Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 47

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 26

28/07/2019 12:00

Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

You deserved it 221

And today, on Dr Phil…

Good kid

Vulture

14/01/2010 19:41

Today, I was dissecting a pig for my anatomy class. The smell of four day-old dead pig caused me to faint. My mom drove me home and warmed me up some left overs for lunch. It was pork chops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 181

You deserved it 4 332

20/07/2010 00:23

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. She stole my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 668

You deserved it 4 097

28/03/2013 16:24

Today, while on vacation, I think I met my soul-mate, and quite possibly the love of my life. My vacation is to celebrate my 8-year anniversary with my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 171

You deserved it 60 530

Shared towel

By shitface - 06/01/2020 14:00

Today, after I took a shower, I was wiping my face with the towel I share with my sister. It smelled peculiar, so I took my face away and looked at it. Turns out, I was wiping my face on a huge shit stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 989

You deserved it 1 188

10/11/2015 15:17

Today, I found out that my immediate supervisor had modified my phone in the priority order at our call center. As a result, any calls that came in during the night shift would be routed to my phone first, so that he can play games on his phone uninterrupted. It's been a whole year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 129

You deserved it 1 764

03/02/2011 12:52

Today, I parked three streets away despite the ungodly cold. I did this because in the past, on my street, I have had my car keyed, my tires slashed, and my side view mirror ripped off. When I went back out to my car, I found that someone had broken off my windshield wipers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 939

You deserved it 3 462

25/10/2011 07:10

Today, it was my birthday. We had a huge family dinner and everyone was invited, including my boyfriend. My family is kind of stuck-up, so I was very nervous about him meeting them. He got into an argument with my uncle over how "awesome" Van Halen is, and ignored me all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 831

You deserved it 4 289

06/06/2015 13:01

Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 716

You deserved it 3 099

08/10/2014 06:02

Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 284

You deserved it 3 714

01/01/2016 14:28

Today, a customer gave me hell because a high-spec game he bought wouldn't run on his ancient Windows XP PC. I ended up having to profusely apologize and refund him. Whoever coined the phrase "the customer is always right" should probably be shot, run over by a bus, then shot a few more times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 971

You deserved it 1 972

Winning

By Anonymous - 16/05/2020 08:00

Today, I found out my fourteen-year-old daughter is making more money than me, thanks to babysitting and winning writing contests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 094

You deserved it 414

27/05/2010 22:50

Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 262

You deserved it 4 932

27/04/2012 15:22

Today, I woke up, got up, and felt something crunchy under my feet. My son thought it would be funny if he spread cat litter all around the house. Used cat litter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 200

You deserved it 2 558

20/08/2010 23:22

Today, I was on the toilet, when my Mom thought it would be a fun idea to barge in, take a picture of me, post it on Facebook, and tag me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 454

You deserved it 4 389

20/08/2019 14:00

Today, I called my boyfriend. He answered with, "Hey, I'll call you back when this goes to commercial." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 462

When nature calls

By ClaraB - 11/10/2021 23:01

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in a bathroom stall. Someone’s little brat had to come in and peek under the stall. She yelled, "Mommy there are two naked people in here!" Her mother bitched us out for, “ruining her daughter’s innocence." The cops were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 3 375

Monday morning blues

By desperate905 - 15/03/2021 12:52

Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 379

You deserved it 28 806

25/07/2015 10:10

Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her a pregnancy test. After using it, we couldn't find how to tell if she was or wasn't pregnant. After about 10 minutes of waiting, Google searching, and tension, I realized I had bought an ovulation test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 343

You deserved it 23 019

01/12/2009 01:55

Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 430

You deserved it 5 066

10/06/2011 11:40

Today, I was the only passenger on a completely booked flight to have all their luggage left behind in another country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 798

You deserved it 3 248

07/12/2009 06:06

Today, I pretended to smoke a bread stick that looked like a cigar. It made me feel cool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 670

You deserved it 41 055

31/07/2009 15:14

Today, I was working on a client's roof. Some neighborhood kids thought it would be hilarious if they knocked over my ladder. I was stuck on this roof in serious heat. I caught the attention of a pedestrian to come to my rescue. It was a little old lady. She gave me the finger and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 449

You deserved it 2 595

29/07/2011 21:35

Today, my sister announced that she had gotten engaged. I was happy for her until I found out she's marrying the guy who relentlessly bullied me all through high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 247

You deserved it 2 980

18/04/2009 20:46

Today, I was at the Apple Store taking random pictures of myself. I took one with a really stupid face. This girl passes by and says, "Wow, that's a cool effect! You look just like an alien!" I wasn't using any effects. It was a regular picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 982

You deserved it 10 954

02/04/2017 16:00

Today, I confronted my lousy, loud, messy neighbors about the trash they throw in my yard. They responded by throwing my trash in their yard, then called the police to report me for vandalism and illegal dumping when I returned their trash. Guess who has a court appearance in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 717

You deserved it 395

27/04/2011 14:05

Today, I was absentmindedly playing with a piece of lint. When I looked at it, I realized that I had been rolling and squeezing a dead spider in my fingers for about five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 764

You deserved it 19 052

20/08/2019 22:00

Today, my date asked me if I enjoyed golden showers. We were in the middle of making out, and it was our first date, which I thought was going well. I guess when things seem too good to be true, they really are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 985

You deserved it 229

Spirits, awake!

By liza - 29/03/2021 16:59

Today, since my alarm didn’t go off at 7 a.m., I awoke to my mother attempting to perform Necromancy on me “as a joke.” She wore a black robe and everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 185

10/02/2016 18:36

Today, instead of reaching for some unhealthy food, I tried to eat some dates instead. It was all fine until I bit one in half and saw a rather large, squirming maggot inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 249

You deserved it 1 975

05/02/2009 20:13

Today, I was awarding medals to finalists in a school club. While putting one around someones neck, I ended up poking a girl in the eye. She tried to be a trooper by continuing to walk across stage but i guess her eyes got really watery because she missed the step and fell, breaking her ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 210

You deserved it 7 959

09/09/2016 18:43

Today, my dog kept barking at the door, and I jokingly shouted, "Language!" My mom heard and grounded me for yelling at the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 997

You deserved it 1 104

13/03/2009 06:19

Today, I was walking my friend's dog around the neighborhood, as I was walking I noticed a little girl fall off her bike. I let go of the dog and ran over to help. The girl was ok but the dog ran into the street and got hit by a truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 529

You deserved it 24 515

Weird flex, but OK

By mrwilly - 02/01/2015 03:22

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 779

You deserved it 4 872

You made them use coasters, Monica

By Anonymous - 21/09/2019 12:00

Today, I was checking my friends' posts on Facebook and all of them were complaining what a boring night they had. They were all just at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 183

14/10/2009 01:25

Today, I went to my hairdresser who promised me a haircut which "all the girls would want you" for. She gave me a combover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 101

You deserved it 3 630

08/04/2017 20:00

Today, after having too many projects for end of term, I asked to borrow my sister's paper that she used for the same class last year. After submitting it online, I found the example paper that the teacher handed out. My teacher used my sister's paper from last year as an example for us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 890

You deserved it 13 404

Hard test

By Too Late - 19/12/2019 03:00

Today, I went in to take my College Placement tests. I'd spent all week ignoring actual homework to study for these tests. When I got there, the responsible told me that the tests were last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 1 979

23/05/2013 05:11

Today, I was stuck in my apartment complex's elevator. I was shouting out for help when a voice came screaming, "This is the fire department." I was relieved until he said, "Just kidding." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 225

You deserved it 3 401

Alexa, play "It was a Good Day" by Ice Cube

By Anonymous - 23/09/2021 17:00

Today, I woke up, had great sex, had a delicious breakfast, played with my kid and laid down for a nap… only to wake up in extreme pain, an ambulance ride, and now a doctor saying I need emergency surgery on my leaking gallbladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 57

18/08/2016 21:47

Today, I was volunteering at a neighborhood house tutoring a bunch of kids. Everything was going fine until one of them jumped on the table I was at, which broke and hit my knee. I swore in front of all the kids and my volunteer coordinator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 598

You deserved it 1 277

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Top comments

Aphrodite 20

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Sunday 28 July 2019 14:08

Great response in my opinion lol

Sinshine 27

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Sunday 28 July 2019 22:00

Your dad sounds awesome. Would you rather have the kind of dad that goes "Ey asshole stop staring at my baby girl you ducking creep!"

Comments

Matthew Smith 13

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Sunday 28 July 2019 12:08

#dadlad

Aphrodite 20

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Sunday 28 July 2019 14:08

Great response in my opinion lol

WeirdUS 29

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Sunday 28 July 2019 15:08

Ivanka? It's ok Glad you finally reached out for help don't worry you do have friends here.

Sinshine 27

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Sunday 28 July 2019 22:00

Your dad sounds awesome. Would you rather have the kind of dad that goes "Ey asshole stop staring at my baby girl you ducking creep!"

oneonta 8

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Monday 29 July 2019 2:43

that is awesome!

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Monday 29 July 2019 3:32

Bonus points if your dad stopped a creeper.

skippydoda 32

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Monday 29 July 2019 10:44

I say the same thing about my son... He's 18 months, but still

Fata Morgana 1029 9

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Monday 29 July 2019 11:15

My dad would've done the same 😂