Intimacy: Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty...

By Anonymous - 23/07/2012 19:12 - United Kingdom

Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 314

You deserved it 5 371

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Same thing different taste

By BustedEgo - 23/03/2014 05:31 - United States - Norway

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 797

You deserved it 7 321

So cute

By Anonymous - 23/02/2014 17:29 - United States - Canastota

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 182

You deserved it 7 605

Libido

By Jena - 05/08/2022 01:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I found out that my boyfriend would rather jerk off to porn than to ever touch me, even if I wear a naughty outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 214

You deserved it 331

Creepy

By Anonymous - 28/09/2012 21:22 - Canada

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said, "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 044

You deserved it 50 890

By wetsheets - 07/01/2013 13:01 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 018

You deserved it 7 683

By Jess49 - 03/12/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 389

You deserved it 4 830

By Anonymous - 28/02/2014 21:10 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 827

You deserved it 16 527

The Lovecats

By HaedLei - 26/11/2013 12:17 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a fetish for cats. I think I'm going to have to meow before we do anything together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 241

You deserved it 5 860

By apparently inexperienced - 11/09/2012 16:54 - United States - Brockton

Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 743

You deserved it 6 483

By smellyfeet - 01/06/2010 16:19 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was finally time for both of us to have sex with each other. He kept his shoes on the whole time because he thought he had smelly feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 065

You deserved it 5 685

Elovena 9

Tuesday 24 July 2012 2:50

At least he cares enough to try.

lissalove17 8

Tuesday 24 July 2012 2:50

He sucks on your toes?! Absolutely disgusting.

Comments

TheSmoothDude 10

Tuesday 24 July 2012 3:08

At least your mom hasn't read it.

ajourdhui 0

Tuesday 24 July 2012 4:07

my mom has!

manderkostalmay 0

Tuesday 24 July 2012 5:15

Mine has too... I feel your pain

GoWithTheFro 10

Tuesday 24 July 2012 11:01

What's nastier is when your grandma reads it

egrace 4

Sunday 29 July 2012 4:54

My mom read it... All three, actually. What's it even about/like? I didn't know it was that disturbing.

A100893 30

Tuesday 24 July 2012 3:11

Isn't that the book that was a fanfic of twilight? Ah well, just tell him directly what pleases you. He's not a mind reader.

Hiimhaileypotter 52

Tuesday 24 July 2012 4:18

My mom loves Twilight. It pisses her off whenever I make a negative comment about it (which is pretty much any time the subject is brought up). When I mentioned that Fifty Shades began as a Twilight fanfic, she yelled at me. -.-

wistfulorangeade 12

Tuesday 24 July 2012 4:18

She advised him not to follow anything in that book... Dem's some pretty clear instructions, at least once he does go and read it.

_wraith 15

Tuesday 24 July 2012 15:46

#45 - What is wrong with your mother? Seriously? Yelling at you doesn't change the facts. I'm guessing she doesn't take rejection well, and has somehow internalized the books as a fundamental part of her. Insult the books = insulting your mom. Twilight is SOOOOO fat, it has it's own gravitational force!

xmaximusx 12

Tuesday 24 July 2012 3:13

Lol well he's atleast making an effort ya prude why not help him understand what does turn you on before passing judgement!

THE_A_TEEN 27

Tuesday 24 July 2012 8:20

You're one to talk. You called OP a prude when she's only uncomfortable about her boyfriend ignoring her suggestion and decides to take advice from a book.

BeastyB 4

Tuesday 24 July 2012 3:15

just close your eyes and think of it as a pedicure!

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Tuesday 24 July 2012 4:23

Pedicures are usually pleasant. Getting your toes sucked on is just plain scary.

outoftown 26

Tuesday 24 July 2012 5:55

Pedicures involve cold cutting things. But a foot massage... aaahhhhhh

punxroxr87 7

Tuesday 24 July 2012 3:15

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

ImTheAlpha 30

Tuesday 24 July 2012 3:17

He read it AGAINST her advice. She told him NOT to read it.

dolceandkabana 1

Tuesday 24 July 2012 3:15

Kissing or sucking toes is just wrong. Some people get off of some weird shit. What happened to a good old foot massage?

ohcheriecherie 20

Tuesday 24 July 2012 4:18

Lol why is it so wrong? If it doesn't turn you on, don't do it man, but live and let live, different strokes for different folks. I don't really like feet, but if my partner did, I'd just roll with ig

TheMathMajor 26

Tuesday 24 July 2012 4:33

I love when my boyfriend kisses my feet. It's romantic and feels good. I can understand why some don't like the idea, but you'll never know if you don't have an open mind to that sort of thing, you might like it.

Merylwen 24

Tuesday 24 July 2012 5:27

If you think sucking toes is "just wrong", I hope your opinion on oral sex is the same, otherwise you don't make any sense.

newburton13 26

Tuesday 24 July 2012 3:18

Sucking toes...I don't get it. How is that supposed to pleasure you?

TheMathMajor 26

Tuesday 24 July 2012 4:35

Feet and hands (as well as lips) are full of nerve endings, so stimulating them can be quite pleasurable. You should try it.

Jaxx66 21

Thursday 2 August 2012 5:33

Well, it certainly doesn't make me ******... But I enjoy the hell out of the sensation. If you don't like feet, then you wouldn't want it. Best time, straight out of the shower!

jocelin143 0

Tuesday 24 July 2012 3:21

I love that book! Maybe he forgot about the butt plugs and vibrators?

lsd_withdiamonds 7

Tuesday 24 July 2012 3:29

Foot fetishes are weird. I'd kick anyone in the face if they went down there to suck my toes.

vulpixvixen24 7

Tuesday 24 July 2012 14:19

I think your face is weird. Is there a problem? At least I stated my opinion to sound like one. Foot fetishes are normal. As are sex fetishes (****), underwear fetishes, and for all the lesbians out there, there is a ***** fetish. So darling, choose your words wisely before you approach the keyboard.