Miscellaneous: Today, my boyfriend and his parents met my family. My grandpa...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and his parents met my family. My grandpa thought it would be funny to walk around with a realistic gun and make references about being in the mafia. The rest of my family went along with it. FML

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Miscellaneous

Triage

Instadrama

Social distancing done right

By okay then - United States - Avon Lake

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he found out my birthday is the same day as his, and he thinks we are twins who were separated at birth. FML

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45724

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By asdffhhjk - Philippines - Makati

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

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56006

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By Username - United States

Today, I used a fire extinguisher for the first time. Too bad it was on my car. FML

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30227

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3545

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By CT - United States

Today, I was told by my mother that the reason she quit her job as a counselor and divorced my dad was because she met someone through work. She works in a prison. FML

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34682

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By Anonymous

Today, while browsing through Walmart, I slipped on a piece of clothing and fell backwards into an obese lady’s butt. When I landed, she farted. FML

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1879

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By dempasi - United States - Utica

Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML

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14550

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By herzausstein - Belgium

Today, I took the train home. When seated, I suddenly noticed something wet on my seat. Without looking, I thought it was water since it was snowing outside. Guess again. It was vomit. FML

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28576

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By Someguy - Belgium

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to declare my love to the girl I have a crush on. I guess I shouldn't have gone and kissed her without warning, because now my face is covered with slap marks, and I had to explain myself at the police station for sexual harassement. FML

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14842

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By Erica - United States - Mountain View

Today, my boyfriend and I were out cliff jumping, when for the first time, he told me he loved me. I panicked and pushed him over the edge and into the water. He's now in hospital. FML

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32603

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By porkieworkie - United States

Today, just after getting off the phone with a girl I am interested in, I parked on campus and decided to eat my lunch in the car. As I was sitting there, she appeared out of nowhere and walked to her car. I was parked directly behind her car, sitting there like a creepy ass. FML

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58603

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By erdot - Romania - Bucuresti

Today, after 7 years of writing my PhD thesis, I found a book containing all the exact findings I've spent arduous hours, nay, years discovering. My tutoring professor somehow forgot to mention I was discovering sealing wax. FML

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1851

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By Ravenclaw/Puckwudgie

Today, I got a haircut and met up with a friend for lunch. Said friend then burst out laughing, saying my haircut made me look like Professor Snape. FML

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3631

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By Stephanie - United States

Another fine mess

Today, I bought my wedding dress and sat it on the bed while I went to buy matching shoes. When I came home, I saw my soon to be husband on the bed sitting next to my wedding dress. Turns out he spilt Coca-Cola on the dress and was trying to get it out with carpet cleanser. FML

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29579

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5484

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By Anonymous - Australia - Cambridge

Today, my boyfriend had a tantrum because I didn't like Black Sabbath as much as him. Apparently our entire relationship was based on him thinking I did. I've now been labeled "The Queen of Lies." FML

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23439

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By nickw177 - United States

Today, my wife confused terminology from my religion with stuff from Harry Potter. FML

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14249

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By BtoTheRtoTheTTK - United States - Winter Haven

Holy stereotypes, mom!

Today, at a mall, my mom accused me of lying about being gay, just because I said I don't like shopping. FML

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6097

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By never thought I'd say that - Norway - Stavanger

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by pissing by some drunken loon on a segway. FML

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39630

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By LD - United States - Nampa

Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis while manscaping. I guess that's a bond we'll never have. FML

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32311

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4177

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, for my birthday, I got a Big Mac. FML

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66795

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9613

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By Karin - Germany

Today, after a week of sporting what I thought was a flattering pixie cut, I realised that without my long hair, my body shape closely resembles a snowman's. FML

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26570

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By Bewildered - United Kingdom

Today, my teenage son called me at work and started screaming abuse at me. He told me how he never wants to see me again and hopes I die a gruesome death. Why does he feel this way? I beat his high score on Bejewelled 2. FML

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53514

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By Soontobeex - United States

Today, I decided to go through my husband's phone to make sure I invited everyone to the surprise party I was planning for him. There were a few I had missed so I called to let them know about it. The last number I called was his girlfriend. FML

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55448

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By Mnm54312 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I moved into a new apartment. While moving boxes, I ran into my supervisor from work. Guess who lives across the hall. FML

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13048

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my mom before an important job interview. She commented than my lips looked dry and crackly and gave me her chapstick with aloe to put on. Apparently I'm allergic to aloe and my lips got so swollen I could hardly talk. It was too late to reschedule the interview. FML

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28964

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By DisappointedDaughter

Today, I’m counting the things my mother has broken or ruined since I let her move in with me a year ago. So far, the list contains a Christmas tree, my power drill, a toaster oven, inherited kitchen knives, an expensive bath towel set, multiple kitchen gadgets, a flatbed scanner and a laser printer. FML

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1687

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By Tee - Australia

Today, I was saying goodbye to my boyfriend before I got on my bus. As I turned to get on, the door closed on my face. I knocked on the door. The driver looked at me, and while still staring at me, drove off. FML

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29963

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By TheL1nds - Australia - Kingswood

Today, I checked my fake Facebook account for the first time in ages and realized that the fake me got more birthday greetings than the real me. FML

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11444

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By idk - United States - Alexandria

Today, I saw the hottest nurse ever. Too bad he was pulling out a piece of wax the size of a raisin from my blocked ear. FML

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46215

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By lovegotmehung - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the phone with my girlfriend. Just as she said "I love you", the credit on my phone runs out. She now thinks that I've purposely hung up on her. She refuses to speak to me until I tell her the real reason I hung up. FML

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31840

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By Dragoness11 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I still have my ridiculous fear of being heard on the toilet, and I can't go if people are around. I'd just sat down on the toilet when three of my housemates started chatting immediately outside the door. I had to sit silently until they were gone. For half an hour. FML

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39007

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By Snotmyfault - United States

Today, at the age of 22 I started eating my boogers. FML

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7554

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2020 23:00

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

Today, I tried to make breakfast. I had everything cooking on the stove when I reached to turn on the faucet, only to find out that the head of the faucet was up the sleeve of my robe. After drying off, I went to serve my boyfriend his plate, but when I returned, the stove had caught fire. FML

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1326

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508

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By notguilty - United States

Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video. FML

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49342

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By d - United States

Today, when I was trying to break up with my boyfriend, I told him how I needed space and time to think. His response was, "Ok, we're out of condoms anyway." FML

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30945

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By SadBride - United States

Today, my in-laws decided they were going to stay an extra week during our vacation to Dominican Republic next year. This would be fine, if we weren't travelling for our destination wedding, and the extra week wasn't our honeymoon. They are literally joining us on our honeymoon. FML

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29240

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2455

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By Crazy09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML

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122146

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By Dana - Netherlands

Today, I finally mustered the courage to tell my crush how I feel. He's a straight-A student and very nice in general. After I finished pouring my heart out, he stared at me for a bit and then said: "Nice rack." FML

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42977

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By irony, huh?

Alexa, play "Ironic" by Alanis Morrissette

Today, I got mugged. For an actual mug. FML

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By Should I stay or go? - United States - Seattle

Today, I was supposed to hear from my supervisor about whether or not my company was going to be letting me go. I've been on continual probation for the last 6 months, waiting to hear when they'll decide. She'd said last Friday that I'd definitely hear from her today. It's now 5:30 p.m. She's gone home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6352

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594

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By Becks - 7/9/2020 23:01

The spirit of John Lennon

Today, I found a bug in my bra. Not a huge deal, so I flicked him out. Turns out he was a black blister beetle. I woke to at 3 a.m. to insane pain, as well as the water blisters all over my boobs. FML

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Top comments

By BulletStreet | 0

#512097 - Monday 24 August 2009 23:45

I love your family.

By t0phurius | 0

#512130 - Monday 24 August 2009 23:50

Sounds like you have an awesome family. At least he didn't pretend to be a nudist....

COMMENTS

By premiermois | 5

#512093 - Monday 24 August 2009 23:44

Bring your family to Obama's next speech and just watch.

magicoa | 0

#513156 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 5:06

what is that supposed to mean?

rebelution | 0

#981800 - Monday 19 April 2010 16:12

here we go

jarrettd | 27

#5399852 - Sunday 10 March 2013 19:50

It was more like a family victory if anything.

By Nonamerequired | 0

#512095 - Monday 24 August 2009 23:45

Oh dear lol

bridgette5866 | 0

#912343 - Thursday 4 March 2010 0:39

this is actually funny as shit.

By BulletStreet | 0

#512097 - Monday 24 August 2009 23:45

I love your family.

junjouromantica | 0

#512508 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 1:30

I know! This should be on MLIA.

DDay35 | 0

#512625 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 2:23

I agree, you should be so happy you have such a cool family. I mean your grandpa must be such a funny guy. And your parents went with it, thats cool.

bholland16 | 0

#513063 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 4:35

I totally agree. That's frickin' awesome. I would be so happy to have a family like that!

Seti_fml | 0

#513911 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 13:05

there needs to be a third option to choose for fmls.

- your life is awesome

i would do what the grandfather did. it sounds like it would be fun

ThatDopeKid | 0

#514690 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 20:50

haha i agree with #126, i wouldve done that too, your grandpa sounds awesome

x5d13 | 0

#515114 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 23:49

Honestly I agree. Your grandpa is freaking awesome.

By glassisass | 0

#512102 - Monday 24 August 2009 23:46

thats not a fml. thats really funny. if your boyfriend didnt think it was funny then he doesnt have a sense of humor and you should brake up with him.

Rizzen | 27

#5879714 - Sunday 9 March 2014 1:15

break*

danthehuman | 29

#6029663 - Wednesday 6 August 2014 22:48

Even if someone doesn't have a particular sense of humor or misses a joke, that doesn't mean you should break up with them. Stop being shallow and dig deeper.