Intimacy: Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making...

By wetsheets - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39877

You deserved it

7632

Favorite

Intimacy

Taking stock

Out of it

Clean up in aisle 3 please

By bcoper - United States

Today, I was in pain due to overdoing it at the gym yesterday, so I thought a hot shower might help. Not only was there no hot water because of my sister's hour long showers, but I slipped getting out and hit my head. Now the pain is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25302

You deserved it

3246

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Minneapolis

Today, at the swimming pool, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up on my 5-year-old daughter underwater and surprise her. I grabbed her by the sides, and she shrieked. A moment later, a brown cloud erupted from her swimsuit. Cue screaming and a mass panic from the other kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24006

You deserved it

12428

Favorite

By brhorton02 - United States

Today, I was waitering at the restaurant that I work at when I collected a credit card bill that was worth $120 and a big zero on the tip line. Angered, I turned to a co-worker and said "I knew this asshole wasn't going to tip me." The guy was standing right behind me with $30 in his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22425

You deserved it

166223

Favorite

By kk - United States

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55605

You deserved it

5295

Favorite

By oh. - United States

Proof of love

Today, I flew cross-country to see my girlfriend of three years. Once I got there, she broke up with me. I was supposed to be staying for a month and now I have nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2391

You deserved it

148

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my manager cussed me out for being unable to keep a customer happy. That "customer" was a senile old twit who had wandered away from his carer, thought our shop was his living room, and demanded to know who replaced all his furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4294

You deserved it

370

Favorite

By BOOMerang - United States

Today, I played with a boomerang my first time. I didn't believe that when you threw it, it comes right back to you. It flew back all right. And broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13391

You deserved it

45340

Favorite

By GodDamnFan - United States

Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my phone ringing. As I groggily reached for it I managed to knock my fan onto my head, leaving a grate-shaped bruise. The best part? My phone wasn't ringing, I dreamed myself awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43125

You deserved it

5774

Favorite

By sharkboy - United States - Honolulu

Shark Week

Today, while at the beach, as a joke, I told my girlfriend that I was a shark. She then poked my eyes and punched me in the nose. When I started to get mad, she just shrugged and asked, "What? You're the one that wanted to be a shark. Don't you watch Shark Week?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

12848

You deserved it

31158

Favorite

By Annakins - United States

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49131

You deserved it

7053

Favorite

By sheridan.ashley - Australia

Today, my sister decided to wake me up by pumping handwash into my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33946

You deserved it

3497

Favorite

By xrebeccalou - United States

Today, I went to my long-distance boyfriend's party. His best friend was talking to me and trying to make conversation, he asked, "So, are you two official?" I responded with a definite yes, but was cut off mid-word by my boyfriend, who quickly said, "No, not really." Sorry, I wasn't aware, darling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33356

You deserved it

4328

Favorite

By raesos91 - United States - Houston

Today, I decided to look for the horrid stench coming from my bathroom. It turns out my roommate has been throwing away her used tampons in the "trashcan by the sink." That "trashcan" is my old antique vase. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28737

You deserved it

2802

Favorite

By katgib13 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I was stopped in the grocery store by a stranger, who berated me, quite loudly, for going out in public in my pajamas. I had just gotten off work and was wearing scrubs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33253

You deserved it

2294

Favorite

By Sub - United States

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to a female friend of mine, because I thought they would get along. Apparently they get along better than I expected; she dumped me for the other girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40506

You deserved it

4338

Favorite

By puzzled - United Kingdom

Today, I was brushing my teeth when I felt a lump of something in the corner of my mouth. Naturally assuming it would be a bit of food that my toothbrush had dislodged, I spat it out into the sink. It was a woodlouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32594

You deserved it

3208

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Pembroke

Today, my grandfather gave me a whole box of records to go with my new record player. When I thanked him, he said he'd been needing to get rid of them anyway because classical music makes him horny. I definitely didn't need to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13832

You deserved it

1113

Favorite

By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend because he's been working extra hard these last two months. I went to his house only to find him in bed with another girl. Standing there, with fifteen roses in my hands, all he could say was, "Thank you, can you put them in a vase?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44905

You deserved it

3665

Favorite

By JasonX0656 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, my fiancé asked me to do some manscaping. I got a little overzealous and now I look like a 12-year-old boy with razor burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6633

You deserved it

1527

Favorite

By rider - Qatar

Today, I decided to surprise my wife at her softball game. I saw her distinctive motorcycle jacket through the canvas dugout wall and decided that I would feel her up from behind, to surprise her. She lent her jacket to a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21057

You deserved it

11379

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my girlfriend uninvited to me a party because she said her ex would be there, and since she hasn't told him about us, she didn't want him getting upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28756

You deserved it

2848

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/6/2020 05:05

Bitch ass move

Today, my partner and I had bought a short bus to convert to an RV, which is done and we are now ready to move in. That night, after I’m fully out of my place, she informs me she has feelings for my roommate and it’s something she must explore. I'm now homeless and they are traveling around in the conversion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2158

You deserved it

187

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Southfield

Today, I found out it's possible to dislocate your jaw just by yawning. Now I'm in the ER, looking like a total psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13225

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1377

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Thanks, I hate it

Today, my boss called me into his office. Expecting a long overdue promotion, I hurried in. Instead, he told me he thought I would be perfect to take his son on a pity date, because he's a suicide risk due to his depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38399

You deserved it

3618

Favorite

By cloudish - Germany

Today, I finally had the guts to tell my best friend that I like him more than just as a friend. I was about to tell him when he excitedly told me that he met the love of his life yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4965

You deserved it

590

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Mansfield

Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

22014

You deserved it

44120

Favorite

By prince-charming - Kuwait

Today, I was acting as Prince Charming for a 5 year old's birthday party. After my scene at the ball, the narrator asked the kids, "Was the Prince handsome?" and they all replied with a chorus of "Nooooo!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35581

You deserved it

3911

Favorite

By some_girl_19 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was in the middle of an intense orgasm when we heard the panicky voice of his little sister saying there was an emergency downstairs. He jumped up and left to see what the matter was. The big emergency? The Wii remotes had dead batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58946

You deserved it

9400

Favorite

By too slow - United States

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my girlfriend we should start seeing other people. She said "Don't worry, I'm already way ahead of you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36100

You deserved it

9722

Favorite

By hellogoodbye - Canada

Today, at work my arms were full. I needed to get the door open, so instead of pushing the swing door open with my shoulder, I kicked it open with my foot. Right into my manager's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39491

You deserved it

12438

Favorite

By GoodDog - United States

Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12817

You deserved it

51749

Favorite

By Arachnofail - France - Goussainville

Today, while driving, a spider crawled onto my gearstick. Not being afraid of them, I casually flicked it off. Onto the person sitting next to me. The person evaluating me for my driving test at the time, who happened to be arachnophobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22104

You deserved it

4451

Favorite

By hated - United States

Today, I was leading a wheelchair fundraiser to raise money to make public areas wheelchair accessible. I had several guest speakers, all of which were confined to wheelchairs. About ten minutes after the fundraiser was supposed to begin, I realized that the stage was wheelchair incompatible. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17095

You deserved it

77441

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my grandpa died. As I rushed home crying to comfort my parents, I got pulled over for speeding. The officer told me to cut out the "fake" tears". When I told him my grandpa just died he tacked on another $100 for lying to an officer. Worst. Christmas. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49218

You deserved it

3465

Favorite

By HoboWithACondom

Today, my regressive boss fired me because he found out I'm dating his daughter. Now I'm concerned what he might do if he finds out she's pregnant with my child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1573

You deserved it

707

Favorite

By biblio - United States

Today, I told the man I love to "go first" when we started talking at the same time. I wanted to confess my feelings, he wanted to tell me about his engagement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28100

You deserved it

2478

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Greenville

Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4954

You deserved it

1684

Favorite

By uhoh - Canada - Sechelt

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21491

You deserved it

59678

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/9/2020 04:57 - Germany

Childfree

Today, I explained to my boyfriend that I want to get my tubes tied, because I don’t want kids and can’t stand the fear of getting pregnant by accident, despite contraception, which has happened before. He summarized: “So, the main point is to preserve your fertility, right?” Wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1489

You deserved it

250

Favorite

By klyoung5 - United States

Today, while sitting next to the cute guy in my English class, I had to sneeze. I turned away from him and sneezed into my arm. My long hair got in the way and I accidentally shot a huge snot rocket into my hair. I spent the rest of the class trying to get it out without him noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27292

You deserved it

4928

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ariverperson | 11

#5313110 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:49

urine a bit of a messy situation there

By perdix | 29

#5313115 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:52

Tell everyone you're a "squirter," because that's a lot sexier than "bed-wetter."

COMMENTS

By tomhofer | 14

#5313105 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:48

That would put me in a pissy mood (haha)

Catkam623 | 27

#5313159 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:16

I simply feel bad for the cleaner with her shitty husband pissing all her money away and the problems of living by such a wet location.

rokemay | 10

#5313275 - Monday 7 January 2013 20:38

15 - What?

rokemay | 10

#5313277 - Monday 7 January 2013 20:39

...

aly_goes_rawr | 3

#5315083 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 23:08

DAMN YOU THAT WAS WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY!

By razzberry | 9

#5313107 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:48

At least you got off?

U_GotitDude | 18

#5313287 - Monday 7 January 2013 20:50

But was it worth it?

CCSA | 12

#5313398 - Monday 7 January 2013 22:40

50- I guess OP might not totally enjoy the moment (or the moment shortly after), hence the FML, but there are definitely females who love such experience and consider it "worth it"

onlychildFTW | 33

#5314056 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:22

I think as long as you get off its a good thing.

IscoreOnU | 19

#5314075 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:36

Women would find a way to complain about orgasming lol

By ariverperson | 11

#5313110 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:49

urine a bit of a messy situation there

taka805 | 10

#5313382 - Monday 7 January 2013 22:18

Nice!!!

FlubbaBubba | 12

#5313889 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 6:57

I bet OP was a bit peeved after that incident.

ChazzyWazzy1998 | 10

#5328711 - Thursday 17 January 2013 23:16

There's a button for that #75 -_-

johobus28 | 26

#6004263 - Thursday 10 July 2014 22:59

Get out.

By micahdunk | 13

#5313111 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:49

Never to young to wet the bed I guess.

StalkerChick | 13

#5313160 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:16

Old?

micahdunk | 13

#5313192 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:29

Yeah. Commenting when you are half asleep isn't smart. I realized my mistake just as my edit time ran out.

ilovegordon | 6

#5313247 - Monday 7 January 2013 20:12

*Too young. Come on now, focus!

Sinamoi | 18

#5313381 - Monday 7 January 2013 22:17

Says the guy who missed the whole conversation above about her being too *old, not young.

By perdix | 29

#5313115 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:52

Tell everyone you're a "squirter," because that's a lot sexier than "bed-wetter."

rockstar362 | 8

#5313984 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 8:59

Can I have your autograph?

T9FTW | 20

#5314577 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 16:55

Why? You're the rockstar..

rockstar362 | 8

#5314751 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 19:06

Touché

By Stalkerloo | 11

#5313118 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:52

At least it wasn't on a store's floor.

cliffibom | 15

#5313319 - Monday 7 January 2013 21:11

I'd rather piss on the floor

howdeedoo | 22

#5313322 - Monday 7 January 2013 21:14

6-Why would they be having sex on a store's floor?

Jordath_Fil | 11

#5313358 - Monday 7 January 2013 21:52

Obviously 58 you have never had sex in a store... During business hours... ;)

Ani28 | 10

#5313614 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 1:50

#58, it's a reference to an earlier FML about a drunk man relieving himself on a shop floor after being told that the shop didn't sell alcohol.

tigersman1c | 19

#5313783 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 4:47

i have, it was fun.

nigsuzzi | 3

#5313959 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 8:48

Based on 92s comment combined with his amazing self pic, I think we found that drunk!

By SuperDanielNL | 23

#5313121 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:55

Well that's total satisfaction for ya... Good luck cleaning though.

By zombieslayer83 | 19

#5313129 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:58

All that matters is that it was intense.

DEATHBYEX1LE | 11

#5313379 - Monday 7 January 2013 22:16

and wet

By ICastillo | 24

#5313131 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:59

That's not bad, I piss on everything on purpose. That's how I mark my territory.... Girls get mad at me when I do this, I don't know why...

buying_mace | 5

#5313228 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:57

You must be a relative of my husband. He does the same thing.

willbur73q | 7

#5313282 - Monday 7 January 2013 20:45

Weird comment. Yet I had to thumb it up.

His_Holiness | 18

#5313824 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 5:29

Is your name R Kelly by chance?

By kobelstone23 | 13

#5313135 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:01

I'm i the only one wondering why her husband read 50 shades of grey?

Razi_tail | 25

#5313164 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:16

Guys can read love stories as well, don't be judgemental.

kobelstone23 | 13

#5313194 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:31

But its not a love story its book porn:p

PincessBoff | 6

#5313202 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:36

#27
There's your answer. Porn is porn to men! They don't care if its written down and put in a book or on a DVD. It's. All. Porn.

Fanain | 2

#5313204 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:37

Isn't that more of a reason a guy would feel inclined to reading it?

PincessBoff | 6

#5313208 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:39

#31
Exactly my point, above your comment.

charlton2142 | 5

#5313212 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:42

Technically she said partner, coulda been another chick

Chelsea_bella | 20

#5313226 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:56

Her partner is a guy. She said "He was right" in the next sentence.

jmacfan1 | 16

#5313327 - Monday 7 January 2013 21:18

Technically op is a guy. Look up in the corner of the fml. Blue guy sign

Veratas | 9

#5313330 - Monday 7 January 2013 21:21

Note to self. Buy a mattress cover and 50 Shades of Grey.

rachelphillie | 1

#5313356 - Monday 7 January 2013 21:50

60- my app shows that OP is female..

sig4life | 18

#5313364 - Monday 7 January 2013 21:59

OP is a girl, and guys normally don't do written porn, we are usually visual while women are more mental. Pardon the pun.

evilplatypus | 38

#5313378 - Monday 7 January 2013 22:14

60 - It's not blue, it's purple. And it's not guy sign, it's the female sign.

tigersman1c | 19

#5313784 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 4:50

Actually guys are more visually stimulated while women are more into reading. Basicly, guy porn lots of pictures, girl porn has a story and plot. lol

dmblonde | 13

#5313833 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 5:40

61 you can actually just download it online for free ;P

sig4life | 18

#5313886 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 6:52

#97 you should hear the Gilbert Godfrey does 50 Shades of Gray. Check it out, google it, I bet you will never look at the book or Godfrey the same, you may even pee without having an O.