Today, while sorting through my clothes, I found one of my ex's...

By gemtas5 - 21/9/2013 17:28 - Sweden - Malm?

Today, while sorting through my clothes, I found one of my ex's old sweaters. After a lot of thought and difficulty, I threw it out. I felt empowered, until my father later rifled through my trash and claimed the sweater for himself. FML

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Love

Family values

Season finale

Trip Advisor says no

By browniepoints - 7/2/2010 00:09 - United States

Today, it dawned on me that the most romantic thing my husband has done in the last three years, was a put a wedding ring on his xbox avatar. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2012 18:33 - United States - Auburn

Today, I had to explain to my teacher that Czechoslovakia is no longer a country. She kicked me out of class when she found out I was right. FML

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By umyuck - 3/5/2015 16:55 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I noticed my shower drain wasn't draining well. I cleaned it out, thinking it was just a rat's nest of hair. Wrong. It was an actual dead rat. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2020 08:01

Missed opportunities

Today, I turned down a chance to go to a bar with a girl I like because I have an autoimmune disorder and don't want to get sick because of being irresponsible and obviously COVID 19. FML

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By dinosaur - 10/1/2011 10:35 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be fun to sit on my lap. In the process he landed on me so hard that he made me hit my head. Then when he turned around his elbow smacked into my nose causing it to break. FML

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By pissed off - 2/7/2014 21:52 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, my dad finished installing our new home security system. One of the features lets him control any light in the house from his phone. He keeps trying to piss me off by turning my bedroom light on at random intervals. I don't know how to make it stop, and I can't sleep. FML

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By Laviolette - 23/2/2012 22:01 - France

Today, I was preparing dinner for my in-laws for the first time. Nervous, I accidentally spilled the pasta into the sink. With nothing else to prepare, I quickly scooped it all back out. No-one would have been any the wiser, if the kitchen sponge hadn't shown up in the middle of the meal. FML

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By jeffcarp - 17/12/2019 14:00 - Italy - Cesenatico

Mint taste

Today, my wife stopped mid blowjob because it tasted too clean, like my mint shower gel. FML

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By wurtabang - 9/2/2010 05:27 - United States

Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I've picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2010 18:21 - United States

Today, I decided to treat my yeast infection over the counter to avoid going to the doctor. Too bad I didn't read the directions. Now I have to go to the doctor to get the tip of the applicator removed. FML

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By nomorepups - 31/10/2016 14:54

Today, I adopted my second dog. When I called to tell my mom about it, she sternly told me that I was not allowed to get any more dogs. I'm 28 and own my own house. FML

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By kiwi023 - 14/2/2012 06:50 - Canada

Today, I spent an hour cleaning my already-clean house to avoid any form of conversation with my boyfriend. FML

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By Depressed - 8/3/2009 21:58 - United States

Today, I called up the boy I like to ask him on a date. He said "Haha, thats a pretty good impression Chris. Next time pick someone less ugly and maybe I'd think this is real." He thought I was his friend prank calling him. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2020 14:00

Hmmm, nutritious!

Today, I'm in the coronavirus-vulnerable group, so I asked my friend to go shopping for me because I'm in need of food and toilet paper. They came back with a bag of icing sugar, even though food and toilet paper were available in the shop. Forty minutes later, the shelves were stripped bare. FML

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By judge not, ye cunt - 21/12/2012 23:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was overseeing a nativity play rehearsal. Things went fairly well, until a boy's grandma stormed in, ranting that Christmas is a "Pagan abomination", and shouting for him and his mom to leave with her. Half the kids were left in tears, and we had to cancel the rehearsal. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2014 00:09 - United States - Green Bay

Today, I came home and saw my cat all snuggled up with another cat on the sofa. I thought it was the cutest thing ever, until I remembered that I only have one cat. FML

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By Cissy - 27/12/2018 00:00

Today, my former coworker called to ask if he could get it on with my ex-husband. The same ex I was married to for 20 years without knowing anything about his other life. I've been replaced by an overweight, middle-aged furry. FML.

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By Jaymail - 17/8/2020 08:01

It's close enough

Today, after many hours studying a complete course of Spanish, I felt really good. I had accomplished something, something I could really use next week when I fly to Mexico on vacation. Then I found out what I had learned was Spanish as they speak it in Spain, not how they speak it in Latin America. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2014 00:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2014 22:18 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2016 20:24 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I was there with the lights out when something ran across my foot. I freaked out, tried to kick it off, and ended up smashing my foot into the side of the tub. FML

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By whatchagonnado - 24/3/2013 07:35 - Canada - Victoria

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML

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By Satver7 - 10/3/2017 22:00

An Inconvenient Thief

Today, after meeting a girl for the first time and having sex with her, I found not only my wallet missing but also the 128 GB pen drive that had my project I've been working on for 6 months on it. I have to give the presentation in 3 days. FML

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By calamity janet - 14/11/2018 22:00

Today, my husband took me to an airsoft shop so he could try a new pistol. We went on the range to shoot it, but while he was loading it went off and shot me. I was only wearing my leggings, so I felt the full power of that BB as it traveled at 200 feet per second at my clitoris. FML

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By hairdresser - 18/10/2009 15:27 - Thailand

Today, my mum started yelling at me for leaving scissors on my desk, which my five year old sister found and chopped all her hair off. She had a lump of hair as proof. After three minutes of her yelling, me crying and apologizing, she laughed and said she was joking. She just cut my sister's hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2016 17:13 - United States - Antioch

Today, I overheard my mom complaining to her friends about her uncontrollable queefing problem. Excuse me while I find a therapist. FML

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By fuck - 2/6/2011 18:43 - United States

Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML

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By socreepedouticanteven - 27/10/2014 00:05 - United States - Procious

Today, there was a laundry basket of my clothes sitting in my room. My dad asked me if they were clean or not. When I said I didn't know, he picked up a piece of my clothing, sniffed it, and said it smelled fine. That piece of clothing just so happened to be my underwear. FML

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By yoyo22 - 5/12/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, I was at the beach with my friend for vacation. We were playing Marco Polo in the ocean and I was Marco. I thought I heard my friend, so I lunged forward and grabbed her. Too bad it wasn't my friend, it was an old guy in a pink speedo, and I grabbed his butt. FML

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By Anon - 18/12/2013 09:56 - United States - Paso Robles

Today, I had to pee during a supervised lockdown. I asked my teacher to take me since we couldn't be in the halls alone. Since class was going, she couldn't take me. Much to my dismay, she sent a school-wide email asking for someone to take me to pee. Six teachers took me, including my principal. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2010 06:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I have a busy day of college work ahead of me. I figured I'd best have a good breakfast. Then I realised I'd completely ran out of food except for various types of sauces and condiments. So what am I having for breakfast today? That's right. A nice cup of Gravy. FML

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By whut - 23/12/2014 20:58 - United States

Today, for my Christmas bonus at work, I got a potted plant and some lotion. FML

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By Momo8612 - 21/4/2017 12:00

Today, while shopping for groceries, a small child pointed at my face and exclaimed : "DOGGIE!" FML

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By Thanksalot - 30/11/2013 05:58 - United States - Edinburg

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. My husband is fighting with his dad, who's fighting with his brother-in-law, who's fighting with his wife. The only ones not fighting are my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, who're getting along great on a squeaky mattress in the room next to mine. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/10/2012 01:57 - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, a customer handed me a 100 dollar bill. He then told me that it was my tip for doing a good job. He snatched it away just as I touched it, laughed, and said, "Just kidding." He then took his money and left the store. FML

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By kimosabe - 2/3/2009 19:58 - United States

Today, at work a woman came up to the check out counter and when I greeted her she said "oh honey, you are so beautiful!" I immediately smiled and thanked her, then she looked at me and said "oh, not you." and then pointed to her ear. She was on her bluetooth. FML

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By failure - 13/10/2010 06:18 - Australia

Today, I rang my girlfriend to make sure she made it home alright. She told me to check my facebook. Nothing was different so I hit refresh. We were no longer in a relationship. I got dumped via facebook whilst on the phone to her. FML

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By the other guy? - 29/3/2014 21:57 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/12/2010 08:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a phone call to say my workplace was closed due to extreme weather conditions. Looking forward to my day off, I then realised the boiler was broken and my house has no heating despite there being a foot of snow outside. I'm spending the day in bed, wearing all my clothes. FML

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Top comments

By xemrx | 13

#5683901 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

Good for you for getting rid of it OP! Maybe you should have a talk with your dad about how him keeping the sweater makes you uncomfortable.

By ihateallofyou1 | 9

#5683907 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

Your father worries me.

COMMENTS

By xemrx | 13

#5683901 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

Good for you for getting rid of it OP! Maybe you should have a talk with your dad about how him keeping the sweater makes you uncomfortable.

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5683980 - Sunday 22 September 2013 3:12

But why pick one out of the trash?

jw90 | 18

#5684042 - Sunday 22 September 2013 3:57

Maybe he thought it looked cool and wanted to keep it. Possible he also didn't know it was her exes at the time.

9echo | 17

#5684148 - Sunday 22 September 2013 5:19

@16, waste not want not.

KawaiiCupcake | 14

#5684270 - Sunday 22 September 2013 8:03

Really good for you OP! You moved on well ;)
I on the other hand, still not fully over with mine ;(

sarah6786 | 14

#5684280 - Sunday 22 September 2013 8:10

Maybe op seeing her dad wearing it will help make her care less about her ex lol

BlueRainDude | 11

#5684319 - Sunday 22 September 2013 9:08

If I was the father and my daughter said "hey dad, yea that's so and so's sweatshirt, the one who broke my heart" I'd burn the damn sweatshirt myself.

TwiztedYuri | 9

#5684361 - Sunday 22 September 2013 9:47

OP can always go and find it in the lanudry bin. then take it outside pour a bit of gasoline over it and make smores

queerdragon | 20

#5685400 - Monday 23 September 2013 4:22

Why does she have to destroy it? Her father obviously likes the sweater. The only reason she wants to destroy it is because her ex wore it. That is irrational.

schindler12345 | 24

#6567826 - Saturday 26 March 2016 17:03

And have a talk about digging through the trash.

By Espolax | 8

#5683904 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

That's going to be a terrible reminder

By ihateallofyou1 | 9

#5683907 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

Your father worries me.

CallMeMcFeelii | 13

#5683923 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:49

You don't dig through the trash to find clothes? That's how I found my favorite pair of underwear! Nothing better than good ol' dumpster undies..

mFUNdo21 | 17

#5684246 - Sunday 22 September 2013 7:38

this thread is trashy

9echo | 17

#5684832 - Sunday 22 September 2013 20:06

Only because you commented in it.

By football98_fml | 20

#5683909 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

you shoudve lit it on fire...

ohSNAPyall | 26

#5684599 - Sunday 22 September 2013 17:05

Or given it away to a homeless shelter or something.

By bessiemay01 | 5

#5683913 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:46

Finders keepers. In another sense that does suck. That reminder will always be there now. FYL Op.

By BreynHope | 11

#5683918 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:47

Maybe explain to him that seeing the sweater brings back memories that you don't want to be reminded of. Just buy him a new one from Old Navy and he'll forget about it, OP.

daminantion | 14

#5688710 - Wednesday 25 September 2013 5:53

Why get attached to inanimaye objects, topped with the fact that its an EX thus it didnt work out?

By rockne93 | 17

#5683922 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:48

Take it out of his dresser and get rid of it the right way, OP. Nothing like a good ole bon fire starter.

starile | 19

#5684233 - Sunday 22 September 2013 7:15

The extra musk Eau De Ex should make it burn up real good.

By utrax | 23

#5683928 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:50

Damn, must have been a nice sweater.

By BlesstheSilence | 11

#5683929 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:51

It sounds like your dad does that often...

By eddeeezzyy | 19

#5683931 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:52

Why worry over this when you can just simply go into your father's bedroom, take the sweater, drive far far away, light it on fire, and then bury the ashes of it 10 feet into the ground.