Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML
Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try something new. I ended up tied to the bed, and my girlfriend discovered how ticklish I am. Worst 3 hours of my life. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
buck33 14
Well I'd scream too.
dragonstrike94 8
What the he'll is wrong with her
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (469)
vtown16 0
there is deff something wrong with her if she thinks that is any bit okay..
lea3829 7
Lololol!suks 4u
vbmg152 19
My ex-husband had dreams that I cut his manhood off with scissors. He became convinced that I was going to do it, even though I'd never said anything like that! I loved him, I would never have done that. He ended up divorcing me & telling this bull to the judge. It was 30 years ago & I still can't believe this is my life!!
justagimmick 8
'Crotch-sausage'?? Urgh, WTF? YDI if thats what you call your penis.
THE_A_TEEN 28
He deserves his girlfriend to "pretend" to cut off his Penis, just for saying "crotch sausage"?. You're insane.
cupcakesnpot 9
I thought OP calling his penis "crotch -sausage" was hysterical... But that just me..
HairyPunisher 27
No A Teen, he was not saying he deserved to get his dick cut off for calling it his "crotch-sausage." Look I get that you're only 17. When you get into the real world that does not involve high school you'll see that normal people do not address a "penis" as a "crotch-sausage." It makes the OP sound like a creep or a weirdo.
PurpleCabbage 1
I didn't notice that.. I'm gonna stick with bacon from now on.
alychick 5
Wow anger issues or just psycho that bitch has problems
hamsmum 2
Dafuq
curlygirly1 8
GET REVENGE!!
Muffin_boo 12
"crotch-sausage" LOLOL
zander4310 5
IAYLS
Drew7497 7
I'd not only scream like a bitch I'd cry like one too