Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I am completely mortified. At my father-in-law's funeral, my husband put a bottle of beer on the coffin and announced to the room his dad was such a tight-fisted sod, it was the first drink he’d ever had on him. FML
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Today, I was eating out at a restaurant with my family. My dad had drained most of our bottle of wine, so thinking he'd be a little less uptight than usual, I reached over to pour myself some. He swatted my hand away and started yelling at me for being a "degenerate drunk". FML
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, it's my 15th birthday. My dad stumbled into my bedroom at six in the morning, completely drunk, and slurred the "Happy Birthday" song. Then he told me to go fuck myself, and said that he wished I was never born. Me too, dad. Me too. FML
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Top comments
Dre27 20
What's that old saying, honestly is the best policy
annie_nk 23
Yeah because you totally did that on purpose. Shame on you for being born.
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Comments (116)
Ukeee_X 19
To be honest... Vaginas can go exactly back to normal after birth (if there's no tearing or it's well repaired) if the mother does PF exercises. Speaking from experience of being with a women after child birth. So it could have been prevented, child birth isn't the end of a snug ******. However, that sucks that your drunken father said that. Probably hurts your mother more though
mxij 13
Well, can you really blame him? It went from nice and tight to fitting a massive head
AlwaysWatching 27
Oh... I thought OP's dad meant something else DX.
RedPillSucks 33
Send him some pamphlets for penis enlargement
sanecatlady 13
Well, it wasn't *your* decision to be born, so screw him. Seriously, your drunkard dad needs help.
therealjc_fml 14
you should have said "you started it"
Muttley9 13
Some things are just too stupid to live with. If she really wanted to tighten things back up she could have done Kegel execercises to tone those muscles again. So tell him to look that up and stop blaming you.
Ukeee_X 19
Pelvic floor exercises make it more pleasurable for women. Increasing muscle strength and control makes orgasms so much easier and better! Everybody should do them. Even men. Though it could be cosmetic/confidence.
robj118 10
Awesome!
ryan12088 5
six beers? lightweight lol.
gabagabaheyu 10
its his fault not yours