters in Fifty Shades of Grey are almost identical to Edward and Bella. As for the story itself, yes, it is fiction, but it is fiction that poorly describes the BDSM community and does not, in the slightest, portray any aspect of a healthy D/s relationship. By all accounts, the main character is technically raped. And on top of that, people are going out and acting out things they read about in this ridiculous book with no idea how to do it /safely/, which makes things very dangerous as BDSM can get out of hand quick if done improperly. /gets off soapbox.
_wraith 15
As popularity about Fifty Shades of Grey grew, I naturally became curious as to what the hell it might be. Ten seconds into my internet search, and I found out it was a Twilight fan fiction. How the hell do you not know that?
Levvy 22
Lord of the Rings is "fantasy". This is "delusional".
Blooblibloo 4
It's maybe not a great book, but I don't think she is technically raped no.
PROdigy81 4
...wat?
compound10 0
Women's feet are Def an amazing sexual part of the body.
sruhhvalo 5
Toes are strange and that's it.
TheNewGuy03 28
If toes are strange, we shouldn't have them ... right? Do you have toes, perchance?