By Anonymous - 12/01/2014 06:38 - Australia - Boondall

Spicy
Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML
I agree, your life sucks 61 997
You deserved it 6 190

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What's that old saying, honestly is the best policy

Yeah because you totally did that on purpose. Shame on you for being born.

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What's that old saying, honestly is the best policy

I believe "drunken words are sober thoughts" applies here as well.

Or my policy, 'honestly I don't need to know thanks dad'

Technically, it's his own damn fault. What goes in, must come out.

How is he drunk after only six beers!?

arandomusernameaa 20

Cus he isn't fat like you ;) on more serious point it depends on many factors, how big they are, there metabolism etc...

Yeah I know, right? It takes me like twelve or so. OP's dad must be a featherweight.

I think you might mean "Honesty"

@48, 51 Australian beer >> American beer

South African beer (which I drink, you bozock!) >>>>>> Australian beer

ehh tough call 68 in all honesty Australian beer is pretty bland suprising cause we are number 4 in the world for alcohol consumption... if that's a good thing. American beer in particular their craft beer and less well known brands are some of the more interesting brews to be... brewed in the past decade. As a general rule all major brands tend to bad but at least the american major brands have some variety... honestly VB's Carlton Draught Crownies XXXX tooheys etc. All taste pretty much the same.

Who said he was drunk? All it said was after his sixth beer, he might not even be buzzed, but can blame what he said on the alcohol, then again it could be very strong beer.

#46 Foster's Oil Cans.....

82, 6 mentioned drunk. That's what I was referencing.

"It's not me dad... it's the neighbor"

You really did not understand this. Did you?

The father isn't saying his son does it with his wife... Giving birth... Stretching... Not as fun... Get the hints yet?

HowAreYouToday 34

actually op's dad was talking about the time op took machetes and slaches up his mothers vagina.

I'm really sure nobody else understood 2's comment either. I thought it was a funny comeback worthy of being told you're the reason your mom's vagina isn't right anymore'

By any chance is your nick name Big Head.

Yeah because you totally did that on purpose. Shame on you for being born.

I know technically it's their fault for deciding to have kids

#7.... Commas. Please, use commas.

#4, I completely agree. Why can't they just decide to not be born in the womb?

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Me likes it. Why isn't there a "Funny As Fuck" button in the vote options?

Oh don't worry. There will be with the UR-4-D0UCH3B4G update.

#8 Agreed :D! Seems it's more of a Brit/Australian expression 'funny as fuck'

Americans use that expression as well but if your going to do that you'd have to add an equal opposite maybe "not that funny but your life still sucks" and now there are too many options for all the indecisive.

I don't understand these people who say these FMLs are soo funny. I've never even let out the slightest laugh at any of them. They're entertaining, but I've yet to come across one that's "laugh out loud" worthy.

I've laughed at lots of them...

i would say something like "oh ok so your saying your too small for mom now?" lol

He was probably happy to find a woman that was tight enough to accommodate his tiny dick, then the kid blew it out by being born.

my god Perdix, that image you just put in my head... 'blew it out by being born'

#37 I know it's *you're* not *your* but im using text talk and it doesn't always have the best connection but hey don't be a grammer nazi

One word. episiotomy

What about an episiotomy? It gets stitched back up and heals after about a month. Not exactly a vagina wrecking thing.

Some tear even with an episiotomy.

If you are saying "episiotomy" as one word which can cause a lot of problems then you are correct. Routine episiotomies used to be performed because it was thought that it prevented damage to the pelvic floor. It's been shown that damage to the pelvic floor occurs during the later stages of pregnancy. There are times when an episiotomy is required, but it does nothing to preserve the integrity of the vagina, quite the opposite.

30 is right. I had an episiotomy with my first baby. Even with that, she ended up getting stuck (required forceps to get her out) and I got third degree tearing. She destroyed my vagina to the point where if I tear that badly again, I'd end up with life long complications like being anally incontinent. I didn't wanna take that risk so I had a c-section with my second child. I plan on having a third years from now and that risk will still be there. But that's only for childbirth. Sex, however, isn't affected. My vaginal birth child is two now and I'm right back to normal.

Geez, you learn something everyday!

Erin your PHD at FML U.

Today I learned I am terribly happy to be vagina free.

I think we have crossed the line to over sharing.

It's not your fault that he is so small...

But he started it......