Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My gifts were a stomach bug from my kid and a confession to a year-long affair from my (now soon-to-be-ex) husband of 21 years. Nobody even got me a card. FML
Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend didn’t get me a present, or do anything special for me, because, “The rent’s paid, you have a fridge full of groceries… What more do you want?” Later on, he asked me why did I, “look so sad?” FML
Today, it's my birthday. I told my boyfriend I wanted to feel special even if for just one day. He said he would do the laundry for me. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
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Top comments
BreynHope 11
Nothing says happy birthday like a clean asshole. Take it all in stride.
BlesstheSilence 11
Swiggity swooty he's coming for that booty!
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Comments (199)
CatPasswd 9
kinky...
space_cadet2912 3
Surely it means you're getting Birthday Anal Sex. Have fun!
zazzyfitz 4
That certainly is a CRAPPY gift...
yenze 18
in his defense it's not a crappy or should I say shitty gift its kinda the complete opposite right?
perdix 29
I've heard of asshole boyfriends, but I haven't heard of one that literal! If he wants to give you the Heimlich Maneuver, watch out, here it comes!
noreallywhat 17
to get the stick out of there?
martin8337 35
Maybe your bf. wants you to give yourself the enema while he is there with you. He might be a fecalfeliac.
ExternalUseOnly 4
Fecalfeliac. Hmm, that is one word I could have been happy never knowing about. But...I will try and use it in a sentence this week....at work..... for educational purposes. :)
kylebownsyou 4
Definitely wants anal.
ashliilynise 11
surprise buttsex
perdix 29
#51, I think he ruined the surprise, but there's no Internet meme called "foreshadowed buttseks."
dcgriffith_fml 7
One word. Anal