Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making...

By wetsheets - 7/1/2013 13:01 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39821

You deserved it

7620

Favorite

Intimacy

Boozehound

No one likes a smart-ass

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

By Anonymous - 18/2/2012 23:32 - United States

Today, I checked over my notes from yesterday's midterm review so I could study for the test on Monday. It seems I was so exhausted, I'd done nothing but scribble unintelligibly all over the first page. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21045

You deserved it

8045

Favorite

By TheywearintheDIRTYlaundrybasket! - 26/3/2019 22:00

Today, I walked into the house I share with my boyfriend and found his mum sashaying up and down the hall. When she saw me, she exclaimed, "Oh, you've got to tell me where you get your underwear from!" Yep, she was wearing my panties. Neither she nor her son could see why I would be upset by that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2642

You deserved it

165

Favorite

By Brokenheartz - 9/2/2012 09:49 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months told me he was not going to celebrate Valentine's day because it was a "capitalistic consumerism holiday". He works in a bank and helps "capitalism consumerism" 364 days a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26339

You deserved it

5223

Favorite

By Aly - 15/8/2013 07:10 - United States - Ontario

Today, my cousin texted me, asking how the chicken pizza had settled in my stomach. We got drunk last night and had pizza. I thought it was cheese; it was chicken. I've been vegetarian for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31537

You deserved it

48639

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/12/2010 05:10 - Canada

Today, I learned that you can be qualified for a position, be a nice person and enthusiastic about working, but as soon as the boss has a relative looking for a job, nepotism wins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30290

You deserved it

2763

Favorite

By AlonsoKold - 7/4/2014 23:39 - United States - Jackson

Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I don't like her Facebook statuses enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47134

You deserved it

5840

Favorite

By Jason - 12/8/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I spent forty minutes trying to break into my own house after being locked out. After finally getting in through a small unlocked window, I discovered my keys in my pants pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9696

You deserved it

44201

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/3/2013 05:19 - United States

Today, I tried to go to my Hotmail account on my boyfriend's computer. When I typed in "hot", a big history list came down. It was all "Hot single mom looking for a good lay" Craigslist ads. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36491

You deserved it

4106

Favorite

By Rekt - 10/11/2016 05:40 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was taking a break in my work truck when I saw a huge swarm of bees flying my way. I have a hand crank window so I started cranking it up as fast as I could and the knob snapped off before it closed and I got stung by the whole swarm before I could get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9657

You deserved it

729

Favorite

By - 27/11/2019 18:00 - United States

My electric toothbrush

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3221

You deserved it

225

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 23:02 - United States

Today, my 21 year old boyfriend asked me what foreplay is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33340

You deserved it

5246

Favorite

By coral - 8/7/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53485

You deserved it

12348

Favorite

By cmd102 - 20/10/2011 21:18 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend to see if he wanted to come over to my house. He said he couldn't because he was out of town. That would have be perfectly acceptable, if I hadn't called him on his house phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40288

You deserved it

3334

Favorite

By Pukey - 28/3/2015 21:30 - United States

Today, my older brother puked in the sound hole of my sister's guitar. He blamed it on me, and in revenge my sister beat me with the guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30473

You deserved it

2179

Favorite

By outsmartedbykids - 28/5/2014 16:28 - United States - Lake Mills

Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51531

You deserved it

30746

Favorite

By really mom - 15/4/2012 17:38 - United States - Montgomery

Today, my mom started dipping into my college savings, just so she can continue throwing money away on visiting a medium who claims she can channel the spirit of our recently-deceased family dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30098

You deserved it

2085

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/12/2010 08:10 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument. She admitted she didn't know why she was pissed at me, but still is, and now she won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28389

You deserved it

4136

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 23:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that he needed some time alone for a few weeks. This break just so happens to include our one year anniversary, Christmas, New Year's, and my birthday. Now I get to spend the next three weeks alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37997

You deserved it

4766

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/3/2013 20:15 - United States - Staten Island

Today, after I had changed my number to get away from my abusive ex, my mom decided to give him my new one. She insists that I need to give him another chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55972

You deserved it

3402

Favorite

By brad3720 - 14/4/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theater. This six year old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67320

You deserved it

7505

Favorite

By Sue Ellen - 21/4/2014 15:43 - United States - Providence

Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61175

You deserved it

15252

Favorite

By - 13/1/2017 18:00

Today, I had to suspend a student. Apparently, someone convinced him that he turned invisible. He walked into the girls locker room thinking he could not be seen. I work at a high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8562

You deserved it

575

Favorite

By snore - 19/4/2014 20:12 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I was feeling really depressed and ended up asking my mom why guys aren't interested in me. She replied with a laundry list of reasons, including, "Hair. Boobs. Face. Everything." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46544

You deserved it

5588

Favorite

By brownieswillneverbethesame - 4/9/2011 06:18 - United States

Today, I was eating a brownie my grandmother had made, only to discover an inch long piece of what resembled dead skin in the middle of it. This discovery was only made after taking a bite and wondering why the consistency was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32010

You deserved it

2456

Favorite

By Just me - 9/9/2011 23:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the man who offered to put up the woman I love in exchange for me helping out with his rent, has in fact been her "other" boyfriend since before she moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26522

You deserved it

4428

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/4/2020 08:00

No thanks, mom

Today, my crazed and very hormonal pregnant mother told me that I should get pregnant too, so that we can be "preggo buddies." I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1961

You deserved it

110

Favorite

By Daddy Tyrone - 17/9/2018 03:30

Today, my wife bought a bright pink dildo and left in the lounge whilst she went upstairs to get changed. We didn't expect the in-laws to arrive with my niece and nephews, who were hitting each other with the - as described by my 5-year-old nephew - "big pink sword". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3019

You deserved it

699

Favorite

By oink oink... - 12/10/2013 13:19 - United States - Mason

Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. My fiancé has decided my new nickname will be "Oink Oink". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45242

You deserved it

4965

Favorite

By Loser - 29/6/2018 13:30 - United States - Winona

Today, I was skinny dipping with some cute girls from school, one of which I really like. Everything was great until I caught a fish on my own personal nightcrawler and they had to take me to the ER. I'll forever be known as "salmon dick". FML

I agree, your life sucks

4264

You deserved it

643

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/12/2012 02:53 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I started a new job. I'm now trapped in a small office with a woman who says, "Oh my gravy!" constantly. In response to everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26406

You deserved it

2188

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/3/2013 15:21 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57097

You deserved it

6777

Favorite

By hadrienne's pall - 13/5/2016 19:25 - Canada - Markham

Today, I asked a girl at the restaurant I work at if she'd had enough to eat. When she said yes, I said, "Are you sure?" I didn't realize how insulting it sounded until her equally overweight mom was up in my face, demanding to see my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11849

You deserved it

4163

Favorite

By ughh - 22/11/2011 13:22 - United States

Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33943

You deserved it

5846

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/6/2013 17:05 - United States

Today, another "gentleman" called and asked for my "services". This is happening a lot lately, because apparently I have the old number of a prostitute. I told him I'm not who he's looking for, to which he replied that I sound like a "sexy lady" and that he wanted to have some fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46471

You deserved it

3373

Favorite

By anonymous - 23/12/2014 11:28 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was yelled at in public for staring at a guy in a wheelchair. I was staring 'cause he was so good looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38152

You deserved it

4685

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/12/2010 00:47 - United States

Today, at work, one of my 6 year old students who has had intense speech therapy since kindergarten, told me "I can tell you're hot, because you rolled your sleeves up." I was very pleased with his articulate sentence, until he said "Your arms are hairy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24239

You deserved it

4337

Favorite

By ThatsIncentive - 15/12/2016 01:59 - United States - Granite Bay

Today, I stooped to pick up an earring back off the ground. It was actually a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6855

You deserved it

1070

Favorite

By NoLife - 15/5/2011 18:49 - United States

Today, I purposely went offline on Facebook chat, just so people would think I actually have a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15032

You deserved it

34615

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/6/2012 14:59 - Ireland - Cork

Today, as a romantic gesture, my boyfriend gifted me an origami vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29513

You deserved it

4644

Favorite

By nenette - 12/11/2014 22:50 - France

Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40608

You deserved it

3506

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ariverperson | 11

#5313110 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:49

urine a bit of a messy situation there

By perdix | 29

#5313115 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:52

Tell everyone you're a "squirter," because that's a lot sexier than "bed-wetter."

Comments

By tomhofer | 14

#5313105 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:48

That would put me in a pissy mood (haha)

Catkam623 | 27

#5313159 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:16

I simply feel bad for the cleaner with her shitty husband pissing all her money away and the problems of living by such a wet location.

rokemay | 10

#5313275 - Monday 7 January 2013 20:38

15 - What?

rokemay | 10

#5313277 - Monday 7 January 2013 20:39

...

aly_goes_rawr | 3

#5315083 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 23:08

DAMN YOU THAT WAS WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY!

By razzberry | 9

#5313107 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:48

At least you got off?

U_GotitDude | 18

#5313287 - Monday 7 January 2013 20:50

But was it worth it?

CCSA | 12

#5313398 - Monday 7 January 2013 22:40

50- I guess OP might not totally enjoy the moment (or the moment shortly after), hence the FML, but there are definitely females who love such experience and consider it "worth it"

onlychildFTW | 33

#5314056 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:22

I think as long as you get off its a good thing.

IscoreOnU | 19

#5314075 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:36

Women would find a way to complain about orgasming lol

By ariverperson | 11

#5313110 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:49

urine a bit of a messy situation there

taka805 | 10

#5313382 - Monday 7 January 2013 22:18

Nice!!!

FlubbaBubba | 12

#5313889 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 6:57

I bet OP was a bit peeved after that incident.

ChazzyWazzy1998 | 10

#5328711 - Thursday 17 January 2013 23:16

There's a button for that #75 -_-

johobus28 | 26

#6004263 - Thursday 10 July 2014 22:59

Get out.

By micahdunk | 13

#5313111 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:49

Never to young to wet the bed I guess.

StalkerChick | 13

#5313160 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:16

Old?

micahdunk | 13

#5313192 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:29

Yeah. Commenting when you are half asleep isn't smart. I realized my mistake just as my edit time ran out.

ilovegordon | 6

#5313247 - Monday 7 January 2013 20:12

*Too young. Come on now, focus!

Sinamoi | 18

#5313381 - Monday 7 January 2013 22:17

Says the guy who missed the whole conversation above about her being too *old, not young.

By perdix | 29

#5313115 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:52

Tell everyone you're a "squirter," because that's a lot sexier than "bed-wetter."

rockstar362 | 8

#5313984 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 8:59

Can I have your autograph?

T9FTW | 20

#5314577 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 16:55

Why? You're the rockstar..

rockstar362 | 8

#5314751 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 19:06

Touché

By Stalkerloo | 11

#5313118 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:52

At least it wasn't on a store's floor.

cliffibom | 15

#5313319 - Monday 7 January 2013 21:11

I'd rather piss on the floor

howdeedoo | 22

#5313322 - Monday 7 January 2013 21:14

6-Why would they be having sex on a store's floor?

Jordath_Fil | 11

#5313358 - Monday 7 January 2013 21:52

Obviously 58 you have never had sex in a store... During business hours... ;)

Ani28 | 10

#5313614 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 1:50

#58, it's a reference to an earlier FML about a drunk man relieving himself on a shop floor after being told that the shop didn't sell alcohol.

tigersman1c | 19

#5313783 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 4:47

i have, it was fun.

nigsuzzi | 3

#5313959 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 8:48

Based on 92s comment combined with his amazing self pic, I think we found that drunk!

By SuperDanielNL | 23

#5313121 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:55

Well that's total satisfaction for ya... Good luck cleaning though.

By zombieslayer83 | 19

#5313129 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:58

All that matters is that it was intense.

DEATHBYEX1LE | 11

#5313379 - Monday 7 January 2013 22:16

and wet

By ICastillo | 24

#5313131 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:59

That's not bad, I piss on everything on purpose. That's how I mark my territory.... Girls get mad at me when I do this, I don't know why...

buying_mace | 5

#5313228 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:57

You must be a relative of my husband. He does the same thing.

willbur73q | 7

#5313282 - Monday 7 January 2013 20:45

Weird comment. Yet I had to thumb it up.

His_Holiness | 18

#5313824 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 5:29

Is your name R Kelly by chance?

By kobelstone23 | 13

#5313135 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:01

I'm i the only one wondering why her husband read 50 shades of grey?

Razi_tail | 25

#5313164 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:16

Guys can read love stories as well, don't be judgemental.

kobelstone23 | 13

#5313194 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:31

But its not a love story its book porn:p

PincessBoff | 6

#5313202 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:36

#27
There's your answer. Porn is porn to men! They don't care if its written down and put in a book or on a DVD. It's. All. Porn.

Fanain | 2

#5313204 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:37

Isn't that more of a reason a guy would feel inclined to reading it?

PincessBoff | 6

#5313208 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:39

#31
Exactly my point, above your comment.

charlton2142 | 5

#5313212 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:42

Technically she said partner, coulda been another chick

Chelsea_bella | 20

#5313226 - Monday 7 January 2013 19:56

Her partner is a guy. She said "He was right" in the next sentence.

jmacfan1 | 16

#5313327 - Monday 7 January 2013 21:18

Technically op is a guy. Look up in the corner of the fml. Blue guy sign

Veratas | 9

#5313330 - Monday 7 January 2013 21:21

Note to self. Buy a mattress cover and 50 Shades of Grey.

rachelphillie | 1

#5313356 - Monday 7 January 2013 21:50

60- my app shows that OP is female..

sig4life | 18

#5313364 - Monday 7 January 2013 21:59

OP is a girl, and guys normally don't do written porn, we are usually visual while women are more mental. Pardon the pun.

evilplatypus | 38

#5313378 - Monday 7 January 2013 22:14

60 - It's not blue, it's purple. And it's not guy sign, it's the female sign.

tigersman1c | 19

#5313784 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 4:50

Actually guys are more visually stimulated while women are more into reading. Basicly, guy porn lots of pictures, girl porn has a story and plot. lol

dmblonde | 13

#5313833 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 5:40

61 you can actually just download it online for free ;P

sig4life | 18

#5313886 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 6:52

#97 you should hear the Gilbert Godfrey does 50 Shades of Gray. Check it out, google it, I bet you will never look at the book or Godfrey the same, you may even pee without having an O.