Love: Today, while sorting through my clothes, I found one of my ex's...

By gemtas5 - Sweden - Malm?

Today, while sorting through my clothes, I found one of my ex's old sweaters. After a lot of thought and difficulty, I threw it out. I felt empowered, until my father later rifled through my trash and claimed the sweater for himself. FML

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Love

The smell detective is on the case

Good kid

DIY FML

By noeducation - Canada

Today, I found out why my parents have been trying to convince me not to go to college this year. I also found out where the $20,000 they just spent on landscaping came from. My college fund. Which is now $0. FML

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By haappynewyear - United States

Today, I got into a nasty fight, and ended up leaving with a black eye. The fight was with a champagne bottle cork. I was opening the bottle to celebrate the New Year, at home, alone. FML

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By Sbfreak510 - France

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work and I put on yesterday's jeans. While at my meeting an employee asked me if 'that' was mine and pointed to something on the floor next to me. Which was yesterday's underwear. FML

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By anonymous - United States - West Babylon

Today, my best friend and I, after years of sexual tension, began to have sex for the first time. Things got heated and he decided to abruptly stand up with me around him. I got so nervous, spazzed out, and now have 37 staples in my head courtesy of his bookshelf. FML

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By JustShootMe - 2/11/2020 07:57 - Australia - Gladstone

Teenagers, amirite?

Today, my daughter told me she would rather hang herself than hang out with me. All I did was remind her to go to bed at a reasonable time to get some sleep for an activity she likes doing. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been using my moisturiser as lube when he wanks. It's $90 per bottle. FML

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By ThankYou! - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to meet a guy that i had already started to be involved with at a bar. We laughed, kissed and had a great time, until he admitted he was just doing all of this to make his ex-girlfriend jealous. Guess who was waiting for me outside. FML

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By Delicious - New Zealand

Today, I found out that the shower sponge I've been using for a while now is the very same sponge my friends used to wipe up my vomit when I was drunk. I have been exfoliating a puked on sponge for more than a month. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

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By college will be fun they said - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was running late to class and slipped down a staircase. Not only did nobody help me, but when I got up I noticed an old man staring at my ass. FML

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By Anon - Australia

Today, I was caught and fined for picking a lock. I have OCD. I was picking the padlock on a toilet paper holder in a public toilet because the roll was the wrong way round. FML

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By Anonymous

Ouch

Today, while brushing my teeth half asleep, I stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush, toothpaste included. FML

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By oxbonxo - Australia

Today, after hanging up the phone, I realised that telemarketers are my only form of social life. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started an awesome job with competitive pay. I also found out that the place is closing its doors in June. FML

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By roostergirl - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. As I was leaving his house I hear him shout "Hey! Wait! Sweetie, come back here!". He was talking to his cat who ran out the door behind me. FML

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By kellie1115 - United States - Rowlesburg

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a serious conversation about our future. Somehow it turned into a 10-minute discussion about what time of day we usually take a crap. FML

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By AudreyUs - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML

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By failure

Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML

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By AshlynnPrime - United States - Owensboro

Today, I was watching TV when my sister-in-law called me, laughing. It turns out my brother got his head stuck between the bars on the stairs. Again. My brother is 29. FML

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By Albert - United States - Dover

Today, I went to see my orthodontist. He informed me that I have an underbite and I will probably need braces again. I just had them taken off last year, after five and a half years of oral hell. FML

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By PartyPooped

Today, at my school, we finally had the party we worked on for the past week. I was tasked to make decorations and props for a photo booth. I made sure everything was perfect, and I even stayed up until 1 am working on the props. Not a single person used it. FML

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By rawr

Losing my mind

Today, I managed to lose a 3XL fleece jacket in my house, which had my wallet and car keys in it. I had the pleasure of explaining this to my boss when I had to call in, after everyone I called did not respond. FML

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By Anonymousss95 - Sweden

Today, I lost my virginity. Afterwards, he told me that he was only doing this because he wanted to know if he still truly loves his girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brandon

Today, I spent several hours downtown with my violent grandma, after she was arrested for threatening a guy with a gun. His crime? "Trespassing" by ringing the doorbell and asking if she was interested in donating to charity. FML

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By JohnFarrell - United States

Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML

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By fuji

Today, I was pulled over and given a ticket for a broken tail light. On the way to the mechanic. To get my tail light fixed. FML

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By bored - United States

Today, I've now worked on Thanksgiving, Black Friday, the weekend after that, and two days this week. My husband and son have had all that time off, and yet I've still ended up having to clean the dishes and the house after them on all of these days. FML

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By grizzlybear - Mexico

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I had a penis, our relationship would be better. FML

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By Claudine - Belgium - Li?ge

Today, my boss is on the phone with a Russian customer, who keeps saying, "Speak Russian please!" My boss asks me to translate, as he hired me for my knowledge of Russian. He says something, I translate in Russian, then the customer says, "Speak English please!" FML

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By Bobby

Today, I went to a bone and joint specialist because of excruciating back pain. Before the examination, the doctor told me that the possible reasons for the pain could be arthritis, sciatica, or scoliosis. After the examination, I found out that I have all three. FML

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By fatnick - United States

Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was offered a position as a trainer at a great company. My manager was livid when I told her. This is after she told me I was wasting my time trying to become a trainer and if I wanted to become one, I should apply elsewhere. FML

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By nowimbroketoo - Australia - Beaumaris

Today, the guy whose son I babysat for six hours straight confessed to being broke, then actually asked if he could pay me with sex instead. FML

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By Deep Sigh

Deep Sigh? More like Deep Throat

Today, I wanted to get my mind off my ex, so like any other guy I decided to watch some porn and jack it. I see one video with a familiar looking room so I click on it. Guess who I saw getting it from some dude? So much for forgetting about my ex. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I camped outside of a Best Buy to guarantee I'd get a cheap Blu Ray player. My friend who got there five minutes after they opened also managed to get one. FML

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By MiceMiles - United States - Seattle

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that miles are the same distance for everything. He thought that human miles were different than mouse miles, because they're smaller. He's 34. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was very cold and tired, so I took a shower to warm up and went to bed. The minute I hopped into bed, it collapsed and broke. I have spent half-an-hour rearranging furniture to get the mattress on to the floor. Now I'm cold again. FML

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By Krazydude1000

My fingernail

Today, I found out that my old DVD player stopped reading my movie disks. I had the dumb idea to stick my finger in there to see what was the problem. I found the problem, and that was that my fingernail wasn't on my finger after that. FML

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By LaLa - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my very traditional parents told me that I should start a savings account for my marriage. I told them that I wouldn't get married until much later because I don't even have a boyfriend yet. They said, "Don't worry we already found a boy for you." FML

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Top comments

By xemrx | 13

#5683901 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

Good for you for getting rid of it OP! Maybe you should have a talk with your dad about how him keeping the sweater makes you uncomfortable.

By ihateallofyou1 | 9

#5683907 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

Your father worries me.

COMMENTS

By xemrx | 13

#5683901 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

Good for you for getting rid of it OP! Maybe you should have a talk with your dad about how him keeping the sweater makes you uncomfortable.

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5683980 - Sunday 22 September 2013 3:12

But why pick one out of the trash?

jw90 | 18

#5684042 - Sunday 22 September 2013 3:57

Maybe he thought it looked cool and wanted to keep it. Possible he also didn't know it was her exes at the time.

9echo | 17

#5684148 - Sunday 22 September 2013 5:19

@16, waste not want not.

KawaiiCupcake | 14

#5684270 - Sunday 22 September 2013 8:03

Really good for you OP! You moved on well ;)
I on the other hand, still not fully over with mine ;(

sarah6786 | 14

#5684280 - Sunday 22 September 2013 8:10

Maybe op seeing her dad wearing it will help make her care less about her ex lol

BlueRainDude | 11

#5684319 - Sunday 22 September 2013 9:08

If I was the father and my daughter said "hey dad, yea that's so and so's sweatshirt, the one who broke my heart" I'd burn the damn sweatshirt myself.

TwiztedYuri | 9

#5684361 - Sunday 22 September 2013 9:47

OP can always go and find it in the lanudry bin. then take it outside pour a bit of gasoline over it and make smores

queerdragon | 20

#5685400 - Monday 23 September 2013 4:22

Why does she have to destroy it? Her father obviously likes the sweater. The only reason she wants to destroy it is because her ex wore it. That is irrational.

schindler12345 | 24

#6567826 - Saturday 26 March 2016 17:03

And have a talk about digging through the trash.

By Espolax | 8

#5683904 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

That's going to be a terrible reminder

By ihateallofyou1 | 9

#5683907 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

Your father worries me.

CallMeMcFeelii | 13

#5683923 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:49

You don't dig through the trash to find clothes? That's how I found my favorite pair of underwear! Nothing better than good ol' dumpster undies..

mFUNdo21 | 17

#5684246 - Sunday 22 September 2013 7:38

this thread is trashy

9echo | 17

#5684832 - Sunday 22 September 2013 20:06

Only because you commented in it.

By football98_fml | 20

#5683909 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

you shoudve lit it on fire...

ohSNAPyall | 26

#5684599 - Sunday 22 September 2013 17:05

Or given it away to a homeless shelter or something.

By bessiemay01 | 5

#5683913 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:46

Finders keepers. In another sense that does suck. That reminder will always be there now. FYL Op.

By BreynHope | 11

#5683918 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:47

Maybe explain to him that seeing the sweater brings back memories that you don't want to be reminded of. Just buy him a new one from Old Navy and he'll forget about it, OP.

daminantion | 14

#5688710 - Wednesday 25 September 2013 5:53

Why get attached to inanimaye objects, topped with the fact that its an EX thus it didnt work out?

By rockne93 | 17

#5683922 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:48

Take it out of his dresser and get rid of it the right way, OP. Nothing like a good ole bon fire starter.

starile | 19

#5684233 - Sunday 22 September 2013 7:15

The extra musk Eau De Ex should make it burn up real good.

By utrax | 23

#5683928 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:50

Damn, must have been a nice sweater.

By BlesstheSilence | 11

#5683929 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:51

It sounds like your dad does that often...

By eddeeezzyy | 19

#5683931 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:52

Why worry over this when you can just simply go into your father's bedroom, take the sweater, drive far far away, light it on fire, and then bury the ashes of it 10 feet into the ground.