Today, while sorting through my clothes, I found one of my ex's...

By gemtas5 - 21/9/2013 17:28 - Sweden - Malm?

Today, while sorting through my clothes, I found one of my ex's old sweaters. After a lot of thought and difficulty, I threw it out. I felt empowered, until my father later rifled through my trash and claimed the sweater for himself. FML

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Love

DINOSAURS!!

This is us

Emergency haircut

By thanks.... - 3/1/2014 21:04 - United States

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML

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By dramateach11 - 3/4/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I was trying to get drama students to attempt to make themselves cry. I was not having any luck, until suddenly a girl burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. I jumped up to applaud, saying what a wonderful thing it is to have such expressive kids. Turns out her grandma just died. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2016 03:14

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after I told her I was learning how to start having lucid dreams. She was convinced the only reason I could possibly want to have them was so I could cheat on her in my own dreams. FML

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By iluvjenknee - 22/1/2010 06:26 - United States

Today, at work I was ringing up some tampons for a woman, and I try to interact with the shoppers as much as possible. I was trying to think of something witty or funny to say but drew a blank, so I decided just to say "have a nice night." What I actually said was "have a nice flow". FML

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By scaredshitless - 10/4/2019 18:00

Today, at 2:30am, I heard my baby crying on the monitor. As I got out of bed, she stopped crying and started laughing. There's nobody else in the house. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 10:01 - United States

Today, after begging for over an hour, I had to pay my sister $20 to wax my back for me so my bra would stop painfully pulling at the hair I repulsively seem to be growing there. FML

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By lonesomegal - 30/1/2015 18:11 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my sister asked me how my boyfriend was doing. He died two years ago. She was the first person I told. FML

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By nikaea - 23/5/2014 22:44 - United States - Everett

Today, some girl's mom gave me a load of abuse for endangering her daughter's health. How? By deleting my Facebook account, which caused her to have a serious panic attack. Apparently she thought we were best friends, and that I was ditching her. I'm confused too. FML

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By AnnoyedandAutistic - 1/6/2017 02:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were eating breakfast at my strict Christian grandparent's house when he said that it was impossible for anyone bigger than a grapefruit to be swallowed by a whale. My grandmother asked him, "What about Jonah?" to which he replied "Oh, that's just a myth." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2015 13:16 - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, my boyfriend told me he traded nude pictures I sent him for a costume piece in an internet game. He told me I should be okay with this, because, "It's a rare piece." FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2014 17:04 - United States - Louisville

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

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By Thanks Fred - 18/5/2019 00:05

Today, I discovered why there was such a horrible stench in my bedroom. My cat had a secret stash of shit under my dresser. Along with the carcass of a rat. FML

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By Bestfrienduncool - 30/9/2010 05:11 - France

Today, I found out that the reason my best friend is not allowed over anymore is because he hits on my mom and writes her love letters. FML

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By Awkward... - 29/1/2013 09:40 - United States - Killeen

Today, my sister's boyfriend called while she was out. The second I answered he tried to have phone sex with me. When I explained to him that I wasn't my sister and that we just sound the same on the phone, he replied, "Don't care, let's keep going." FML

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By whoops.. - 16/1/2015 03:15 - United States - Garner

Today, I learned that when a man in the row in front of you at a movie theater tells you to shut up, you shouldn't tell him to fuck off. He might be 6'4 with a short temper. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2013 05:37 - United States - Mariposa

Today, I found out that the money that my wife claims went into repairing her car engine actually is going towards helping her pay for a divorce. FML

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By john doe - 7/12/2013 17:29 - United States - Portland

Today, my 6-year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2014 21:27 - United States - Saugus

Today, my boyfriend found a movie he loved on Netflix. He was so excited to show it to me and was certain I'd love it. I didn't have the heart to tell him what I really thought of White Chicks. FML

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By Heifer - 16/5/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML

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By sofked - 9/10/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, the disgruntled ex-boyfriend of a woman who lives three floors down from me slashed her tires for breaking up with him. He also, for good measure, slashed the tires of the person parked to the left and right of her. I was parked to the right of her. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2018 20:30

Today, I, a man in his 40s, had to be taken to the hospital because I was laughing so hard at an old Disney movie that my diaphragm went into spasms. I stopped breathing and passed out for a few minutes and my son had to call an ambulance. FML

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By RingAroundThe..SPLAT - 16/5/2012 04:10 - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she was scared that she was more in love with me than I in her, and that she was afraid I would leave her. So she left me instead. I'd been thinking about proposing. FML

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By foo - 1/2/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I'm a shy guy normally, and when I talk to my friends I don't keep eye contact so I always look down even when I'm listening. My friend asked me why I always look at her boobs. FML

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By this guy - 21/11/2013 05:27 - United States - Alhambra

Today, I got rejected by a girl I wasn't even trying to ask out. FML

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By badhabit - 31/5/2019 22:00

Today, I went out with my ex-girlfriend, with whom I have a good friendship with and am in fact still in love. I picked her up at her house and we had a perfect night together that ended with sex in my car. As I dropped her off, she turned to me and said, "I hope you know we're just friends." FML

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By Ren - 30/1/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, I received a text message from my older brother. It said, "Ah... I want you". I hope to god it was intended for someone else. FML

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By nocatlover - 21/1/2010 21:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to the news that my son had put the cat in the dryer the night before. He didn't turn it on, and the cat is just fine, but now I need a new dryer so my clothes won't smell like cat urine. FML

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By Cxisbest - 23/3/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, as I walked home, I heard the people behind me in an argument over my gender. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 20:00

Compassion

Today, my mum screamed that there is nothing wrong with me, after I literally coughed up blood in front of her. This all started over me getting my medications delivered to our house, as I’m not allowed out due to Covid-19 as I’m high risk. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2014 14:43 - United States - Herndon

Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2014 22:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML

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By shtidsfpa - 18/6/2014 21:06 - United States - Shelby

Today, I only just found out that the abbreviation "lbs" is actually short for pounds. I've been saying "labs" my entire life. I'm 21. FML

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By girlymae - 27/2/2013 07:59 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I was in bed when I rolled over and saw a hand right beside my head. I freaked out and nearly peed myself, just to realize that it was the huggable heart pillow my boyfriend had given to me on Valentine's Day. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2017 18:00 - United States - San Francisco

Chill out, dude

Today, I was lectured about how emotionally immature I am by someone who, afterwards, promptly threw a chair out of anger. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I walked into work, and the first question my boss asks me is "Are those your pajamas?" I was wearing my favorite outfit. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2011 03:09 - United States

Today, I went to the OBGYN for my annual, and noticed they now supplied babywipes. After 3 seconds of "cleaning", the intense burning started. Turns out they were antibacterial bleach wipes. FML

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By anonymous - 14/3/2010 14:49 - United States

Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML

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By Anonanon - 12/7/2011 17:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been flirting with for months. Immediately after he gave me the 'let's just be friends' speech then left for work, accidentally locking me in his apartment. I had to call his ex girlfriend to come let me out. She smirked. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/4/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked "Can I go to the bathroom?" My teacher, being smart said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?" Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk and me. FML

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By gkline09 - 6/8/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I walked out to my car to see a broken window, a bunch of stuff missing, egg shells, and a note that read "stop banging my boyfriend". I haven't had anyone in over a year. FML

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Top comments

By xemrx | 13

#5683901 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

Good for you for getting rid of it OP! Maybe you should have a talk with your dad about how him keeping the sweater makes you uncomfortable.

By ihateallofyou1 | 9

#5683907 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

Your father worries me.

Comments

By xemrx | 13

#5683901 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

Good for you for getting rid of it OP! Maybe you should have a talk with your dad about how him keeping the sweater makes you uncomfortable.

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5683980 - Sunday 22 September 2013 3:12

But why pick one out of the trash?

jw90 | 18

#5684042 - Sunday 22 September 2013 3:57

Maybe he thought it looked cool and wanted to keep it. Possible he also didn't know it was her exes at the time.

9echo | 17

#5684148 - Sunday 22 September 2013 5:19

@16, waste not want not.

KawaiiCupcake | 14

#5684270 - Sunday 22 September 2013 8:03

Really good for you OP! You moved on well ;)
I on the other hand, still not fully over with mine ;(

sarah6786 | 14

#5684280 - Sunday 22 September 2013 8:10

Maybe op seeing her dad wearing it will help make her care less about her ex lol

BlueRainDude | 11

#5684319 - Sunday 22 September 2013 9:08

If I was the father and my daughter said "hey dad, yea that's so and so's sweatshirt, the one who broke my heart" I'd burn the damn sweatshirt myself.

TwiztedYuri | 9

#5684361 - Sunday 22 September 2013 9:47

OP can always go and find it in the lanudry bin. then take it outside pour a bit of gasoline over it and make smores

queerdragon | 20

#5685400 - Monday 23 September 2013 4:22

Why does she have to destroy it? Her father obviously likes the sweater. The only reason she wants to destroy it is because her ex wore it. That is irrational.

schindler12345 | 24

#6567826 - Saturday 26 March 2016 17:03

And have a talk about digging through the trash.

By Espolax | 8

#5683904 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

That's going to be a terrible reminder

By ihateallofyou1 | 9

#5683907 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

Your father worries me.

CallMeMcFeelii | 13

#5683923 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:49

You don't dig through the trash to find clothes? That's how I found my favorite pair of underwear! Nothing better than good ol' dumpster undies..

mFUNdo21 | 17

#5684246 - Sunday 22 September 2013 7:38

this thread is trashy

9echo | 17

#5684832 - Sunday 22 September 2013 20:06

Only because you commented in it.

By football98_fml | 20

#5683909 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

you shoudve lit it on fire...

ohSNAPyall | 26

#5684599 - Sunday 22 September 2013 17:05

Or given it away to a homeless shelter or something.

By bessiemay01 | 5

#5683913 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:46

Finders keepers. In another sense that does suck. That reminder will always be there now. FYL Op.

By BreynHope | 11

#5683918 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:47

Maybe explain to him that seeing the sweater brings back memories that you don't want to be reminded of. Just buy him a new one from Old Navy and he'll forget about it, OP.

daminantion | 14

#5688710 - Wednesday 25 September 2013 5:53

Why get attached to inanimaye objects, topped with the fact that its an EX thus it didnt work out?

By rockne93 | 17

#5683922 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:48

Take it out of his dresser and get rid of it the right way, OP. Nothing like a good ole bon fire starter.

starile | 19

#5684233 - Sunday 22 September 2013 7:15

The extra musk Eau De Ex should make it burn up real good.

By utrax | 23

#5683928 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:50

Damn, must have been a nice sweater.

By BlesstheSilence | 11

#5683929 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:51

It sounds like your dad does that often...

By eddeeezzyy | 19

#5683931 - Sunday 22 September 2013 2:52

Why worry over this when you can just simply go into your father's bedroom, take the sweater, drive far far away, light it on fire, and then bury the ashes of it 10 feet into the ground.