Miscellaneous: Today, I was walking along the beach at night with my family....

By cricketsins - 11/08/2013 07:28 - United States - Smyrna

Today, I was walking along the beach at night with my family. A huge wave came up and knocked me over. When we got to the van, I realized that the keys that had been in my pocket were now in the ocean. Our cell phones, shoes, and money were in the van. We had to walk three miles to our hotel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 899

You deserved it 6 904

cricketsins tells us more.

cricketsins 36

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Sunday 11 August 2013 22:46

OP here! Just to clarify: Waves knock people off their feet easily. We weren't lazy, we just didn't want to walk barefoot through a place covered with broken beer bottles and vomit. We couldn't break the window because the van had an alarm system, plus it was a nice van and we didn't want to harm it - especially if we were perfectly capable of walking to the hotel and dealing with it the next day.

Miscellaneous

Mama's boy

Conspiracies claim another victim

Weird-ass kids

By Anonymous - 12/09/2011 08:43 - United States

Today, my 23 year old boyfriend of 2 years was forced to dump me, over the phone, by his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 114

You deserved it 3 232

Vibe check

By Drew - 30/06/2021 02:01

Today, I had two different tennis shoes on all day and no one noticed, including myself. When I mentioned it to my family, they told me not to worry about it because no one pays attention me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 118

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 03:00 - United States

Today, I drove my husband's car to the mall because my car was in the shop. The bumper was being repaired because I got rear ended while stopped at a traffic light. While stopped at the same intersection I got rear ended again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 832

You deserved it 3 846

By funnygirl018 - 28/05/2013 22:14 - United States

Today, it was my very last day teaching my dance class. After the class ended, the owner of the studio started clapping and told all my students to give me a hug. No one hugged me. No one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 648

You deserved it 5 694

By Moosh - 01/01/2010 11:12 - Australia

Today, my stepdad did a crap in the shape of the number 2, took a picture of it and showed it to all my friends at my party, while we were eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 851

You deserved it 4 073

By seriouslysinglenomingle - 06/11/2017 12:00 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I realized that I can recognize each member of my disgusting family by the sound and smell of their farts. I can’t wait to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 356

You deserved it 366

Coming or going

By almost governmental - 05/09/2014 22:02 - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, I got a call about a job interview, saying I was hired. I was ecstatic, until they called me back and said they'd called the wrong applicant. They called again later, saying there'd been a mistake and I really was hired. When I went in to confirm it, they said they'd never heard of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 447

You deserved it 3 065

Oh, thanks…

By Whoops - 24/06/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I lost it on my co-workers about how hard I've been working, picking up everyone's slack with no appreciation, and it was clear that I needed to find a job that actually rewarded hard work. As I went to grab my jacket to leave, I saw a cake and gift card for a cruise on the table, from the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 108

You deserved it 72 786

Awkward family moments

By hated - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized that my dad is more comfortable talking to the dog than sitting in the same room as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 942

You deserved it 2 913

By unloved - 01/10/2009 14:25 - United States

Today, during an argument with my daughter she screamed "everyone hates you!" and stormed off. I flopped down on the couch in frustration where the cat jumped on my lap. "You love me, don't you?" I asked the cat. She crapped on my leg and went to my daughter's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 286

You deserved it 6 825

By gbhlaughingstock - 18/08/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 127 989

You deserved it 9 721

By terpity12 - 07/08/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I rescheduled my doctor's appointment for a tetanus shot to go camping with my friends. While running on a path at the camp site, I stepped on a rusty nail that went right through my shoe and into my foot. Maybe I should have kept my appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 326

You deserved it 24 311

Stop

By dad - 03/03/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 291

You deserved it 82 993

By BeatByA9yrold - 12/04/2014 19:59 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my girlfriend's little brother challenged me to a water gun fight. I accepted, not knowing he was going to fill his gun with vinegar, then shoot me in the eyes with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 627

You deserved it 4 661

By Richocet - 18/05/2009 00:35 - Canada

Today, I was walking home from piano lessons when I see my dad on a bike so I shout after him. He turns his head around and then runs into a tree. It wasn't my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 115

You deserved it 36 255

By Joe Lizen - 07/08/2012 01:40 - United States - New Lenox

Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 096

You deserved it 2 171

Just a prank, bruh!

By VoodooPriestess - 03/06/2020 23:00

Today, while looking at engagement rings online, I started crying. Not because I'm getting married, but because the only proposal scenario my mind could concoct always ended with my boyfriend saying,"Psych!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 411

By ConstantChoas - 12/07/2019 06:07

Today, I found out the procedure manual I've been creating for months and finally finished is going to be used to train the person replacing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 141

You deserved it 131

By Awkward - 04/02/2010 16:03 - France

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, claiming moving in was a bad idea and he is the type who needs his privacy. It was his idea to move in, he had to convince me. Now we are stuck, under lease together for the next 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 786

You deserved it 3 689

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 09:55 - United States

Today, my once-alcoholic mom told me that she would sell me for a shot of vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 792

You deserved it 2 976

By Darwin_Award_Winner - 07/06/2012 12:10 - United States - Beaumont

Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 690

You deserved it 36 209

By Shawna - 02/01/2010 01:19 - United States

Today, I got all dressed up for a New Year's party. When my parents and siblings left the house to their parties, I got undressed. I wasn't going to a party. I only got dressed up so my family would think I had plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 318

You deserved it 6 980

By Anonymous - 04/08/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, I was getting mugged. In shock, I said, "Are you mugging me?!" To which the mugger responded, "Duh, do you think I grabbed you for your looks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 553

You deserved it 7 692

By Anonymous - 17/04/2015 19:50 - Argentina

Today, my boss showed me a two-page letter from a customer, complaining about me because I couldn't honor a coupon that expired in 2009. He agreed that I did the right thing by refusing it, but said it would be a black mark on my record anyway due to the complaint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 264

You deserved it 1 935

By grossedout - 08/11/2009 21:11 - Canada

Today, I got home from a small vacation. Before I left, I set up cameras in my room to see if my roommate was stealing my money. Turns out she wasn't. However, she does borrow my personal "adult toy" whenever I'm out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 828

You deserved it 3 918

Buyer's market

By gasbrain - 05/09/2020 20:06

Today, after being unemployed for a couple of months, I got a call back from a security job I did for a week. But with a new condition: besides the security work, one day in the week they want me to cut grass, paint and clean up the grounds for the same minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 172

By Anonymous - 02/06/2014 18:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandmother tried to start a fist-fight with my wife during my wedding ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 424

You deserved it 4 565

By thanksad - 23/08/2013 01:38 - United States - Cerritos

Today, my 50-year-old dad was in a foul mood after taking an online test that put him in Slytherin house instead of Ravenclaw where he "belongs" because he's "so smart". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 339

You deserved it 3 667

By Anonymous - 28/03/2015 15:50 - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, I had my first therapy session for the issues caused by trying to please my overbearing, paranoid, self-centred mother. The first thing she did after we started driving home? Ranting at me and demanding to know if I'd been "talking shit" about her to my therapist FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 708

You deserved it 2 306

Kitchen Nightmare

By Pinsky - 30/07/2021 23:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, I walked in on my mom, my dad, Sarah, and Sarah's husband James making dinner in the kitchen. Completely naked. At 2 p.m. They weren't cooking anything to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 103

By soapy - 01/10/2011 16:08 - Canada

Today, while taking a shower, my back hair caused so much friction against the bar of soap, it stuck for a good second before coming free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 015

You deserved it 8 913

By calgarygal - 23/11/2016 02:53

Today, I found out the little blue thing that my roommate has been sterilizing by boiling in our shared coffee maker, is a menstrual cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 592

You deserved it 730

By Anonymous - 04/04/2013 18:04 - Portugal - Sintra

Today, while on the bus, an elderly man fell asleep on my shoulder. He looked sweet, so I didn't push him off. A few minutes later, the bus jolted and his head slipped down into my breasts. I'm pretty sure you don't smile like that when you're really asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 951

You deserved it 7 265

By salt. - 28/02/2012 22:04 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom". That's how he put it, anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 109

You deserved it 2 626

By Rob - 06/06/2012 16:02 - United States - Neoga

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 715

You deserved it 42 445

Worst sniper ever

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 19:59

Today, I had to ban my teenage son from taking his phone into the bathroom, not because he looks at porn, but because he’s so engrossed in the screen, he doesn’t aim while he pees all over the seat and sometimes the floor, without cleaning it up. He’s not incapable, just fucking lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 123

Creeper Alert

By "of fucking course" - 05/09/2017 06:00

Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 996

You deserved it 862

By Anonymous - 25/07/2019 06:01

Today, after 6 months abroad, I finally got home to the airport at 5 a.m. where my parents were supposed to be picking me up. I called my mother to let her know I'd landed. She picked up with a sleepy voice and asked, "Who is this?" I'm an only child and we live 2 hours away from the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 136

By CROCKIN5150 - 14/03/2016 04:32 - United States

Today, while out for a jog, I noticed that you never know how fast you run until you're being followed by someone in a car you don't know, and they're continuously honking at you. I later found out it my dad in his new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 723

You deserved it 2 293

Oh no.

By Anonymous - 07/01/2018 01:30

Today, while cleaning out my daughter's closet, I found my missing dildo. It's a mold of my husband's penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 200

You deserved it 1 594

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Top comments

L2U7A_E5I9A2E8H 20

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Sunday 11 August 2013 18:04

At least you didn't drown or something because all those things are replaceable, you are not.

Redoxx_fml 22

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Sunday 11 August 2013 18:04

The sea be a cruel mistress

Dancer3626 11

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Sunday 11 August 2013 18:03

That seriously sucks.

ryan4723 18

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Sunday 11 August 2013 18:24

If only this website had a way of expressing that without making a pointless comment...

TheCanucklehead 22

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Sunday 11 August 2013 18:29

Hey Ryan! I just discovered a button that allows you to express that. What a discovery

Dancer3626 11

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Sunday 11 August 2013 18:48

ksuth 25

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Sunday 11 August 2013 22:48

#1, you don't say? Maybe they should put it on FML. Oh wait.

Dancer3626 11

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Monday 12 August 2013 0:19

Wow 3 totally pointless comments! And they were all SUCH good come backs.

iAlissa 34

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Monday 12 August 2013 2:56

I agree with #73. These "if only there were a button for that" comments are annoying as hell.

xKeroseneHearts 9

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Monday 12 August 2013 4:43

I really don't get why people downvote comments like this. He's just saying that it sucks. Get over yourselves and stop with the sarcasm. >.>

L2U7A_E5I9A2E8H 20

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Sunday 11 August 2013 18:04

At least you didn't drown or something because all those things are replaceable, you are not.

gzmn91 6

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Sunday 11 August 2013 18:07

True. No one got hurt so you'll live, Op. Its one thing for people to screw you over by stealing, but in this case there was nothing you could do.

starile 19

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Sunday 11 August 2013 18:45

"...the huge wave that knocked me over also carried my brother away with it, but oh god our cell phones!"

buckerado 19

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Sunday 11 August 2013 21:42

#10- What are you talking about? Of course there is something OP can do...All that OP has to do is to collect all of the water, call some aliens, and have them take all the earths water. (Trust me, I've seen enough movies to know that this will work.) Then OP can find the keys. (Of course I'm not being serious)

cricketsins 36

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Sunday 11 August 2013 22:30

Fair enough! Walking without shoes did suck, though.

zgomon 10

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Sunday 11 August 2013 22:38

One could have broke a window and hot wired the car. That's if you wish to buy a new window, but I'm lazy like that.

guy24 9

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Monday 12 August 2013 1:37

They were not in any real danger sooooo.

cricketsins 36

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Monday 12 August 2013 5:07

#54: The van had an alarm - Plus none of us are very savvy in the ways of hotwiring lol.

gmian 33

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Monday 12 August 2013 6:20

I don't get it, OP. if you were walking on the beach, how could a wave come and knock you over? Waves that huge don't just spontaneously happen? I'm probably missing something really obvious haha

hcollins1 18

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Monday 12 August 2013 19:26

OP and family were walking on the beach alongside the ocean. Even if the wave wasn't that big, the undercurrent is strong enough to pull people in.

Redoxx_fml 22

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Sunday 11 August 2013 18:04

The sea be a cruel mistress

Freethaawave 19

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Sunday 11 August 2013 18:46

She gives and she takes

Cartera 10

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Sunday 11 August 2013 19:42

The sea sounds like a dirty slut.

rudegirlmania 10

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Sunday 11 August 2013 23:27

The King of the North cannot say that!!

Redoxx_fml 22

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Monday 12 August 2013 1:42

Well I have a direwolf for a head now so...woof?

flockz 19

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Monday 12 August 2013 2:36

the sea remains wet all day everyday and has the aroma of salty fish.

akiahara 14

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Sunday 11 August 2013 18:05

Shouldn't you have seen it coming?

jogihoppa8343 23

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Sunday 11 August 2013 18:21

hey what's wrong with your boobs as one apears to be bleeding while the other one is bandaged ???

fml1365 30

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Sunday 11 August 2013 18:50

It was dark.

xStaciexLynnx 15

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Sunday 11 August 2013 20:39

#4- I feel like you've never walked on a beach at night. You don't generally stare at the water, you walk along it.

cricketsins 36

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Sunday 11 August 2013 22:48

Thanks for having my back, you guys. ;)

akiahara 14

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Monday 12 August 2013 8:47

The moonlit sea seems like a sight to enjoy, but okay.

hcollins1 18

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Monday 12 August 2013 19:31

99, if I were sitting on the beach, then yes. The moonlight on the ocean would be something to enjoy. But if I were to walk on the beach, I'd rather look where I'm going than stare at the ocean reflecting the moonlight.

Life_is_FML 22

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Sunday 11 August 2013 18:05

Well that shore is a wave of bad luck. I sea why you'd be angry, but you don't need to be crabby. Whale, your life sucks OP.

lightanddark 17

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Monday 12 August 2013 0:09

win

uktwo 8

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Wednesday 14 August 2013 21:11

Punpunpunpunpun

JessBassett 24

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Sunday 11 August 2013 18:06

That's crappy luck OP!

ohhhsnapple 14

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Sunday 11 August 2013 18:06

I don't know what I'd do in that situation...hopefully you were close enough to home that someone could bring you a spare key? Or maybe it was a rental car? Because it sounds like you're on vacation. Hope it worked out for you, OP!

cricketsins 36

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Sunday 11 August 2013 22:34

We were on vacation at Myrtle beach. We had no spare, it was our van, and since it was computerized and had an alarm, we couldn't even call a locksmith. The dealership had to come and completely replace the ignition and reprogram the alarm system... It was very expensive lol. I definitely didn't let it ruin my vacation.. But let's just say that once I realized what happened, I cried.