Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My gifts were a stomach bug from my kid and a confession to a year-long affair from my (now soon-to-be-ex) husband of 21 years. Nobody even got me a card. FML
Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend didn’t get me a present, or do anything special for me, because, “The rent’s paid, you have a fridge full of groceries… What more do you want?” Later on, he asked me why did I, “look so sad?” FML
Today, it's my birthday. I told my boyfriend I wanted to feel special even if for just one day. He said he would do the laundry for me. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
BreynHope 11
Nothing says happy birthday like a clean asshole. Take it all in stride.
BlesstheSilence 11
Swiggity swooty he's coming for that booty!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (199)
djxerxes9000 18
Because the ****** is his 3rd favorite hole!
do27sah 3
Nothing says happy birthday like an enema for butt sex.
radiocaf 29
My guess is he wants to spice things up in the bedroom, explore new things... Basically he wants anal.
klc20071989_fml 20
Sounds like he wants to kink up your sex life.
Thejackel79 9
You may dislike crappy presents but clearly he does.
HeartOfLead 24
And for Christmas: a butt plug --baby steps, OP, baby steps.
gracehi 31
He thinks you're full of shit.
NightHawk387 22
I didn't see your comment before I basically said the same thing.
gracehi 31
Eh. Shit happens.
yenze 18
I think Op should get him a penis pump for is birthday
peterpan3112 7
bite the pillow, OP.
twinkiefeets 17
Foreplay. Duh.