Love: Today, while sorting through my clothes, I found one of my ex's...

By gemtas5 - Sweden - Malm?

Today, while sorting through my clothes, I found one of my ex's old sweaters. After a lot of thought and difficulty, I threw it out. I felt empowered, until my father later rifled through my trash and claimed the sweater for himself. FML

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Love

BO Central

And today, on Dr Phil…

Basic Instinct

By Anonymous - 24/2/2021 13:59

So young, so jaded

Today, like every day, I scrolled through my social media feeds, seeing happy couples, people buying houses and landing their dream jobs. I, on the other hand, am a single 23 year-old man in a dead end job that still lives with his parents. FML

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By Sad.To.Be.Me. - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a World of Warcraft commercial came on. He turned to me and said, "Yeah, I'd choose the Horde over you any day." FML

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By MEW - United States

Frustration level: infinity

Today, I was working drive thru and took a huge order. When the people pulled around to the window, they handed me a stack of coupons. None of the coupons were even related to what they ordered. They made me change their order to fit the coupons because they couldn't read. FML

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By angel grace

Today, I woke up feeling ill. My mom sent me to school anyway, and grounded me for "lying" about being sick. As soon as I got to school, I began vomiting blood. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I figured I'd throw my ex-boyfriend a compliment and told him how "gifted" he was below the belt. He thinks he's paying me a compliment when he tells me how much he loves that little roll of skin that pops up over the top of my pants when I sit down. I'm trying to lose weight, asshole. FML

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By best friend! - Canada

Today, my best friend informed me that she has been sleeping with my boyfriend. She tried to justify it by saying, "He's just going to break up with you anyway." FML

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By WoofWoof - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months called me. He said his mom was making him choose between having a dog or having a girlfriend. I asked him which one he picked. He was quiet, I heard barking in the background. FML

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By T-Pain - United States

Today, my boyfriend stopped making out with me to watch a thirty minute infomercial on the Topsy-Turvy upside down tomato planter. FML

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By diddlysquat - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a cybersex chat with a "girl" on a website whilst at work. I noticed my colleague who sits next to me start cracking up with laughter. Turned out it was him I was chatting with and he was winding me up. Worst thing is it had given me a stiffy. FML

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By mottephobe - United States

Today, I subbed for a first grade class. They were releasing butterflies. Butterflies scare me shitless. A bunch of 7 year-olds watched as I screamed hysterically when one landed on me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was cuddling with the girl I've been seeing for the past few months. She was saying how much she liked me and how much I meant to her. Reciprocating those feelings, I asked her to be my girlfriend. It was a HARD no for her. Then she drove me an hour and a half home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in an attempt to be more healthy, I made myself a large fruit smoothie. I didn't think it could or would cause me to practically shart my rectum out my ass for the rest of the afternoon. The more you know. FML

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By fukinnature

Today, I was feeling stressed about some upcoming exams, so I went on a nice relaxing nature walk through the nearby bushland. I slipped off a rock and landed in knee-deep mud that claimed my shoe when I pulled my leg free. I'm even more stressed now. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy asked for my number. He used the rather annoying "You know, this iPhone has everything... but you know the only thing that's missing is your number." I might have given it to him, if he did have the iPhone, not the makeshift box of Mini Wheat Thins he had in his hand. FML

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By agnosticstudy - United States

Today, all three of my meals consisted of 2 hot pockets. FML

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By Proof-Reader - United States

Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML

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By caligirl4ever

Today, my boyfriend and I got robbed. He was so depressed about all the stuff we lost, I decided to cheer him up with a lap dance. I told him to sit on a chair. We have no furniture left. He started crying. FML

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By pygmalion - United Kingdom

Today, after the most stressful two weeks of my life, I finally found a few minutes to sit down with a relaxing cup of tea. I went to take a sip, sneezed, smashed the mug into my nose, and dumped scalding hot tea all over my face and cleavage. FML

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By NatchezParadox

Tinder surprised

Today, I watched as my Tinder date arrived at the coffee shop and mistook another woman for me. He never realized she was the wrong girl, and they spent the entire date together before leaving. The only similarity between me and the other woman was our hair. FML

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By powsser - United States

Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dearborn

Today, as always, I'd be so incredibly happy if my girlfriend loved me even half as much as she loves her cat. FML

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By dumper - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML

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By feels like an asshole - United States

Today, I took new sleeping meds. One of the side effects was sleepwalking. I had a dream my girlfriend wanted me to pee on her. Apparently, while sleepwalking, I pissed all over our dog. FML

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By ElodieUNU - France

Today, I went on a blind date. The guy greeted me with a "What's up, bitch?", which I wrote off as him just being really laid-back. By dessert, he'd asked me if my boobs are real, then when we finished, asked how many more dates it'd take before I put out. So much for that. FML

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By walkingdead_1029 - United States - Peoria

Today, the girl that I've been madly in love with was demanding I tell her who I liked. I told her no, I should just keep it a secret, but she demanded I tell her. After I told her, the only response I got was, "You're right. You should have kept that a secret." FML

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By Jeimaiku - United States

Today, my ex took my cat and gave her to an animal shelter while I was at work, saying he can't stand living with her any longer. He's moving out in 2 days. FML

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By anon - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

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By stinkypants - India

Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML

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By RandomLG94 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was fired from my job because I would "scare" the customers. Two days ago a coworker spilled fry oil onto the grill causing flames to singe my eyebrows and the front of my hair off. FML

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By mylifesucks - United States - Ellijay

Today, I was walking down the street and saw a man trip over a sign. He then grabbed his cane, started screaming, and began beating the sign. Apparently that didn't release his anger, so he began to beat the nearest car. I thought it was hilarious, until I noticed it was my car. FML

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By lojo - United States

Today, I was flying home to Milwaukee after a weekend in South Carolina. When I got to the airport, my reservation didn't match up with any flights. Turns out Expedia booked me on a flight that doen't exist. I spent ten hours waiting in the airport for a two hour flight. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2021 19:55

Fill her up

Today, I'm nearly done with my cortisol treatment for a persistent multi-day migraine. Good news: it actually stopped for the last two blissful, pain-free days. Bad news: apparently anything less than the maximum dose of cortisol doesn't prevent me from getting a new migraine. Here we go again. FML

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By My rapey cat (doesn't even have balls)

Today, my 20-year-old sister is taking care of my cat while I am out of state. She sent a photo of him "playing in a silly way" with her kitty. I then had to very seriously explain to her that in the photo, my cat and her cat were trying to make more cats. FML

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By crazy cat lady - Canada - Fredericton

Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML

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By BadTime - United States

Today, my wife tried to refill the windshield wiper fluid on her own. However, she poured it where the oil goes. Now the car is having major issues. Last week I lost my job, and I have no idea how much this is going to cost to fix. FML

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By Agax - United States - Riverside

Today, I was playing soccer when a player kicked the ball at my crotch. In pain, I kneeled down. The referee came up to me and whispered, "The smaller they are, the more it hurts." FML

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By burrito kid - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, as I was taking the driver's test to get my license, I backed into a car. It belonged to the instructor sitting in my passenger seat. FML

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By Anonymous - Finland - Kouvola

Today, I was in a clothing store with my girlfriend. I saw the ugliest hat ever on a hat shelf, tried it on and said to my girlfriend, "Look at this ugly hat, it's absolutely horrible. It's even dirty." An old woman stood next to me said, "Well no wonder it's ugly, it's mine." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2021 07:58

Simps gonna simp

Today, I just found out that I was missing almost $500 from my debit card. Turns out my brother used my card to simp on a streamer. When I confronted him, he said, "But you would have simped on her either way." FML

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Top comments

By xemrx | 13

#5683901 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

Good for you for getting rid of it OP! Maybe you should have a talk with your dad about how him keeping the sweater makes you uncomfortable.

By ihateallofyou1 | 9

#5683907 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

Your father worries me.

COMMENTS

By xemrx | 13

#5683901 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

Good for you for getting rid of it OP! Maybe you should have a talk with your dad about how him keeping the sweater makes you uncomfortable.

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5683980 - Sunday 22 September 2013 3:12

But why pick one out of the trash?

jw90 | 18

#5684042 - Sunday 22 September 2013 3:57

Maybe he thought it looked cool and wanted to keep it. Possible he also didn't know it was her exes at the time.

9echo | 17

#5684148 - Sunday 22 September 2013 5:19

@16, waste not want not.

KawaiiCupcake | 14

#5684270 - Sunday 22 September 2013 8:03

Really good for you OP! You moved on well ;)
I on the other hand, still not fully over with mine ;(

sarah6786 | 14

#5684280 - Sunday 22 September 2013 8:10

Maybe op seeing her dad wearing it will help make her care less about her ex lol

BlueRainDude | 11

#5684319 - Sunday 22 September 2013 9:08

If I was the father and my daughter said "hey dad, yea that's so and so's sweatshirt, the one who broke my heart" I'd burn the damn sweatshirt myself.

TwiztedYuri | 9

#5684361 - Sunday 22 September 2013 9:47

OP can always go and find it in the lanudry bin. then take it outside pour a bit of gasoline over it and make smores

queerdragon | 20

#5685400 - Monday 23 September 2013 4:22

Why does she have to destroy it? Her father obviously likes the sweater. The only reason she wants to destroy it is because her ex wore it. That is irrational.

schindler12345 | 24

#6567826 - Saturday 26 March 2016 17:03

And have a talk about digging through the trash.

By Espolax | 8

#5683904 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

That's going to be a terrible reminder

By ihateallofyou1 | 9

#5683907 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

Your father worries me.

CallMeMcFeelii | 13

#5683923 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:49

You don't dig through the trash to find clothes? That's how I found my favorite pair of underwear! Nothing better than good ol' dumpster undies..

mFUNdo21 | 17

#5684246 - Sunday 22 September 2013 7:38

this thread is trashy

9echo | 17

#5684832 - Sunday 22 September 2013 20:06

Only because you commented in it.

By football98_fml | 20

#5683909 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

you shoudve lit it on fire...

ohSNAPyall | 26

#5684599 - Sunday 22 September 2013 17:05

Or given it away to a homeless shelter or something.

By bessiemay01 | 5

#5683913 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:46

Finders keepers. In another sense that does suck. That reminder will always be there now. FYL Op.

By BreynHope | 11

#5683918 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:47

Maybe explain to him that seeing the sweater brings back memories that you don't want to be reminded of. Just buy him a new one from Old Navy and he'll forget about it, OP.

daminantion | 14

#5688710 - Wednesday 25 September 2013 5:53

Why get attached to inanimaye objects, topped with the fact that its an EX thus it didnt work out?

By rockne93 | 17

#5683922 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:48

Take it out of his dresser and get rid of it the right way, OP. Nothing like a good ole bon fire starter.

starile | 19

#5684233 - Sunday 22 September 2013 7:15

The extra musk Eau De Ex should make it burn up real good.

By utrax | 23

#5683928 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:50

Damn, must have been a nice sweater.

By BlesstheSilence | 11

#5683929 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:51

It sounds like your dad does that often...

By eddeeezzyy | 19

#5683931 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:52

Why worry over this when you can just simply go into your father's bedroom, take the sweater, drive far far away, light it on fire, and then bury the ashes of it 10 feet into the ground.