Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML
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Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend would rather jerk off to porn than to ever touch me, even if I wear a naughty outfit. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said, "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML
Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML
Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML
Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend has a fetish for cats. I think I'm going to have to meow before we do anything together. FML
Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was finally time for both of us to have sex with each other. He kept his shoes on the whole time because he thought he had smelly feet. FML
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Top comments
Elovena 9
At least he cares enough to try.
lissalove17 8
He sucks on your toes?! Absolutely disgusting.
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Comments (90)
TheSmoothDude 10
At least your mom hasn't read it.
ajourdhui 0
my mom has!
manderkostalmay 0
Mine has too... I feel your pain
GoWithTheFro 10
What's nastier is when your grandma reads it
egrace 4
My mom read it... All three, actually. What's it even about/like? I didn't know it was that disturbing.
A100893 30
Isn't that the book that was a fanfic of twilight? Ah well, just tell him directly what pleases you. He's not a mind reader.
Hiimhaileypotter 52
My mom loves Twilight. It pisses her off whenever I make a negative comment about it (which is pretty much any time the subject is brought up). When I mentioned that Fifty Shades began as a Twilight fanfic, she yelled at me. -.-
wistfulorangeade 12
She advised him not to follow anything in that book... Dem's some pretty clear instructions, at least once he does go and read it.
_wraith 15
#45 - What is wrong with your mother? Seriously? Yelling at you doesn't change the facts. I'm guessing she doesn't take rejection well, and has somehow internalized the books as a fundamental part of her. Insult the books = insulting your mom. Twilight is SOOOOO fat, it has it's own gravitational force!
xmaximusx 12
Lol well he's atleast making an effort ya prude why not help him understand what does turn you on before passing judgement!
THE_A_TEEN 27
You're one to talk. You called OP a prude when she's only uncomfortable about her boyfriend ignoring her suggestion and decides to take advice from a book.
BeastyB 4
just close your eyes and think of it as a pedicure!
SqueakyChipmunk 21
Pedicures are usually pleasant. Getting your toes sucked on is just plain scary.
outoftown 26
Pedicures involve cold cutting things. But a foot massage... aaahhhhhh
punxroxr87 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
maybe u shouldnt hav bugged him to read a book that wasnt meant for boys
ImTheAlpha 30
He read it AGAINST her advice. She told him NOT to read it.
dolceandkabana 1
Kissing or sucking toes is just wrong. Some people get off of some weird shit. What happened to a good old foot massage?
ohcheriecherie 20
Lol why is it so wrong? If it doesn't turn you on, don't do it man, but live and let live, different strokes for different folks. I don't really like feet, but if my partner did, I'd just roll with ig
TheMathMajor 26
I love when my boyfriend kisses my feet. It's romantic and feels good. I can understand why some don't like the idea, but you'll never know if you don't have an open mind to that sort of thing, you might like it.
Merylwen 24
If you think sucking toes is "just wrong", I hope your opinion on oral sex is the same, otherwise you don't make any sense.
newburton13 26
Sucking toes...I don't get it. How is that supposed to pleasure you?
TheMathMajor 26
Feet and hands (as well as lips) are full of nerve endings, so stimulating them can be quite pleasurable. You should try it.
Jaxx66 21
Well, it certainly doesn't make me ******... But I enjoy the hell out of the sensation. If you don't like feet, then you wouldn't want it. Best time, straight out of the shower!
jocelin143 0
I love that book! Maybe he forgot about the butt plugs and vibrators?
lsd_withdiamonds 7
Foot fetishes are weird. I'd kick anyone in the face if they went down there to suck my toes.
vulpixvixen24 7
I think your face is weird. Is there a problem? At least I stated my opinion to sound like one. Foot fetishes are normal. As are sex fetishes (****), underwear fetishes, and for all the lesbians out there, there is a ***** fetish. So darling, choose your words wisely before you approach the keyboard.
iscribe310 0
hopefully he isn't constantly murmuring to you as well. that book sucked